Chapter 4: Muggle Club and a Cowboy Hat (Of Sorts)
I sat between Neville and Cho and somewhat listened to Flurbin drone on and on to the students; judging by the fidgeting and body language it seemed the students were quite ready to begin the start of the year feast. The sorting had gone as usual, with Neville, as Deputy Headmaster, in charge of the Sorting Hat, but I didn't really pay attention, as I'd have to wait several years to see any of the new students in my classroom. Well, I did pay attention to when the Sorting Hat said "Hufflepuff" and watched my new charges go to the Hufflepuff table, but that was about it. As I was irritated I reached into my pocket and pulled out a pipe, filled it with tobacco and lit it.
"Hank, is that really a good idea?" Cho looked at me somewhat worriedly. "I don't know what the Headmaster will say."
"To be honest, I really don't care."
I took a large puff and after a few minutes I saw Flurbin look in my direction, then return to his droning. After finally finishing his long winded speech about the Three D's we finally started the feast, and I ate quickly, ready to return to my room. As I had finished before most of the professors I felt that I couldn't leave without causing a disturbance of sorts, so my thoughts returned to Melody and the wedding. Mel had been quite insistent about staying at Colony House, even though her house was closer to her work. She'd been quite convincing that it was the same distance by Floo, and I couldn't argue with that. We'd talked about selling her place, but I reminded her that it would be good to have two houses because all of the uncertainty with the WLF, and she'd finally agreed. The wedding plans were, quite frankly, out of control. I'd been a part of the process for a while, but eventually I told Melody that whatever she, Ginny and Hermione had decided would be fine with me as long as I could have my family and a very small group of friends attend the ceremony.
"Hank, it's over now. You need to go see to your students." Neville was standing next to me, his hand on my shoulder. "We'll get through this, trust me."
As I was making my way from the instructor's table I heard someone call my name. There, waiting for me, was Poesy Phillips.
"Miss Phillips, I hope you know I'm not giving you any royalties."
She shook her head. "That's fine, Professor. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for last year. Especially the useless wand bit."
"Really? Well, thank you. And what brought this on, if I may ask?"
She brushed her hand over her hair, looking somewhat embarrassed. "George told me how you helped me get the internship at Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes. He really thinks I've got a future there. I realized after reading some of your book how hard it must have been for you, and I'm sorry."
I looked over at her, noticing that she'd grown over the summer, obviously in more ways than one. "Thank you, Poesy. You certainly did give me an education, and hopefully you'll learn a little more in my class this year."
Poesy ducked her head and looked at her shoes, then back up at me. "I'm not taking Muggle Studies this year. Mum said that after reading what Professor Flurbin said in The Prophet that she wanted me to work on the core subjects. I'm sorry; I really wanted to take your class."
Damn. I guessed I should have read that interview with Flurbin. I nodded at Poesy. "I understand; don't worry, Poesy. I have a feeling you won't be the only one." I watched a small twinkle appear in her eyes, and I knew something was up. "Is there something else?"
"Well, I was working in the shop with George one day and he mentioned that his sister was in something called the Slug Club one year. Do you think we could have a Muggle Club?"
A Muggle Club? Definitely a way around Flurbin and not a bad idea at all. "Let me talk to Professor Longbottom about that, but it's a good idea. Stop by my office sometime next week and I'll let you know." I saw a now-sixth year boy standing a few feet away, obviously waiting for her to finish our discussion. "I think your escort is ready for you to leave."
Her eyes got big and I watched her become somewhat embarrassed. "Um, ok, bye Professor Muggle."
With that she turned and went to the boy. Hand in hand they left the Great Hall, leaving me with thoughts of how to put together a Muggle Club. Flurbin was the Headmaster, but he'd never dealt with the likes of Poesy Phillips.
After a quick conversation with Nonky and Neeker, I made my way to the Hufflepuff common room. The Prefects had gathered as many students as possible into the common room for my beginning-of-term talk, and the room was very crowded. Before I could say anything, I was surprised by a round of applause. Still in a state of shock I motioned with my hands for everyone to quiet down, and a tall girl with brown hair stepped forward. Even though I hadn't had her in my classes I knew Natascha Vestram; after all, she was Head Girl.
"We just wanted to congratulate you, Professor, on your book and your engagement."
