4. Powerless

When Arthur finally arrived back to Camelot, his feet felt like stone pillars he had to move on and on without no option of stopping. Merlin was still unconscious on top of the horse, hanging over its neck. The moment they stepped inside the gates guards were running from every direction to help their King. "Just take the horse and go get Gaius." Arthur informed them briefly and then turned to take Merlin down from the back of the horse. Although he was totally exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep, he wanted to take care of Merlin and be sure he would be treated properly. With Merlin on his lap he walked inside the castle and straight to his own chambers where he carefully laid Merlin down on his bed. Gaius was there in the same minute a little out of breath after running the long stairs up to the King's chambers.

"How is he? What's happened?" He spoke up immediately, grabbing a chair and sitting next to Merlin so he could examine him.

"We were attacked in the woods and he got shot on his left arm as you can see." Arthur answered pointing at the badly tied bloody bandage. "He has been unconscious since then and I don't know why." He added with suppressed voice, like it pained him that he couldn't do anything, but to watch his servant's bad condition.

Arthur changed clean clothes while Gaius kept taking care of Merlin's injured arm. He had dozens of different kind of bottles with him, full of some potions Arthur had no idea what they were. When he came to sit next to Gaius, the old man finally remembered there was someone else in the room also, he had been so concentrated on treating Merlin that Arthur's presence was long forgotten. With a little jump he made room for Arthur too, starting to explain what he had done to his servant. Arthur listened carefully and nodded every once in a while, but after Gaius had finished he asked the question that had been bothering him the most. "Will he survive?"

Gaius was silent for a moment after turning his wrinkled eyes towards Arthur. "I'm not sure, Sire. He has lost a lot of blood and the wound is infected. He has fever and his body is exhausted and dehydrated. I hope for the best, but…" Gaius shook his head in despair and lowered his gaze to the ground. After a deep sigh he started to get up to gather his collection of bottles back in the bag he had with him. "I've done all I can for now, I'll just ask the guards to carry him to our chambers…" "No!." Arthur shouted before he could stop himself. "I mean… He has been through a lot already, I think it's better to just let him rest and this bed is as good as any." He stammered and Gaius looked him questioningly. "Right… Well, then… I'll be going now, but be sure to call me over if there's any change in his condition. And remember to try to get him drink some water because of the dehydration." Gaius spoke after he had recovered from Arthur's outburst. Arthur nodded and with that Gaius left the chambers, giving last worried look over Merlin's motionless body.

After Gaius had left Arthur started pacing over the room nervously. He wanted to sleep, but Merlin was in his bed. He wanted to get Merlin to wake up, but then again he didn't. What would he say to him? Would he remember anything? Should he say about the magic? He was so lost in thought that he didn't even hear Merlin mumbling something incoherently.

He finally stopped his pacing when he could hear someone calling his own name.

"Arthur…" It was quiet, but it definitely came out of Merlin's mouth so Arthur rushed next to the bed and grabbed Merlin's hand in his by instinct. He of course let go of the hand immediately when he realized what he had just done, but instead tried to gently shake Merlin awake.

"Where am I…? What happened….? Merlin was mumbling quietly, trying to open his eyes carefully. Arthur let out a breath in relief.

"We're back in Camelot, you were wounded but you're in a good care now, don't worry."

"But… But how did we escape…? I remember the bandits everywhere, one was just killing you… How…"

"You used magic, Merlin." Arthur answered without looking at him. He decided it was better to just speak about the matter as soon as possible, to take it off from his heart.

Merlin stayed silent, so after a while Arthur had to lift his chin up to check if he had went unconscious again. But Merlin's clear blue eyes welcomed his own and he clearly was totally in his right mind now. He didn't talk anything though and Arthur felt a little bit uncomfortable. The brave and noble King he was though he kept his gaze and waited for Merlin to answer something, anything.

"I, uh… Yeah, I remember that…" Merlin finally said in a very small voice, his gaze dropping on his hands which he was fidgeting on his lap nervously.

"So… The thing is, I don't actually know what to do with you right now." Arthur confessed honestly. Of course he couldn't order Merlin to be killed, he cared about him too much, not to mention all the times Merlin had saved his life like in the woods just the other day with magic. So killing was not an option. But then again, what other options did he have?

Merlin stayed silent, but when Arthur stealthily watched his face it was striped with silent tears.

"Merlin… I think I have no other option but to banish you from Camelot…" Arthur then said quietly, trying to suffocate every feeling from the sentence. He could hear Merlin taking a shaky intake of breath and Arthur's heart lost a piece right then. It hurt like hell and if hearing Merlin's desperation felt this bad, he wasn't sure he wanted to see it right now, so he kept his gaze steadily on the ground.

"Right… I'll just… I go get my stuff and leave…" Merlin spoke quietly, trying to get up from the bed. "No, no, not now you idiot!" Arthur jumped up to push Merlin gently back in the bed. "You're far too weak and barely alive right now, you need to rest first." He continued with his heart racing because of the sudden adrenaline rush, misery and all the mixed feelings he was feeling right now. Merlin's face was so lifeless, even though it had gained some colour back after Gaius's treatment. His eyes were almost black, although normally they were deep blue. There was no other emotion to be seen from the face, but total, complete hurt, pain and despair.

"I'm… I'm sorry, Merlin." Arthur said and tried to swallow the lump from his throat back down.

"No, Arthur… I'm sorry. I just want you to know… I didn't choose this. I didn't choose magic, it chose me. And I would never use it to hurt you, I lo- care about you too much." Merlin said with a shaky voice, like he was holding back tears.

Arthur was feeling way too emotional to answer anything, so he just nodded and turned away.

"By the way, you should try to drink some water, there's a glass on the table beside you." He said after he could be sure he got his voice back. "And try to sleep now, your body needs rest."

Merlin reached for the water glass, drank it empty and closed his eyes again. "Where are you going to sleep?" He then asked when he realized he was occupying half of the giant bed that belonged to his King.

"I… Um, there beside you if that's ok with you?" Arthur turned to face Merlin again with an apologetic face. "Someone needs to look after you anyway now so I couldn't possibly leave you here alone." He continued with a shrug. Merlin answered with a silent "ok" and took a good position so he could sleep. Soon he could feel Arthur's weight on the other side of the bed and despite of all the misery he was feeling right now both physically and mentally, the thought of sharing a bed with Arthur even this one night felt somehow so nice, so familiar, so right, that he soon fell asleep feeling his body and mind content.

Powerless by Linkin Park

youtu. be/AhhXTeWGYLE

You hid your skeletons
when I had shown you mine
you woke the devil that
I thought you left behind
I saw the evidence
the crimson soaking through
ten thousand promises
ten thousand ways to lose

And you held it all
but you were careless to let it fall
you held it all
and I was by your side
powerless

I watched you fall apart
chased you to the end
I'm left with emptiness
the words cannot defend
you'll never know what
I became because of you
ten thousand promises
ten thousand ways to lose

And you held it all
but you were careless to let it fall
you held it all
and I was by your side
powerless

And you held it all
but you were careless to let it fall
you held it all
and I was by your side
powerless

powerless

powerless