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Chapter 4 "When they said 'its never too late', they lied."

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I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done...

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do...

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice I
'll be right beside you dear.
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say...
-"Run" Snow Patrol

All I could think about were Leah's hands. It was stupid, but I couldn't stop. They were so small, so fragile when I had seen them last. Frail and shaking little fingers with chipped black nail polish looking slender in comparison to my own large clumsy pair. Soft copper colored skin stretched over bones, nothing like my dark and calloused clunky limbs. My mind kept wandering to her hands laced with mine, but I tried to focus on the perfection of her hands to stray from that particular thought. Everytime I saw her face, it was buried in those hands, soaked with tears. Damn. I hated to see her cry, but right now, that was the only image of her I could recall.

I sighed heavily, trying to wipe the image of her from my mind. My hands were shoved deep into the pockets of my cut-off jeans, fists still clenched. I couldn't believe I lost her. No- I couldn't believe I was chasing her. I was supposed to be helping her, protecting her- not letting my hormones get carried away like the rest of the pack. I was suppose to be strong enough to stop myself, for her. I can't let myself act like one of those assholes- like Troy who only looked at her like a dog drooling over a steak. Even the thought of the ignorant boy made my body shake with anger, ready to phase and tear him apart. The thoughts in his mind when we were both in wolf form- they were disgusting enough to make me gag! The things he imagined himself doing to her, the way he saw her body- he didn't even know her!

He didn't know the funny and sarcastic Leah I knew. The way her eyes lit up when she laughed one of those rare laughs or how her scent reminded you of wild roses. He didn't see the way she tried to cover things up or hide her emotions, or the way she always tried to stay strong, even if she was falling apart. A guy like Troy would never understand the playful remarks she made, laced with bitterness and hurt. He would never appreciate the feeling of her sleeping against his chest while driving down a dark road, her fingers curled on his lap, the overwhelming urge to just pull her closer as I leaned down and pressed my lips to her hair, drowning in her scent as I drank it deeper into my lungs, imagining her doing the same. I shook the memory from my thoughts. This wasn't the time. I had to figure out a way to help Leah.

I had been pacing like this around the Cullen's place for awhile now. I was tired, and any other night that might have mattered, but not tonight. The boys were running perimeters, Sam took some of them to scout out the reservation outskirts, but so far, no luck. Troy and his group had dropped off the radar since our little skirmish on the cliff and Leah was trying her hardest not to get caught by either side. Edward was trying to pinpoint her, but her thoughts seemed to be alittle erratic and unfocused. I let out a frustrated noise, hitting a nearby tree with my fist. DAMN. Nothing was helping and I couldn't seem to focus my own thoughts. I was either thinking about jumping Leah or killing Troy. Either way, it wasn't helpful to the situation. So what the hell do I do?

"Jacob!"

It was Edward and Emmett running into the yard, looking in my direction with an odd expression. They had always tolerated Leah a little better than the rest of the Cullens, even got along with her to a point. I stepped out of the treeline with a sigh, confusion and frustration battling on my face. "Yeah?" Damn. My voice sounded strained.

"You have to go- Leah's thoughts-" Emmett started but I cut him off, immediately directing my anger to Edward.

"Fuck- whats wrong?! Did she get caught? What happened- where is she?!" My mind was coming up with the worst possible situations as Edward's face fell.

"She's trying to- Jacob, she wants to give herself up. She's planning to hand herself over to them to save us. To save you and-"

And it was more than I could take. I was gone before Edward could even finish. I had to stop her. Of all the stupid thoughts- she wanted to save us?! When the hell did Leah Clearwater become such a self-sacrificing saint?! How could she even think about giving herself over to him?! What about me?! What about all of her family?! I told her I wouldn't let her go and damn it- she was not going to make a liar out of me!

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LeahPOV

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So there I was, standing face to face with Sam Uley. The first boy to break my heart and the last man on earth I wanted to see at this particular moment. Of course, as the black wolf's familiar eyes stared into mine, I began to feel the annoying and terrifying urge to run. Run at full speed and never look back. Then again, Sam had given me that feeling for awhile now. It also occured to me, in the haze that was building over my mind, that my previous plan of sacrificing myself for the sake of my pack was flawed. If I felt the urge to run- how was I going to give myself over to Troy? Damn- I was going to have to think that through a little better. I was pretty sure that sheer willpower wouldn't cut it. I felt myself backing away, my instincts taking hold of me. Sam seemed to be at a loss for what to do.

