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Camping with Momma Benson part2
Wrapping my arms around myself in an attempt to keep warm, I sat down in front of a huge thick tree. I sat and pondered about my life, my husband, my children and my job.
Sniffling, I wiped a hand down my face, clearing the tears to make room for more.
Why did I agree to come here? I hated camping and always had. I should have stayed home and kept Sadie with me.
Some time later I hear footsteps, loud footsteps, moving quickly, running.
"OLIVIA? OLIVIA! OMIGOD OLIVIA WHERE ARE YOU?!" I heard him yell.
"I… I'm right here," I said way too quietly for anyone but me to hear.
"OLIVIA! OLIVIA STABLER!" I heard him again.
"I… I'm over here, hidden from the world where no one can find me," I whispered
"Jeezs Christ Liv, there you are!" He rushed over to me.
"Ya… Here I am." I muttered.
"Livvy, I'm sorry for what I said. I only said it because I was angry," he rambled.
"K," I mumbled.
"Livia, whats wrong?" He asked worried.
"Nothing, I'm just peachy!" I got up to walk back. "LETS GO." I turned to walk in one direction.
"Liv!" Elliot called after me.
I turned around. "WHAT?!" I spat.
"Its this way," he laughed slightly.
I turned around to walk that direction and as I passed him I mumbled, "Smug Bastard."
I managed just two steps away from him when I felt him wrap his arms around my near flat waist. It was taking long to lose the post baby weight, after each pregnancy. He kissed my neck and I couldn't stop the moan from escaping from deep in my throat. Elliot chuckled in between kisses and I stopped.
"Shut up, you know what that does to me," I whimpered as he started to suck on a certain bit of my neck. I could feel his erection against my back and I could feel myself getting wet. Shit, we are going to have sex right here in the woods, I knew and....I wasn't going to stop it.
"Make it quick, El, we gotta get back to the kids," I panted, feeling Elliot's hand slip up my nightgown.
Elliot laughed at me as he made quick work of my panties and I didn't even bother to stop him. Before I knew it he had dropped his sweat pants and he was deep inside me.
"Oh shit!" I screamed out, hoping the kids didn't hear me from the camp site.
"Shh, Liv! Your voice will carry to the campsite," Elliot panted in my ear as he thrust in and out of me, my back grazing up and down against a tree.
My back was going to be sore and scratched tomorrow but I didn't care. "Oh, Elliot! Faster!" I screamed. I was getting close fast.
"OMIGOD STOP!!!" I whispered harshly, groaning he stopped.
"What?" He asked confused.
"Listen" I demanded.
"Dad? Mom?" We heard Lizzie's faint voice "DAD! LIV!" Shit, Dickie was with her too, that means they have everyone with them!
"PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!" I whispered but had it demanding
"MOMMY DADDY!" I heard Payton yell then heard Sadie crying, I started walking towards the calls.
"Hey guys we're right here," I called out, they found us and we walked back to the campsite together.
"Mommy?" Peyton asked along the way.
"Yes Peyton?" I replied.
"Are you ok?" She asked innocently.
"Yes baby, mommy's fine. Why do you ask?" I was confused
"I heard you scream mommy," She commented.
"Oh shit," I muttered under my breath as Elliot wrapped his arm around my waist and I fell in to his embrace as we walked.
"Well, mommy?" Peyton questioned again, determined to get an answer from me.
"Your daddy came up behind me and startled me," I lied, hoping she would accept the answer.
Peyton nodded, taking her big sister's hand, and I sighed in relief.
"I see you got the lying thing down, baby," Elliot whispered in my ear as the older kids walked ahead and Sadie was still fussing in my arms. She was obviously not very happy that she was left with her big sisters and brother, even for a short while.
"We're never gonna be able to finish what we started tonight are we?"
Elliot shook his head. "No, I don't think so, Liv."
I nodded and bit my bottom lip. "Maybe it's for the best."
"Why?" Elliot asked me, confused, furrowing his brows.
"We needa talk, El. We needa talk about this baby issue and we needa do it without arguing or yelling... Can you do that?" I asked, looking ahead, keeping an eye on Dickie, Lizzie Jordan and Peyton.
I woke up the next morning and it was early, 7:30 maybe. I looked around and no one was in the tent. I un zipped the tent opening and stepped out. Everyone was sitting around the campfire and it was freezing, maybe 40 degrees, we were surrounded by trees so it got cold. So I went back in the tent and got a sweatshirt on another pair of socks on sweatpants and my very comfy blanket walked out again with my house shoes on and went to sit on the lawn chair that we brought. There were about 10 of them because we brought 8 then we brought our three seater one. I sat down next Sadie-who immediately took cover under my blanket- and Lizzie who looked to be almost asleep. Jordan was sitting in a chair that was more for a bedroom it sunk in really low and came up with 4 corners rounded off. Dickie was sitting in a red white and blue low rider chair and Elliot was up making breakfast on the electric stove that he insisted on bringing.
