Chapter 4

Lara Jean wakes up with a jolt. Her alarm is blaring in her ears as she reaches across and tries to find the button to stop it. She has already snoozed it twice before and knows that she probably shouldn't do it again. They are in December and so it still dark outside despite it being almost 8am. She feels way too comfortable and warm wrapped up in her blanket to want to face the cold outside. She looks over at Bonnie who is still asleep, not having her have to get up as well makes it so much harder for Lara Jean. With a sigh, she musters up the motivations and pulls of her covers, before quickly putting her feet into her slippers.

It's probably still too early for snow, but she is almost sure that they might get some by Christmas if not late January. She gets dressed for the day, layering on a long sleeve shirt and jumpers under her coat. She grabs her bag complete with her breakfast and lunch for the day as well as everything that she needs for the day. It has now become very normal for her to leave her dorm first thing in the morning and not come back until later that night. She is enjoying constantly being busy with her classes, meetings and study groups, sometimes she just hates having her pack her bag so full and heavy though with everything she needs.

She quickly ducks into the common room near the exit of her residence hall and puts her breakfast focaccia in the microwave. She honestly doesn't think there is any better way of warming herself up and getting ready for the day, then having a warm baked good. Luckily she makes sure to stock up her and Bonnie's stash whenever she can, especially as she is getting stressed about exams, she really loves baking to stabilise her thoughts.

She grabs her warm focaccia from the microwave and eats it while she walks to her class. In her other hand, she pulls out her phone and checks if she has any notifications. She was supposed to call Peter last night, but he didn't answer his phone. She knows that he was probably asleep, but he should have seen her calls this morning and can let her know what is going on. She presses the home button and her heart drops as she doesn't see any from Peter. She stuffs her phone back in her pocket and tries to put her worrying thoughts at the back of her mind for the day.

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'Oh my goodness, this professor is so awful! Like honestly how can he expect to know any of the content for this exam when he teachers it so horribly? Seriously, how has the university not fired him yet for being absolutely incompetent?' Alex is groaning as they are walking out of one of their classes.

'Didn't he write the textbook or something?' Lara Jean asks, zipping up her coat.

'Yeah that's probably the only reason he is still here. Classic employing him for what he apparently wrote instead of his actual teaching skills.' Alex complains while rolling her eyes.

'He is probably trying his best, but I agree that he is probably too smart to be teaching introductory courses.' Lara Jean concedes. She doesn't like speaking too ill of people as she was close with her teachers in high school and can understand all the trials and tribulations of teaching a room full of teenagers with different learning speeds and comprehension.

'Thank you…' Alex sighs, finally happy that she got her point across. She had been telling Lara Jean the entire semester how bad this teacher was but Lara Jean hadn't yet agree with her.

'Can we please find somewhere indoors to study? I am freezing.' Lara Jean says with her teeth chattering.

Her and Alex were about to meet with a study group for one of their courses that has a quiz tomorrow. Lara Jean was so grateful that Alex had all the same courses as her because she was must more extroverted and outgoing than Lara Jean was, so isn't afraid to ask to join people's groups or want to see their notes. She also shares everything she has with Lara Jean, just as she does with her, so it works out for both of them. Lara Jean didn't genuinely believe she would be getting half as good as grades as she is without Alex. She is just so grateful to have had a lot of things all into place at college.

'Yeah sure, let's go to the library. We'll just have to be super suss about our sch-nacks.' Alex says, linking her arm in Lara Jean's and turning them to walk the opposite way.

As they are sitting down and waiting for the rest of their group to arrive, Lara Jean pulls out her phone. Peter finally got back to her but he texted her when she was just starting her classes so she couldn't talk much. In theory, she could, but he and her both know that she is way too much of a goody-two-shoes to be texting while her professor is talking even if it is discrete. She texts him that she is free now and can talk for a bit while she is studying. She keeps looking at her phone for the next 5 minutes while zoning in and out of conversation with Alex and Tyler, who just arrived. She is about to put it down when she gets a reply. 'Sorry, I'm at practice… can we talk later?' he replies. She sighs and texts back 'sure'. She puts her phone back on silence and in her bag, she doesn't know how free she will be later but she'll just need to figure something out.

