3: The trouble with memories (aka YAY for crack that is a crime against fanfiction!)
Author's note: This story isn't set from either the world from the book or the movie. Just thought I'd clear that up. This is a combo of book, movie, and alternative.
Frodo: Boy, that was a really lame author's note, Zell.
Zell: Oh, shut up, would you?
Frodo: You should think of a better way to do your author's notes.
Zell: That gives me an idea… (looks thoughtfully at Frodo)
Frodo: I don't like the looks of this...
Whenever one woke up screaming, one usually liked it if there was someone standing there, willing to talk.
Especially if that one was a close friend.
So of course, for Frodo at least, if one had to endure horrible nightmares nearly every night, the only good part was that Etherial woke him up. She'd never be Sam, but was as close as he'd been able to get.
"Wake up! It was only a dream," she smacked him. How unlike Sam, who'd gently shake him awake and promise that it was only a dream in a more soothing tone.
Frodo stopped himself. Etherial got really hurt when he compared her to Sam, who as far as she understood was fictional. And she could read minds. Thankfully, she wasn't at the time. Frodo could tell when she penetrated his mind.
"What's wrong with you? Have you entered a Transfer stage?" he gasped when she finally finished smacking him awake. She certainly seemed more powerful (and grouchier) than usual, certain signs that she was entering a stage where more power was Transferred to her.
"Yes," she replied sullenly. "Don't you remember yours? Oh, dash it all, forget about me. What about you?"
"Nightmare," he mumbled in reply.
"Perhaps we should talk to M-I mean Elrond of course!. Or maybe even Mother!" she suggested. Frodo couldn't fathom how she managed to see Galadriel as her mother. He found the idea of Galadriel as a mother rather amusing. No. that just could happen. She was so far removed from the notion of a mom that there was no way that that could happen.
"No," he replied, now in a dreamy voice. "I met someone else to share confidence with."
"Me?" she asked. Of course she'd been joking. She and Frodo had been tight since she'd been able to say his name, and even now, as they'd both began branching out, she, even beyond her 'parents', even beyond Elrond, was his closest friend aboard the ship. Of course, she'd also learned to endure the rants of "But I feel disloyal to Sam by calling you my best friend," but once she'd gotten offended that Frodo still seemed to have imaginary friends who were in higher esteem than she was, she'd become content with being his "second-best friend." Of course, Etherial didn't know that there was a whole wide world outside the ship. She'd been born on it, and had lived out her life there.
"Not you," Frodo replied. "A girl from the Shire who came here through a dream. Her name is…"
"Verna."
Verna turned around to see that her father was now looking out the window, towards the old, abandoned hobbit-hole known as Bag End.
"So now you know," he added.
"So you and your best friend were the heroes?" she asked in wonder. He nodded sadly.
"It cost my friend his life," he added. "At least, that's how I think of it. He sailed away to the Undying Lands, where one only goes when they die."
Verna thought for a moment of telling him about the part of her dream where she'd seen Frodo, but decided against it. Something was telling her that it wasn't time yet.
Meanwhile, Sam continued looking out the window at the abandoned hobbit-hole. How long ago it seemed that it had been inhabited! As a matter of fact, that innocent thought brought Sam back to the day he'd first met Frodo, all those years ago…
Insert any sappy flashback sequence here. I feel a little lazy and will not be writing one today.
"Father?" Verna's voice brought him out of his trip down memory lane.
"Huh? Oh, sorry," he smiled at her to try and let her know that he wasn't upset. Admittedly, he was, he just didn't want her to know.
"Can I go exploring?" Verna asked. Not even waiting for an answer, she bounded off to Smash Manor. There was always something cool to explore there, particularly with Zelda at her side. Well, rather, above her. While Verna had never seen any 'humans,' she didn't see the Smashers as humans. They were just too good.
Sam was prepared to have another long trip down memory lane when all of a sudden, a burst of blinding light appeared and Zell entered, flanked by an elfin girl who appeared very bored.
"I am Zell, the author," she introduced herself. "And this is my OC, an elfin girl who's still sailing away on some ship named… what's your name again?"
"You invented me. How could you forget my name? Or maybe you just created me to call Mr. Nine-fingered Trauma Case names?" the elfin girl asked in a voice that matched her appearance. "My name's Galnen, anyway. Wait a sec, I thought you like Frodo!"
