Maura and Jane decided to take the next day off from work to visit their OB/GYN.

Being the chief Medical Examiner of The Commonwealth of Massachusetts had its perks, like getting an appointment the day after you called, to see the most sought-after OB/GYN in Boston.

Being the girlfriend of Boston's finest homicide detective also had its perks. If you, for instance, could not get out of the shower because you felt like the burden on your shoulders was just too heavy and you could not move for nearly an hour until said girlfriend opened the shower, picked you up, and carried you to your room. This girlfriend then, just holds you because she is trying to pick up all the shattered pieces of your soul, trying to glue it all back together with her tears… All of this then makes you late for your appointment with an OB/GYN who has a waiting list to the waiting list of patients who would like to see her, but then because your girlfriend is Boston's finest, she gets you there just in time, thanks to her siren and a good couple of words I would not like to repeat.

Jane's POV

Finally, in the exam room, we waited to be seen by the doctor. Maura had been asked to disrobe as one of the overly friendly nurses lead us to the doctor's rooms and for the first time I could remember, she was shy to do it in front of me. I hadn't really seen her body since the operation and although it had been done laparoscopically, Maura was still self-conscious. She turned away from me when she got undressed and quickly slipped on the disposable gown given to her by the nurse. After neatly folding her clothing, Maura sat down on the examination table in the middle of the room leaving her the centre of attention to anyone who entered the room and the centre of my attention. She has not met eyes with me since before getting undressed and the silence between us was becoming extremely awkward. I didn't mind that Maura didn't want me to see the tiny scars from her operation, I understood that she needed time to heal physically and emotionally. I however, didn't want to mention it to Maura because everything I have said lately sounded very creepy and like I just said it so that Maura would stop sulking.

Thankfully, a soft knock on the door broke the awkward silence. With the knock, the doctor prepared the patients for her entrance rather than seek permission for her to enter the room. As she entered, she greeted Maura and introduced herself to me. The doctor jumped straight in and began the consultation with a few questions, the usual, 'when was the first day of your last period?'; 'any illnesses to be noted'; 'any symptoms other than no period?'… That kind of thing.

Once the doctor asked all the questions she wanted to and was satisfied with the answers Maura gave she asked about how Maura got pregnant and the reason she was so alarmed when she called to make the appointment. Maura started with how she got pregnant in the first place including my condition and then she moved onto why she was worried about the pregnancy. All the while, I was nearly the colour of the crimson office chair in one corner of the room having had my physical anatomy discussed in such… medical terms and then the shenanigans that landed up with Maura pregnant, because my girlfriend cannot just say that 'we had sex and I fell pregnant' no… She all but gave the doctor the colour of our bedsheets that night… At some point the two doctors in the room noticed my embarrassment and burst out laughing. It was the first time I had seen Maura laugh since the beginning of this ordeal.

Maura noticed the way I was looking at her and slowly the awkwardness returned, just then, the doctor continued with the consultation. Because it was still fairly early in the pregnancy, a transvaginal ultrasound had to be done. I only know what it is called because when the doctor was preparing the transducer my eyes grew to the size of golf balls, trying to understand how she was going to do an ultrasound of Maura's belly with the wand. Dr. Abdull laughed and explained that an abdominal ultrasound was not an option because it was too early in the pregnancy and reassured me that this way would not hurt Maura or the baby, that it may only cause some discomfort. I sat there, trying not to show the obvious concern for Maura when she took my hand and told me that she would be fine. That she has had this procedure done before and with a wink she added that the transducer had nothing on me. Once again, I felt flushed as I realised that the doctor had heard the last part of Maura's reassurance and softly giggled.