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'Lara Jean! Tell us!' Alex wails later that night.

Lara Jean is with Bonnie, Alex and a couple of other girls that live in the room across from them. She had just walked back into her room and collapsed on her bed when Bonnie begged her to make her choc chip cookies as repayment for doing her washing, which she was complaining about earlier she was too busy to do. Of course she couldn't refuse and then Alex rang her asking about notes and Bonnie answered, letting her know of their current activity as well which prompted Alex to run over from her residence hall just a few buildings from theirs for Lara Jean's famous cookies. The other girls, Selena and Jen then came down when they could hear Bonnie and Lara Jean's voices. So here she is, currently doubling the recipe for all of the extra hungry mouths for choc chip cookies.

'Nooooooooooo! I don't want to.' Lara Jean protests, mixing the sugar and butter.

'Come on, you about every single one of my sexual colleges adventures, you have to tell us about yours.' Bonnie argues.

'Bonnie, that's because we are roommates and you have to tell me in order to get me to leave for the night.' Lara Jean laughs.

'But seriously like we all already know who is it, unless you've been cheating on Peter which is impossible because you are you and he is a sexy gorgeous Greek god, so just tell us!' Alex tries to convince her further.

Laughing, Lara Jean jokes, 'Damn, are you in love with my boyfriend as well, Alex?'

Alex turns red as the other girls collapse into a fit of laughter at her face. 'No no no, I just…. I mean.. come on, I don't have to be in love with him to appreciate how genetically blessed he is. I know he is all yours, Lara Jean, but damn… he is a good piece of human specimen!'

They continue to laugh at Alex's humour. She always knows how to get herself out of an awkward situation with humour. That's another thing that has been great about being friends with her, Lara Jean rarely ever has an awkward moment when she is around to constantly lighten the mood.

'Stop avoiding the question!' Bonnie cries, she could clearly see Lara Jean trying to divert attention away from what they were talking about.

'I'm sorry, do you want your cookies or not?' Lara Jean sasses back at Bonnie.

'Argh! Fine! But next time you are drunk, I am totally going to get it out of you.' Bonnie warns her, sharing a pointed look with Alex as well who nods in agreement.

Lara Jean tries to hide behind her hair so they don't see her blush.

She didn't know how she was going to be able to tell her new friends that her and her 'greek God' boyfriend still hadn't had sex yet.

After she has finished baking the cookies and sent Alex back to her dorm with a container full of them. Her and Bonnie get back to their room and restock their containers full of baked goods.

'Man, I am so glad my mum gave me heaps of containers when I moved in. I am definitely not using them to store my stationary supplies, but I think she would be proud anyway.' Bonnie grins, quickly taking out one last cookie for the night.

'I was going to bring some more TupperWare from home, but my little sister keeps losing all the lids so Trina said we didn't have enough for me to have some at college.' Lara Jean informs her. She didn't mind too much though as Bonnie had plenty.

'Yeah it's all good, I got us covered! Ok, I'm going to go do my teeth then hit the sack.' Bonnie declares before taking her toiletries to their shower.

Lara Jean lays back on her bed and checks her phone. It is almost midnight which means that Peter will definitely be asleep. She feels the guilt set in as she opens her phone and sees that he has tried to call her a few times this evening. She was fully intending to call him when she got back but she just got dragged away by Bonnie and completely forgot as she was having fun with the girls. There are a few final messages from him just letting her know that he was going to sleep, he tried to call her and they would have to try talk tomorrow.

She spends him back a message apologising for missing his calls and asking that when he gets her message, that he let her know when he would be free to talk.

She then switches off her phone. She goes and gets ready for bed because she is absolutely exhausted and tomorrow is still another day.

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She holds down the power button on her phone to completely shut it off when they are about to start their quiz. To her dismay, Peter had just replied to her text saying he was finished at the gym as she was entering the classroom. She told him she couldn't talk for at least the next two hours as they did their quiz and then learnt more content after.