"Plus he's marrying a Hufflepuff!" I recognized that voice, and Lavinia Ryder smiled at me from a chair to my right. "I'm so happy for you and Melody!"
"Thank you Lavinia, Natascha, and everyone. I appreciate it very much."
"Just so you know, Professor, we don't agree with the Headmaster. We think everyone should be able to take Muggle Studies." Lavinia looked around the room, and almost every head nodded in agreement.
"Thank you, I'm very pleased about that, but you might not want to make that very well known in front of the Headmaster." I saw some smiles drop, but I had to continue. "I know this isn't what a lot of you want, and it certainly isn't what I want, but we have to make the most of it. I know that some may not think I'm an appropriate Head of House, as my magical abilities are, well they're crap, and that's being charitable. But I want you to know I'll do everything in my power to make sure that Hufflepuff is given an even chance, and that my being Head of House will not reflect poorly on you. Those of you who I know are very good students, I'm looking forward to meeting those who haven't been in my classes, and I think that despite all of the changes we will have a very good year. Now, if I could have a word with the Prefects for a moment? As for everyone else, I think you should retire to your rooms, it won't do to be sleepy on the first day of classes."
I watched them all start moving towards their rooms, waved at Lavinia, then sat down at a small table with my Prefects. Natascha quickly informed me that only her parents and her grandmother called her by her full name, and I assured her that I would call her Tosh like everyone else. I looked at the leadership of Hufflepuff house; Ruby Smythe-Warring, one of my Muggle Studies students, and her fellow fifth year Prefect Danny Winfield, a short boy with a mess of brown hair. My sixth year Prefects, Angus Wandsworth, Quidditch captain, and Angela Flimpett, a very pretty girl with short black hair. Finally Tiberius Jones, a short, wiry teenager with blazing red hair, the seventh year Prefect along with Tosh. A good group of students, from all of the reports that I had received, as well as the conversations that I'd had with Neville.
"I am looking forward to a good year, and I know that y'all will do your best to make it happen. I want you to know that my door is always open to you, or to any Hufflepuff student. As I said earlier, I think we might be in for a bit of a rough year, as I'm sure the Headmaster wishes someone besides me was Head of House. I think the only way we'll be able to prove to him that isn't the case is for Hufflepuff to be one of the best houses in Hogwarts. I'm sorry to put that on your shoulders, and I'll do what I can to make things easier, but I feel that you should be aware of that."
"Oh, we know, Professor." Angus Wandsworth looked at me with a determined face. He was tall, almost as tall as me, and his close cropped blonde hair gave him the look of a military man. "That's why we've been having unofficial Quidditch practices over the summer. Even though you can't fly, we know you're a big Quidditch supporter, with your fiancée working with the Harpies and all. We're going to show them that Professor Muggle's Quidditch team can't be taken lightly."
A big Quidditch supporter? Oh boy. "Thank you, Angus. I'm sure that we'll do quite well this year. Just make sure that everyone" I looked at each of them "takes care of the younger students. I'm sure there will be some teasing about me, but I don't want any retaliation. We may or may not win the House Cup, but above all I want Hufflepuff to do things the right way. Understood?"
All of the heads nodded in agreement. Good, now that the uncomfortable stuff was out of the way, it was time to lay the groundwork for my little surprise. "Angus, when you have your first Quidditch practice scheduled, please let me know. I'd like to attend, and if you don't mind I thought I would have a friend stop by and watch as well. Ok?"
Angus nodded, and I stood up. "Ok, thank you for listening. And remember, my door is always open."
Sitting in Neville's room later that night I watched him prune a bright red plant as we discussed the evening's events. After small talk about some returning students and his plants, I couldn't wait any longer.
"So Neville, Poesy Phillips brought up something interesting after the feast. She mentioned something about a Slug Club. Do you know what that is?"
Neville put down his small pruning scissors and scratched his head. "Sort of. Professor Slughorn was the Potions Professor at Hogwarts my last two years, and he had this group of the, well, the famous and elite of the school. They'd come to his place for dinner and talk, mostly so he could find out about their famous relatives and such. Harry, Hermione and Ginny were invited, but not me. The closest I got to the Slug Club was serving appetizers at a Christmas party once."
"He made you be a waiter?"
