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Lucas
After talking to Haley, I felt exhausted. It was if every feeling and emotion that I wanted to shut out and hide from myself, had been resurfaced. I needed to get away from Nathan and Haley who kept staring at me like I was about to open the front door and jump in front of the next car driving down their street. Hell, even Jaime would furrow his small brow when he looked in my direction. So I took off to the one place I always went when I needed to think; the river court.
My head was pulsing with thoughts. I had never been more confused in my life. I missed Lindsey. I wanted to talk to her, to clear all these issues we've had the past few months, up. I felt horrible. By writing my book, I had never meant to hurt her. Actually, I was only trying to make her happy by writing it. But, at the same time there was this relief I felt that I wasn't married right now. I raised my arms and let the ball up into the air, but it hit the corner of the backboard and missed the basket.
"You really are loosing your touch. You sure that I shouldn't get promoted to head coach?" I laughed and turned around and pounded fists with Skills.
"Always trying to take my place. Took it on the ravens and now as coach. " He smiled and opened his arms signaling for the ball, which I passed over to him. He arched his arms and the ball landed in the basket with no more than a swish.
"Just showin you the proof" He smiled, but it quickly faded, "I'm sorry, Luke. How you holdin up?"
I shrugged, "Not sure, honestly. Is it horrible that I'm not more upset?" I immediately regretted saying it aloud, " Oh god, I am a horrible person."
He laughed, "Nah, being in love with P. Sawyer doesn't make you a horrible person, it just means that you're still Lucas Scott."
"Who said anything about Peyton?"
"Your face." I continued to stare at him confused and he just laughed again, "Luke, man, you've had the same look since you've been 15 and obsessed with Sawyer. All the guys know it. And you've had that look on your goofy face ever since she's been back. Its just a natural thing." He dribbled the ball up to the basket and dunked it, "Oh Yaw! Thas what I'm talkin about!"
I struggled to smile with him, still thinking about what he had said.
"Luke" he looked over at me, " I don't know what your thinking, and I know Lindsey just left you, but I also know that you were way more messed up after leaving Peyton. After her, you couldn't even come out to the river court for months because of the memories. Lindsey leaves, and you're here the next day. Once again, just proof"
After leaving the river court, I got into my car and just drove. Trying to clear my thoughts, and somehow I ended up at the graveyard to see Keith. If he were here, he would have been the first person I would have wanted to talk to. As I got out of the car, I looked up at the sky. It had turned a beautiful shade of red. I looked back down, and stopped still in my tracks, as I saw her walking back to her car. She was at a distance where I could either run and hide, or go up and confront her. My head was telling me to keep walking to the grave; it wasn't the time to talk to her. But my heart was telling me that I needed to see her and talk to her. I needed to hear her voice. I walked forward and smiled softly as I watched her staring up at the sky. She was beautiful.
"Peyton." The word barely came out, and at first I wasn't sure if I had even said it because it didn't seem to register to her, but she slowly moved her head down and locked her eyes with mine. Her eyes were red; she had been crying. But when I looked past the tears, I noticed the fear she held in them. She was scared to be around me. Knowing this killed me.
"Luke." I smiled at her and opened my mouth to respond, but she began to talk, "How are you? Oh god, stupid question. I bet everyone has been asking you it. But I really do want to know. I couldn't stop worrying about how you were doing. Brooke kept telling me to go see you, but I didn't know when…"
I laughed, "Peyton, you're rambling." A soft red spread across her checks.
"Sorry, I do that when I'm nervous." She looked down and played with her hands; something she also did when she was nervous.
"I know." I smiled and she looked back up at me and nodded.
"I am sorry, Luke."
"For what?"
"For everything. For coming back and acting the way I did. It was unnecessary. You were happy and I hate myself for having to do anything with how you're feeling now."
"Peyton…"but she held up her hands to stop me from continuing.
"Just know, that if you ever need to talk to me about anything, anything, then you know I'm here, ok?" her eyes pleaded with mine to agree, but I couldn't bring myself to nod my head.
