Chapter 4 – Hey Jude
Dean and Cas lay in bed, sleepy and sated, the thick veil of post orgasmic bliss settling over them as they sought comfort in each other's embrace.
Castiel shifted, turning on his side where his head was pillowed on Dean's chest and planted a few light kisses across the expanse of hairless skin and over the dark ink of the tattoo that sat over his heart.
He traced it idly with one finger, brushing over the five-pointed star before circling outwards over the sun that surrounded it.
"Tell me about this." He murmured, glancing up into Dean's heavy-lidded eyes.
Dean pulled Cas up so their faces were level on the pillow and fingered the tattoo.
"My dad was…he was a good person, and a good father, but my mom's death hit him hard and he never fully recovered. He was obsessive and angry and when he drank…" Dean let out a long, resigned breath, "Let's just say he wasn't fun to be around."
"Sam and I, we used to have this saying about not letting your demons in, not letting them possess you, take you over; not letting them destroy you. We saw enough of what that can do to you growing up in the life we did. In fact it was those words from Sammy's mouth that convinced me to get help to begin with. So, when I got my two-month chip, he and I got these together. Sam's always been a nerd for mythology and folklore and apparently this symbol is meant to ward off demonic possession. We both got them tattooed over our hearts as a reminder to not let your demons control you."
Castiel stared at him with his usual intense gaze before leaning down and pressing a kiss to the sigil and moving back up and planting another one on Dean's lips, soft and sweet.
"Thank you Dean." He said once they pulled away.
"For what?" he asked.
"For confiding something so personal about yourself to me. For sharing that part of yourself with me. It is a privilege."
Dean blushed and looked away.
"I'm not that special Cas."
Castiel reached out a hand and gently turned Dean's face back to look at him.
"Yes you are Dean." He spoke with such conviction that for a moment, Dean's heart skipped a beat. Castiel glanced away, looking like he was contemplating something, before turning back, "I have three older brothers." He whispered.
Dean raised his eyebrows but showed no other signs of shock at the unexpected personal information.
"Oh? That must have been fun." He said sardonically.
"It could be at times." Castiel answered, the sarcasm flying right over his head, "Although there were times where it felt like hell."
Dean nodded, having grown up with a brother of his own he could attest to that.
He reached up a hand to stroke Castiel's cheek.
"Thank you for telling me that."
Cas lay down, fitting his face into the crook of Dean's neck while Dean wrapped him tightly in his arms. Safe in his arms.
He wasn't sure why he had volunteered the information, nor why that particular fact about himself should be the one that sprung to mind first. He felt a familiar sense of mild anxiety fill him as he thought about the fact that he had blabbed about his past, the past that he had determined to keep buried. For a moment he toyed with the idea of perhaps telling Dean everything…immediately panic began to rise as his heart rate sped up and his breathing began to quicken. He scrapped the idea. He just wasn't ready. Perhaps one day he would be.
...
Dean was humming as he re-stocked the bar fridge, soft tones mingling with the clinking of glass as he lined up the beer bottles, swiveling them so all the labels were facing the same way, the way Ellen liked them.
"What is that you're humming?" Castiel asked from where he was polishing the freshly washed glasses and returning them to their designated spots at the bar.
"Hey Jude." Dean answered.
He looked up at Cas who had a blank expression on his face.
"Hey Jude." Dean said again, waiting for some kind of response. Anything. "You know? The Beatles."
"Oh." Cas nodded.
"You have heard the Beatles right?"
"I have heard of them but I have never listened to their music."
Dean stared at him with his mouth agape, lost for words that anyone could reach middle age without having heard the Beatles.
"You're fucking with me right?" Dean said, scrounging for any kind of explanation other than the obvious.
Castiel shook his head, a serious look on his face.
"What, did you grow up under a rock?"
Castiel shrugged.
"My family was very religious growing up. We didn't have very wide musical tastes outside of what we heard in church."
"And you never felt the need to do a little exploring yourself?"
Cas shrugged and shook his head.
Dean stared at him with a look that was half confusion and half horror.
"Right." he said, standing and abandoning his chore, moving over to the sound system and rifling through the pages of CD's in the case that sat next to the old stereo. He flipped through them until he found what he was looking for, put the disc in the player, skipped to the track he was looking for, and pressed play. He backed up, leaning against the inner bar beside Castiel as Paul McCartney's voice sounded from the speakers:
Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
"My mom used to sing this to me when I was little. It was her favourite song." He sounded wistful
Hey Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better
Castiel look up to see a sad, faraway look in Dean's eyes as he thought back to the parent he had lost so long ago.
Cas leaned against him, heads touching as he wrapped an arm around the other man. Dean smiled at the contact and brought his own arm up to rest over Cas' upper back, pulling him in closer as they continued to listen to the song.
And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Hey Jude, don't let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better
So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah yeah
Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you'll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, oh
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude
Nah nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah, hey Jude
Dean stood once the song faded out and pressed pause on the machine before turning to Cas with a tentative look.
"Well? What did you think?"
Cas observed that Dean did not sound like his usual confident self. Instead he sounded nervous as he stood there chewing on his bottom lip while waiting for Castiel's answer.
Cas' mouth turned up in a small smile.
"I liked it." he proclaimed.
"Really?"
Castiel nodded and fixed him with his intense stare.
"I loved it." he said, not just talking about the song.
Dean grinned and turned around, pressing play and allowing the mixed CD to continue, while he moved to continue his task, determined that Cas would grow to love the Beatles as he should under Dean's patient tutoring.
Piano chords sounded from the speakers as McCartney began to sing again.
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Dean looked up surreptitiously to see how Cas was enjoying the song but stood and moved to him when he saw that the other man was standing frozen against the bar, eyes fixed on the speakers and tears trickling in silent tracks down his cheeks.
"Cas! Hey, are you okay?" he asked softly, moving forward and laying his hands on his shoulders.
Cas nodded.
"This song it's…beautiful" He trailed off, not knowing how to put into words how the song was affecting him.
Dean looked from the stereo to Cas's tearstained face before deciding that this probably had something to do with the past that Cas had yet to tell him about so he simply leaned back against the bar beside him and listened to the song, finding himself tearing up himself whenever the words Mother Mary were sung.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Yeah let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, yeah let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
When the song finished, Cas asked Dean to play it again and they finished off the closing duties to the plaintive sound of Paul McCartney's voice and poignant lyrics.
...
So, what did you think?