"Kind of. It wasn't bad. So why did Poesy ask you about the Slug Club?"
I ran my hand across my goatee for a bit. "Well, Poesy's parents aren't letting her take Muggle Studies, and she got the idea for a Muggle Club after talking to George. Do you think Flurbin would let it happen, a Muggle Club?"
From the smile on Neville's face I could guess, but I needed to hear it from him to be sure. "All areas of study are encouraged to have a club for interested students, it's a Hogwarts tradition. Usually most professors don't do it, but there's absolutely no reason you can't have a Muggle Club. If Flurbin won't allow it for you, he'd have to do the same for all of the other classes."
"That's the answer I was looking for, Neville. I'll have to start on that soon. I do have one other question, though."
"How come I have a feeling this will be somewhat against the rules? You've been around George too much."
"Well, maybe. If I happen to go to Quidditch practice one day, and a friend of mine, a former Hogwarts graduate, just happens to show up to practice, is there anything in the school rules about that friend helping the students practice? Maybe give them some tips?"
Neville's laugh filled the room. "I don't think so, and to be honest I don't want to know anymore about it. Are you trying to get sacked, Hank?"
"No, I'm not. I'm just trying to help my house and to do what I can. Within the rules, of course."
"Now I know you've been around George too long."
After leaving Neville's room I was making my way back to my room, and I must have been deep in thought as I didn't hear her the first time, but eventually I recognized the voice calling my name.
"Professor Farnsworth?"
"Petal, Hank. Please." She smiled at me kindly as she moved from out of the deep shadows that laced the hallway.
"Sorry, Petal. What can I do for you?"
She shrugged. "Just saw you leaving Neville's and thought I would say hello."
"Oh, well, hello. Sorry, but I doubt I'm good for much conversation tonight."
She put her hands inside the sleeves of her robe, reminding me of the kung-fu masters from every martial arts movie I'd ever seen. "I take it Headmaster Flurbin is the reason for your lack of conversation. Well, I think there's more to him than meets the eye. That's really all I can say. Don't worry."
With that, she nodded to me and walked away through the semi-lit halls, leaving me wondering exactly why she was out in the halls at that time of night, let alone in the shadows. I chalked it up to the peculiarities of being the DADA professor and didn't think about it anymore, as Peeves became my "companion" on my way back to my room.
Eventually after dismissing Peeves and finding a cup of tea I sat at my desk, with only a small lamp illuminating the room and wrote a letter to Melody.
My lovely Melody,
The first night at Hogwarts has gone about as well as could be expected. I received a surprising apology from Poesy Phillips concerning her behavior last year, so obviously the internship with George worked out well. Lavinia made me promise to say hello to you in my letters and tell you she's quite unhappy with the fact that she can't be in my class this year. Flurbin is going to be somewhat of a pain, but I promise that I won't do anything intentionally to get on his bad side.
I've asked and I think my plan to have "our mutual friend" visit during Quidditch practice will be fine. I'll let you know the date and time of the first practice so arrangements can be made.
Now that I've covered all of the Hogwarts news, I can get to the important stuff. I didn't realize how much I would miss you until now, and looking at my empty bed I realize how hard it's going to be. We knew this before the year started, but that doesn't make it any easier. At least I know you're in Stintborough, though it might as well be on the other side of the world. Hopefully we can make arrangements to see each other soon.
As for the wedding plans, I trust your judgment; just remember to go easy on whatever Ministry official you end up working with. I'm enclosing the list of my family and friends that I would like to invite, and as Hermione suggested, the number of Muggles is very small. Well, the number that aren't family, that is.
I really miss you.
Love,
Hank
A week later I stood next to the stands on the Quidditch pitch, watching my Hufflepuff team take slow warm-up laps. Angus Wandsworth had put together what he considered "the best side in years," but we'd have to see if it was just his enthusiasm and optimism speaking or if the team actually could contend for the House Cup. I'd never really been too excited about Quidditch, but this year I was definitely taking an interest; after all, I was Head of House, and if we could take the Cup…well that would probably make Flurbin less than pleased.
Shielding my glasses from the light rain that had started I noticed two figures that would probably help irritate the Headmaster. As they walked towards me I couldn't help but smile; George would be proud of me, as this was something that he might have come up with.
