…th!

When the world, or providence, or fate, or whatever it could be at all, wants to tell you something, you have to do nothing, just get the clues and work out the answer to the main question of your life. Iruka's day started queer and it continued to reveal itself queerer with every next event.

It started when that wonderful morning Iruka suddenly decided to call Izumo. He did it not very often, but that day was his day off and they could think of something together.

"Hello Iruka," said Izumo's voice.

"Hi, how is life?"

"Perfect," purred Izumo lazily, "it could be even better if I didn't forget to buy the whipped cream yesterday."

"Wow, you have a party or something? You know what – I'm going to help you. It's not a problem! I'm free today!" suggested Iruka, already glad he could be useful, "I can be at your place in twenty…"

"Wait, wait, not so fast" Izumo laughed, "Kotetsu just returned from his night shift, so we are going to… well, you know! I'm afraid this is a private celebration."

"Oh!" Iruka exhaled, digesting the received information and feeling terribly awkward, "Sorry I didn't mean to interpose; I thought you need another kind of help!"

"No problem, Iruka, it is okay. And for the note – you are welcome to interpose any time. It's if you suddenly decide you want it. Am I clear?"

"Yes, thank you," muttered Iruka tacitly. He wanted only one thing now – to hang up the phone and quit the theme.

"Great! I wish you a nice day, Iruka," The man on the other side of the phone was definitely having fun.

"Bye, Izumo, regards to Kotetsu," Iruka tossed the phone at the couch and pressed both trembling palms to his burning cheeks.

'Shit!' he thought, 'nothing is clear! The only thing clear is that I'm an idiot.'

Afraid to stay at home with uneasy and dangerous thoughts, Iruka went to the teahouse at the corner of the street. He liked sitting at the table, enjoying his breakfast and observing people pass in a hurry, have their own life. It was calming.

The girl appeared from nowhere. She occupied the table next to Iruka's and took the phone out of her handbag.

The phone made the slight buzzing sounds; she opened it and said "Hello, man! Long time no see! I just heard you've got the new dona and then you simply disappear!"

Iruka observed her carefully – she was tall, with short, sticking out in all directions, hair. Her clothes could be estimated as the sort of masculine style, but it made her even more appealing. Iruka caught himself on the thought that young woman was rather attractive. He smiled inwardly and congratulated himself with happy coincidence of him liking at least one woman in whole town. Unconsciously, Iruka started to listen to what she said to her invisible opponent.

"…Affair? You'd better not call it an affair if you really care for your precious ass!... She works in the next compartment… Yes, at first we started to e-mail each other. She was very enthusiastic, you know. Then we met, went to dine together. She was at my place several times, and I didn't quite get how, but it became normal to meet and spend time together on the everyday basis…"

Continuing to shamelessly listen to the talk, Iruka smirked bitterly. That was the trivial love story! And he was the lucky guy to fall for a lesbian. How ironic.

"Oh, no-no-no-no! I'll tell you all the details of this kind only when we meet personally…."

Iruka imagined them sitting somewhere in the bar or in the cafe and sharing the intimate details. That was so… girly!

"I see, you are just gerontophile, like I am. Ha-ha! C'mon, you are surely lucky, buddy! My sweetheart has three kids and a husband!"

Not a perfect love story then. Iruka squinted at the girl and gulped. She waved her hand as if it was nothing, laughed expressly cheerfully and continued.

"So recently she told me we must part… Right! Probably thought I'll be destroyed. But I'm not, funny, isn't it? Shut up, I very well know it's not funny myself…"

Iruka sighed and stared at the table's cloth for a while. He thought may be he could be together with the equally broken person. May be he should come to this young woman now and tell her that he just heard her story and knows that she is single and, if she wants to start a relationship with someone interested, he can suggest his humble candidacy… That was a lie; he could never do that! When he raised his head the girl was already gone and he noticed her figure in the end of the street, still talking over the phone and waving her hand. With the common gesture Iruka put his face in his palms. He was so messed up.

