Still harboring stars in her brown eyes, Nan awoke as one within a dream. At the breakfast table, everyone seemed to be talking of something or another, but she never heard a word anyone said. She never noticed the warm glance her knowing her mother threw the way of her father, who appeared to be agitated almost to the point of tears. She never noticed Jem's eyebrow raised in a quizzical manner toward her, Rilla and Shirley's whispers, nor Walter's suppressed grin. She especially didn't notice the daggers in Di's eyes as she all but glared across the table at her twin, or the frustrated tone in Susan's voice when she tried to gain her attention. Jem, however, was determined to garner his sister's attention for purely personal reasons.
"Nan, could you please pass the butter?" he asked, though she didn't hear him. To her it was still the night before, she was in Rainbow Valley, and Jerry's arms still held her tightly. Again, Jem asked, and again there was no answer.
By this time, Jem had everyone's attention, save Nan's. Loudly, he cleared his throat, then asked her to pass the butter a third time. Finally, all his patience taken, he held his hand right in front of her face and snapped his fingers.
With a sudden "Oh!" crying from her lips, Nan jumped in her chair..
Rilla and Shirley giggled, Walter himself awoke from his dreams, Miss Oliver smiled sarcastically as she ate her bacon, Dr. Blythe resignedly sighed, Mrs. Blythe held back a warm chuckle, and Di narrowed her hazel eyes in close study of her twin. Susan, on the other hand, was still not sure if Nan wasn't coming down with the Typhoid, and determined to keep a close eye on her.
His biscuits still needing buttering, said butter was still sitting right next to Nan in body, no matter where her mind was. So, Jem was not to be deterred. "Would you please pass the butter now, Nan? I have a busy day ahead of me!" Whether or not he did in fact have a busy day planned was beyond the matter.
Nan passed the butter to Jem, wondering aloud at his impatience. "Here you go, Jem. All that you had to do was just ask."
Jem cocked his head in disbelief, narrowing his own hazel eyes, and responded, "I did ask you, Nan. I asked three times!"
Feeling very embarrassed, Nan apologized to her brother, "I-I'm sorry Jem, I don't know where I've been this morning."
A bit of the devil took over Di, who couldn't resist adding, "Or with whom," to the end of Nan's sentence, causing the rest of the table to look at her with disbelief. Though they were known to tease each other from time to time, never were any of them ever known to be so openly hostile with each other.
Suddenly Nan wondered if everyone at the table save possibly poor, befuddled Susan knew exactly what was on her mind. She thought of saying something to shift the focus from her to Jem, but was too embarrassed to do so. Anyway, though everyone knew that Jem and Faith seemed to spend a great deal of time together, what she knew of the true nature of her brother's relationship with Jerry's sister had been shared in the strictest of confidence. Instead, she ignored her twin's remark and just quietly finished her breakfast as quickly as possible. Soon other conversations began, shifting everyone's attention, and Nan only had to sit back and listen.
"So, what do all of you adventurous souls have planned for this beautiful day? Mrs. Blythe asked, her gray-green eyes dancing across the table from offspring to offspring.
Di, under increasing scrutiny from the rest of the family, finally relinquished the glare she had fixed upon Nan, and brightened her expression to answer her mother. "Walter and I plan to make our way over to Martin West's and see how Ken is faring."
Rilla's eyes grew wide, hoping that that an invitation would be extended for her to join Walter and Di, but she soon realized that was not to be. Obviously they didn't wish for their baby sister to tag along, following them like a puppy, even though she was sure Walter would have asked if Di had other plans. She was quite jealous of how close Di was to Walter, whom she worshiped more like some sort of deity than an older brother. She also was curious to see Ken and for him to see her. Hopefully he would notice how much she had grown up since Christmas.
Mrs. Blythe sadly shook her head. "I do wish all of the Fords could have come to the Island this summer. I hate to see my dear little House 'O Dreams left so desolate. It longs to be lived in and loved, especially in the summertime. Also, it seems ages since Leslie and I have shared a good visit.
"Now Anne-girl, you saw Leslie at Christmas when they were here. Besides, Owen has to stay in the city while putting on the finishing touches of his latest book," Dr. Blythe reminded his wife.
"He could have spent more time writing the book right here on the Island, Gilbert." Mrs. Blythe argued.