"Hi sweetie!" Melody stood on her tiptoes and gave me a kiss, then looked over her shoulder and grinned mischievously.
I stepped away from Melody and put out my hand to the witch next to her, "Good to see you again. Thanks for coming."
Gwennog Jones shook my hand and smiled underneath the hood of a sweatshirt that was covered with an old Harpies practice robe. "You too, Hank. Congratulations on finally getting Miss Press Secretary to come to her senses."
"Hey!" Melody looked over to Gwennog. "What's that about?"
"You moped around the office like you failed all your NEWTS when you two broke up."
Gwennog winked at me, and I laughed but stopped immediately when I saw the look on Melody's face. "Ok, ladies, let's go take our spots and see how long it takes them to notice.
We stood near the Quidditch goals while Angus had his charges executing drills at the other end of the pitch, and after about ten minutes or so they zoomed towards our end. By this time the rain had stopped, so Gwennog had lowered her hood. The drills were going ok until I saw a bludger come towards us, and only the quick eye and Beater's bat of Angus kept it away from us.
"Sorry about that Professor Muggle didn't mean to…"
He sat there on his broom, hovering a few feet away with his mouth wide open, literally speechless. Before I could say a word the rest of the team had joined him, and a large boy hit him on the shoulder.
"C'mon, Angus, let's get back to it."
Angus came down the ground, stepped off of his broom and looked over to us, then his teammate. "Do you know who's watching our practice?"
I heard a squeal of delight, and looking up saw a very small girl with her dark hair in pigtails cover her mouth with her hands, then dive down and land alarmingly close to us. In what seemed like a nanosecond she was over to us, literally bouncing up and down in front of Gwennog.
"Merlin Merlin Merlin Merlin I can't believe its you! You're here! I'm so excited to meet you, I'm Flora Falkirk, I'm the Seeker, oh wow oh wow oh wow!"
I waved at the rest of the students and they all landed in front of us. "Team, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. Gwennog Jones, this is the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. I'd do the introductions, but I'm still learning names myself. This young man" I gestured towards Angus "is our captain, Angus Wandsworth."
After meeting everyone, including the very excited Seeker for a second time, Gwennog joined the team in the air. She kept Angus close to her as she began running the team through some drills, explaining things to him and pointing towards different players every now and then.
"I think you've gone up a couple of notches in their book, Professor." Melody looked over at me and smiled, and I laughed.
"Probably, but I couldn't have done it without your help. Are you sure that Gwennog is ok with doing this?"
"Definitely. Ever since she's retired from playing she's out with the Harpies at every practice, making sure they know she's a coach now, but I don't think it's enough for her. I don't think she'll ever stop flying." Melody craned her neck a bit and looked towards the castle. "When does the next team have the pitch for practice?"
I looked at my watch. "Hmm…in about five minutes. This could get interesting."
The rain started up again, slowly at first but becoming stronger by the minute. Melody and I were under an umbrella when a green-haired boy in Slytherin robes walked over to us.
"Hufflepuff's time is over. This is Slytherin's pitch now. Professor."
I looked at him, obviously in year six or seven, a tall and thick boy. "Yes, I think it is time to knock off. I gotta say that's an interesting hair color you've got there. Matches your robes perfectly."
"Yeah, real surprise there." He looked away from me with a thinly veiled sneer of disgust and turned towards the pitch. "Hey, who's that up there with Wimpworth?"
I laughed sarcastically. "Wimpworth? You do realize I can take away points? That happens to be a friend of ours who stopped by to watch practice and decided to help out a bit." I looked over to Melody. "Can you signal them that practice is over?"
Melody nodded, and then instead of pulling out her wand and doing some charm or spell or something she stuck her fingers in her mouth and whistled louder than I'd ever heard anyone whistle.
I shook my head and looked over at her. "Wow, very magical."
The team landed next to us, along with Gwennog, causing the green-haired Slytherin boy and his teammates, who had arrived moments earlier, to stare at Gwennog in various states of disbelief.
Gwennog walked over to us, took her hand and wiped the rain off of her face with a nonchalant wave. "They've got promise, Hank. I think Angus will have them sorted out in no time, and…OI! Nice hair!" She was looking at the Slytherin boy. "You lose a bet?"
