Chapter IV
Taki lay in the center of his mattress, staring at the dark ceiling for longer than he cared to keep track of. He would have liked nothing better than for the looming darkness of his apartment to swallow him whole, leaving him exempt from the painful feelings clenching at his chest. Closing his eyes in weariness, he cursed himself for not getting any sleep. He did have to go to work after all. Perhaps I'll go down and tell them I'm taking a mental health day off. Do those exist? They should. His thoughts were scattered and drifted through his mind with certain haziness. But Kazuki said he's meeting me in the morning.
He put a hand to his mouth, breathing heavily, as though if he breathed hard enough the pain would be expelled. He'd finally made a friend, a good one. One who was fun, interesting, happy, blissful, beautiful- Stop right there, damn you. Look at the mess you've made! Couldn't even control yourself. Idiot. After giving himself the twelfth psychological lecture of the morning, he forced his body to move towards the shower. It was one thing someone could appreciate about the Fire Nation: Half the people employed spent their time powering heaters. There was always warm water, always. Not to mention a delightful plumbing system. Sigh.
Taki stripped off his clothes methodically, allowing his mind to wander while muscle memory controlled his movements. Stepping into the small shower, he ran his hands repeatedly through his hair in distraught. Leaning against the wall, he sighed gently into the warm water trickling down his chilled face. For the first time since the occasion, Taki allowed himself to think of his awakened relationship with Kazuki. There was no doubt he was attracted to the younger teen. That much had already been established. The feelings seemed so natural, but the concept was certainly unconventional. Two males in a relationship? Unusual, frowned upon by society, considered immoral, but not unheard of. But what was going to happen between the two of them? Hell, he might never see the boy again! He snatched up the bar of soap and lathered it quickly. He'd just take this day on like he had all the others...
"Takumi..." The name rolled off Zuko's tongue for the fourteenth time that morning. Still dressed in the borrowed clothes, he sat at the ledge of his window, one leg thrown carelessly outside. He leaned with desperation against the windowsill, rubbing his head constantly, and baffled by the fact that dawn had already come. He couldn't remember how long he'd been awake, staring outside into what he considered nothingness. Of course, the concept of nothingness was far preferable to all of the confused thoughts rummaging through his head.
"Zuko?" A call from his doorway startled him, nearly causing him to fall out of the window. Lu Ten. A part of his heart was troubled that the older man was bothering him this early in the morning, with so much on his mind and all. Another part was excited, ready to spill everything that had happened to his cousin, his mentor, his idol... But he couldn't. Lu Ten was the first person he ever turned to whenever things got too complicated, but this was so much different.
"Yeah?" Zuko called snatching a robe from dresser quickly, covering his foreign wardrobe, should his guest enter the room without invitation.
"Don't forget to meet me in the hall this afternoon, alright? We're interviewing today, so look you're best."
"Interviewing?" Zuko asked softly.
A sigh emerged. "For the royal janitor. For your fiancé, moron!"
Moron? Zuko could practically feel Lu Ten rolling his eyes through the door. "Right, right, sorry. I'll be there on time, I promise."
"If you say so, little cousin," the words dripped in a sarcastic, dubious tone.
Zuko held his breath for a reason unknown to him, until he could hear the footsteps of the older teen fading. He sighed and changed his clothes quickly, muttering to himself as he did so. "Just what I need. A damn fiancé." Putting Taki's borrowed clothes into his shoulder bag, he slipped out of the palace unobserved... or so he thought.
"Taki, pay attention!" The cook barked at him, finding his youngest worker trying desperately to focus himself. He had already delivered the wrong orders to three tables, overflowed two coffee mugs, and split a staining juice down a young woman's blouse.
"I know, I know," he murmured balancing the trays across his arms quirkily. "Sorry, sorry."
The head cook shook his head. "It's okay, Taki. Just try and be more careful." He shot a sympathetic look at the teen, realizing that something was troubling the young man. "Why don't you take a break for a while? Hoshi can fill in for you. You're not right in the head today, kid."
"Sorry, sir," Taki sighed, relinquishing his apron to a smirking Hoshi and flopping drearily into a nearby booth. Damn Hoshi and his smirking to the fiery depths of hell. Laying his head on his folded hands, he sighed and sternly lectured himself. You can't screw this up, Taki. You need this job more than anything. Focus, focus, focus. Despite this half-hearted remedy, he completely lost his focus. He yawned and glared sullenly at the table.
