Finally, chapter four! Sorry it took so long! I'm very grateful to everyone who took the time to review, feedback is great for motivation! x3 Thanks to everyone who didn't review but subscribed, I really appreciate that too
I want to point out that I'm also doing this beta-less, since my usual beta can't bring himself to read slash. But I like releasing chapters without passing them around beforehand, so if you notice any errors or think something should be fixed, just mention it in a review and I'll do my best to fix it.
Hyper Responsibility
chapter four
"Something's got me falling apart
Something's got me losing all hope in you
Something's got me under control
I'm dangerous… dangerous..."
- Dangerous by Hed PE
The weatherman had kindly decided that it was time for a metaphor, and as Ash's feelings hung over his head like a brooding storm, ugly gray clouds sailed in to replace the former sunny skies. This he discovered as he cracked his soar, salt-crusted eyes in the morning and opened the window. He looked around the room in a dreamy daze, hoping that Gary wouldn't notice the puddle of drool he had left on the pillow, and wiping his eyes lazily with the back of his hand, before letting out a yawn.
He mumbled for pikachu softly, before he turned around, sensing a presence nearby. Gary was there -- leaning against the door frame casually, his eyelids half-closed, and a lazy, seductive smirk present on his face. Through his morning, coffee-less cloud, Ash frowned, something important prodding at the back of his brain. But it couldn't be more important then Gary. Gary who's auburn hair was ruffled from sleep, and who had mastered the art of looking good with bedhead, and whose chest was currently very exposed...
Ash could only subconsciously hope that he wasn't drooling as his eyes met Gary's, who took a step forward. "Morning sunshine," he growled, grabbing Ash roughly and pulling him into a morning kiss. Ash was immediately distracted. Gary tasted like the coffee he had recently consumed, and something else Ash had only tasted a few times before. Had he been fully conscious the idea of alcohol on Gary's lips might have alarmed him. He was enjoying himself, but Gary's kiss was just a little too intense, and had enough teeth in it to bother Ash...
He tried to pull away as his morning daze was fading quickly, but Gary made a needy whimper and grabbed him forcefully, only causing Ash to jerk away instinctively. Gary wasn't fazed as Ash broke free, gasping for air. "Day off." he said roughly, and Ash narrowed his eyes in annoyance at such rough treatment in the morning when he would rather just get a chance to stare at Gary.
"You're not too wordy today," he snarked, aware that Gary was slowly backing him onto the bed. Gary just hummed in reply, making the mistake of meeting his lover's eyes. Ash snapped to his senses, and remembered last night. "Gary --"
"Take the hint Ashy-boy," Gary snarled possessively, going in to kiss Ash again. "And shut-up." By now, Ash was in the awkward position of leaning backwards against the bed, and he could smell Gary's hot, coffee-scented breath. He wanted to relax, he really did. He wanted to shut-up, and let Gary have his way. Have those aggressive instincts slip away... The blood. Gary had been careless, and Ash's agenda was turned outside down. He had seen the blood dried on the side of Gary's head, and he reached two hesitant fingers up to touch it. Gary jerked violently and pushed Ash down.
"Fuck, Gary, get off!" Ash snarled before Gary had a chance to cover his mouth, pushing the taller boy away with his hands, shoving Gary's bare chest away. Caught off guard, Gary stumbled back, and Ash realized that he was now much stronger then his former rival. The lustwas leaving Gary's stormy eyes just as Ash stood up. He looked wary as Ash approached him, and again Ash raised his hand to brush away the hair that he knew was hiding something. Gary caught his wrist before it could make contact with his wound, but he let go when Ash's cinnamon-coloured eyes begged him.
Ash was reminded of touching a wild pokemon. Gary's eyes still held the same dangerous, fearful, watchful look of a feral creature, but they were making an exception for Ash, whose intentions where only compassionate. Ash had been right, that Gary's aggressive, forward treatment had just been another mask to hide him. Ash was unsettled by how easily Gary could create those masks, hiding behind just what Ash wanted. It made him wonder if it was Gary's masks he had fallen in love with that time long ago, or had it been Gary himself...
Gary flinched, but closed his eyes as Ash brushed back his hair. A purple bruise and a shallow, but nasty cut was crusted by brown blood. Ash felt Gary exhale as he felt the wound gently. "It hurts." Gary mumbled, reaching up to tangle his own hand in Ash's.
"So?" Ash's words were harsh, and he pulled his hand from Gary's grasp. Gary flinched and looking up at Ash, jerking away from the painfully intense hatred in his eyes. He had forgotten, foolishly, Ash's venomous dislike of alcohol. Who could blame him, when it had taken his father from him? "You can handle pain. You don't need that... That, stuff."
Gary gazed dully at him, glad Ash didn't know about just what stuff he had been using to numb his pain. "Okay." he said blandly, unconsciously trying to piss Ash off.
"Okay? Is that all?"
"Yeah." Little fucker doesn't even know... Gary wasn't letting his anger come through the mask. He had felt so bad. Ash was here and he was so tired all he wanted to do was lay down for weeks. He had gotten up all his energy and what did Ash want to do? Bitch about stuff he didn't even understand.