"I think he did it on purpose. Matches the robes, you know." I grinned at Angus and Gwennog, and then quickly returned my face to a bland, bored Professorial look. "Now, back up to your rooms and make sure you don't get water all over the Common Room."
Surprisingly Flurbin didn't call me into his office the next day to discuss my Quidditch practice "friends." He didn't call me into the office that weekend or Monday of the next week, either, leading me to believe that he was simply going to ignore me for as long as possible, which in other circumstances would have been fine. The current situation, though, meant that I needed to speak with him about the Muggle Club, a meeting that I was dreading. I was sure that he would find some way to discourage my club or make it illegal on some grounds. I'd been asked about it multiple times by Lavinia Ryder and Poesy Phillips had casually mentioned it after breakfast one day, so I knew that I'd have to suck it up and go see the Headmaster soon.
Classes, while smaller in regards to students and length of class time, were actually going well. While sitting in my classroom one afternoon I realized that, by Merlin, that if the students who made up my class actually wanted to be here I would definitely make it worth their time. I'd make it the best damn Muggle Studies class that Hogwarts had ever seen. My somewhat manic enthusiasm, however, made my students a bit nervous. After all, when your instructor goes on and on excitedly about a topic it is a bit disconcerting. The good thing about smaller class sizes was that there were fewer papers to grade. Even if I had to grade parchment from each one of my students it would only be eighteen assignments. Ten students in fifth year, six students in sixth year and only two students in seventh year was an all-time low for Muggle Studies, a fact that I was sure would not be lost on Flurbin.
I was lost in imagining how I was going to broach the topic of Muggle Club to Flurbin when my fifth year students began filing in the classroom, surprisingly in a good mood despite the fact that their first assignment was due that day. Out of habit I opened my special notebook provided by George Weasley the year before, the one that would tell me if any magic happened in my classroom that was performed by my students, but so far the pages remained blank. I picked up my teacup and saucer and walked to the front of my desk and leaned against it, looking at their smirking faces. Something had happened.
I cleared my throat, and everyone's attention focused on me. "Well, it seems that something has everyone in a good mood. Does anyone care to share what's going on?"
"Ask Peter." Ruby Smythe-Warring, one of my Hufflepuff Prefects, smiled and looked over to the curly haired Slytherin boy sitting a table away.
"Ok, I'll bite. Mr. Sawgrass?"
I watched him give a smirk to his classmates, and then he turned to me. "I know we've been trying to figure out how to have the Headmaster approve the Muggle Club, so I thought I'd have a talk with Professor Farnsworth. She agreed we could have a DADA Club, and when we talked with the Headmaster he was very happy, said something about how we were showing proper dedication. I waited until he stopped talking about the three D's and then asked if we could have a Muggle Club. Since he'd gone on about dedication to classes, he couldn't really say anything to keep us from it. So we've got the go ahead for Muggle Club, Professor."
I laughed and looked over at all my students, who were all smiling very broadly. Leave it the Slytherin in the class to devise a way to hoist Flurbin on his own petard. "Well done, Sawgrass. Five points to Slytherin."
After that the lesson for the day was entirely pointless, so we spent the rest of the time discussing the specifics for Muggle Club, deciding when we would meet and where. While my students were engrossed in discussing the best time to meet I sat at my desk and chuckled softly to myself. Flurbin may have worked at the Ministry, but he'd never dealt with determined students like mine, especially a Slytherin with a goal.
Saturday morning found me staring in the mirror, trying to determine if my goatee was getting whiter. In a few hours I would be inside Flourish and Blotts, signing copies of My Wand is Useless, an event setup by Ian Coswock without consulting me or my schedule. Luckily Petal Farnsworth had agreed to cover for me as Head of House, so I knew the Hufflepuffs would be in good hands, but that wasn't making me any less nervous about the event.
A knock on the door brought me out of my worried reverie, and Melody came in smiling brightly. At least I would have her by my side, an experienced press secretary and most importantly my means of support in case things got somewhat out of control. She looked wonderful, as always, but I knew she had taken a little bit longer in preparing for today, as she was wearing a bottle-green v-necked jumper and a black pencil skirt with very low heels.
"Decided to wear the heels?"
She walked over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I figured I wouldn't look so short next to you in the pictures."