"Is this what you normally do at work? Sit and glower at things until they detonate themselves?" The voice was serene, shy, and all too familiar.
Taki's blood ran cold and the knot in his stomach tightened a hundred fold. "No," he replied barely audible, refusing to look up. "Just today." Taki's heart leapt to his throat when he realized that the younger man had taken a seat next to him, as opposed to across the table. Zuko looked as though he were making a tricky decision, before scooting even closer to the older teen. Taki shivered at the closeness, as it brought memories of the previous evening back to him. The temptation to hold the other close to him was overwhelming, so much so that he was forced to physically shudder to banish the sensation away.
Zuko leaned delicately against Taki, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "I brought you the clothes you lent me," he began the conversation, removing said clothes from the bag on the floor to his right. He set them across his lap, smoothing the creases automatically.
"You didn't have to... Thanks," Taki murmured, eyes only daring to flicker towards the teenager. Zuko nodded before sliding them over onto Taki's knees, as though they were a sort of peace offering. His fingertips gently brushed the edges of the other's leg, who shirked away in response. Zuko seemed to have noticed this, for he set a firm hand on Taki's thigh, trying to be as comforting as possible.
"I... Are you okay?" Zuko finally asked lamely, cursing himself. He had a speech all prepared on the way over here, but he couldn't remember a single word! His light sense of confidence quickly faded just as it had come. Gulping, he prayed that Taki would cooperate and keep the conversation going. Otherwise, he was likely to smack his head repeatedly on the table in anguish.
"Well, I believe my mental and emotional health may be in serious jeopardy, but that doesn't matter so much. What about you? Did you reach home okay?" Taki found a napkin and began tearing it into tiny pieces.
"Yeah, I was fine thanks to you," he murmured, stiffening his arms in his lap.
"Don't mention it," Taki said this almost forcefully, as though he meant it. He began tearing at the napkin again with trembling fingers. "Anyone would have done the same."
"No. Not anyone," Zuko murmured, deliberately leaning into the older man, his hand still lingering in his lap. "When people don't know or care who you are, it doesn't matter to them if you're stuck in the rain or coughing up blood on the side of the street. But you... You practically saved my life twice, once when you didn't even know my name." Despite the fact that Taki honestly still didn't know his real name, Zuko continued. "It takes a unique person. I think that's one of the reasons I'm attracted to you." And there it is.
Taki dropped the shredded napkin instantaneously. He glanced down at the younger teen, whose closed eyes refused to make contact with his own. "You're...what?" The voice of the young man sprinted two octaves higher. "What do you mean?"
Zuko's heart jumped in surprise and he suddenly felt queasy. "I-I'm sorry. I guess I-" His voice was cut off by Taki's sudden movements. The older teen brought his hands to the other's face and forced Zuko to look up at him. Unable to identify the emotions running through the other's eyes, Zuko's nerves got the best of him. As opposed to opening his mouth and stuttering like a complete idiot, he decided to remain silent and shiver to death like a moron, which definitely beat the standards of an idiot.
"What do you mean?" Taki repeated firmly, while still cupping his face gently.
Zuko's heart almost stopped, seeing the pure adoration suddenly visible in the other's expression. "I like you," he whispered, feeling a blush creep to his cheeks. "A lot." His voice seemed unfamiliar even to himself.
"I like you too," Taki smiled warmly, and Zuko could feel the heat from the other's hands washing over him like a lively pulse. Slowly their lips met each other, soft and sweet. Zuko wrapped his hands wrapped around Taki's shoulders, while Taki's found their way around the younger's waist. The movements were shy, but certain it seemed. Zuko found himself moaning quietly, begging for more of whatever this sensation was. The searing, wonderful feeling bubbling in his heart, which with every beat spread throughout his body. Taki answered his plea, by tenderly caressing his lips with his tongue. Just as Zuko prepared to reply to the invitation, a grating voice interrupted their exchange.
"Well, well, well. Check out the queers swapping spit."