He backed away slowly, noticing my hesitation and fear. It grabbed my attention that something was different when I looked at my ex-lover's eyes. I didn't love him. I didn't dredge up memories or rekindle feelings within myself that were painful and unnecessary. Granted, I hadn't actually felt anything for Sam in quite sometime, but it was odd to not even recognize him in the same way. It use to be Sam, someone who betrayed me, but now it seemed it was Sam, just another face in the crowd. I was apathetic. I finally found apathy toward Sam! Damn- maybe the whole heat thing wasn't so aweful...

But at that moment, because the fates have my life-string constantly in knots to amuse them, a large, slate grey wolf jumped on Sam from absolutely nowhere. Both of their forms rolled away from me, snarls and vicious barks erupting as they fought. I didn't stay to see the outcome, no matter how much I wanted to help. I could smell the others. Both from my pack and from the Makah's. I was running back through the forest, passing blurs on either side of me as scents overtook me. Male wolves, both familiar and not. I was practically aching with the need to get away. I can't run forever, damnit! I'm screwing everything up! Again!

As they passed me by, slowing to turn around and give chase, I tried to figure out something. Anything. Unfortunately, I should have been paying more attention. A wolf, which I ran right up on, went down with me, both of us snarling and biting in fits of anger and desire. I couldn't help feeling aroused, but I knew this wasn't what I wanted. I could never want this. I tried to push the wolf off of me, determined to get away, but another thick blur removed the attacker from me and disappeared in growls and claws. I ran again. I could smell blood and lust all over the forest, drowning out everything. I could smell the pungent odor of my own blood clearly as well, though I was too full of adrenaline to even guess where my extensive wounds must be. How was I going to stop? I couldn't let this useless violence continue- Seth could be hurt- or any one of my brothers. God- Jacob could-

I could hear paws behind me, not too far behind. His scent would have let me know who he was even if I didn't hear the sounds of their yips and howls. Troy, along with one of his friends trailing behind. I looked ahead, focused on running for a moment, until I noticed where we were headed. Up ahead, there was a path we all knew well. We had run it several times over. We knew it so well, in fact, that we knew exactly where a small fox hole was dug in the path so we could keep up with where not to step. God, I was a genius. Stupid and cursed, but a genius!

So, before I could even think twice about it, and against all instinct and common sense, I made sure that my front leg stepped right on top of the void that gave way to the fox hole as we strode by it. This caused my persuers to stop short as I went down in a tumble, a sharp yelp erupting from my body as the pain crawled up my possibly broken leg. Damn I was good. I had to give myself that. I finally figured out a way to stop running, to play the martyr that fate desperately demand I be. And as Troy's features took over an expression of satisfaction, like he had just caught a large elk, I cringed. My body tensed and I growled, obviously willing to put up a fight. I was more than willing to give in, but of course, instinct made life difficult. Apparently, the fates were demanding a fight- wanting me to struggle for my freedom so Troy could prove his strength. Wonderful. My eyes rolled.

I just wanted to scream. This was all so unnecessary. Yes, I knew who was best for me. I knew who was the strongest, fastest, and obviously the best Alpha. A perfect match, but I was going to get Troy. I couldn't have the best, because he was already taken. I wondered if female wolves had this problem in the past...needing, wanting the best, but settling for what was available. Perhaps that was what this whole test was about- the best of what was available. When I came out of my reverie, my barks and growls were more intense, Troy practically breathing down my neck as he approached. Damn, my leg really hurt. That was the last time I was going to step in a fox hole.

Troy barked some sort of command that made the two wolves of his pack back off. They looked just as hungry as he did, but they obeyed reluctantly, watching with glazed eyes in the background as their leader circled his prey like a true predator. I stood on three legs, not even attempting to put weight on my pulsing injury. Damn, this leg might take awhile to heal. Troy paced in front of me with what seemed to be a chuckle, his eyes gleaming. I shouldn't have broken my leg, I shouldn't have let myself do this. Because now- now all I could think of was Jacob and how I wished he and I...but that was stupid. I was stupid. Everything was so fucked up.

