Dray knew desperation. It had filled so many of his days, and he could feel it even now. He could also see it in the Doctor's face. He was trying for calm, Dray was certain.
He wanted to look as though he had the situation- whatever that was- under control.
Dray didn't think there was an under control. He looked down at Essy, her eyes looking right back up at him, studying him.
He would move the universe to promise her that they were going to fix everything, to vow that nothing was going to stop the light from ever coming again, but he didn't think that was what was in their future.
Sometimes people lost, he realized. Sometimes they could only lose. He wanted to tell the Doctor he forgave him, but that would be admitting defeat. He couldn't do that yet. Even if his stomach sank with the knowledge that it was coming.
"Doctor?" Donna asked, him, looking at Dray and the kids, before back at the Doctor. "What do you think?"
She didn't hide her words, like most adults would. She kept Dray,right there in the conversation, and it brought up conflicted emotions in him.
A few years ago, it would have made him angry, being left out...protected, but now he thought it would be nice. If he could just step back out for a little bit, and let someone else carry the burden, because he wasn't so sure that he wasn't letting it slip through his fingers.
The Doctor glanced at her, so much tenderness in his gaze, that Dray almost looked away. He wasn't sure what their relationship was, but he was sure that there was something so real there, that he was scared he was invading.
But he didn't look away. He simply shifted, holding the twins tighter to him. Protecting them the only way he knew how.
He was worried. He was scared, and so was the Doctor.
So much for hope...
DW
The Doctor longed to reassure them. He wanted to have answers they would want to hear, but he knew that this wasn't the time for lies. It wasn't the time for truth either. He'd deal with that, when he had not other choice.
For now, he nodded at them.
"Well," he said. "I think Donna and I should go investigate. You guys should wait here. Right here. Don't go anywhere at all."
He didn't explain the danger. He didn't tell them how the house some how was one of the few things holding on, through design or luck, this little family was withstanding the impossible. The end of their universe.
He couldn't tell them, because he had work to do, but he hoped that they would understand that. He hoped that they could see how important it was to listen to him. For once, he hoped someone heard all the words he couldn't say.
Dray stood up, sliding the twins to the floor. He pulled himself up straighter, glancing around the dim room. There was nothing keeping him here the Doctor knew. This was a place that had once been full of life, now it was just a hollow building, that held three scared people who didn't stand a chance.
He wanted to come. He wanted to make a difference.
"Let us come," he said. "We could be of some use. And it's better than just sitting here. "
The Doctor gave Donna a desperate look, unsure of how to tell them to stay any clearer.
"Think of the kids," she said, nodding to Evan and Essy. "It's freezing out there, and dark. It could be dangerous. Here is safe."
Dray looked down at his charges, and several emotions flickered across his face, before he gave a resigned nod. He was doing what was best for them all, and the Doctor told him so, before taking Donna's hand. He thanked them, and slipped outside, back into the cold.
Donna stomped her feet, while he stood still.
He thought of so many times spent in the dark. He thought of the choices he'd make, that he would have made, had there been any real choice. He blocked out screams, and desperation, as it threatened to overwhelm him and focused on the sound of Donna breathing. He was strong enough to do this, strong enough to end it before there was nothing but a slow fade to forgotten.
"Doctor?" Donna asked, when several moments had gone by and he still hadn't moved or spoken. "What are we doing? What's really going on?"
The Doctor glanced at the house, and then dug into his pocket, pulling out the sonic. He had wanted to avoid this, but if he gave away their presence now, maybe there was still a sliver of hope.
Maybe he wouldn't have to just watch the destruction of a world and lives, maybe he could offer some help.
Maybe he wouldn't be saying goodbye to those he had only just met.
"Donna," he said, as gently as he could manage. His mouth was dry, and his stomach felt achy and worn. His soul felt heavy. "Close your eyes. I'll explain when you open them."
She opened her mouth, and he was too weary to argue. He wanted beaches and smiles. He wanted hope, and happy endings. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to do this, and he couldn't find any words to argue with her now.
But she closed it again, and then her eyes closed. He flicked on the sonic, and blinked as the room was flooded with light. The house was gone. The grass was gone, though the smell of dying still lingered in the recycled air.
"You can open your eyes," the Doctor said, tucking the sonic away.
She opened them slowly, blinking in the light. The air was warmer, though not much. That world falling apart, was a byproduct of this world falling apart. A world inside of a world.
"We weren't moving," he said, simply, sadly. "We were just flashing in out of a different reality."
She looked at him, confusion filling her face. She wandered over to the door, tapping at a small screen until it flashed green and the door opened.
"Careful," he said, unable to move his feet.
She peeked out, and then came back in slowly, the door sliding shut with a small click.
The air felt still. Unreal.
He needed her hand desperate, to remind himself that he was real. That he was right here, right now. He wasn't lying alone, dying far away from any other person. And that he was really holding on somehow.
But she was across the room. Her bright eyes were on him, and he knew he had to explain. He just didn't know how yet.
She walked slowly towards him.
"Doctor?" she asked, hesitantly. "We're on a space ship?"
"Yeah," he agreed, nodding. "We sure are."
"And where was the planet?" she asked, though he thought she was starting to realize just where it had been."Is this real?"
"This," he said, reaching out and rapping his knuckles on the metal of the wall. "This is real. We are real."
He reached out, taking her hand, pulling her closer. Her warmth next to him, slowed his hearts, fought back his anguish.
He wondered if he was more broken, because he was so tired of being on the losing end, or because he was going to have to watch Donna realize everything he knew, and that was breaking him and his hearts.