The doctor just threw her a look that was a mixture of exasperation and pure, absolute admiration, though he had to tell her, "You're beginning to sound like Miss Cornelia, Anne-girl. I am rather surprised that Kenneth came alone, considering that he's been lame with a broken ankle."
The telephone then rang with a call for Miss Oliver, long distance from Charlottetown. Everyone waited quietly in anticipation, because they knew she was expecting a call from a Mr. Robert Grant concerning matters of matrimony. Expecting nothing but a joyful expression, they were shocked to see her return looking forlorn. She excused herself from the table and left, claiming the need to run a few errands in town.
Rather too laconically, Jem observed, "I'm guessing that she didn't receive the news she wanted."
Rilla, who adored her former teacher, appeared distressed and asked, "Do you think someone should go after her?"
"I imagine she'll talk when she is ready, dear," her mother advised. "Nan, what do you have planned for this, your first full day back at Ingleside?"
"Oh, nothing really Mother. I thought that I would just stay around here with you for a while, if you don't mind. Then, I think I'll take a ramble through Rainbow Valley to see if he-it remembers me."
The thought of Nan wishing to remain close to her made Anne Blythe smile. With Jem away at Redmond and Nan teaching school in Avonlea, Ingleside had started to feel almost lonely. She missed her Nan, and the way they would sit out on the veranda, blithely discussing daydreams and other things from their imaginations.
Diana and Rilla were both loved by their mother in their own special ways, but neither had ever developed as vivid an imagination as her namesake. No, Diana was far too practical like Gilbert and Jem, always wanting to know the facts of everything, only allowing a bit of fancy into her life and often finding humor in the little foibles of humanity. Rilla had an imagination, but Anne was afraid that her youngest was growing too vain and self-centered. Everyone in the family spoiled her, though she often felt she was being patronized. Jem was very much his father's son, which of course made him special to her. Shirley may have been Susan's "little brown boy," but Anne saw in him something that only she and Gilbert could really remember. He was John Blythe all over again, and acted a great deal like him too. Also, though there was no blood relation, he also seemed to have inherited Matthew Cuthbert's shy, quiet ways. He was a marvel whose existence Anne could never quite get over. All of her children were so special and precious to her, but daydreams and fanciful though mostly were shared with Walter and Nan.
The doctor pulled out his pocket-watch and announced, "Well, I've got to make my 'round of visiting patients." As he stood up, he looked upon his family. So soon they would all fly away and leave the nest for good. Jem was almost there already, possibly Nan was too. Hating the change, but proud of their growth, he decided that the best course of action was to roll with the tide rather than to fight it. He looked to Jem and asked, "Would you like to accompany me, Jem?"
Disbelievingly, Jem looked up to his father. For years, he begged to help his father attend patients but was always told he would have to wait until her was older. "Really?" he asked.
"Yes Son, really. You've already completed your first year of medical school. I believe that you're more than ready. Besides, look at the skillful way you cut your meat. You have the hands of a born surgeon; you should learn all you can. I wish that I had been able to spend my summers learning from an experienced doctor. You don't have any other plans, do you?"
"I was just going to see if Jerry wanted to go sailing."
"I think that Jerry has other plans for today!" Nan blurted without thinking.
Everyone's attention turned from the conversation between the doctor and Jem once again to Nan. Her eyes suddenly grew into two large brown saucers. She couldn't believe that she had just blurted something out so impulsively. That was more something that Faith Meredith would do, not Nan Blythe! She was supposed to be so much more proper; more like her dear mother. She was named for her after all, and who better to imitate?
A mischievous smile spread across Di's lips, not unlike one a young Avonlea school boy had carried just before he had called a girl "carrots" in ages past. "Just how do you know what Jerry's plans for the day are, Nan?"
Trying to remain calm and give an air of nonchalance, Nan answered, "Well…. I… I just seem to recall him saying that he had a lot to do today after being away so long."
Dr. Blythe would really have liked to at least attempt to talk to Nan more concerning what appeared to be a burgeoning relationship with Jerry. He also wished to discuss Di's sudden attitude change with her. However, he did have patients waiting to be seen. "Jem, do you wish to come along or not?"
Jem wiped his mouth and was up and almost out the door by the time he answered, "Sure thing, Dad!"
Dr. Blythe could only shake his head and laugh at his son's eager exuberance. "He'll be half-way down the harbour road before he realizes that I'm going the other direction, toward Lowbridge."