"I do," Zell replied in an icy voice. "He's one of my favorite LOTR characters. And no, I didn't create you to torment him. You'll play a major role in the future, and besides, it is a bit funny to have an elf with your personality- oh no! We just revealed several major points of the plot!"
"Wait, you- you've been teasing Frodo?" Sam asked angrily. "I thought he was dead!"
"Erase!" Zell shouted, using her magical author-powers and making him forget that their exchange had ever taken place, then re-entered in another burst of light.
Take Two
"I am Zell, the author- wait, where's Sam?" Zell scanned the room with her eyes to find that Sam was cowering behind the sofa.
"NO, I am NOT going to hurt you! I'm JUST HERE TO strike FEAR in your heart!" Zell screamed at him. Sam slumped into a dead faint.
"Whoops…" Zell used her author powers to rewrite the scene again.
Take Three
"I am Zell, the author!" Zell declared as Galnen grasped Sam in a very strong karate grip.
"That is Galnen, my elfin OC with a bad personality," Zell added. "Hey, where'd you learn how to do that move?"
"Mr. I'm-angsty-and-traumatized sometimes needs restraining," Galnen replied.
"Like when?"
"Like when he's suffering a psychological spell, and- oh, my bluetooth's letting me know from Etherial that I'm needed."
"Why?"
"Psychological spell."
"I'm just writing Galnen out, dangit!" cried Zell.
Take Four
"I am Zell, the author, here to strike fear in your heart and let you know that you should stop this angst-ridden hogging of the chapter Verna is supposed to be in charge of!" Zell shouted in one breath. Sam nodded, still frightened from a few takes ago.
"O-o-kay," he stammered and left the room as fast as he could.
"See, Zell? That was easy!" came the voice of her twin sister, Zillah. Zillah was sort of Zell's stunt double. When Zell had to help direct things in another setting, Zillah pretended to be Zell for action's sake.
"All you had to do was to write out Galnen!" Zillah added.
"Don't be so smug, Zillah. As you are an OC as well, I could easily write you out!" Zell replied coldly.
"Well, you're technically an OC, too, regardless that you are, to date, in two other fanfics."
"Touché, Zillah, Touché."
When she reached Smash Manor, Verna immediately realized that something was wrong. Or rather, three somethings.
These somethings were Marth, Roy, and Ike. Or rather, Marth, Roy, and Ike with Merry and Pippin in tow.
The bigger problem, even? They were going to brawl Crazy Hand. And Crazy Hand…
"ELEPHANTS!" shrieked Crazy Hand and began bouncing up and down. "BUTTERFLIES!"
"What are you doing with Merry and Pippin?" Verna asked angrily.
"We're teaching 'em how to brawl!" declared Marth. To prove his point, he handed Merry his sword after demonstrating a proper stab.
Merry had a very good aim and a very strong hand. However, there was one issue: he was much shorter than Marth. As a result, his stab hit Marth in a place no boy enjoyed being hit.
"Whoops…" Merry blushed and tried to turn away when he felt Roy smack him.
"Don't hit Marth there, stupid hobbit!" cried Roy.
"Seriously, you hit like a girl!" Pippin laughed.
"Maybe because you and Marth are girls!" Merry added, recovering quickly.
"No one who wields a sword from Fire Emblem can be called a girl and get away with it!" Marth squeaked, still feeling pain where Merry had hit him.
"Not even the ones who actually are girls?" came a cool female voice behind them.
"Don't reply, Marth!" Verna warned.
"NO!" Marth shouted.
"Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Marth," Lyn replied, smirking and hefting her own blade.
"I tried to warn you," mumbled Verna and backed away.
"VERNA! DO SOMETHING!" shrieked Marth.
"Screw you guys," Verna replied. "I'm going to go climb something."
"HAND PWN! MASTER HAND- PAWNCH!" shrieked Crazy Hand.
"He really is crazy," Verna mumbled.
"Not crazy," replied a passing Toon Link. "Just really random."
"Yeah, Toony, I believe you, but- hey, is that a ring that you've got dangling around your neck?" Verna asked.
"Yep. Just like the one in Lord of the Rings," Toon Link replied. "I'm a huge fan. AND WHY DID IT HAVE TO END SO SADLY?"
"Stupid fanboy. If he realized what it was like for the Fellowship, he'd never be a fan," came a voice in Verna's head.
"Hey, Zelda and I are going to watch The Fellowship of the Ring," Toon Link grinned. "Wanna join us, Verna?"
