A/N : I just realized that my last chapter had quite a few typos. Sorry about that! I reread it, was all O.O and then I changed it… so now it's hopefully typo free. Well, without further ado, here's Chapter 4!
Chapter 4 – All the more special
Brooke's gardening really is coming along quite well, Laurie notes, before he stares up at the birds that seem to be mocking him with their particularly cheerful chirping. Scowling, he tries to convince himself that he has to go back inside. He has been out for a good ten minutes, and he knows he is acting like an impudent little boy. If he does not return soon, people will notice his absence, and poor Amy will be so upset that he did not just brush off Mrs. Davies' comments. But some force seems to be attaching him to the cool grass. He hears a stumble followed by rather loud footsteps, and he sighs, because he knows without turning who has joined him outside.
He does not what to say to Jo, and he is not completely sure if he wants to say anything at all. They can all just go back to pretending that nothing is wrong.
"Hello, Teddy".
That was simple enough.
"Are they waiting for me?"
"I made up a story about your supposed intolerance for the smell of garlic. Meg was making Daisy's favorite dish in the kitchen." She smiles hesitantly, but he cannot return the gesture.
"Teddy, I think that we need to have a talk"
Her voice sounds desperate all of a sudden, and Laurie sees a lovely pink tint around her ears.
"About what, Jo?"
Just play the incompetent fool, and she will not suspect anything.
"You are my dearest and closest friend, Laurie, and we are supposed to be honest and open with each other –"
A powerful wave of resentment builds in Laurie's chest, and he cannot bite back what rises out of his mouth.
"You mean like you were when you refused me all those years ago?"
Jo's mouth, usually so quick to form a witty reply or an entertaining dialogue, is quite immobile, her lips open in a silent gasp.
This is all so familiar.
"Please explain what you mean, Jo, and I will try harder to be a better friend. Because I am so very sure that we have always had something I cannot define, describe or replicate". His voice is low and harsh. "I know that you were scared on that day, and you wouldn't admit it. I know that you feel that emptiness when we're apart. I know that you cannot be with any other man the way you are with me."
"Teddy, please-". He shrugs off her hand and continues, refusing to stop.
"You know how I know all of this, Jo? I am your dearest and closest friend. I know you, Jo – like the back of my palm. And I know that you know what I feel. I am so fed up, I…"
"Teddy!" Her cool palms are suddenly around his face as she forces him to look at her. He notices with shock that she is holding back tears; they glisten in her eyes, defying her will.
"I will explain." She takes a shaky breath, and her hands leave his face. Her eyes, however, lock him in place. "I want you to listen to what I have to say completely. Please do not interrupt me, as I have interrupted you." Laurie doesn't speak, because he is mesmerized by the tear that now lingers gently on her cheek."I was wrong, all those years ago, Laurie, and I see that now – I have been seeing it for quite a few months now. When you left after that day….that was when I first realized just how much I need your presence."
The memory of leaving is still so fresh in his mind, he can feel his expression harden.
"I need you, Teddy. To feel like myself– to feel comfortable in my shoes." Her voice is so uncharacteristically soft."You make me feel like just being Jo March is enough. You make me love being myself."
As a friend?
"… And I love you for that."
Her eyes are suddenly burning, and Laurie cannot believe this is actually happening. He must be dreaming. Any minute now, he will wake up, his palms sweaty, inhaling the scent of Amy's hair…
"I love you, Teddy, and I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to realize, so long to admit."
Her name escapes his lips like a cry for help, like a last grip at sanity.
"Jo?"
His arm acts out of its own volition as grabs hers roughly. Their bodies are so close now; he can hear every breath he takes; He can see her long brown eyelashes, the exact curve of her doe shaped eyes…
He kisses her then, for the second time in his life, and this kiss is so different from the first. He is barely aware of the breeze that stirs his hair; he can only feel her nails digging into his shirt, her slightly cracked lips, her narrow, boyish hips fitting so perfectly against his own. He has never had a kiss like this. He is drowning in passion and oblivion as he draws away, only to kiss her fervently once more, twice more, hoping to God that this moment will never, ever end.
His hope falls short, like always. Her hands leave his shirt quite abruptly and they begin to push him away – slowly, then more forcefully. He stops, because this is Jo, and though he is confused and desperate, he never wants to hurt her. A small sob escapes her lips, and he is in agony. Her voice is heavy, clouded with tears.
"Laurie, don't you see? I came here to apologize."
He does not want an apology. He wants to possess her, to complete her, to live every waking moment with the knowledge that nobody else knows her or understands her or loves her like he does.
"I have Friedrich, you have Amy"
No."I don't care. I don't give a damn penny about propriety, or family or…"He stops, because of course he does. But not even half as much as he cares for her.
"Do you love me, Laurie?
He puts all his life into his next breath. "Yes."
"And I love you" Her words make him ache, and he is mortified to taste a salty tear at the corner of his mouth. "But I know that marriage would have destroyed our love. Don't you see that I could never be Mrs. Lawrence? I can't entertain guests, I can't be dainty, I can't plan extravagant parties…"
He winces at those familiar words. "None of that would have mattered, Jo"
"But it would, Teddy." Her eyes search his desperately, trying to make him understand. "It would have. We love each other, but we were never meant to be husband and wife. Our love would have been weakened by the constraints and needs of society. I would not have been able to be a good wife, and sooner or later you would have realized that is what you needed to realize your full potential. And – "Her voice is stronger now, surer. "I would have ended up resenting you, for making me give up my dream to tend to you. I would have resented you for taking away my imagination, my freedom. "
He can tell she has given this a lot of thought. And though what she is saying is tearing his heart to shreds - maybe it is the proximity to her pure and unfettered soul – he feels comprehension dawning, and some of his pain is subdued, numbed.
"We can love each other from afar, Teddy. We are no longer boy and girl, but we can help and comfort each other as man and woman while we relive those happy times. Marriage would have extinguished our love, but it is friendship – because we are the best of friends – that keeps it alive and burning."
He pulls her to him again, because somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows that this is the last time that he ever can.
"And what about this?" he asks, despite his hardened heart. He stares resolutely at the floor, willing his heart to stop beating so loudly.
"This will never happen again, Teddy. We owe that much to our loved ones, our beliefs, and our upbringing."
She must see the shadow that has fallen over his face, because she lifts face up so he once again is looking into her eyes.
"It is a tribute to our friendship and our love, Laurie, that we can resist this impulse. Our friendship is greater than so many friendships- all the more special - because we resisted the inevitable to keep it alive."
Her lips touch his one last time for the sweetest, but most sorrowful kiss he has ever received, before she walks back, shoulders stooped, but footsteps sure, to the house.
Laurie's feet are the first to escape the haze that has overtaken his body. He is barely aware of how much time has passed, or even where he is headed. But his body suddenly feels light; he understands now what has given Jo strength all these years.
Laurie does not need to live his life devoid of her love. He needs to live his life upholding it, protecting it, and making sure it will never die. He can breathe, for the first time in so many years. He knows now that he will be able to, for many years to come.
*Bites nails*
I know, I know! It was cheesy! But cheese is good? I mean, think of pizza, pretzel dip, some types of Ragu sauce….
And I couldn't help myself! They needed closure, dammit!
There's one more chapter left, by the way, featuring dearest(?) Amy
… I will like you almost as much as I like cheesy! Ragu sauce if you review….
