A/N: Before Chuck Norris facts, there were...

"When the Ghazi's attacked John Watson, they cried and sued for damages."

I snorted behind my newspaper. "That is not what you overheard those women in the train station saying."

"It is. And there is more – how did they put it...John Watson was not shot in Afghanistan, the bullet was John Watson-ed."

"Really, Holmes!" I cried, though lowered the paper not at all to hide the slight flush I felt beginning creep over my features. "This is becoming somewhat gratuitous."

"No more gratuitous than your trite little fictions. I am only quoting what your readers have extrapolated from them."

"They can't have gotten such...such..."

"Ineffable twaddle?"

"Quite! From my writing. My relating of events was wholly factual – do not scoff, Holmes – if, I will allow, slightly romanticized. But hardly to the degree these absurd little sayings suggest!"

"You're blushing behind that paper."

"Go to blazes."

But my insufferable friend only began to grin evilly. "When John Watson returned to London the Queen named a street after him," he quoted. "But the name was later changed, because no one crosses John Watson and lives."

I sank a bit lower behind my paper.

"John Watson was actually killed in Afghanistan, but death has yet to work up the nerve to tell him so. When they operated on his shoulder to remove the jezail bullet, anesthesia was applied to the surgeons. Fibers of John Watson's mustache have been known to cure consumption. John Watson -"

"Well, what did they say about YOU, then?" I exclaimed, throwing my paper aside, quite unable to bear any more.

"Not a thing," Holmes shrugged.

I gave him a knowing look, cocking my head to one side incredulously, not believing him for an instant.

"I know!" he agreed strongly, pretending, no doubt, to misinterpret my reaction. "It's somewhat ironic, I agree. Anyways, I have yet to tell you the best one – The H in John H Watson stands for..."

Having had quite enough, I felt at this point that there was little to be done but quit the sitting room entirely.