I took a deep breath against the pain. No really- that was the last time I was EVER going to step in a damn fox hole. I limped backwards just as Troy came closer, his body brushing against me as he growled, then pushed me roughly. I bit at him, snapping my jaws at the air as I fell down against a tree, off balance with only three legs. My growls turned into snarls and barks, trying to intimidate him. It wasn't working. He seemed amused by my resistance to his domination techniques. I was worried about Sam, and Jacob, and Seth...I was worried about everyone but myself. Maybe I didn't care what happened to me- as long as everyone else was fine, as long as they were happy- why did it matter what happened to me? Shit- that was a depressing thought.

The asshole took advantage of my distraction, knocking me to the ground hard. He towered over me, pressing his feet to my chest as a growl erupted from my throat. The more I struggled, the more my leg felt like it was on fire. Why wasn't this as easy as I pictured? A whine escaped me as I moved my leg underneath me again. I was trying not to roll over as best I could. If he could make me vulnerable, make me submissive, it was over. I didn't want this. I didn't want to be the martyr, but when did it ever matter what I wanted? I barked again, most of the sounds coming from me now sounding whimperish and hurt, broken even. He seemed to be reveling in the last moments of my freedom, his jaws coming down to take hold of my neck, lowering slowly as if he knew it was almost over. I guessed this was how little red riding hood must have felt.

Of course, little red riding hood didn't have a large russett wolf come to her rescue. I could hardly process what had just happened, it was all in the blink of an eye. My emotions, my instincts, everything was in a blur- they were all giving me mixed signals. Stay with him, run. You have to get away, help him! Please, no. No. I can't leave- that was Jacob! That reddish blur fighting tooth and nail for me- the anger and concern in his growls, the fury I could feel coming from him in waves- he cared. He cared enough about me to save me. To risk his own life for my useless one. He was helping me...he didn't love me, but he cared enough to try to save me from my unfair fate. My heart lurched, on the verge of letting my thoughts be carried away to painful places. And as much as it pleased me to have this knowledge, I was horrified as I watched him battle Troy. They wrestled around, locked together in a fit of blood and teeth. Rising growls and violent noises erupted from the two, both males fighting for the upper hand.

It seemed as though the two males watching might have joined in too, making my anxious heart race even faster with fear until Embry and Quil appeared, both howling and seemingly excited to be involved in the fight. We all stood on the sidelines, however, watching Jacob and Troy bite and claw at each other in a twistedly violent dance. Our eyes followed their almost poetic motions, unable to look away. I found myself unable to breathe, unable to think. I wasn't able to exist until the outcome was determined. This fight was sure to reveal my fate and if something happened to Jacob, I would have no fate at all. I would cease to exist.

The breath I wasn't aware I was holding was let go. Everything fell in that moment. Time resumed it normal pace and the pain in my leg was noticeable again. As was the pain in my chest. Jacob had thrown Troy into a nearby tree, apparently knocking him out for the moment. My breathing seemed to even out as I realized he would stay there at least for an hour. My chest seemed to tighten further. I knew it wasn't over. My eyes scanned the wounds on Jacob's body, the dark red liquid making his fur appear patchy and matted. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, I wanted to tell him how stupid he was for saving me. Most of all, I wanted to tell him that this was my fault. That he shouldn't be doing this- he shouldn't be risking his life for me. I wanted to tell him anything if I could just hear his voice in return. I noticed my breathing had slowed even more, only shallow breaths escaping my lungs. My heart lurched painfully forward again, as if skipping a beat. My chest was still tightening, like a clamp was being screwed onto it- the pain of my body seeping into my mind as I collapsed.

My eyes followed Jacob's form as he rushed to my side, phasing instantly. I wish my vision were clearer, so I could see his features better. His lips were moving, but everything was very muffled. Damn. I wanted to hear his voice. I needed that voice. I didn't notice I was human again until Jacob picked me up, his body warm against me. I was cold, freezing actually...something I hadn't felt in who knows how long. But I felt safe, warm against his body. My instincts were only a small memory in the back of my mind now as I fought to stay conscious. I couldn't run or fight or even think about wanting to. I just wanted to stay awake and watch Jake. It was a futile effort as my eyes closed against my will.

