Cheese...

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Act IV

Scene 1- Friar Laurence's dirty cell.

Friar Laurence and Paris are discussing the upcoming marriage

Friar Laurence: Thursday eh? Hmmm…I'm not sure about this.

Paris: Pleaassee? If you do, I'll pay you your weight in gold.

Friar Laurence: Hmm….okay!

-Juliet comes in with tears streaming down her face-

Paris: Hello future wife! Tell me, are you still grieving over Tybalt?

Juliet: -sob- I BROKE ANOTHER NAIL!

Paris: Okaay…father, I demand that your force her into a confession!

Friar Laurence: uuuhhhh…

Juliet: What's a confession?

Paris: It's when you confess to me that you love me.

Juliet: I DON'T LOVE YOU! I LOVE……GOD!

Paris: You mean the Prince? How dare you! You little….never mind, I'll just leave! -leaves-

Juliet: Shut the door! I don't ever wanna see his hideous face again!

Friar Laurence: Alright then. -shuts the door-

Juliet: So, friar, what am I supposed to do?

Friar Laurence: I don't know, why are you asking me?

Juliet: Because….because…because I can!

Friar Laurence: Well that's good enough for me, so list. Take this potion and it will make you appear dead. So take it and everyone will think you're dead. I'll send out a friend of mine to go tell Romeo that you are not dead and then he'll come for you. When you wake up in your tomb, I promise that Romeo will be there and then you two can run off and live happily ever after. By the way, the potion wears of in two and forty hours.

Juliet: So if I take this, I'll appear dead and when I wake up, Romeo will be there. -hugs Friar Laurence- THANK YOU FRIAR! THIS IS THE BEST PLAN EVER! IT'S FLAWLESS!

Friar Laurence: You're welcome, now take this at night when no one's around, like you're bedroom, okay?

Juliet: Okay! -takes the potion and runs off-

Scence 2- A hall with paint peeling off the walls and cockroaches in the Capulet's house.

Capulet, Lady Capulet, Nurse, and two serving men come back after a nice, relaxing game of pool.

Capulet: So many people to invite, so little time, why did I pick Thursday?

Servingman 1: You were drunk, sir.

Capulet: I was not, and for the last time it's Oz! -hits the serving man with a cane, knocking him out- -looks at the second serving man- YOU! Go hire some cooks!

Second Serving man: Will do Oz and if they disobey me, I will have their heads!

Nurse: Look, it's Juliet! And she is….happy? Juliet, are you feeling alright?

Juliet: Oh, just fine, nurse. I'm not planning to fake my own death and run off with a certain man that I will not name, nope, I'm not doing anything like that. By the way, I saw Paris today in Friar Laurence's cell and man he looked good.

Capulet: My God! She's on crack!

Juliet: What's crack?

Capulet: Nurse, please escort Juliet to her room and make sure she gets to bed.

Nurse: Come Juliet, let's go to bed.

Juliet: YEY! I mean, aww. -they leave-

Capulet: She is definitely on something.

Scene 3- Juliet's chamber, which is filled with mice.

Juliet and nurse come in. The nurse thinks Juliet has either had too much vodka or is on cocaine.

Juliet: -is looking through at her clothes- These are all.….UGLY! WHY DID I EVEN BUY THEM!

-Lady Capulet enters after hearing that Juliet is acting strange-

Lady Capulet: I heard that Juliet was on crack, so I…

Juliet: Mother, I'm fine, see! -dances around in a circle like an idiot-

Nurse: I suggest we go and let her go to bed. -they leave-

Juliet: YES! They're gone! -pulls out the bottle which contains the potion- Now, fake my death! Oh Romeo! Soon we will be together again! Unless this plan fails, which I doubt it will. Romeo! I drink to you! -drinks potion and falls onto the bed-

Scene 4- Juliet's chamber

The nurse comes in, thinking Juliet is asleep.

Nurse: Since you're better, I'm here to help you pick out a dress. -pulls away the curtains and sees that she's 'dead'- She's dead….she's dead…-starts running through the halls- SHE'S DEAD! SHE'S DEAD! JULIET IS DEAD! -faints-

Lady Capulet: My daughter's dead! NOO! -faints-

Capulet: I, the great and powerful Oz have only one thing to say about this: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! -faints-

-Friar Laurence and some musicians come in-

Friar Laurence: Is Juliet ready to…..go? sees that everyone is on the ground I guess it worked, I mean, I had nothing to do with this.

Mark, who is replacing Peter because Peter won the lottery: Hey musicians, I…

Muscian 1: WE DON'T WANT YOUR FILTHY MONEY!LET'S HANG HIM JACK! -he and the others chase him-

Mark: HELP ME!

Friar Laurence: Guess I better wait till they wake up.

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