I don't own TMI, just the plot. So this chapter is pretty serious and contains lots of Jace backstory. Also, TRIGGER WARNING – this chapter contains talk of bullying, suicide, and depression.
I also want to say that bullying is never, ever okay or acceptable - I don't care what the circumstances are. People don't deserve to be demeaned, teased, or treated badly. If you see it, do something. Speak up. And if you or someone you care about are struggling, reach out for help - from parents, siblings, friends, teachers, strangers, or professionals - from anyone. People care, I promise.
Jon's backyard looked amazing. The palm trees that lined his yard were dazzling, covered with clear lantern lights. There were several tables spread across the yard, covered with purple and silver tablecloths and pictures of Cami and Jon were centered on each table. Their pool even had candles floating on it. Even I had to admit that it was beautiful. There were about 75 people scattered around, talking and eating. I recognized a few faces, but most were strangers. As we entered, Izzy told me that she and the others were going to find their family and Jace and I went to search mine out.
Jace had his hand on the small of my back; I tried to ignore the heat spreading from his hand through my body. He leaned down a bit to whisper in my ear. "Calm down, Clary. You look super uncomfortable. Relax." Surprisingly, I did relax. He was right. If I screwed this up, my family would probably never forgive me and I wouldn't even be able to blame Jace because he was being fucking perfect.
"Clarissssssaaaaa," I heard a singsong voice call from behind me. I turned around to see my grandparents, Steven and Estelle Morgenstern, waving at me.
"Shit," I mumbled, taking Jace's hand and dragging him towards my family.
"Clary, hello darling," my grandpa greeted me, hugging me. As soon as he let go, my grandma pulled me in for a hug of her own. My mom's parents died when I was a baby, but we've always been close to my dad's parents. I saw my grandpa eyeing Jace and immediately broke away from the hug.
"Grams, Gramps, this is Jonathan Herondale, my boyfriend," I introduced them.
"Please call me Jace. It's a pleasure, sir, ma'am." He was such a gentleman. I didn't swoon. I swear.
"Herondale – you're related to Imogen and Michael?" my grandfather asked.
"Yes sir," Jace confirmed, nodding. "They're my grandparents. Do you know them?"
"We lived in New York for many years before we moved here. We moved in the same circles as your grandparents. Lovely people. How are they?" My grandmother actually sounded interested, which was shocking – she is rarely interested in other people. She must have really liked the Herondales.
"Granddad passed a few years ago, I'm afraid. Grandmom is still going strong though," Jace said with a sad smile. For the first time, I found myself wishing I knew about his family.
"Yes, well, please, Clary, give him our phone number to pass along to her. It's been far to long."
"Of course, Grams," I responded without thinking. The fact that this whole thing could get complicated hit me suddenly. Our grandparents were friends. The whole scheme could implode around me if they started talking again. As Jace and my grandparents kept talking, I actually regretted not hiring the homeless guy. Before I could pull him away and mention the issue to Jace, I was interrupted.
"Rissa, hey!" I heard as strong arms wrapped around me. I sunk into the comfort of my brother, temporarily forgetting the stress. I turned around and saw Cami and Jon looking like the picture perfect couple, as usual.
"Hi Jon. Hey Cam! The place looks great. Congrats again, you two," I said as I pulled Cami into a hug. We'd had our differences growing up. I was jealous of her taking my brother away (I was a fucking awful twelve year old). Then I hated her friends (still do). Then I thought my parents liked her better than me (probably true). But a few years ago I finally accepted that Jon loved her and decided to get to know her. And I'm glad I did. She's not a spoiled little rich girl like I'd assumed. She's tough, and smart, and passionate. And her and Jon are perfect.
"Clary! I'm so glad you could make it." Cami was practically glowing with joy. "I see Grams and Gramps have commandeered your boyfriend. And I really wanted to meet him," she whispered to me as Jon wandered off to greet others. I laughed as I followed her gaze and saw the back of Jace's head. My grandparents had surrounded him. He was probably being grilled on his life choices. I decided to rescue him.
"Cami, I'll see you later. I need to rescue my boyfriend from the crazy." She laughed and hugged me, reminding me to find my parents soon. Then I made my way back to Jace.
"Hey babe, we should really find my parents. I bet they're looking at us." He gave me a grateful glance as he said goodbye to them. I found his arm snaking around mine again and sighed. We wandered the party, occasionally greeting people, until we found my parents. They were so distracted by their hosting duties that they didn't really have time to talk, so Jace and I found seats with our friends.
A couple of hours later, Jace and I were dancing. We were far too close together. I really should have pushed him away. But I may have had a few too many vodka cranberries. The stress of my situation started to seep back in, so I started drinking. By the time we were dancing, I was totally okay with PDA with Jace. My cheek rested on his shoulder; my head was nestled under his neck (thank god for tall ass heels). We were swaying to a Brian McKnight hit from the nineties and Jace's arms were wrapped tightly around my waist. I felt… content, which was a new feeling for me.
As we spun around on the dance floor, my eyes met Izzy's. She gave me a strange look, one I couldn't quite place, before turning back to Simon. Jace brought attention back to him by running a hand down my arm, making me get goosebumps. His eyes burned with lust and something else I couldn't place.
"Do you want to head out? Nearly everyone is gone or too drunk to notice?" he whispered into my ear. His warm breath spread over my face and I felt the blush that I knew tinged my cheeks. I nodded, finding myself unable to speak. I led him to say goodbye to my family.
"Cami," I announced as we arrived at their table, putting a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. She turned to look at me, smiling. Then her eyes met Jace's and her smile immediately turned downward.
"Jace Herondale?" she said with shock in her voice. My head turned towards Jace, who looked like a deer in headlights.