I took a very deep breath. "Well, we should probably get this over as soon as possible. Do I look all right?" I had gone with the tweed suit and red and blue striped bow tie, but I wasn't sure if it made me look pretentious. "Is the bow tie too much?"
"You look fine, Hank. Don't worry, it's just a book signing, not the Wizangamot."
Somehow that didn't make me feel any better.
Ian Coswock and his assistant Florence met us at the back door of Flourish and Blotts. When I had called Florence "Ian's girl Friday" on the way over Melody looked at me strangely, and asked how I knew Florence's last name. I tried to explain about the term "girl Friday" but Melody shook her head, and let me know that Friday actually was Florence's last name. Another part of the Wizarding world that reminded me that even though I was 1.3% wizard, I was mostly a Muggle.
"Oh Professor, so exciting! The author meets his readers, always an enlightening moment!" Ian led us from the back room at the shop to the small desk that was arranged in somewhat the center of the shop. "I am glad you and your lovely fiancée have arrived early as I have more good news! I received an owl yesterday, and we're negotiating the rights to publish your book in North America! If all goes well we might even be able to schedule a book tour!"
That surprised the hell out of me, as I didn't think anybody would actually read my book, let alone have enough people want to read it and necessitate a book tour in another country. I thought I might be able to turn the book tour into a vacation with Melody in the UMS and find out about the Wizarding world in my home country, but the noise soon brought me back to reality. As the shop hadn't opened yet the place was very quiet, except for the conversation of Ian and the shop manager, but I kept hearing something low that seemed somewhat out of place. I got up from my table and walked to the front of the shop and looked out of the window, only to be met with the very pleased faces of Arthur and Molly Weasley. I waved at them, and after waving back Arthur motioned over his shoulder.
"Holy shit. MEL!" I looked through the window, and behind the Weasleys a solid line of people stood waiting to get into the shop. "MEL!"
"Merlin's pants, Hank, what's wrong? I…oh!" She stopped abruptly, waved at the Weasleys and then took in the number of people outside. "I'm glad I brought an extra Muggle pen for you."
I made my way back to the desk somehow, as my nerves were now truly taking hold. Ian was beaming at me, rubbing his hands together in anticipation of all the sales and publicity, but all I could do was look at the stack of books next to the desk with their blue titles mocking me. My watch said that it was almost time to start, and I saw the face turn from a bright, sunny sky to a cloudy sky. I wondered if George had done something to the watch besides make it a communication device; perhaps it was the equivalent of the old Muggle mood rings. I put my head down on the desk, slowly lifting it and letting it fall several times.
"I can't wait to read it, Hank. I'm sure it will be very good." Molly Weasley beamed at me, then reached over and patted me on the arm. "Just remember, these are your readers, Hank, so please watch your language."
Melody laughed and I couldn't help it, I did as well. After signing Molly's copy of my book with a very warm inscription, I handed her the book and watched her smile and head over to Melody.
"She can't help it, you know. All of our children's friends call her Mum for a reason." Arthur stood in front of me holding a copy of my book.
"I know, Arthur. She and my Mom will get along wonderfully someday. Why are you picking up another copy of my book? You don't need to do that. And why are you and Molly buying them anyway? I would have given you both a copy; I get a bunch of them for free."
He chuckled and looked over to Molly, making sure she was out of earshot and then leaned down. "Molly wanted to help your sales figures. Besides, I'm going to donate this copy to the Department of Muggle affairs after I've finished reading it."
"You don't need to do that. Besides, you and Molly are in the book."
"Really?"
"Of course. You and Lavender saved me from and Auror attack and Molly did my genealogy. There's no way I would have ever made it this far without you." I stood up and held out my hand, and as Arthur shook it a flashbulb went off. I guessed the Daily Prophet wanted a picture of the Professor of Muggle Studies with the former head of the Department of Muggle Affairs. Hopefully that would be the picture they would run.
After Arthur I went through a series of book signings, engaging in small talk with various witches and wizards, but mostly witches. So far the questions were as I had expected, as they asked about teaching, learning about my wizarding heritage, the troubles with the WLF and the like, but what had surprised me were the number of questions about my upcoming marriage to Melody. I politely changed the topic or glossed over events when I was asked about Medea, much to the amusement of Melody, who would kick my chair slightly when those questions were asked.
