How do you bow, when your heart is telling you to kneel?

"Forgiveness. Forgiveness is not something that can just be given, it needs to be earned. You can't just say 'I'm sorry,' and expect to have a clean slate."

Those are the words that come to my mind as I wake up. Those words that ring in my head everyday, since she spoke them to me a month ago. Those words that never give me rest since that night. Those words that speak the ultimate truth. As much as I wish to will her to give me forgiveness, it won't happen. I have to truly earn it. I have to prove I deserve it.

I remember that night. Everyday, like a photograph. Always there, frozen in time, but never changing. Because as you know, a picture is worth a thousand words. But, unfortunately if my memory was to be a picture, it would have more unspoken words than voiced.

We made love that night. I made love to her that night. I know she wanted to do the same. Make love to me. To show me she still loved me. I didn't want her to. I didn't feel like I deserved her love. I still don't.

Even now, I still don't understand how she could still love me. If I was in her position, and the scene reversed, I would have left. I would have left without another thought. I wouldn't have given her the second chance she gave me.

That is the difference between us. She may have been the Dark Queen, but she is more willing to give forgiveness. Especially to me and Henry. She is more willing to look past someones faults and wrongs and bad decisions to the person on the inside. That is what she did with me. She saw past my fear, my insecurities, my ultimate defaults to the person inside.

Yet, I would not have given her the same. So who is really the Dark Queen and who is really the Savior? I sure as hell am not the Savior. How can I be? I mean, yeah, I eventually would have come around. But after how long? Days? Months? Dare I say it, years? This is the unfortunate sad, real truth, and we both know it.

But the question is why? Why is she more willing to forgive than I? I know why. I am a runner, but its not just that, I have hardened my heart far more than she has. It seems crazy, I know. It even sounds weird in my head, but its the truth.

She has been through just as much pain, deceit, and abuse, if not more than I have, but we both view the world, life differently. She views this life as a second chance. A chance to be happy, to have love, to have family. A chance to finally let herself be someone she was never allowed the opportunity. Even though most of the time she only shows this person to us. Me and Henry.

I view the world, this life as dark, hateful. Unwilling to see the good in anyone. As much as I try. I just see the dark side of a person. Except her. All I saw was the good. The good hidden beneath the darkness. Like a pair of beautiful dark eyes in the deep dark of night. Shining through like a lightning bolt, strong, powerful, bright, but afraid to let them shine.

I am definitely no savior. How can I be? All I see is the darkness in a person. Sure, I was destined to be the savior. Sure, I am the supposed embodiment of light. But I am still a person. Savior or not. I am only human. Except that night. That night, I became something else. Something, someone I never want to be again. That night when she allowed me to stay...

Flashback

I woke up that night to the extra weight gone. I felt cold, empty, alone. Then I heard it. Quiet sniffles. Trying to hide themselves in the darkest spots of the room. Trying to be silent, invisible.

As hard as they tried, they couldn't hide. Not from me.

I followed the sound. It wasn't hard to figure out where the sound was coming from. Looking over to my left, I see her. This beautiful, amazing, wonderful woman, knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around herself, and head tucked in between. Hiding.

It broke my heart. Because I was the cause to this. To her pain. Her fear. Her sadness. I, the one person she should always be able to depend on for comfort, strength, protection. Instead had her broken, vulnerable, and weak.

I maneuvered myself so that I was kneeling in front of her.

When I leaned closer I noticed that she had, at some point, put her pajamas on. I snapped my fingers and had on my night wear. Tank top and sweats. Trying to be decent. To be respectful for her.

I reached out to touch her hand, and it happened. Something I never wanted to see her do, around me, ever. she flinched.

Her head flew up and for a brief few seconds I saw fear in her eyes. I choked back a sob and held my tears.

I couldn't let her see me cry. This was not about me. This was about her.

I brought my hand back to my lap and laced it with the other. And waited.

I don't know how long we sat like that. Unwilling to move, to make eye contact, to voice thoughts loud enough for the town to hear.