"Camille… I… I didn't know that you were Clary's Cami. I uh, I uh…" I'd never heard Jace stutter quite like this. What the hell was going on?
"You two know each other?" Jon asked. I could tell he was just as confused as I was.
"He dated Aline for a couple of years," Cami explained. Well, at least they were never together. Finding out that Cami cheated on my brother with my fake boyfriend would have really ruined the wedding mood. But still, Aline. Ughhh, Aline Pennhallow was the bane of my existence growing up before she was sent off to boarding school for the last year of high school. She and Camille were good friends, still are as far as I know – I mean, Aline's in the wedding party. And then, as I was in the middle of contemplating a world where Jace dated Aline, the worst happened.
"Jace Herondale, you're a sight for sore eyes." Shit, it was Aline. She was here. I mean, not that I was surprised considering it was her best friend's engagement and all, but damn she had good timing. And she was looking as beautiful as always. Jace noticeably blanched when he heard her voice. There was sweat gathering on his brows.
"Aline," he whispered, staring at the ground. Then he turned to me. "I gotta go." I nodded and took his hand, silently telling him I'd go with him. We left immediately, only stopping to say goodbye to my parents and our friends, who I promised to text later. I didn't know what was going on, but I wanted to find out. The car ride home was silent, the tension palpable. As I let Jace inside the house, I felt my heart beating faster. I wanted answers. The silence continued as we went upstairs.
After changing into my pajamas in the bathroom and washing off my makeup, I found Jace sitting on my bed, staring at the wall. He was still in his suit, although his tie was loosened and a few buttons were undone. He looked like he'd seen a ghost. I sat down next to him and took his right hand in one of mine.
"You want to talk about it?" I asked him gently. It was so unlike me, but I wanted to comfort him. I hadn't comforted anyone since I was twelve and Alec pushed Izzy off a swing set in their yard – she skinned her knee and I made it better. Puberty made me abrasive and uncaring, as my mother so kindly puts it. But Jace needed me, and for once I actually wanted to help.
He shook his head. "Not really, but I probably should." He took a deep breath and squeezed my hand.
"Aline and I met when we were seniors in high school. She was beautiful and popular and everything I thought I wanted in a girlfriend. I actually thought I loved her. She was my first serious relationship. My twin sister and I went to the same boarding school as her. That's how we met.
"She and Cecily were friends. Great friends. And everything was great. We all went to NYU together – me, Aline, and Cecily. Cecily started dating this guy – Sebastian. I didn't like him, but who was I to tell my sister she couldn't date who she wanted, right? So I let it go."
There was a lone tear trailing down his cheek, which I wiped away with my free hand. "A few months later, there was this party. I was hanging out, drinking, you know, the stuff a 19-year-old guy does at a party. Cecily went looking for Sebastian. She found him in one of the bedrooms, fucking Aline from behind. She screamed and they just looked at her. Aline smiled and told Sebastian to keep going, which he did. Cecily ran all the way back to her dorm. I found her there, crying into her pillow, the next day. Over the next few months, she got more and more depressed. I tried to get her to talk to someone, but she wouldn't. She stopped going to class, didn't want to see anyone. A month later, we were home visiting our parents and I went into her room one night and found her passed out in her bathtub with two empty bottles of pain pills next to her. My mom had just had surgery, and Cecily had stolen her pills and taken all of them…" I sucked in a breath in shock and waited for Jace to collect himself and continue the story when he was ready.
"I called 911, but it was too late. She was pronounced dead at the scene. It was awful, Clary, watching my sister being carried out in a body bag. She was my everything – our parents weren't home much, and we were in boarding school as kids. It had always been the two of us. A few weeks after the funeral, I went through her stuff and found a diary. It had all these letters from Aline in it. Apparently, the bitch had been taunting my sister for weeks about how she was good enough, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't enough for Sebastian. She told her to kill herself, that the world wouldn't miss her." With that, Jace took a final breath and started crying harder, wiping the tears furiously like he was mad at himself for being weak.
"Jace, I'm so, so sorry. I… I had no idea. I never, ever would have done any of this if I had known… I can't even imagine what that was like." I leaned close to him, resting my head on his shoulder and squeezing his hand tighter. He wrapped his arm around me.
Before I knew it, he moved me in his arms so that I was sitting on his lap, my knees on either side of his hips. I was straddling him. My forehead was resting against his and I could feel his breath coming out in short bursts and fanning over my face. His arms were around my waist; mine were resting on his shoulders. I wanted to comfort him, to let him know I was there. I wanted to show him that it was going to be okay.
"We'll 'break up'," I announced, feeling like I had just gotten punched in the gut as soon as I said it. I didn't realize how attached I'd gotten until that moment. I mean, it had only been a few days. His eyes widened in surprise and, possibly, fear.
"What? Why?"
"She's… she's in the wedding party with me. I'll have to be around her. I won't put you through that." Our foreheads were still touching and he pulled me even closer to him. He was tense below me. Before I could say anything else, he lurched forward and our lips met.
I don't want to be the cliché idiot that says 'it was like fireworks went off' or 'the whole world faded away' but I can't help it. I'd never, ever, experienced a kiss like that one. It was so much more than any other kiss I'd had. It was different than the boring, plain kisses I'd had with other boys. It was not feverish like the ones I'd shared with Jace at the club months ago. It was… amazing. My hands threaded through his hair as he deepened the kiss. His hands slid under my shirt and across my spine.
And then he pulled away. He rejected me. I, Clary Morgenstern, was rejected. That had never happened to me before and hell, it really stung. So I climbed off of Jace, rolled over and tried to go to sleep, all the while trying to hide my tears. This whole thing was over now - I needed to remember who I was and what I wanted.