"He's just excited that you're including him, dearest," Mrs. Blythe assured her husband.
"I suppose you're correct, Anne-girl. You normally are about these things." The doctor then bade his family goodbye, kissed his wife, and was soon out the door himself, yelling at Jem to follow him.
Soon everyone was out and about, each doing his or her own thing. Di and Walter left to see Ken. Rilla went for a walk, hoping to find Miss Oliver. Shirley quietly mentioned something about a pick-up football game in the schoolyard that he and Carl Meredith wished to join.
Nan attempted to help Susan with the breakfast dishes, but Susan would hear nothing of it. "Nan dear, you're much too pale to be doing housework today. Now, be a good girl and run along outside. A bit of sunshine is what you need to cure that peakedness, and that you may tie to. No, no Typhoid for you, Nan dear. We will nip it in the bud this time 'round."
So, she was ushered out to the Ingleside garden by Susan, and joined her mother, also banished though for what reasons remain unknown, who was toiling away in her flowers.
"I see that Susan has expelled you from the house as well?" her mother asked, handing her a pair of work gloves.
Nan pulled the leather gloves over her dainty hands and picked up a spare pair of shears, "She seems to think that I'm coming down with Typhoid Fever."
Mrs. Blythe chuckled, "Allow her some room to dote, Nan. She's been driving poor Shirley and Jem insane since they returned from school. She's been rather obsessive about the entire family since Walter's close call. Had you been here through the worst, you would understand her fears."
That particular subject nagged at Nan's soul, causing her to take her frustration out on a rosebush quite harshly. She remembered what that time had been like for her, alone. "I would have been here had anyone bothered to inform me."
Anne Blythe pulled off her own glove and touched her daughter's arm ever so slightly. "Your father and I didn't inform any of you children how bad it was until the worst was over. Walter, when he was lucid, didn't wish to worry anyone. If Diana's Jack hadn't frequented the hospital in Charlottetown so often neither you nor Jem would have been so alarmed."
"But what if Walter hadn't recovered, Mother? Would Jem have had to make a long-distance phone call to me for that as well? Honestly, he thought that I knew more than he, because I was staying with the Wrights, and he was certain Di would have told me. What if Walter had died, and none of us had been able to tell him goodbye?"
"Anne Elizabeth Blythe, when you have children of your own, then you can make decisions for them!" Mrs. Blythe rebuked Nan. With tears in her eyes, she added, "You do the best you can in every situation. Sometimes things happen so quickly that even the most rational of people, like your father, can't make all the right decisions. He was busy being a doctor to a failing patient then, and I admit that I was quite lost. The thought of losing another child..."
"I'm sorry mother!" Nan cried out. "It wasn't my intention to cause you pain. I just felt so helpless being away from everyone else during a crisis. It made me feel as though I wasn't a part of our family."
"No, no. It's quite all right, dearest. I think we're both the better for airing these feelings. As I grow older, I'm learning how dangerous it is to let some things fester. I don't think that I have ever reconciled myself with how close we were to losing Walter. It brought back all the pain of losing your sister, Joyce."
Seeing her mother so, so fragile left Nan deflated. "No one ever speaks much of Joyce," she said barely above a whisper.
"Well," her mother looked down at her hands, "there isn't really much to say, in some ways. She lived but one short, bittersweet day. I didn't know real heartache until she closed her eyes to eternal sleep. She was such a sweet, white, beautiful baby."
"I think that I would have liked to have had an older sister."
Mrs. Blythe smiled, thinking of what things would have been like had Ingleside been filled with three sons and four daughters. "I imagine she would have been a bit of a mother-hen to the rest of you. I see bits and pieces of her in you and all your brothers and sisters. As I've watched you and your siblings grow into the splendid adults you're becoming, I've watched her grow as well. She would be twenty-two... well tomorrow, actually, come to think of it."
"Tomorrow?" Nan asked.
Mrs. Blythe smiled a little ruefully, "Yes, tomorrow. I imagine at some point, your father and I will go over harbor and "visit" with her for a bit."
"Could..." Nan didn't know how to ask. She didn't want to intrude on something private between her parents, but she felt an immense urge to somehow get to know this sister she never met. Given the behavior of her own twin the past few days, she longed for an older, more experienced sister in whom she could confide. "Would I be imposing if I asked to join you when you do?"
