Shijin no Zankoku: Chapter Three

"You, my friend, are a masochist"

"Eh? Nani?!" Zoicite sighed and followed his friends gaze to the crimson clad girl at the other side of the ballroom.

"Kasei-hime? Are you kidding me? Don't you know what they say about Martian women?"

"...Do I want to know?"

"That they have quicker tempers than a wildfire and they're just as easy too tame. Which is to say, not at all." Jadeite smiled ruefully as he took in the advice, folding his arms and refusing to be deterred from his mission. "If you're going to commit treason, why don't at least go for a nice Mercurian girl or something. Martians are just so...uncouth."

"Says the narcissist. Mercurians are way too timid. They take after their princess in that. I can't stand girls like that...No...Kasei-hime will do just fine..." Zoicite raised an eyebrow and looked back and forth between the girl and Jadeite, noticing the way the former glared at the room as if she wished everyone in it would spontaneously combust.

"...You only like her because she looks like the humans from your region, right? A bit of the familiar in uncharted territory?"

"...Shut-up, Zoicite..."

"Ara, I'm right aren't I? You're blushing!"

"I am not blushing and so what if she does? Doesn't Suisei-hime look like yours?" Zoicite other eyebrow joined the first at the base of his hairline as he considered the girl who stood at the Kasei-hime's left, reading a book rather than enjoying one of the rare balls that both Earth and the other Central Planets actually cooperated enough to both attend.

"Superficially, I suppose. Except they don't generally have blue hair...The water or something does that. Neptune's princess is like that too. Weird." He slanted a sharp look at the other blond for successfully getting him off track. "But this conversation isn't about Suisei-hime and I. It's about you and your ill choices. I can tell. This is going to blow in your face, Jadeite."

"...Probably."

"...And you're not going to listen to me are you?"

"...Probably not."

"...You're already working out a plan to seduce her aren't you."

"...Probably."

"...You know she won't be easily to lure into your bed. Nor will she be easy to throw out. You won't be able to make her one of her conquests."

"...Probably." Zoicite frowned and folded his arms, sighing in frustration at his friends flippant reaction

"...She's going to be the death of you..."

"...Probably..."


The creeping feeling along the back of his neck that signaled that he was being watched was so strong that Jadeite nearly feel out of the chair he was dozing in with the shock of it.

"Ohayou!" His eye twitched slightly as he recognized the blond sitting across from him as the annoyance that he shared an apartment with.

"...Z-Zoicite..."

"Hai!" twitch

"W-What are you doing?"

"Why whatever do you mean, Jadeite-kun?"! He smiled widely, giving Jadeite an inexplicable urge to back up against a wall.

"...I take it that things went well with Ami-chan last night?" Zoicite tilted his head to the side slightly, in a curious fashion. That urge to back up came again.

"Ara?! You could say that I suppose! I just gave her a ride to the hospital she's working at. Our Suisei-oh is quite the genius!" twitch

"...Uh...huh...So...that means she spent the night?" All he got was a wider grin in response. "Omedetou I suppose."

"Arigatou! And how are things progressing with Rei-chan?!"

All the older king got in response was a dark frown. He suddenly sympathized with that need to back far away from his friend.

"They aren't. She won't take my calls. I was planning on trying to talk to her at Kunzite and Minako's engagement party and she set the sake I was drinking on fire from across the room when I even looked in her direction."

"Yare, yare. That's terrible!"

"Don't say that so excitedly!" Zoicite's expression changed abruptly and he leaned forward in his chair.

"...I told you were a masochist. She's going to kill you one of these days. Also like I warned you." Jadeite narrowed his eyes and leaned forward so that he was inches away from the other Shittenou's face.

"...Don't look in on my dreams, stalker." He leaned back and frowned. "That's always been one of your more annoying powers..." The European king grinned again and Jadeite had to resist the urge to punch him.

"Oh, but it reveals so much valuable information!" The serious look was back again, leaving Jadeite wondering how he could switch moods so swiftly and considering the possibility that his long-time friend was bi-polar. He'd heard Mamoru and Ami discuss it at one point and was beginning to more and more faith into the theory that the two doctors had on the subject. "Anyway, I've always warned you about her. I didn't expect you would fall so hard for her though. Not in the beginning. At that party..You were already in deep weren't you? Even though she had only just awakened as a senshi and had spoken to you maybe once?"

Zoicite sighed and didn't an answer that he knew wasn't going to be given. The crimson stain quickly spreading over the others face was more than enough.

"...So what are your plans form this point on?" Jadeite narrowed his eyes again at the question, apparently having expecting more scolding and/or awkward questions. "I know you won't give up. You dream about her every single moment you're asleep. You're fucked my friend, and always will be. She's ruined you forever! Your fragile innocence has been stolen by that Amazon! Your maidenhood has been-"

"Maidenhood?!"