Iruka paid the bill and went out into the noisy street. He walked slowly, staring at the items in the shops' windows, not really noticing them, when, accidentally, his eye caught the reflection of the incredibly familiar man in the glass. It was definitely him, there could be no mistake. Iruka would never mistake that silver hair with anything in the whole world! He stood frozen, staring at Kakashi's reflection and somehow knew the man noticed him too. And he saw that after a short hesitation Kakashi hid himself behind the nearest corner with the skill of the stealth professional. Still, Iruka was a professional too, albeit not that deadly. Quickly, but carefully, he came closer, peered around the corner and examined the blind alley. As he suspected – there was no Kakashi in sight.

Iruka frowned – he didn't see Kakashi for more than a week already and thought the man got his task and went away to accomplish it. But Kakashi was obviously avoiding him instead, and he was doing it for the reason.

That moment Iruka realized one very disturbing fact. He didn't like that Kakashi avoided him. It was hard to accept, but he longed for the silver-haired man's attention. And also for his…

Iruka growled and hid his face in the palms, simultaneously shaking his head. He didn't care what people on the street would think of him anymore. He turned around and ran home as fast as possible. He desired to hide behind the door and to sit quietly in his little flat, hoping that the queer outer world would be kind and leave him alone at least for this damn day off.

'No more self-willed days off,' decided Iruka, shutting the trustworthy door behind his back.

…th!

It has been a tiring day and Iruka lay on his couch, sure that he wouldn't sleep. But when his mobile phone started to ring and he opened his eyes, it was pitch dark outside.

'My baby had a brand new gun. Bang Boom Bang, never heard no sadder sound. I said my baby had a brand new gun. Scratch my fucking brains off the ground!'*

Iruka blinked and stood up to reach for the phone, which rang and vibrated on the shelf. He wanted to change that ring tone for an eternity already! Still he didn't complete it. The melody together with the harsh meaning of words held him addicted.

With the mixed feeling of obligation and pity he pressed the green button. It was always painful to kill the song in the very beginning. May be it would be better to have some classical music as a ring tone. Classics are immortal.

"Yes," muttered Iruka into the phone.

"Iruka? Iruka, hi! Long time no see, man!" The shouting voice was accompanied by the loud tunes, tinkles of glass and other noises it was impossible to identify so easily. Iruka pressed the palm to his forehead. He was still sleepy. And his head was slightly aching.

"We've met yesterday morning, Genma," said Iruka politely, while fingering the wall with intention to switch on the light, "Are you already missing my lectures?"

"For goodness sake, of course not!" shouted Genma quickly, "I just call to tell you something!"

"What is it?" wondered Iruka. He found the switch and headed to the kitchen. There he pressed the red button on his coffee maker. Coffee would help him think rationally; he remembered about the big pile of paperwork waiting on the table in the living room and sighed.

"Do you know Hatake? Well, you should know him, because he definitely knows you!" Genma giggled, but then something heavy fell down and he send forth a long hiss.

"Hatake?" echoed Iruka distractedly. His coffee maker didn't start to make him coffee so far. It was strange.

"C'mon! It's the masked one, who incessantly acts out a ninja!" said Genma. "Ha-ha, you missed! Meee!" added he happily to someone on his side of the phone.

"Ah, you mean Kakashi," Iruka scratched his head with the free hand, and then poured several glasses of water into the empty tank. Coffee maker started to purr thankfully; unconsciously, Iruka smiled at it.

"Oh, you should hear how he pronounced 'Kakashi'!" cried Genma. That was surely not for Iruka again and he frowned.

"Genma. May I ask you where you are?"

"Me? I am in the bar on the 5-th lane! Listen, Iruka. Your Kakashi here says you've hurt him badly!"

"I didn't see him for more than a week, Genma. How could I hurt him?" asked Iruka, fully warned now; he didn't like surprises, especially when he had a head ache.

"He says you rejected him and he is crying!" announced Genma angrily into the phone, then added to someone near him in the lower tone, "Yes, you are crying, look at you!" Iruka heard the strangled moan and the sound of the fight, "Iruka, he's crying so bitterly his mask is dripping wet!"