"Morning, Livvy," Elliot greeted me with a big smile.
Shivering, I still managed to smile back. "Morning, hun," I replied and greeted everyone else before picking Sadie up. "How long you all been up?"
All the kids greeted me and went back to whatever they were doing.
"About half an hour," Elliot finally replied. "Sadie might be hungry very soon."
I groaned in response.
"What?" Elliot asked me concerned, furrowing his brows.
"My..." I sighed, I don't like to talk about this stuff in front of the kids. "I hurt."
Upon realizing what I was saying Elliot nodded in sympathy. "Oh honey. I'm sorry but.... We didn't bring any bottles or the breast pump or anything like that."
"I want to go home, El," I replied in just about a whisper. "I didn't even want to come in the first place."
"But you promised me, Liv. Can you last one more night?" he asked, sadly.
I shook my head, tiredly. "I don't think so," I replied and got up with Sadie as she began to fuss.
"Liv...."
"I need to feed Sadie," I said distantly and headed back in to the tent.
I had been in the tent about 20 minutes with Sadie lying next to me in her playpen and I heard someone come in.
"Liv?" I heard him call. I rolled over.
"Olivia" He tried again
"What?" I asked distantly
"Liv, we should stay at least another day we told the kids we would be here all of Labor day weekend"
"Elliot! I'm tired, I'm cranky, I'm cold, and I hate it here!" I shouted.
"Well last time I checked this trip isn't all about you, Olivia!" He shouted back.
"Excuse me for not wanting to stay in this shit hole trying to deal with a cranky baby," I yelled back
"Olivia Quinn Stabler, you may be dealing with ONE cranky baby but if you forgot there are also 4 other kids out there and as I recall you have yet to do anything with them," he spat.
"We have only been here one fucking day when was I suppose to spend time with them?" I seethed back.
"Well maybe NOW! All you did was say 'hi' this morning," he shouted loudly.
"Lizzie, what should we do?" Dickie asked her twin as they listened to there parents yelling in the tent. "Peyton and Jordan aren't gonna understand."
"I'll be right back," she replied.
We were yelling so loud I didn't hear her come in.
"SHUT UP!" Lizzie yelled.
"Excuse me?" Elliot shouted back.
"All you guys have done the past day is yell, argue and run away. Us kids can't handle it! We don't want to deal with it, we don't want you splitting like Kathy and Dad we can't do it again! I swear if you guys don't fix this crap I will ask mom if Dickie and I can just stay with mom full time, the only reason I haven't said that before is because we were staying around for Peyton and Jordan. Well we are done I can't stand listening to my parents spit these hurtful words back and forth. I don't want to but if you guys won't stop I will leave and not come back! I love you guys and I don't want to walk away but I will if you guys aren't gonna try to change. I've had enough!" She yelled at us then walked over to the playpen picked up Sadie and walked out of the tent with her.
I looked at Lizzie's retreating back and then at Elliot. I gulped and ran a hand down my face. Elliot and I had argued more in this past day then we had in our whole marriage. What the hell were we doing?
Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt Elliot wrap his arms around me. "I'm so sorry, El," I cried in to his chest, it sounded muffled but I knew he understood what I said.
Rubbing my back, he kissed the top of my head. "It's okay, beautiful, it's okay. I'm sorry too. You're stressed and tired... I'm stressed and tired. This camping trip was supposed to relax us but it's done anything but," he whispered and started to move our bodies in a swaying motion, side to side. "Why do you hate camping so much, Olivia?"
I sighed and pulled back a bit to look up at him in the eyes. "The last camping trip I went on, I was ten and I went with my elementary kids... The kids in my class did some evil things to me... such mean things..." I whispered, for the first time telling my encounter to someone I loved and I knew would believe me.
Elliot kissed the crown of my head again, continuing the swaying motion. "What did they do to you, baby?"
I opened my mouth to tell him but Peyton came running in, followed by Lizzie's voice calling for her.
"Peyton, leave mommy and daddy alone. Let them talk."
"Mommy! Daddy! You no yell no more?" she asked us, innocently, looking up at us with sad, innocent eyes.
"No, princess, we won't yell anymore. We're so sorry about all the yelling," Elliot apologized to our daughter and picked her up, hugging her.
"Good," Peyton breathed, resting her head on Elliot's shoulder.
"Sorry, I tried to stop her but I had to try calm Sadie down," Lizzie apologized as she walked in.
"It's okay, honey," I reassured her. "We'll just both give her a cuddle and let her go back to you."