She does her best in the quiz and is pretty sure that her grade will be alright given that they asked all the questions that her study group had predicted and worked through yesterday. She is walking with Alex and Tyler to go to the grass and eat their lunch. She turns on her phone again and texts Peter that she is now free and can talk. They are going to be having lunch for about the next hour before going to the library to study for a while so this should be ample opportunity for them to talk. She keeps the screen of her phone facing up towards her as she sits and eats her lunch, that way she can see as soon as a message would come through.

They finish their lunch and then start walking towards the library. She still hasn't heard from Peter which must mean he is in class or something. She wants to message him and tell him more, that way they can have some kind of conversation today but stops when she finally sees the bubbles indicating that he is writing something appear.

'Sorry Covey, I'm at the gym, can we talk in an hour?'

Her heart drops as she reads that. She can't talk in an hour, she just had the last two hours free to talk to him before she was supposed to meet Bonnie to go to an exercise class together. She supposes that as she was the reason they missed talking last night that she should skip their exercising and make time for him.

She texts back, 'Yes!' to Peter and then messages Bonnie to pass on the sad news. Bonnie will probably be annoyed at her but will definitely understand the circumstances. Her and Peter haven't had a chance to speak for almost the last 3 days over the phone, which Bonnie already knows and feels sorry for her.

She feels her mood perk up with this news and excitement to finally be able to talk to him. She is actually able to get some productive study done in a short amount of time. When its about 15 minute until the hour she said she would be free, she packs up her study things and says goodbye to everyone. She knows that her and Peter will be talking for a long time so she wants to be comfortable in her dorm before that happens. She even message her Harry Potter club and lets them know that she won't be able to make the meeting tonight, as she doesn't want to cut short any of her time with Peter. She is smiling as she walks across campus to her residence hall.

She gets back to her room just in time. She texts Peter letting him know that he is ready to talk whenever he wants to call her. She puts her speaker on the loudest noise just to make sure she won't miss it.

Half an hour passes and she still hasn't heard from him. No call, no text, no nothing. She begins to worry a bit and eventually tries to call him. It rings out and takes her to his voicemail, she gets chills as she hears his voice through the recorded message, excited to soon be able to hear it for real. She sends him another message asking him if he is ok and able to talk yet.

Then an hour goes by. She can't see him active on any social media and still isn't sure what is happening. She keeps rereading their messages to make sure that they did plan this and she didn't read anything wrong or interpret the wrong time. She feels tears prickling behind her eyes as she stares down at her phone.

An hour after this, Bonnie comes back from exercising and getting dinner. She knows as soon as she looks at Lara Jean's face that something isn't right. Lara Jean though, just lying on her bed and staring up at the ceiling, won't tell her anything until later though. So Bonnie, being the great friend that she is, heats up a few of the cookies they made yesterday and leaves them by her bed while she goes to shower.

Lara Jean can't stop all the negative thoughts from bombarding her head. She can't believe what has happened. She has now sent Peter a totally of 5 texts and tried to ring him 3 times, since they were supposed to talk to each other. She can't understand why this would be happening or why he wouldn't update her on the details. A thought creeps into her head that she basically did the same thing last night but she tries to shut it down. She sits up and nibbles at the cookies that Bonnie left beside her bed. She had just cancelled all the plans that she was really looking forward to, just to end up in her room, alone and waiting for a boy to call her. She is taken back to the start of semester when she spent so many nights like this before realising that she needed to be living her own life instead of spending it, waiting for Peter. She had started to feel so much happier as soon as she was no longer confined to her room and staring at a blank phone screen, but right now, she feels transported back to that time of disappointment and sadness, as if she hasn't changed at all.

Eventually Bonnie comes back from her shower. She asks if Lara Jean wants to talk about it, but is met with a sharp shake of the head. She then grabs her by the hands and forcing her to at least come study with her for the rest of the night. Bonnie remembers when Lara Jean was like this at the start of semester and just selling herself short of having a good time, as soon as someone is there to pull her out of that and get her amongst it, Lara Jean blossoms, which is what Bonnie is determined to have her do right now.