"Peyton. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. So you don't have to say sorry." She looked relived, but tensed back up when she noticed that I was not as relaxed, " But everything is really messed up right now, and I'm really confused. And I really think that what would be best right now would be if we didn't see each other anymore." I finally looked back into her eyes, and what I saw there made my heart break. But I wasn't going to back down; I couldn't.
Her voice was no longer gentle; it was harsh and full of anger,
"What would be best? You think that by cutting me out of your life it's going to make everything better?" The droplets of water were forming in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall in front of me.
"Peyt.."
"No! No Luke! You don't get to say sorry or apologize and give some stupid excuse!" Her words were full of venom, "If you want to cut me out of your life, then fine. Don't say anything else to me ever again! This is what you wanted."
She turned towards her car, opened the door and sat down. For a second, she paused as if she had something else to say to me. But then before I knew it, she was gone.
My heart was telling me that I was being an idiot. Cutting Peyton out was not making anything better; it would just make it worse. But my head was telling me that this was what I needed. Being with her would make me ache, and I could not handle any more pain. So for once I followed my head.
I finally tore my eyes away from the spot where her car was, and walked towards Keith's grave. As I approached it, I saw the fresh flowers that my mom had set there the day before. So much had changed since yesterday and now. My world was completely different. I knelt down in front of the stone and set my hand on top of it.
"Hey Keith. So yesterday I was here, telling you how excited I was to be getting married and how much I wish you could have been there with me on my big day. But you probably know that it didn't go through. Lindsey and me are over. And you probably saw that encounter I just had with Peyton. " I sighed and continued,
" I didn't know what to do, Keith. I mean, seeing her here made me realize how I do feel about her. But I can't do anything about it. Me and Peyton… she just hurt me so much, and there is still so much pain I feel when I'm around her." I put my head in my hands and sat there for a moment, trying to think everything over, " But I fear that by cutting her out of my life, there will be more pain. God Keith, what do I do?"
I lift my eyes towards the sky, as if he would be up there and start telling me my answer. There was a strong breeze and I tore my eyes away from the sky. They landed on another stone. A leaf was falling slowly from the tree just above it, and landed on top. The stone read, 'SAWYER'.
I smiled, "Always gotta have an answer, even when you dead huh, Keith?" I laugh and stand up, "Thanks man." I slowly start walking away but then pick up my pace when I realized where I had to go.
I walk up to the house, and look up towards her window. The light was still on and I knew she was up. I knocked on the door, before I chickened out. No one answered. I kept knocking, and then heard the footsteps. The door swung open and a very angry Brooke stood there. Her eyes darkened when she confirmed that it was me.
"Leave Luke, I think you've hurt her enough for the day. You know, maybe next time you're gonna hurt her, maybe give her a few days warning, since it's starting to become a regular thing." She began to shut the door, but I stopped her.
"Brooke, I need to see her." I ran my hands through my hair, "I know you hate me, but you can't stop me from seeing her."
She smirked, "But why would you want to see her, Luke? You don't even want to be friends with her," I winced as I remembered my words to Peyton earlier, " I don't know every detail of what happened because she was such a wreck when she got back here, and it took her ten minutes just to say those few words. What I do know, is that every night when I hear her crying, I know it's because of you."
I look down; ashamed at how much pain I've caused Peyton, without realizing it.
"Brooke..." I look at her, silently pleading for her to understand. She opens her mouth to respond, but another voice answers.
"It's ok Brooke, I want to talk to him." We both look up at Peyton confused, who is standing at the stairs.
"Peyton… are you sure?" Brooke looks at her concerned.
She struggles to look strong, but she forces a smile, "I need to Brooke." Brooke nods, then squeezes her arm as Peyton walks past and pushes me out on the porch. I glance up and Brooke gives me one more dirty glare and then shuts the door. I turn around and stare at Peyton, who isn't giving me a much nicer look. I swallow and open my mouth to speak.
What did you guys think?? What will Luke tell her? How will Peyton respond? Guess you'll have to wait and see….
Oh, I know I stole that scene with the leaf on the grave, but it just seemed like it fit! Hope you guys liked it!! Please, please, please review!