Melody and I entered The Leaky Cauldron behind Ian and Florence and were met by Hannah. Melody had owled her earlier and Hannah had prepared a private room for us, and to thank her I brought her a copy of my book with a nice inscription. I had to say, I was getting good at the "nice inscription" bit, as there were a lot of people that I needed to thank, and the least I could do was to write something nice in their copy of the book.
After sitting in our room I could finally relax, as it had been an interesting day to say the least. I'd signed copies for what seemed like all of my friends in the Wizarding world, met some interesting people and had determined that my initial readership, based on the totally unscientific sample in the shop, was decidedly female. This surprised me, as my book went into some details, approved by the Auror's office before publication, about my run-ins with the WLF. If my book was going to be a Muggle movie there would definitely be some action sequences, something that I had anticipated would garner some male readers.
"Well, well, well, Hank, that certainly went wonderfully! We sold a great many books, won't have the figures until early next week, but they were lined up to see you! Very good turnout! Hopefully that review will be in The Prophet on Sunday, they told me it would have been out before your signing, but editors are just difficult sometimes!" Ian looked over to Melody for confirmation, and she simply nodded, her lips tight.
I knew from experience that Melody was doing everything she could to keep from laughing, and to be honest my agent did look ridiculous, especially with the very large, floppy purple hat he was wearing for some unknown reason. I caught Melody looking at the hat, and Ian must have noticed, as he waggled his eyebrows and pointed to it?
"Hmm, hmm…what do you think? Did it in honor of the author, it's a Muggle cabowey hat!"
"Oh, a cowboy hat, thank you Ian." With the hand that was underneath the table I pinched my leg as hard as possible to keep from laughing, as the hat looked more like something from a bad psychedelic movie than a cowboy hat.
"And that's not all, I had Florence put up promotional posters all over Diagon Alley for your reading! They were very successful, I believe." He pulled a rolled up poster out of his robes and handed it to me. "Brought you one as a souvenir, suitable for framing!"
Melody cleared some space on the table and I unrolled the poster. I expected to see something saying "Author of My Wand is Useless at Flourish and Blotts to sign copies of his new book," blah blah blah, but it was entirely different. Yes, the book title was in a very large font, but plastered front and center was the picture from The Prophet right before James Potter was born. I watched an image of myself pick up Melody and give her a very big kiss, and then watched it repeat over and over. Underneath the picture were quotes from The Prophet, including the one that said "Witches War for Muggle Love." Fucking hell. No wonder my book signing attendees skewed female.
I blinked my eyes a few times then looked up to Ian, who was obviously pleased with himself. "What was wrong with the picture from the back of the dust jacket?"
Ian waved his hand dismissively. "Good for the book but boring for the poster! And now for the best part, Florence, will you do the honors?"
Florence pulled out a bag and sat it on the table without saying a word. Ian smiled at me broadly, then took out his wand and levitated it across the table to me.
"What's this, Ian?"
"The proceeds from your first week of book sales, Hank! I do believe we have a best-seller!"
After Florence and Ian left Melody and I sat there in silence, and then began laughing uncontrollably.
"Hank, that hat…"
"Yeah, I know. Ok, Mel, I know I don't know a lot of witches and wizards, but is Ian a bit strange?"
"Definitely. Even by our standards, and we have some odd ones. And what about Florence, she didn't say one word at all, even in the shop."
I paused, and then leaned back against the back of the chair. "You know, I've never heard her speak."
"Ian probably does enough for the two of them. Are they together?"
"No. Well, maybe. I don't know. They are kind of a matched set, though, aren't they?" I picked up the bag from off of the table and opened it. "I didn't want to look greedy and open it at the table, but I think now's a good time." After pulling the drawstrings apart I looked in and was shocked, as it was one of those wizarding bags that held more than it should based on its size. "Mel, look at this!"
She took the bag from my hands and her eyes went wide as she looked inside. "Hank, I think there's…we need to go to Gringott's. Now. Well, we might want to stop by Fiona's Filigree first." She looked up at me and gave me a big smile and her best attempt at puppy dog eyes.
Dammit. She knew I couldn't refuse that. "Ok, but just for a minute or two. Nothing extravagant, please."
"Yes, Henry."