They find a table and soon after a group of other people in their residence hall join them. They are all talking and laughing which makes Lara Jean forget about everything that just happened that afternoon, but Bonnie notices that she still hasn't let her phone leave her side. Tey are both exhausted from staying up so late the night before with the cookies that they call it a early night and go off to bed. Bonnie wrestles Lara Jean's phone off her when she goes to take a shower and clean her teeth. Lara Jean begrudgingly lets her take it off her, figuring that if Peter texts or calls her that she doesn't even really want to reply or answer. As she is showering, Peter finally rings and Bonnie picks up.

'Covey, I'm so sorry, I can totally explain.' He says as soon as it connects.

'Hi Peter, it's Bonnie, Lara Jean is in the shower.' Bonnie says coldly. She doesn't want to step out of line when it comes to her friendship with Lara Jean but it's not fair for Lara Jean to be feeling how she currently is.

'Oh right, is she going to be back soon?' he asks, he sounds a bit embarrassed about what he said earlier.

'Maybe, but she is pretty exhausted after having such a massive week and then spending the whole afternoon waiting for you to call her. You know she literally cancelled everything she had, just so she would finally be able to talk to you and then you don't even bother.' Bonnie speaks harshly.

'Oh really? Damn, look, something just came up and I couldn't talk.' He splutters.

'Oh and you couldn't have just sent her a message to let her know.' Bonnie retorts.

'You should know that if I could have, I absolutely would have.' He snaps back. He is clearly getting irritated by other people's doubts in their relationship.

'No if you weren't so concerned about your life and everything that you do, then maybe you would want to give Lara Jean a chance to live her own instead of expecting her to live her life around yours.' Bonnie pushes back. She had watched Lara Jean through this whole semester being put as a second choice to Peter's schedule and how guilty she felt when she finally started putting her own interests ahead of him, so she wanted to make sure Peter knew.

'Look Bonnie, I don't know what you think you know about my relationship, but I just want to speak to Lara Jean.' He says sternly.

'No Peter, you'll have to try again tomorrow. Like I told you, we are both exhausted and she has a full day of class, study and meetings on Friday, which you would know if you bothered to ask her more about what was going on in her life and so she can't talk to you for hours tonight.' Bonnie declares to him. She isn't sure how Lara Jean would react hearing her speak like this to her boyfriend but she knows its for the best.

'I don't think you have any right to tell me that and make decisions for her. Put her on the phone and I think you'll find she does want to talk to me.' Peter growls back.

'Sorry Peter, you'll have to make time for her tomorrow.' Bonnie purposefully phases her sentence as such to emphasise that he has to make more time for Lara Jean instead of the other ways around.

Bonnie hears him raise his voice in protest back at her but promptly hangs up the phone before she can comprehend his words. She then puts her phone on Do Not Disturb to make sure that his calls and texts stop coming through. She turns around and see Lara Jean at the door, her eyes staring at the ground.

'How much did you hear?' Bonnie asks, shocked. She feels ready to defend anything that she just said to Peter.

'All of it.' Lara Jean says softly. She then shakes her head and looks Bonnie hard in her eyes. 'Thank you. I don't know if I wanted you to do that, but I'm glad you did because someone had to.'

Lara Jean lets out a deep sigh as if she had been holding her breath for a long time.

Bonnie nods and hugs Lara Jean.

'You deserve the absolute best and I'm not saying that Peter isn't that, but I think he needs to know how to be better.' Bonnie says.

Her words relieve Lara Jean. It wasn't that Bonnie was trying to put a wedge between her and Peter or disapprove of him or their relationship, but she really did want to help and improve what they had. She knew that Lara Jean would never want to bring up their problems, as she would never want to spend their precious moments on the call, talking about these that would make either of them sad. Deep down though she is glad to finally hear someone say it and to have Peter know, but she probably can't let him know that yet.