"He's probably drooling bitterly because you are all drunk and doing goodness knows what!" hissed Iruka, "Why are you calling me, again, Genma? You'd better not play around with me, because I can decide to make you regret it later, and you are well aware how easy I can do it!"

"Stop hanging over me with your threats! You have no right to use your position against me in private matters, you, presumptuous fag!" shouted Genma loudly and everything went blank before Iruka's eyes. He was completely stunned, so Genma continued, "I only wanted to say if you don't come to take this drunken bastard home, we'll leave him to die in the next waste-water ditch!"

The following minute Iruka stood there like a statue with the switched off phone pressed to his ear.

…th!

"No! Do you think he's coming after that nice chat?" Anko pounced at Genma and pressed his face to the bar's counter. Genma was giggling nervously.

Smirking, Izumo tenderly patted Anko's back.

"He won't be Iruka if he's not coming! Our Iruka can't leave the living creature die in the waste-water ditch, am I right, Kotetsu?"

Kotetsu nodded and squinted at the body he continued to squeeze in his arms to prevent any harm. Kakashi looked calmer and stopped his furious fidgeting, so he carefully took his palm away from the masked lips and let him free.

"You are sick, all of you!" declared Kakashi apathetically, laying his head on the counter, "I tell you a nice story about intercourse of two random men and you decide to turn it into drama with intention of happy ending!"

"Calm down, random man, we've got you. This is what you need your dear friends for!" Genma winced and pushed against Anko, who was still holding him pressed into the counter, "Can you take your hands off me already? I want my beer!"

Anko laughed and let him go. She made a step back and sat at Ibiki's knees. Immediately, two strong hands pulled her further into the man's lap and entwined around her waist as if they were meant to be always there.

"Who needs enemies with such wonderful friends!" muttered Kakashi.

Genma straightened and reached for his beer.

"Shut up, I'm tired to listen to your sorrowful whining. Don't cry, do something! Otherwise we'll do something," he made several hungry gulps, "Let's all get drunk before Iruka appears! We'll probably regret we were born if we'll be conscious when he starts to beat us!"

"…Iruka is really amusing; it's a pity he doesn't admit he has more than one option to choose from…" Kakashi continued his speculations. After the couple of beers he easily got into the state of a silly romantic and decided to discourse the way he felt. He rarely got drunk though. This time he tried hard to avoid Iruka for the whole week, was over exhausted and had an excuse to relax before the next task. In spite of his previous wish to stay in town, now he waited for the task like for salvation, but his cruel Boss continued to postpone it every single day.

Izumo hummed and leaned to Kotetsu.

"It's you who has more then one option, Kakashi! Iruka has probably one and only possible option left. Someone must prove it to him, someone fearless. And by the way it's not like you to hold back your desires. I'd even understand if you choose to carefully rape him," Izumo sighed heavily and rotated the contents of his bottle, staring at it absentmindedly, "We all want our Iruka to be happy…"

"And we all made bets…" started Anko.

"What?" Kakashi's body darted up, but Genma caught him and made him stay lying on the counter – he noticed Iruka at the bar's entrance.

"Don't move, Kakashi, and please behave yourself. I mean act as if you are very-very drunk," Genma hissed and poured some beer from the bottle on Kakashi's head and clothes to make him smell like a very-very drunk man.

Kakashi snorted. He really enjoyed the way the evening revealed.

"And what do I do?" he murmured, already using the drunken voice.

"Nothing in particular, you only catch the moment and help me win my bet!" said Genma kindly, patting the silver hair, "It means you accidentally make Iruka loose his virginity."

Kakashi's beer-soaked brain produced a couple of variations of making it happen 'accidentally' and he couldn't suppress the chuckle. Anko gave him a punch with her knee.

"Freeze now!" she whispered and took her position behind him, "Now, guys, everything as planned."

They exchanged several affirmative nods and Genma snorted.

Kakashi obliged and froze; he could be very collected when he wanted to. This time he definitely wanted.


*Lyrics and music by 'Mad Sin'))