Taki groaned, annoyed greatly, breaking away from the kiss. The arms around Zuko tightened, as he turned around in his seat to face the distracting source of the voice. At the edge of their table, stood a handsome boy Taki's age, brushing his black hair back smugly. His slender face smirked in delight at his discovery, and the pitcher of water in his hand threatened to tip over any minute.
"Need me to take over for you already, Hoshi?" Taki's eyes narrowed angrily.
"No, no, not at all," Hoshi remarked, setting the water pitcher down recklessly, spilling a considerable amount of water on the table. "I was just going to offer you a refreshing glass of water. I had no idea you were already being aroused by another source."
Zuko felt a considerable amount of hate consume the previously pleasurable feelings coursing through his veins. If it weren't for Taki's grip on his waist, he'd have risen to the challenge easily. How dare he speak to Taki that way! "Is there anything else you want?" Zuko's eyes gleamed with frost, eying the newcomer in distaste. "Or can my boyfriend and I have a little peace and quiet for a while and leave you to your incompetent serving?"
Taki's eyes lit up brightly at the word 'boyfriend' as he snickered. He kissed Zuko's neck softly, before glaring at Hoshi over his boyfriend's shoulder.
"A moron for a moron it seems," Hoshi murmured behind clenched teeth. Suddenly 'moron' didn't quite reach up to the standards of 'idiot'. "Don't pride yourself on it, kid. It's not a great catch. And," he continued glancing meaningfully at Taki, "you wouldn't be smooching around if you valued your job."
"I certainly don't value it more than Kazuki," Taki said, his voice gaining strength. Zuko beamed before glanced nervously around the restaurant, whose residents seemed to be focusing their attention on the scene. "In fact, I'm taking the day off." Prodded by Taki, Zuko stood up and was ushered quickly out the door. Taki shouted something at his boss before grabbing a hold of the younger teen's hand and leading him outside.
"Who was that?" Zuko asked heatedly, kicking a stone out of his path. That Hoshi guy still had him seething in rage, for it wasn't often he was spoken to in such a condescending manner... excluding his interactions with Azula.
"My coworker," Taki muttered. "Hoshi and I don't get along well. He wouldn't be working there if he weren't as poor as I am. He's a real jerk, nobody likes him much. I'm sorry if he insulted you."
"Don't concern yourself with it." Zuko sighed. "I was just worried that he was just acting that way be-because he saw us-"
Taki shook his head quickly. "Don't you dare worry about that. He's always that way. Trust me, none of my real friends are going to treat me any differently just because they find out that I have a boyfriend. Besides, I don't have many friends anyway." He shrugged, causing Zuko to smile lightly.
"Thanks for sticking up for me," Zuko said with a blush, leaning forward to give the other a swift kiss on the cheek. His blush deepened when he found he'd earned them quite a bit of scornful attention from others on the street. One mother was even daring enough to cover her daughter's eyes.
"I should say the same thing," Taki exclaimed, gripping the younger teen's hand. "Did you see the look on his face when you called him incompetent? I bet he doesn't even know what that means!" They laughed, walking about the city together hand in hand, ignoring any strange looks they received. After all, when you're in love, your world is your own.
"You don't understand what this means to me!" Lu Ten shouted, his fists flaming with rage. "You have no idea!"
"What? The chance to prove yourself is worth your life?" Iroh's temperament was quickly turning downhill. "Just forget about it, son. You have a chance to live your life in peace here. You should be grateful you don't have to fight! Young men all around the Fire Nation are being forcibly drafted into war!"
"Then let me take the place of one of them!" Lu Ten practically begged, tearing at his hair. "I can fight!"
"I never said you couldn't," his father swore bitterly. "The point is there's no reason for you to fight! You're the only one I have left..." Iroh's voice dropped to a soft tone. "Don't do this."
"Why don't you believe in me?" Lu Ten whispered, dropping to his knees, his eyes closed in pain. "Why doesn't anyone understand?" His fingers clenched at the tiled floor in anguish. "I can do this."
"Lu Ten... Son," Iroh put a steady hand on his shoulder, but Lu Ten shrugged it off instantly. He stood and turned, so that his father wouldn't see the single tear sliding down his face.
"I'm going," Lu Ten murmured. "Firelord Ozai will allow me to depart with or without your permission. Don't try to stop me."
With these words, he left his father alone in the dark chambers, crying silently for his fading son.