She tries so hard to keep her mind off of him and off her afternoon of disappointment as she drifts off to sleep that night.

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Lara Jean is running with Alex to class, the next day. It's the only class they have that happens straight after another class for one of the other courses where the buildings are the on the opposite sides of campus. They used to just walk over and stroll in late, but the professor said that he was going to start taking attendance as soon as class started so they are running. She can feel herself heating up underneath all of her layers as she runs and her face getting red.

Eventually they arrive with 1 minute to spare. They find a spot near the middle but on the edge of the room to sit. It feels amazing to peel off all of their layers before they start sweating too much as they sit down. As the professor starts calling names, Lara Jean checks her phone. She had so many messages and attempted calls from Peter last night after his conversation with Bonnie that she didn't get to see until they came through this morning after turning off Do Not Disturb. She had sent him a quick message saying that she was sorry she didn't see them and hoped they could talk some time today, if possible though very unlikely.

His text comes through 'Yeah I don't think we can talk today either, you're too busy.'

'If you had just picked up yesterday, we wouldn't have this problem.'

Lara Jean reads the texts and re-reads them, shocked at what is being written. She quickly puts her phone away as the professor catches it in her hands and gestures at her to get rid of it. She can hardly pay attention throughout the entire class as she thinks about his messages. He is making it seem like it is her fault for not being able to talk when she was the one who was waiting for him to call the whole afternoon and he never told her that he wasn't able to. Then telling her that she is the one who is too busy is so unfair, given that she is consistently cancelling her plans to talk to him whereas he never re-schedules for her.

That night she is so happy that her baking club is having a baking class. They have invited in one of the pastry chefs from a bakery nearby who is going to teach them how to do cool cake decorating. It will take a long time though as they have to cook and let their cakes cool, before having a chance to do the icing.

Their cakes are cooking in the oven and some of the seniors who are staying nearby agree to wait for them and then take everyone's out to let them cool, so the rest of them have a good 2 hours to kill. Lara Jean tries to get out her books to start studying but eventually gets out her phone again and rereads the texts from Peter. Bonnie walks into their room soon after and finds Lara Jean looking down at her phone, tears streaming down her face.

'Lara Jean, what's wrong?' Bonnie asks, very concerned.

'I just, I don't know what to do. I want to be with him and just want to talk to him, but I can't keep waiting for him.' She sobs.

Bonnie has heard this a few times before. 'What did he say?'

'He says that I'm too busy and I should have just talked to him last night.' She whimpers, passing over her phone for Bonnie to read their messages.

'Lara Jean, come on! You know that's not true.' Bonnie starts…

'Yeah that's what I thought too at first as well, but now… now… I just want to talk to him but he thinks that I don't want to and it's my fault.' She says before she starts crying again.

Bonnie gets a tissue and passes to Lara Jean, then wraps her arms around her. 'Lara Jean come on.' She says softly.

She is kind of sick of giving her the same pep talk and encouragement all the time, particularly when she doesn't think Lara Jean has done anything wrong, but she can't keep telling that to her if she never believes it herself.

'I know, I know…. I think I've just had a big week and we haven't talked to each other all week, so I'm extra sensitive.' She says, sniffling.

Bonnie smiles at her. 'Do you want to watch a movie or something to destress then?' she asks.

Lara Jean wipes her eyes with the tissue that Bonnie gave her. 'No I'm doing a baking class with my club tonight so that should probably help me out. Actually I probably need to get back. Ah, do I look like I've been crying?' she asks, trying to rub her eyes to look normal.

Bonnie laughs and then gets out her ice roller from the little freezer in their bar fridge. 'Here this will reduce the puffiness and you should look a lot better then.'

Lara Jean smiles at her gratefully before applying it to her eyes.