"Your maidenhood has been shattered by that enchantress of fire! Oh my poor darling Jadeite-kun!!" Zoicite lamented, lunging to engulf the other man in a bruising hug, oblivious to the look of abject horror on his victims face. "Don't you worry your pretty golden head about it Jadeite, darling. Zoicite okaa-chan will make that devil-woman pay for what she's done to you!!"

"Z-Zoicite! Hanase!!"

"Hmm...Looks like someones gotten friendly since last night." The two men looked up at the entry of another person into the room, who was currently sliding sunglasses to the top of his head with a sardonic smirk.

"Ah! It's horrible, Kunzite-samaaaaaaa!" Zoicite wailed, latching onto the waist of their commander, the honorific ending in an anguished wail.

"What is?" The platinum haired man asked with a sigh of the long-suffering as he closed the apartment door behind himself, walking passed a stunned Jadeite who was still on the floor from where Zoicite's attack had left him.

"Jadeite-kun! He's soooooo sad! That evil Martian wench has forever ruined him by taking his womanly innocence and tossing it into the flames!"

"Who's womanly innocence?!" Jadeite protested loudly, going ignored.

"Don't call Kasei-oh-sama an evil wench. Not within distance of people who would tell her." Kunzite warned as he walked into the kitchen, completely at ease, despite the fact that Zoicite was still clinging to his waist like a belt. He gestured swiftly to the closed door to the left of the kitchen. "Apparently Mokusei-oh-san has relented as well."

"Ah, that would explain why we haven't seen Nephrite-kun all day...hmmm..." Zoicite said, nodding sagely as he continued clinging.

"Unzarida!" The anguished cry was followed by the sound of a head thunking to the floor several times as Jadeite's illusions of solidarity with Nephrite crashed. "This shouldn't be that difficult!! Why did I have to get the stubborn one?! Why can't Rei be easy like all other princess seem to be?! Why?!"

"Oi, again, something else not to be said in mixed company." Kunzite warned, comming back into the main room of the apartment, Zoicite free-ish, as the other king trailed after him.

"I did warn you, Jadeite-kun!" said king sang, shit-eating grin in place.

Deciding that he wasn't going to take anymore abuse from the two snickering kings on opposite sides of him, the far eastern king picked himself off the ground and dusted off his jeans in a haughty gesture.

"That's enough...Its getting ridiculous."

"What is?" Kunzite asked, his eyebrow gaining altitude at his comrades sudden serious manner. He exchanged a look with Zoicite and found an equally worried expression on the younger man's face.

The last time Jadeite had sounded this serious about anything, he'd gone off and gotten himself killed. The mutual worry between the other two was that he would do something equally stupid and get and equally stupid result.

"I'm going to get Rei to take me back, even if I have to force her to fall in love with me again." Another look was exchanged, this one accompanied with two sighs that meant that it would be useless to try and talk the other king out if it, regardless of how useless they thought his resolve was.

"Ah...Well...Good luck I suppose...You're going to need it." Kunzite warned, running an exasperated hand through his hair.

"Yeah...Probably..."


Author's Notes: Okay, a note that I feel the need to get out of the way as it will apply to all chapters of this story and all stories I write if you choose to use them: The random Japanese inserted amoungst the English is just a way of emphasizing some words more than putting it in different font styles can do. Pretty much the same way that some Japanese have the tendency to insert English words to emphasize. It's the same thing. I'll try and remember to put translations in my notes of the lesser known words or if I forget then the context clues should help.

Next...I enjoy writing Zoicite extraordinarily flamboyant. It's just fun and I think it's at least a little in character. There was a reason that the dub made him female after all. I was trying to go with the mange trend of having some characters end all of their speech in little hearts but wouldn't accept my formatting so...It's just simple exclamation points. It annoys me but I'll live...tabun...

Somehow...I still want to have Zoicite and Kunzite as a couple even though this a senshixshittenou fic...I don't know what I'm going to do about that but...

And in case you couldn't tell, the part in italics was a dream and apparently Zoicite can read other peoples dreams. Don't ask me why, I just wanted him to be smug about something and that's what I can up with. Not cannon but then again the full extent of their powers was never really stated. I'll probably be adding to everyones.

Translations:

Kasei/Suisei/Mokusei-hime/oh: Mars/Mercury/ Jupiter-Princess/Queen

Omedetou: Congratulations

Hanase: Let go!

Unzarida: I've had enough!

Yare, yare: My,my or something like that. Zoi's going to be using this one alot...