"Are these your parents?" Zuko asked in a gentle voice, tracing a sketched paper hanging on the wall. After walking around the city for a while, Zuko had insisted that they find somewhere private to talk. To the younger teen's delight, Taki had offered to make them lunch at his apartment. Zuko had never truly been in the house of a peasant, and the contrast had been intriguing.
Taki glanced over from the stove to where Zuko was. "Yeah, that's us," he called, stirring the pot of noodles evenly as he spoke. "I think that was drawn on my second birthday."
The painting consisted of a smiling, clean-shaven man whom Taki represented greatly. Tall, slim, broad shouldered, and a light-hearted grin. He was standing next to his seated wife, who was the gracious giver of some of Taki's softer features, such as his gentle facial expressions and his deep, yet friendly eyes. At their feet sat a young toddler dressed in an oversized tunic and smiling gleefully. Zuko chuckled at the young boy, though feeling a swelling sadness for the family that was torn apart. "They look kind," Zuko murmured, staring at the small family.
"They were." Taki smiled, serving the steaming soup on the coffee table in front of the sofa. "I can never remember them fighting or losing their temper, at me or anybody."
Zuko turned away from the sketch, not wishing to pain Taki with any more unnecessary reminiscing. Seating himself next to the older teen, he swirled his noodles around while affectionately kissing Taki's cheek. The man blushed at the display of fondness and adjusted himself so that he could comfortably rest against his boyfriend. No, Taki was almost convinced that he'd wake up anytime now and realize it was just a dream. How could a guy like him end up with someone so perfect, so wonderful, so beautiful, so-
"Taki?" He startled at the sound of his name, gazing into curious eyes. "Are you okay? You're staring at me kind of... strangely."
Taki laughed, setting his bowl of soup down carefully. "Sorry. I was just thinking about how faultless you are."
It was Zuko's turn to laugh. "You're too sweet for your own good," he exclaimed, snapping his chopsticks at the other pointedly.
"Oh, no! I can be really evil," Taki exclaimed, picking up a folder from the floor to the side of the sofa. "In fact, I'm pure evil!" He tapped Zuko on the nose and stuck his tongue out at him gracelessly.
Zuko returned the gesture before glancing at the file Taki was holding in interest. "What have you got there?" He seemed to be flipping through it, looking for something.
"This? This just holds some of my older poems. I can't seem to find the one I'm looking for though." He started to flip through it again, a frown etched on his face.
"Would you mind if I read one?" Zuko asked shyly, setting down his empty bowl.
Taki's eyes widened in surprise, as though nobody had ever asked him that before. "I... They aren't very good."
Zuko smiled. "I don't believe you. I bet they're wonderful. Prove me wrong."
Taki frowned hesitantly, before offering one of the papers to Zuko, who smiled in thanks. Eying the poem, he deciphered the calligraphy quickly.
These tears, they are endless
Blinding me in their vengeance, regret sinks into my soul
I am finally too weak to move
Bearing down upon my spirit, the venom shakes me to my core
This venom called love
Frantically roused by this game, paralyzed by this poison
I've never felt this way before
Putting a hand to my heart, its beat is lost to me
I do not wonder why
When I reach to wipe the tears away, I am unnerved
My eyes do not shed the pain
Silence devours my drifting mind, I'm driven to insanity
All because of you
Only your sweet sensational voice can lift me from his world
Raise me from this cold grave
Your warmth overwhelms me, your pulse becomes mine
I thought you left me
For hour and hours I have dwelled, bitterly frozen
Waiting for my savior
Only to find out that it is the one who left me broken
The edges of the paper were slightly torn, as though Taki had written a final line, but cut it out. Zuko's lips parted in surprise at the poem. "The majority of it doesn't sound like it's written by you," he murmured handing the paper back to the anxious teen. "When did you write it?"
"This one has to be a few years old... Maybe when I was twelve."
Zuko smiled softly at the older teen. "It's wonderful," he whispered. "Were you thinking of someone specific when you wrote it?"
Taki shook his head with relief, dropping the forgotten folder to put an arm around Zuko. "No, it was based off artificial feelings. Hopefully, now that I'm finally in love myself, I can write a poem that's far better."