The baking class was the exact thing that she needed. She finds herself completely transported from all the drama of this last week as soon as she picks up the piping bag and starts doing her designs. The chef comes over and admires her work, she even asks if she might be looking for a job soon and want to come work with her. Lara Jean blushes but informs her that she isn't going to be wanting a job until after her freshman year when she will hopefully have adjusted a bit more to college life. The chef nods thoughtfully and commends her again for her delicacy and artistry in her decorating. Lara Jean's heart warms at these compliments, very flattered that someone like her would think that about her designs. Maybe next year she would try go back to that bakery and get a job, she thinks it would be amazing to be able to get paid for doing a hobby that was so therapeutic and enjoyable to her. The chef takes their cakes to sell the next day at the bakery, which is a good thing as Lara Jean didn't think she had it in her to slice through her the beautiful patterns she took so long to make. Her previous thoughts and emotions are much more subdued as she falls to sleep that night. She dreams about a future where she owns a bakery and is the head decorator who get to design cakes for celebrities and other highly-ranked public figures, she doesn't even think about the fact that at no point in her dream does she see Peter.

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It is finally the weekend and Lara Jean decides to take full advantage of her sleep in. She is still buzzing from the compliments that she got from the chef last night and how happy she felt in her dream. She bounces at her bed and finally she sees that the sun is already up by the time she gets out of bed. She rings her family at home and talks to her dad, Trina and Kitty to hear about everything that has been happening since she last saw them. They spend hours on the phone talking about everything that has happened. They even do their Christmas Cookie Bonanza over the phone where Lara Jean suggest more simple cookies that Trina and Kitty can cook now before promising to make more exciting cookies and flavours when she gets home. She is looking forward to finally being in her element as soon as she gets to come home and add more decorations to the house and start cooking. She then rings Margot to catch up with her. They talk about a lot as well. They discuss how her and Ravi are going and Margot asks about Peter, which Lara Jean tries to keep light and doesn't add many details to in fears of hearing rational advice. They talk about how her Asian association is going and their plans for Margot to come to one of their events when she comes home for Christmas which really excites her. They also discuss presents for Trina, Daddy and Kitty throwing around some ideas that are both thoughtful and affordable.

Just before they hang up, Margot pauses and says, 'Lara Jean, I know I haven't gotten a chance to say this yet and I know it probably doesn't even mean a lot to you, but I have to tell you that I am so proud of you and I am so happy that you have given yourself a chance. I can tell you are getting the most out of your freshman year and I'm just so glad that you are.'

Lara Jean bites her lip to stop herself from tearing up. 'Thanks Gogo, that actually does mean a lot to me.'

They then say their goodbyes and hang up the phone.

She checks the time and realises that she can probably finally call Peter now. He said he had a Lacrosse game today but it should be over by now.

The rings twice before he finally picks up.

'Hey Covey.' He says, Lara Jean can hear a flatness in his voice.

'Peter! How was your game?' she asks excitedly, her heart beating faster hearing his voice.

'Yeah we won…' he trails off.

'Really? How did you play?' she asks enthusiastically again. She is trying to enliven their conversation more as she really just wants them to have a good talk finally.

'I don't want to talk it.' He says bluntly.

'Oh, ummmm ok.' She says softly. 'How has your week been?'

'Uh yeah it's been alright, would have been better if you had talked to me though.' He says with tension in his voice.

Silence falls between them. Lara Jean feels tears in her eyes again. She was so excited and happy to finally get a chance to talk to him but he is just being cold and distant. Even trying to blame her again for this week.

'Oi don't pin this on me, your life is pretty hectic as well.' She pipes back. She says it as light-heartedly as possible to make a joke with a sense of truth to it.

'My life? Yeah sure, Covey, whatever you say.' He says sarcastically. 'Look I can't talk long.'

She feels a tear go down her cheek. 'What? This is the first time we have talked to each other all week and you can't talk long?' she says in disbelief.

She hears him sigh from over the phone, but that doesn't stop her from continuing. 'I know what Bonnie said to you and honestly I am glad she did because right now I can finally talk to you and you are blowing me off for something.'

He scoffs. 'Blowing you off, what do you think you have been doing to me all week?' he asks angrily.

'I did that once! There was one night when I didn't answer your calls and then I spent an entire afternoon waiting for you to call me! What is going on with you?' she asks. She doesn't understand why he is acting this way.