Ash was lost for words. Gary had been drinking, even though he knew why Ash wouldn't want him too. He had all but assaulted him. Now he was dismissing him in that 'ash is a loser' way of this. Gary had been bleeding. It made him worry for the future of their relationship. It was just too hard to live under the same roof. So they just stared at eachother. Gary looked... frustrated? Ash was, as usual, swimming with emotion.
"I got today off so we could..." Gary spoke, ruining the silence and dragging his dark eyes away from the disappointment in Ash's brown ones. "Do something together. If you don't want to do that," he flicked his hand toward the bed suggestively. "I'm looking for ideas."
Ash felt disgusted. He was trembling with anger. "What..."
Desperation entered Gary's eyes, though he still feigned his cool mask. "Look Ash, it's nothing for you to worry... Please don't cry."
"I'm not... I'm not going to cry bastard!" Ash shouted, wiping his hand over his eyes and storming out of the room. Gary followed him, but he withdrew his hand before he touched Ash's shoulder. Ash opened the door and left, slamming it behind him. Leaving Gary to wonder when he would come back. To wonder if he could get away with some more drinking without Ash finding out.
Ash ignored the doors that opened in surprise to the crash and shouting that had been coming from their neighbor. He stormed out of the building, trying to hide his watery eyes.
Jared and Dara watched unnoticed as Ash passed by them. Jared sneered arrogantly, "Had a fight with your boyfriend?" he called to Ash, and Dara glared at him with disgust.
"Wait! Ash, are you okay?" Dara called, concern etched in her voice, but Ash didn't stop. He ignored the curious eyes around him. Even if he wasn't sick with emotion, he wouldn't have noticed the pair of pale, pinched blue eyes that followed him out of the residence. He wouldn't have seen the contented smirk or the headphones.
Ash ran. He gulped the cold, damp air in his burning lungs. It wasn't Gary's fault... Why did he have to be so stubborn? If Gary want... wanted... He could... Ash couldn't quite think. He just wanted to go home. He wanted to see Pikachu. He wanted to tell his mom what a jerk Gary was. He wanted...
He really wanted Gary. He wanted to kiss Gary. He wanted Gary to stroke his hair and tell him how it would be okay, because he was predictable and selfish and liked it that way. He didn't hear anyone approach him until that someone had pulled him into an embrace and dragged him to the ground. He was shaking with emotion as Gary stroked his hair, keeping his other hand wrapped around Ash's waist. Ash lay his head against Gary's chest. He didn't close his eyes, anxiety still clutching his heart even though Gary had come. After a moment of shaky breathing and besides that, silence, Ash spoke. "Do you love me?"
"Yes." Gary answered, his firm voice wiping doubt from Ash's mind. Almost. Was it sappy to be disappointed? To expect more then 'yes'? Something like... 'I love you more then anyone in the world?'
"I love you more then anyone in the world." Ash felt the pressure in his chest dissolve at Gary's gentle words. Gary would always be here to fix things. Later Ash might reflect on how easy it was for Gary to lull him into such security, and how sincere that feeling really was. But now, he was content to relax into his lover's arms, and drift to the feeling of his steady heartbeat. "And I would tell you everything... If only you didn't love me half as much." But Gary's faint whisper fell intended on deaf ears as he held Ash under the tree.
"I'm starving!" Ash grumbled, sitting up as Gary smirked faintly, and Ash refused to acknowledge the sparkle of doubt and fear that lay in their troubled blue depths.
"Then let's get something to eat." Gary said, and Ash was reluctant to leave his warm embrace, but his stomach was more needy then his heart right now. He grabbed Gary's hand and pulled himself up off the ground, yawning.
"Can't argue with that logic." He mumbled as they came out of the forest fringe and back onto the dusty path.
"Figures, it's your sort of logic." Gary's voice rumbled with a hint of sarcasm, reaping a smile from Ash. He carefully dusted off the leaves that had attached themselves to his shirt, and Ash noticed for the first time that Gary hadn't even gotten dressed fully. Ash knew that Gary had got home and fell onto the couch after taking off his shirt, but now he had white cotton shirt on, and he was missing his tear-shaped necklace and his nametag, and the white lab coat that Ash had grown comfortable with. He felt a warm rise in his chest at the idea that Gary had followed after him without his usual thought, though he resented the cotton fabric that clung to his friend now.
"You put your shirt on." He couldn't resist pointing out to Gary, pouting slightly.
Gary grinned, flicking Ash on the side of the head with a finger. "You know, professional establishment an n'all that. Not everyone wants to see me shirtless as much as you do."
Ash tensed at the words that had caused Gary such aguish last night: professional establishment. "Can't see why not." Ash covered himself, hoping Gary hadn't noticed his pause. He bit back relief as Gary smiled, seemingly oblivious.
"I thought you were hungry."
"I am!"
To be continued...
I know! Pokemon will appear in the next chapter, I promise! xx I hope Gary chasing after Ash wasn't too out of character -- I wanted to do something cute after the argument, even though I kind wanted to have Gary leave him.