Zuko looked cautiously up at Taki, as though trying to replay the words in his mind to see if he had heard him correctly. "Love?" Zuko murmured putting a hand on Taki's. "Do you mean that?"
"Of course," Taki answered with a mischievous smile. "But then again, I'm just a teenager. What do I know about love?" He winked and touched his forehead to the younger teen's.
"Let's find out together," Zuko said chuckling, before his lips were captured by those of his boyfriend. The older teen showed little mercy, invading Zuko's mouth immediately with his tongue, engaging the opposing tongue in a lively dance. Taki sighed contently, pressing the young man back onto the couch to avoid further neck tension. Zuko's tongue darted in and out of the other's mouth teasingly, and he moaned playfully in return. He clutched Taki desperately, who had managed to revert them both into a reclined position. Careful not to crush the smaller body beneath him, Taki moved a leg around either side of the younger teen, who was writhing under the expert tongue attacking at his own. Zuko moaned happily into the divergent mouth when he found that he was learning to control his breathing. He could feel Taki shiver at the vibrations of his throat and began to kiss him wildly, grasping at him urgently. A pool of blazing nerves settled in Zuko's stomach as he responded with equal ferocity. After what seemed like an eternity, the young men relaxed on the couch, breathing heavily, and were utterly satisfied with their first uninterrupted make out session.
"That was fun," whispered Taki, as he caressed the side of Zuko's face. "I could definitely get used to that."
"Are you sure you've never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend before?" Zuko panted suspiciously. "You kiss very well for a guy who says he's been single for his entire life."
"I guess I just have the instincts," Taki smiled as Zuko began to nip gently at his neck. "What about you? You don't kiss like the innocent boy I thought you were."
Zuko laughed in response, speaking in between tiny kisses. "You've gotta be kidding. In fact, you were my first kiss ever."
"I'm honored," Taki giggled as Zuko licked up his collarbone. "You're more physical than I thought you'd be. I'd never have suspected it, you being so shy and all."
Zuko blushed at this, burying his head into the other's chest. Taki laughed and whispered, "I'm glad I found you before anyone else could try and steal your heart. Now you're all mine."
All yours... Zuko smiled. But then, a million thoughts began hitting him all at once. What about his family? What if his father found out? There was no question that Ozai would kill Taki and then probably Zuko himself if his father could get away with it. There was no way he could be with Taki if his family found out. And then, Taki wouldn't even want to look at him if he found out the younger had lied so drastically to him. Well, not so much lied as didn't tell the entire truth. Not to mention the fact that he was supposedly being engaged soon. If he saw Taki while he was formally betrothed, that would be the equivalent to a mortal offense. This relationship was going to involve a lot of secret-keeping. Cross each bridge as it comes, Zuko assured himself. It'll be okay. But how the hell was he going to-
...
Fiancé. Oh no. Zuko cursed softly, smacking himself in the head. "How could I have forgotten?"
"What's wrong?" Taki asked with a worried glance.
"My cousin and I have an... engagement." There. Not entirely the truth, but not a lie. "I'm sorry, but I have to go. I'm already late."
Taki nodded understandingly, before he snatched the lips of his boyfriend one last time. "I'll see you tomorrow for sure," Zuko said, hugging the other tightly before sprinting out the door. "Thanks for lunch!"
Taki sighed, collapsing down on the couch in ecstasy. Perfect. He's perfect. Today had started off as a terrible day, and turned into the best day of his life. For the very first time in his existence, things were going just right.
Zuko tied his hair up quickly, brushing past the guards at the front gate of the palace. Cursing, he ran upstairs to change into some of his nicer robes. This isn't going to be a pleasant afternoon at all. His thoughts were affirmed when he reached the main hall to find Lu Ten glaring viciously at the wall, slouching in his seat.
"Where were you?" he spat at Zuko as he neared cautiously.
"Just taking a walk. Lost track of time." Zuko shrugged under the fierce gaze.
"Well, come on! You've kept many nice young ladies waiting!" His tone was bitter and full of regret. Zuko could tell that something far beyond his own tardiness was at hand here. He'd be sure to ask after the... interviews.
"How is this going to work?" Zuko asked nervously flattening the creases in his outfit.