'What's going on? Nothing is going on. You are just trying to phase me out of your life.' He accuses her.

'What? I have been trying to put my life around you and finally when I start putting myself first, you are getting so defensive and blaming me, when you should want me to be doing this. Are you upset with something else?' she asks, knowing that he must be riled up by the game and other things.

'Upset about something else? No Lara Jean, I am upset with you. I have to be working my ass off to get in shape for Lacrosse and get my skills on track as while as keeping up with all of my studies and I just want to be able to talk to my girlfriend at least once a day but she doesn't have time for me. I get what Bonnie said, but the game today, I didn't even get to go on the field. I am barely keeping up with my classes given how often I have to be training and I don't have your notes from school to rely on anymore. So is it so bad of me to just want to my girlfriend to be there for me? To have my girlfriend actually remember that I exist?' he says, raising his voice.

Tears start streaming down her face. 'Peter, you are a great Lacrosse player. You are only in your first semester ever, you can't expect to be the star player already. I am not the one putting this pressure on you to be a great Lacrosse player, I couldn't care less if you even played a sport. So its not fair for you to then expect me to able to save you from all the problems that your obsession with your Lacrosse is causing. I'm not a freaking robot you can just call upon to talk to whenever you want, I have a life as well that I am actually enjoying.' She says harshly.

'Enjoying without me?' he shades her.

'Peter! When I was in high school, the majority of my friends were your friends and the majority of hobbies that I had, I did them alone or not at all. Now I finally have friends of my own and are able to do my favourite things with other people and whenever I want and I think you are jealous of that.' Lara Jean says, realising what may have really being going on between them.

'Yeah you know, maybe I am!' he yells back at her.

Silence falls between them. She tries to move away from the phone as she sobs but is sure that Peter can hear them. He sighs multiple times over the phone.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.' He whispers to her.

She sniffles. 'Yes you did, but someone had to say it. Do you want to break up?' her heart starts to break as she asks.

'No. No way! Never!' Peter answer immediately.

She can imagine him across the phone, his eyes sad and his head hanging low as he hears her propose such a thing.

'Covey, I'm sorry. You are right, I'm just so lost and so confused. Everything is just so different with Lacrosse, school and you, I'm just not getting used to it and I'm taking my frustrations out on you. I'm sorry.' He says softly.

She nods. 'I know. I don't know what I'm doing either but we just have to take it everyday.'

'Yeah, yeah, I know…. We will… Ok, I have to actually go because my mum just arrived to take me home for lunch with her and Owen. We'll talk tonight though, I promise.' He says sincerely.

'I can't, I have something… tomorrow?' she asks hopefully.

He pauses. 'Um I have a few things but yeah we can work around that. I love you with all my heart, Lara Jean.' He says.

Lara Jean smiles. 'I love you too. Bye.'

'Bye.'

Bonnie then walks in as she is trying to wipe away the rest of her tears.

'Sorry I was just on the phone with Peter.' She says when Bonnie gives her a concerned look.

Bonnie sighs and rolls her eyes. 'Wow, again… Man, I tell you if I ever have kids the only advice I'm going to give them about college is to make sure they NEVER go to college with a boyfriend, otherwise they spend all their time crying, like you.' She says with a smile trying to be funny.

Lara Jean tries to smile back but can't. Her words have so much truth and past to them that Bonnie would never know. This is her. She is it. She has become the exact person her mum had tried to warn her against being. The girl at college crying over her boyfriend.

A/N: WOOOOOOOOO! Thank you so much to everyone who has left reviews! I honestly really appreciate it and I also love that you write your names as well if you are a guest, I feel like then I actually get to know you! Sorry the roll was slightly interrupted, but I mean if I updated every single day then this story would be over very quickly! Please let me know if you like this story and I am also curious, can anyone guess what song the title is from? Not sure when the next update will be, but may be even sooner than you think if there are lots of reviews (heheheheehe, ok I'll stop now). Hope you all like it and I'll see you for the next Chappy! xxxxxx