Once the wand, as they call it, had been inserted around 3 inches an image appeared on the monitor it was connected to, then the most amazing sound I have ever heard resonated in the small room. It was the heartbeat. It was slow and faint, but it was there. An emotion I don't know swept over me and tears began rolling down my cheeks. I leaned over Maura and placed a soft loving kiss on her forehead, silently thanking her for this amazing gift. While wiping my tears, I saw what looked to be the same emotion in Maura's eyes. I could not place it. It was not just love, no, it was more of a mixture of pride, love, excitement and fear. Yes, I saw the fear in her eyes. I think that the fear I felt was totally different to the fear felt by Maura. I was afraid of not being able to be a good mother, and the fear in Maura's eyes was that of not being able to protect this baby. Fear that stopped her from feeling a connection to our baby. Sometimes I wished that Maura did not know as much as she did. It made her feel less. I didn't want her to feel like 'something' was growing inside of her. I wanted her to feel like it was our baby, and that until we definitively knew that there might be complications, I wanted her to enjoy the start of our family. I wanted to live in a perfect little bubble where nothing could go wrong, but then again, when did that ever happen in reality?!

Once again, I was brought out of my head by the voice of the doctor as she began talking about our next steps while concluding the ultrasound.

"I take it that Maura has explained to you what Neural Tube Defects are, but I am going to explain it again because I think that it is important for both of you to hear it from someone else, please feel free to stop me and ask as many questions as you wish. I would like for you to walk away here today knowing as much as possible, leaving little room for confusion and managing your expectations about the road ahead." said Dr. Abdull.

Maura's POV

As we walked to the doctors' rooms, a very polite nurse asked me to change into the awful disposable gown in order for the doctor to complete the examination. As soon as she handed me the gown, I started praying that there was a bathroom in the examination room. I didn't want to have to take off all of my clothing in front of Jane and I was not going to ask her to leave the room. I think that I would have hurt her even more by doing so. Stepping inside of the room I realise that there is nowhere to change privately and I decide to just turn my back towards Jane. I hope that she doesn't notice this, but I know that she will… She is a detective after all.

I slipped on the gown and neatly folded my clothing, placing it on a beautiful crimson chair in one corner of the room. I could see the hurt on Jane's face but there was nothing I could do about that, because talking about it would just lead to one of us crying, if not both of us, and this was just not the time or place for that.

I was feeling very needy, for once I needed Jane to fuss over me and tell me how beautiful I was. How beautiful my scars made me. That I had no need to hide from her. But, for the first time ever, Jane Rizzoli did not run her mouth. 'She always runs her mouth. She never thinks before she speaks?' Maura thought as she sat waiting for Dr. Abdull. 'Have I broken the once wild spirit of Jane Rizzoli?'

There was an awkward silence between us that was broken by the knock on the doctor. Dr. Abdull entered the room with a wave of self-confidence as always. I had always wished to be as charming and self-confident as Megan. We were college roommates, I was the one always studying and Megan was the one always partying, I honestly don't know how she managed to pass as well as she did. A small chuckle manages to escape my mouth unnoticed by the two other women in the room as I reminisce. We were great friends though, all through medical school and residency. We have still kept in contact but life happened and we stopped calling as much and soon thereafter the visiting also diminished. There is the occasional email regarding a medical conference here and there, but we're not as close as we used to be. Like I said, life just happened.

The two left the doctor's appointment reeling! So many thoughts about their next steps and how it would affect the rest of their lives. How will they let the rest of their families know? Should they even tell their families? Should they terminate? The first try at a diagnosis will only be around 12 weeks and then the definitive diagnosis will be around 19-20 weeks. So they will have to wait until then.

Jane pulled over near a park. She could no longer take the silence. She turned and faced Maura in the passenger seat. "Maura, I hate seeing you so sad. And whatever you're feeling, it's ok to feel it, alright. Just say it. Let me in, I can't help you if I don't know what is going on in that big brain of yours."

Maura took Jane's hand in her tiny hands. She looked into the eyes of her lover. Tears rolling down her cheeks…She started talking… "I am scared Jane, and for the first time I am afraid that there is nothing you can do to protect me…"

Please be kind! Finals kicked my a$$, I apologise for the long wait. And I am not a doctor... ALL medical terms and procedures come from google... lol