"Each one is going to meet with you separately, introduce herself, and give you a bit of background. Family, hobbies, whatever. She'll state why she thinks she'll make a good wife to you, and then leave. All you have to do is listen and make mental notes. Jot down a name if you're interested." Zuko sat at the elaborate table next to his cousin, anxiously tapping his fingers against the surface.
"Don't act so nervous," Lu Ten murmured, as their assistant waved in the first young lady. He seemed to be calming down considerably in the presence of his younger cousin. "You'll be just fine. Just smile at them." Zuko didn't bother explaining his apprehensions, fiddling with his hands in his lap.
The first girl curtsied in a lovely fashion for the two of them, before Lu Ten motioned for her to sit. "Greetings my Lords," she began, as though she'd rehearsed it a thousand times. "I am Izumi of the Kaoru house, daughter of General Kenji Kaoru. I live in the southern rural area of town, where I was raised by my mother in the arts of sewing, embroidery, poetry, cooking, the sungi horn..."
And this is where Zuko's focus left him completely. His daydreams were enveloped by images of his newly acquired boyfriend and how the older boy would look without his shirt on. Not that Zuko wanted to see Taki without his shirt on. Of course, that didn't mean Zuko didn't want to see Taki without a shirt on. Moan. Shiver. Wow. This was so much better than listening to endless droning, it was incredible. Wow indeed.
"Zuko? What do you think?"
"Hot..."
"What?"
"Huh? Um, not. She's not the one."
"I agree," Lu Ten stated, scribbling something with his writing quill. "Too full of herself, too shallow, and poor figure." His eyes portrayed that he cared just as much about this event as Zuko did at the moment.
And so this would continue for three hours. Girls would come in endless globs, bragging about themselves to a great extent, while Lu Ten would scribble in his notebook, and while Zuko would daydream about less than appropriate subject matter.
"What did you think about that last girl, Zuko?" Lu Ten finally asked, snapping his notes shut.
"Did she say that her hobby was sitting down while looking pretty?" he asked in wonder, blinking out of his daze.
"Yes, but that's generally the job of all noble wives. She definitely knows her place."
Zuko sighed, rubbing his head in an aggravated way. "I don't know. It just seemed like the same thing over and over again."
"Well, it pretty much was. Not that you were listening to a word they said."
Zuko jumped at these words, glancing at his cousin, who had a sympathetic look on his face. "It's obvious you're not interested in any of these girls, Zuko. Is there someone else?"
Zuko gulped, dearly tempted to confide in his cousin. But it was neither the right place nor time for such a conversation. "No," Zuko said finally. "I just wasn't interested, like you said."
Lu Ten leaned back in his chair lazily, sighing deeply. "Don't worry, okay Zuko? We'll find you a nice looking, ideal wife who does as she's told. It's not much to look forward to, but it's pertinent to your responsibilities. We'll try again tomorrow with a fresh batch of girls dying to meet you."
"Hmmm." Zuko shrugged noncommittally. He steered the conversation towards the question burning at the tip of his tongue. "You talked to your father again, didn't you?"
Lu Ten nearly fell backwards in his chair. Forcibly steadying himself he asked nervously, "Why would you think that?"
"You were upset," Zuko murmured softly, touching Lu Ten's arm. "I've seen that expression before, however rarely. You two had another fight."
"You know me too well," Lu Ten groaned. "You're right." His head settled in his hands, as he sighed. "I'm leaving, no matter what he says."
Zuko bit his lip, trying to keep from begging his cousin otherwise. "He'll see it your way when you come back a hero," he said with confidence. "Definitely."
Lu Ten smiled softly, raising his head. "I hope so. Thanks, Zuko."
He merely smiled in response, flipping through Lu Ten's notes nonchalantly. Sighing, he relinquished the notebook, shaking his head. "I've had enough to deal with today. I'm going to bed."
Lu Ten raised an eyebrow. "At five in the afternoon?"
Zuko sighed. "Okay, maybe I'll just lie in my bed and mope until the early hours of the morning. Same thing."
"Sounds like fun," Lu Ten laughed. "Do you want me to bring you up dinner later?"
"No thanks," Zuko replied, standing to repair the crick in his neck. "I'll manage." With a wave, Zuko trotted up the stairs to mope, sigh, and perhaps dream about his beautiful boyfriend a bit more.