"What's The Fellowship of the Ring?" Verna asked.
"You're a hobbit and Sam's daughter, and you DON'T KNOW?" Toon Link gasped. "You're SO watching the movie with us!" he grabbed Verna's wrist and dragged her to Lounge 1A.
"Was that just me, or is this chapter infected with 'Crazy Hand Syndrome?'" Frodo asked Etherial. "And why was I seeing such a random mansion?"
Etherial removed her hand from his forehead.
"I don't know," Etherial replied. "But I saw it too."
"Well, duh, genius," Frodo snapped. "You were reading my thoughts!"
"Sorry for being… what do I have to be sorry for?" she asked. "You're the on who gets so… touchy."
"Would you stop using a triple period?" Frodo asked, by now becoming angry. "It's annoying me!"
"Why do you have to be so… nasty?" Etherial asked.
"If you'd been the ring bearer, you'd be nasty on your bad days, too!" Frodo snapped again.
"Well, I know you never used to be this bad-tempered!" she shouted back.
"If you had had a proper home and had been wrenched away from it early, you'd be upset, too!" Frodo shouted.
"Break it up!" Gandalf had entered for his first major scene in the fanfic. He was still Gandalf the White, but he wished he could call himself "Gandalf the Emotional Punching Bag of Frodo Baggins." That's what he felt like whenever Frodo had one of his bad days. For an unusually reserved young hobbit, Frodo was very angsty and emotional, particularly when his quest was brought up.
"WHY DOESN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?" Frodo shrieked in what sounded like two voices.. Seeing Gandalf's stunned expression, he blushed and apologized.
"Sorry. Had to get that out of my system," he was still talking in two voices. And Gandalf recognized the new one.
"OH MY GOD, FRODO'S BEEN POSSESSED BY THE DEMONIC AUTHOR EXTRAORDINAIRE, ZELDA12343!" he gasped in a loud voice.
P.S the fanfic ends here.
"Hehehe, you guessed it," Frodo/Zell smirked, then broke the fourth wall by addressing the few fans that the fanfic had.
"Hey, you, fans," (Frodo/Zell is addressing whoever's reading this, by the way). "I (meaning both Frodo and Zell) am running out of creative ideas to shamelessly solicit reviews from my fans, so I decided to possess… um, I'm not exactly sure how to put this because partially, I'd be saying I am possessing myself. Well, that aside, my Zell part was sick of writing author notes that no one reads. Well, anyway, I, Zell, have decided that whenever there's a lag in reviews, I might pick someone to possess."
Etherial fainted.
"Don't worry, it's not permanent. As a matter of fact, unless I choose for it to happen, there is no permanent damage. Well, that aside, I agree that this chapter was the most random, horrible chapter that I could've written. It's tactless and terrible."
"Does Frodo think that, or does Zell?" wondered Gandalf.
"Both agree that this is a random chapter," Frodo/Zell smirked again.
"I just realized that for the first time since the quest, you're smiling, Frodo." Gandalf smiled himself.
"This doesn't count. If it weren't Frodo/Zell, then I'd still be my frowning, angsty self. The smirks are Zell's idea. Well, anyway, beyond that, I decided to end the fanfic right there for a cliff-hanger. Technically, this entire part doesn't exist. Well, anyway, if you want the cliffhanger to end, you better review! And this doesn't go to the authors who have already reviewed!" Frodo/Zell is staring at the fans.
"You're starting to scare me," Gandalf said warningly. "And I thought you on your anniversary of your greatest injury, as we call it nicely, were frightening. Frodo/Zell, you've never been this scary."
"DON'T MENTION IT! THE FACT THAT IT'S IN A WEEK DOESN'T IMPROVE MY MOOD (MEANING I AS FRODO AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO EXPERIENCING IT WHILE I AS ZELL AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO WRITING IT)!" screamed Frodo/Zell before the author and her host continued.
"Well, anyway, review to see what happens! The end! Also, I'll be possessing someone again soon if no one reviews!"
With that, Gandalf fainted as well. Frodo scared him regularly, but this was too much.
"Wimp," mumbled Frodo/Zell as he/she settled down, staring freakishly at the fans, waiting for the reviews.
"Wait, isn't something missing?" he/she mumbled to him/herself.
"Make the reviewers find it!" shouted Galnen from the background.
"Okay."