Mrs. Blythe took her daughter's hand, tears still glistening in her grey-green eyes, "I think it would be wonderful." She waited a moment, then asked, "Is there any particular reason why you want to go this year?"
Nan dug her trowel into the ground a bit and admitted, "I know that she can't talk back – at least not in ways other people would ever understand, but I think that I would like to confide in my older sister a bit. I grew rather used to sharing with Delia while in Avonlea, and I miss that."
"Do you not feel like confiding in Di anymore?"
Nan felt almost like she was tattling on Di, but knew that she wasn't. She also didn't wish to keep any secrets from her mother. "I don't really feel comfortable talking about this with Di. From what I can tell, I don't believe she would be very receptive to what I have to say."
"Regarding Jerry?" There, her curiosity got the best of her, and she couldn't resist. Nan looked at her mother incredulously. "Nan, I may like to dream a bit, but I have eyes, don't I?" her mother laughed.
Straitening her back, puffing up a bit like some sort of porcupine ready to defend, she asked, "Is it that obvious?"
Mrs. Blythe cocked her head from one side to the other as she replied, "Yes, no... maybe. Your father and I recognize certain symptoms. Jem possibly suspects, though I think he may possibly be living in his own world right now. Also..."
"Di knows," Nan finished for her mother, "though I don't understand why she is being so hostile. She's always liked Jerry, before now at least."
"I can think of two or three reasons. However, you are both grown girls. I will leave it up to the two of you to work this out, which I daresay you will eventually."
"Mother," Nan asked, "do you and Dad approve of Jerry. That is, do you approve of Jerry and I together?"
"If you truly love him, then yes. He is a gifted young man with a great deal of potential. So long as he loves you, and you love him then of course we approve. Well, I approve, and you father is coming around to the idea, albeit slowly. However, we wouldn't want you to be with him just because he is comfortable and familiar. Venturing into the world as an adult and going away to university; those are frightening things. Sometimes we cling to what we know, because it is easier than that which we do not. "
"I am comfortable with Jerry, and being with him is easy. I think it would be that way even if we had just met though. I am comfortable with him, because I lo... I" she didn't dare finish, lest her heart betray her more.
Mrs. Blythe was more than happy to once again complete her daughter's sentence though. "Because you love Jerry?" Nan was suddenly finding that normally delightful twinkle in her mother's eye to be quite annoying.
"Yes! Or, I think that I do. How can one be sure, Mother?"
Mrs. Blythe laughed and caressed Nan's cheek with the back of her hand. "That, my dear you will have to discover on your own. I can no more tell whether or not you are in love with Jerry Meredith than Mrs. Lynde was able to tell me that I was in love with your father."
Nan was intrigued by this bit of family history she knew little of. "I just assumed that you and Dad had always been sweethearts, that you went through your years at Redmond together, hand in hand."
"Gracious no, Nan! Your father was always sure of me, but I didn't realize that what I felt for your father was love. I was looking for something grand and magnificent like in novels. I didn't realize that true love is slow and gradual, becoming sweeter and more dear over time. I refused your father's first proposal."
"You did?" Nan could not imagine a world where Anne and Gilbert Blythe weren't two halves of one whole.
"Yes, yes. I grew angry with him for ruining a perfectly fine friendship too. Your dear Aunt Phil, who incidentally is coming to visit in the next few days with her family, put it in a manner I shall never forget, 'You don't know love when you see it. You've tricked something out with your imagination that you think love, and you expect the real thing to look like that .' I almost married a young man who seemed dashing and romantic enough, but he had no sense of humor, really. I truly had tricked myself into thinking I was in love with him the last two years I was at Redmond. Thankfully I came to my senses about him. Thankfully your father didn't die when he had Typhoid either. It wasn't until he almost did that I realized how much he truly meant to me. It was the Book of Revelation in my life, and it came almost too late. If you have a chance at true love with Jerry and know your feelings now, then don't waste any time. Run with it, within reason. You never know what lies around the bend, be it good or bad. The good thing is that you have this summer and all of next year at Redmond before Jerry graduates at least to decide"
Nan's mother kissed her chestnut crown and left her to her own thoughts. There were so many thoughts rambling through her head. Was she in love with Jerry? She certainly couldn't imagine a future without him in it. Did he love her too? She had a strong inclination that he did. Oh how frightening and exciting this all was. What would life had been like had her mother married that other man? Also, what time was she supposed to meet Jerry in Rainbow Valley?