Lizzie nodded and headed out. No doubt proud of herself by finally putting her foot down and yelling at us, making us realize what we were doing.
"Mommy why you and daddy yell?" Peyton asked softly as we all stood in the center of the tent where it was the tallest
"Mommy and daddy were just angry but its all over now it's okay," I reassured my toddler, "now why don't you head back out with your brothers and sisters while mommy and daddy talk some more, then we can all head on over to the beach and we can spend the day there! How does that sound?" I asked knowing well enough that everyone would enjoy that.
"Yaaa!" Peyton shouted and ran out of the tent just as soon as Elliot set her down on the ground, that was the first time I noticed that she had, had her shoes on when she came running in the first time tracking leaves and dirt in the tent. Looks like I'd be sweeping it out again tonight.
"So about your last camping trip…" Elliot started I knew it was my place to continue I just wasn't sure how I was gonna go about explaining it.
I started to shake a little and wringing my fingers together until Elliot placed his hands over mine to stop me.
"Stop, Liv...Just tell me," he whispered to me and kissed me on the lips as encouragement.
I took a deep breath and exhaled it deeply. "They....they grabbed me out of my tent one night and they... and they.... pulled me along the rocky ground... There was about six of them. They were the so called popular girls and they had some grudge against me. God knows why, cause I never did know..." I trailed off and took another deep breath.
Elliot cupped my face in his hands and rested his forehead against mine. "It's okay, Livvy. Tell me."
"They pushed me down on to the ground about twenty feet from the camp site.... Four of them held me down and the other two just started to hit me over and over again. They used rocks and sticks and other things before they all kicked me and ran back over to the camp site and ripped my tent, tearing it down...." I finished with a sigh. I hadn't spoken about it in years.
"Livvy! I'm sorry about what happened! Why didn't to tell me this before huh?" he asked as I stepped back a little.
"I-I don't know it just umm never came up I guess," I explained. I think he realized I was withdrawing for a reason. So maybe I wasn't telling him the whole story but it's because I didn't wanna bring up the rest.
"Livvy is there something you're not telling me?" He asked softly I could tell he knew there was he was just waiting for me to tell him.
"Umm… I…" I stammered trying to form words to say something ANYTHING.
"Livia?" he asked I guess I had started to shake at this point.
"I… Uhh… No uh no there's nothing else," I said promptly.
"Liv?" he asked wearingly.
"End of discussion! Now let's get ready we said we were takin' the kids to the beach," I stated matter of factly and ended the whole discussion right then and there.
-EO-EO-EO-EO-EO-
Watching the kids having fun in the water, Elliot and I laid on the beach with Sadie under an umbrella. Lizzie had Peyton in a floatie ring and Dickie was helping Jordan swim.
Elliot wrapped his arm around me, resting his hand on Sadie's feet, while she lay asleep in my arms.
"Tell me what you were hiding, Liv... What is hurting you?" he asked me again.
He just wouldn't give up and he was driving me crazy. He picked this time to ask me again because he knew for a fact I wouldn't yell in front of the kids, especially with Sadie asleep in my arms.
I groaned in frustration and passed Sadie to him before standing up, being careful not to hit my head on the umbrella.
Elliot sighed and looked up at me. "Liv, what are you going?" he asked as I slipped my sarong off. "Going for a swim with the kids. Sadie shouldn't need to be nursed again for another half an hour or so," I told him and ran off in to the water.
I hung around with the kids at first but then decided to actually swim It was only a lake so it wasn't like I was swimming in the ocean or something like that. I just swam. I swam off all the anger, frustration, confusion, but mostly the hurt and pain of that camping trip. Not only was I tortured by the girls, the popular girls… but also the guys, Because I wasn't pretty enough or I wasn't skinny enough or I wasn't blonde. I was skinny and pretty. Well I thought I was. No, no I was! But still it hurts when someone says that stuff to you. Maybe I wasn't a cheerleader or on any sports teams or blonde but I did great in school and I had some good friends. School was my escape from home, my mother, her drinking but then school became as bad as home and my grades went down and then the last night camping and the guys started getting all hyped up and I didn't know what to do and then all of a sudden… SMACK! I screamed I didn't know what happened but it scared the shit out of me I looked around and all that had happened it one of the funoodles hit the water and made a loud smack noise.
"Liv?!" I heard Elliot call out I swam towards the shore and got out rapping the towel around me as I sat down under the umbrella again no doubt about to be questioned by Detective Stabler.
"Livvy what's goin' on here? Ever since bringing up this whole camping memory you've been really jumping and shaky, are you ok?" Elliot asked I ignored him at first he put his hand on my shoulder and I involuntarily jumped and gasped.
"Livia!" He said softly
"huh?" I whispered back confused at what I missed.
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