Chapter Four
Rogue did not turn back to the Professor until the door closed behind Logan. She felt Xavier exploring her mind, and perhaps she thought it rude of him not asking first, or perhaps Erik thought so, but either way, Erik surfaced and greeted the Professor. Rogue began to sense an energy in the room. Erik closed off her mind.
Xavier narrowed his eyes at Rogue. "I only want to help you."
"I know that. But I'm not the only one in here."
"Why would Magneto block me?"
"I haven't spent that much time with him. I don't know. He still cares about you, though." She sank into the chair and yawned so hard her jaw ached. Erik was still holding strong, she just did not know how. The others, even the Wolverine, were letting him have control. She fiddled with the metal band of her watch and told the Professor what happened that afternoon. When she had finished, Erik was beginning to back down.
"I need to read your mind, Rogue. I can think of a few reasons Erik might want to prevent that, but to help you, I must. Do you understand?"
"It's a mess."
"I have an idea."
He told her to go to sleep, and he woke her from one of Logan's nightmares to inform her he had seen enough. He prescribed meditation. He told her that any attempt on his part to erase her memory of certain people would cause catastrophic damage to her psyche. "They are so much a part of you, Rogue, I'm afraid attempts to extract them could be terrible."
They were not going anywhere. Yes, there was a time when she would have gladly removed Erik, but his past was mingled with hers now, like the Wolverine's. They were going to help her find the switch, learn to turn off her mutation.
She left the Professor's office and headed back to her room. Joining the X-Men was important. She could not screw this up. She had to be as useful as possible. Her sneak attack was simply more intimate than most. And she had to be sure her tenants would not betray her or her friends.
She forgot Logan, but he was waiting by her door to remind her. She could tell him to wait, to give her more thinking time, but what she needed was bargaining time.
"I want to talk to my tenants."
Logan nodded. "What do you need?"
"Just don't let me leave my room." She opened the door and gestured him inside. "I'm really tired so I think everyone else is too. I'm going to try to talk to Erik in my dreams, ask him about something. I don't know what will happen."
"You'll be fine." He settled into the armchair and watched her lie down.
Rogue closed her eyes. Logan had plenty of reconnaissance experience, he would not fail her. She fell asleep quickly and sought Erik. Over a chess game, they discussed his block.
"This is your brain, Rogue. You have enough people here already." He took her Queen. "I shouldn't have to tell you that all we want is to be heard. You already know that. You knew that when you went to Pyro. No, quite simply, my dear, there is nothing Charles can do for you that you cannot do better yourself. I assure you. There is a great deal I can teach you."
Rogue listened. Every day during a shared meditation hour with Logan, and every night while she dreamed, she listened. Erik's pain and torture and mission. Bobby's hope. Pyro's passion. Wolverine's skill and tenacity. They did not so much speak to her as meld fully and fully solicited into her conscience. She realized she could not channel their mutations or turn off her own, but she knew French and German, she knew aikido and the waltz, and more every time she opened up.
On the third day, a Monday, training began with Logan at seven a.m.
Logan awoke early as always and pushed his morning run in attempt to expel some of his energy. He ate breakfast with Kurt who mercifully enjoyed silence as much as he did. And then he met Rogue in the Danger Room.
She was wearing a tank top and baggy sweatpants, dressed to expose her deadly flesh and he stood there for a moment trying to draw as much attention as possible to his uniform. Finally, he found words. "I like your thinking, Marie, but you're also exposing more skin to be injured. And you should wear the gloves, too, only take them off if you have to, as a last resort. I'm going to show you how to knock them out without sucking them in."
Rogue shrugged in an unsettling and familiar manner, a practice he was almost getting used to. She flexed her fingers. Her pale skin practically glowed in the fluorescent lighting and he though there was the ghost of a smirk on her baby doll porcelain face. For the briefest of moments, his whole body tensed like it was stretching on its own. He called for Colossus to start the simulation and the Danger Room dissolved into the torch of Lady Liberty.
Rogue glanced around warily. "I thought you were going to teach me how to fight. Why are we here?"
"To give you a little pressure, that's all."
Rogue shook her head fiercely. "I don't want to be here. Change it."
He cocked an eyebrow. Was it that traumatizing? He had nearly died there, too. He thought she might be shaking. "Marie."
"Stop this now, Logan. Now."
"Either you can handle stress or you can't, Marie. If you want to be an X-Man, you have to be-"
"Wolverine." There was a different note in her voice, something steel and cold, something unforgiving. "Not yet."
She never called him that, never when she was Marie. He was getting really tired of this crap, of never knowing who he was dealing with anymore, or knowing simply that it was not her. Was her mutation getting stronger or was she trying to let it take control? He particularly hated this awkward realization that Magneto was the one protecting her now, possibly ashamed that he was the reason she feared this place so much if the evil bastard knew shame.
Logan strode up to his protégé. Her eyes were glazed but locked on his and her arms were definitely trembling. He smelled fear and fury. She was not ready for Liberty Island, she was not ready to revisit the site of her near death. Hell, for all he knew, she had died.
"Colossus, shut it down."
Liberty Island disappeared. Metal walls surrounded them again and behind a shaking Marie, they appeared to be shaking as well. Optical illusion.
"Give us a minute." But Colossus was already gone.
"Marie," Logan said.
She blinked and gave herself a canine-like full-body shake, exhaling loudly. "I'm sorry, Logan. There's too much there. I left too much there. I almost – "
"Yeah." Don't cry, kid. He was no good at these sharing sessions, even if they had become painfully more frequent. He and Marie had not discussed some of their recent conversations and for that he was glad; things had been said that he did not want to hear and was trying hard but unsuccessfully to forget. He was not going to let this moment sink into another of those embarrassing heart-to-hearts.
He patted her arm with his gloved hand. "We'll start with some basics," he conceded. "That was a nice right hook you showed me a while back. What else you got?"
For the next hour, Logan directed Marie as she expelled some serious aggression on his punching bag. Her technique was rather admirable, but she did not have the muscle to support her swings. She became increasingly frustrated every time an attempted kick landed her off-balance. He wondered that she even tried to keep the truth from him. When she finally fell flat on her back and was too tired to get up, Logan squatted by her side.
"It's because you don't have any muscle memory, and not much muscle either. It's gonna' take time, Marie."
She sighed. "I know."
"Even with my memories, Marie. Time." He stared off to avoid the stranger's look in her eye. "You haven't told me what you've found on these trips of yours."
Marie smiled, one of her genuine smiles. "Myself. Among other things."
