Previously:-

Nightmare: So how exactly do I let him beat me without it being obvious?

Cervantes: Too be honest I never really thought about that

Raphael thrusts his sword while Nightmare is busy trying to decide what to do. Raphael pierces through a gap in the armor and stabs Nightmare in the stomach

Nightmare: Huh?

Inner Nightmare: Fall over you idiot! This is your best shot!

Nightmare: -collapses to his knees- Oh no, I am defeated

Raphael: You shall never take away my love!

Yoshimitsu: -pauses- You're what?

Raphael: -ignoring Nightmare- With our combined power of blonde and giggling we shall ponz you to death!

Nightmare: *eyes Raphael suspiciously* Did he give you something?

Outside the mansion

Cervantes: That was a long flashback. Think the writer needed reminding of what actually had previously happened

Everyone else: ignores Cervantes

Cervantes: mumbling bloody huffy author

Nightmare: Raphael, why would I want to work with you?

Raphael: quirks eyebrow well, um… looks desperately at Ivy and Cervantes

Ivy: sighs Well, you both have very different sword styles. Yoshimitsu is quite quick. With Raphael's quick ponzy sword style he could incapacitate the speed addicted swords man so that you can completely destroy him with your slow but ridiculously powerful attacks.

Raphael + Nightmare: gape

Ivy: sighs Father you understand right? turns to look at Cervantes

Cervantes: is also gaping

Ivy: sighs some more

Yoshimitsu: slowly backs away

Nightmare: Oi! Where d'ya think you're going?

Yoshimitsu: I may be on every adrenalin inducing drug known to man, but this fic's even too strange for me!

Yoshimitsu: Bounces off into the sunset NAMU!!!!!

Cervantes: Why was there a sunset in the middle of the day?

Cervantes: gets hit over the head with a giant pen Ow, what the fuck was tha for?

Everyone else: looking nervously at the hovering pen

Cervantes: Now listen here miss author! I'll have you know that I am a very important character. I am also a writer myself, and I must say this is simply appalling! Your plot – if you actually have one – is scattered and a mess. You ignore the laws of time. You even defy gravity! A giant hovering pen!

Graveyard – Cervantes Funeral

Ivy: Father! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Raphael: Looking slightly nervous I will never question the author again

Nightmare: manically laughing finally! The stupid undead pirate is now the very stupid DEAD pirate!

Ivy: glares at Nightmare

Nightmare: Your odd dominatrix style does not scare me sweetheart

Raphael: quirks eyebrow sweetheart?

Nightmare: Yes darling?

Graveyard – tumble weed drifts past

Ivy: Ahem, anyway… Noooooooooooo!!! My poor father!! How can I live without him?!

Raphael: Well, you have been living with me for the past 10 years.

Nightmare: Damn, what age are you?

Raphael: scoffs I am not much older than you my dear, dear Siegfried.

Nightmare: twitches

Raphael: changing subject Ivy, why don't you request that our lovely author bring your father back?

Ivy: blinks Huh? I never thought of that

Ivy: looks up at the strange hovering pen Miss author? Firstly, let me apologise for my father's behaviour. I think he was mildly annoyed that Nightmare didn't go through with the plan

Nightmare: Stops strangling Raphael Oi!

Everyone else: confused looks all round When did he start strangling him?

Ivy: Anyways, if you please bring him back I promise I'll make him behave!

Outside the Mansion

Cervantes:You know, even if you have technically died before, it's still fucking freaky. Especially when you're bashed to death by a giant pen…

Ivy: Well I hope you learned your lesson!

Cervantes: Aye. Be aware of giant floating pens

Cervantes: gets bashed over back of head

Nightmare: I love this author!

Me: It wasn't me. Honestly! Tries to look inconspicuous

Maxi: nun chucks under arm It's about time I made an entrance! Cervantes has been here for ages!

Cervantes: rubbing back of head sneaky little shit. I oughta kill ye for that!

Maxi: I'd like to see you try, pirate!

Nightmare: This should be entertaining

Raphael: giggling Ninja boy's gonna get his arse kicked

Nightmare: staring Are you sure Yoshimitsu didn't give you something?

Raphael: twirling a finger in his hair c'mon Cervantes. Beat him already.

Cervantes: Didn't think ye liked this sorta thing

Raphael: I don't. I'm just sick of random people turning up at my bloody home!

Nightmare: Well it's not like you're "home" is hard to miss. Nor is a brightly coloured ponz, a man in heavy armour with a demonic arm and a giant sword, a woman in what looks like a swimsuit with a whip, and an un-dead pirate.

Raphael: Yea, yea. It's still annoying

Maxi: Um… what's actually going on here? Don't you people, ya know, hate each other?

Raphael: looking shocked why would we hate each other?

Cervantes: I understand yer confusion. Nightmare does hate Raphael, but he'll never acknowledge that. That's 'bout it though.

Maxi: Yea… but don't you hate Nightmare?

Cervantes: Eh? looks confused Why would I hate Nightmare?

Maxi: Well that's obvious! Because he stole so-

Nightmare: cuts Maxi's head off

Cervantes: looks at Nightmare suspiciously

Nightmare: I, uh, got bored?

Cervantes: narrows eyes further

Nightmare: Eh, he was trying to distract you so he could get away. Crafty little bugger eh?

Cervantes: Makes sense. He knew I'd beat him.

Nightmare: sighs in relief

Ivy: sighs in relief

Raphael: …what?

Inside mansion

Strange hissing shadow: Creeps through the Sorel mansion

Nightmare: What do ya have to do to get a bloody cup of tea around here?!

Raphael: I would answer that but we have company winks

Nightmare: shudders

Ivy + Cervantes: also shudder

Strange hissing shadow: hides behind curtain in office

Will Nightmare be able to get over his uncontrollable loathing of the brightly coloured ponz?

Raphael: There is nothing wrong with the colour of my clothes!

Will Cervantes die yet again?

Cervantes: Was that a threat?

What will happen to Maxi's corpse?

Nightmare: well, obviously it will rot in the front garden, wont it?

And what is this strange hissing shadow that is hiding in Raphael and Ivy's office?

Ivy: What's in my office?!

Find out next time on Loves First Ponz!

Cervantes: I'd like to take a moment to apologise for this dreadful fic. I know how painful it must be to read this drivel, but to actually be part of it is –

Cervantes: Gets crushed by a giant writing pad

Ivy: sighs He'll never learn

Nightmare: laughing manically Please let him stay dead this time. The stench is getting slightly unbearable.

Raphael: Now now, we must think of poor Ivy's feelings. Miss author, would you be so kind to bring Cervantes bac-

Nightmare: strangles Raphael NOO!!! Don't bring him back! I beg you!

Cervantes: She can't let me die. Piracy's in the lasses blood!

Nightmare: Ah, fuc-

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

A/N - I don't own any of the characters. Sorry I took so long to update. Uni stuff. -sighs-