I dreamed, as I often do these days, of Jacob. The look on his face as he phased, running towards me when I collapsed- he was scared. I didn't understand. What was he afraid of? Troy was unconscious, so it wasn't him. He couldn't be afraid for me- that wasn't logical. That wouldn't make sense. If I were gone, Jacob wouldn't have to worry about a war breaking out. Everything would be peaceful and happy again without Leah screwing it all up. I mean, seriously, I was like the damn bringer of chaos. A smell leaked into me. Invaded my dream. I could see Jacob, his deep brown wolf eyes staring back at me. It was his scent- it reeked of something different. At first, I thought it was the leeches, horribly sickly-sweet was the only way to describe them, a frostbitten icy scent that burned your nose. No, this was different, and as I studied his figure I realized he was still caked in blood from the fight. I knew the scent, I just couldn't place it. I let my mind wander back over its familiarity, only to have it hit me in the gut like a sack of rocks. Death. It was that rotting, putrid stench of death that settled over someone hours before they died. An almost acid scent that crept up and flooded a person's body as the last of their life flowed out of them. It didn't suit my Jacob. It made me sick to the point of turning away. I tried to cry out, but nothing happened.

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JacobPOV

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I saw her perfectly through Sam's thoughts. She looked so lost. So fragile, even as a wolf, just like I had remembered those small hands of hers, so breakable. My legs pushed forward as I willed Sam not to let her go, sprinting over the ground. I tried to focus on her, but everything blacked. Sam's thoughts were racing with anger and suprise as he fought off one of the Makah pack members. My heart was going to dig its way out of my chest if it beat any faster. I pressed myself harder without hesitation. I had to get there. I had to get there right now.

I picked up her scent. Seth, Quil and Embry's thoughts all yelling at once about helping, but my thoughts told them to avoid conflict. I didn't need them picking fights. I knew Sam had his fight under control. Now I just had to find her. She was alright- she had to be alright. This was Leah. If anything happened to her- No, she was alright. Then I heard her. She was up ahead, a horrifying sound coming from her. I had never heard her make a noise like that. It was so- painful. An almost strangled whine. It was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever heard. I was furious. I was going to kill him. I could hear the others in my head, sympathetic and disgusted. Yet, the only thing I knew was that Troy was hurting my Leah- and I was going to kill him.

Before I even realized I was attacking, I had Troy pinned to the ground, trying to rip his throat out. There was nothing else, just the image of Leah on the ground under that asshole. I couldn't feel, couldn't see, just tasted his blood as I tried to dismantle him. We both wrestled and nawed at each other, a fit a fur and teeth. I'm not even sure how long it lasted before I found an opening, grabbing his hind leg in my jaws and swinging his body into a nearby tree with a sickening crack. I hesitated, ready to finish him off before Quil and Embry's thoughts brought me back to earth. Back to Leah. My eyes fell on her shaking form, blood splashing some of her silver tinted coat, her front leg curled up in an obvious injury, her eyes glazed with exhaustion. It was that moment that I realized what I hadn't before. I loved her.

I don't even know when it happened, but I didn't care. I wanted her. I wanted her now and forever. For as long as our unnaturally long lives would last. I wanted her to be by my side, not just as my Beta or my second in command- she was going to be mine. My Leah. And as I realized this, I wanted desperately to know what she was thinking. I missed her- I missed her being in my head and knowing her thoughts. It was a powerful feeling, almost like imprinting all over again, but more real. More tangible. When I imprinted, it was like being blinded by an amazing light after coming out of a darkness. All you could see was the light, you couldn't see past it or around it. Now, however, it was like that light faded- still shining, but only enough to illuminate things around it, not blinding or dominating, just there. Leah was more like falling in love should be. More freedom.

I loved her because I wanted to, not because I was tied to her with some unbreakable cosmic string.

I was about to take a step toward her when my thoughts stopped completely. Leah collapsed, phasing all at once. My heart stopped for a moment, as I took off to her side. Quil and Embry took a step toward us, also keeping a watchful eye on the two Makah wolves who were trying to awaken Troy. I took a deep breath, relieved to find she was only falling asleep. I cringed slightly when I noticed her mangled leg, obviously broken, maybe in more than one place. I picked her up as gently as I could, her skin feeling cooler than usual against my own. I breathed in her scent, the metallic scent of her blood tainting the wonderful smell. I looked down into her peaceful face, trying to memorize her features. I pushed a stray strand of hair from her forehead, already wondering what I was going to do when she woke up.

Stupid girl- she was always getting herself into trouble. Maybe that was why I loved her...

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Like it? Well then let me know! okay- so I'm fully aware that I suck a little at writing actiony/fight scenes- but its a little hard to describe two wolves fighting without getting boringly complex and technical. I find less is more with violence, just let readers imagine the fight as they want to. I hope you liked it. R&R!