"I shouldn't have flinched." My head shot up so fast, I thought that I might have pulled a muscle. Wondering if I actually heard her say something or if my imagination had finally lost control.

"What?" Was my only reply.

"I'm sorry I flinched from you, I shouldn't..."

"God no, Regina." I went to wrap my arms around her. Give comfort, but thought better of it. "Please, please don't apologize. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Me...I should be the one to apologize. I do apologize. I am so, so sorry Regina.

I love you so much. When I woke up tonight and noticed you were no longer laying on top of me or even curled up next me. I panicked. I panicked because I thought you had come to your senses and realized that I wasn't worth a second chance. I believed that reality finally hit you and you decided to leave. I mean, who could blame you? After everything I did.

When I chanced a look over and saw you sitting there, I was filled with relief and happiness.

But how could I be happy when the woman I love more than my own life, more than the feel of my own heart beat, more than my own soul residing in my body, was crying.

Crying from the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the sadness. I never wanted to elicit those feelings in you. I wanted to be the cause of your happiness, your joy, your smiles, your laughs.

I am so, so sorry, Regina. If you are willing to give me another chance, I promise not to misuse it. I promise to be the person you need, the person who deserves you. the person who will love you everyday in every way. I know I have made this promise before and broke it. I don't want to do that this time. I want to prove to you that I can keep my word. That I can be who and what you need. I want to be your protector, your safe haven, I want to be your strength when you feel weak.

I know I have hurt you badly. I have messed up more than royally. I also know that no matter how much I wish to rewind time, I can't. Even if I could with magic, I would pay a higher price than what I am to pay now. I meant what I said, if tonight was to be our last night together, I want to cherish it, hold on to it, remember every single detail.

As for my price, I will love you til my last breath, but a price is still a price. I know this. I will pay it. No matter what you decide, I will love you. I will never stop loving you, even if I have to do it from a far. If you feel its best to end this, I will leave, no fight. I will be gone, but I ask that you still allow me to be apart of our child's life as I am of Henry's. If by some miracle, you would want me and allow me to fix what I broke, I will do everything in my power to be the person who is deserving of you and our child. This I vow. I love you Regina, and I wish with everything not to lose you."

It took everything in me to not let my voice shake, to not let my desperate tears fall. I couldn't, I had to be strong. She has to make this decision without my added emotions. I already laid out my heart, my words, my soul. I didn't want to make this any harder for her than it already was.

As I sat there, waiting, hoping, I took the chance to fully look up on her features, her face, her eyes. What I saw scared me. I knew my time was up. Her face was still, as if frozen. Eye almost dull and lifeless, face void of emotion. I was to busy focused on my words, my thoughts, my will to not cry. I had got my answer.

"Regina, I am going to go sleep in the guest room tonight, and tomorrow I will pack my things and be gone. I do not wish to cause you anymore pain. Good bye, Regina, I will always, truly love you."

Now I will love you from a far. This is my price and I must pay destiny with my fate.

I waited a few more seconds just to soak her in. I wanted to kiss her, even if just on the forehead, I wanted to, but I didn't. That time is over. It was time. I took a deep, long breathe to gather all my strength. Strength to walk away, to not cry. All I had time do was plant my foot firmly on the floor before she spoke.

"Emma, I may be hurt and in pain, but the last thing I wish is for you to be gone from me. Not because you are my true love or that you may be my last chance at true happiness, but because you are Emma Swan.

The woman who broke through my defense, the woman who made me feel beautiful, the woman who gave me strength, the woman who can give me the most safety, the woman who can give me complete comfort, even if you are the one to hurt me. But the thing is exactly that Emma. You broke down my defenses. You healed the cracks in my heart. You, Emma, You. Yes, you are my true love, but that fact was unknown when you saved me from myself.

How can I ignore that? How can I ignore the woman who fought for me? I can't. I won't. I love you, Emma. I don't want to lose you either. The truth is, I believed I forgave you right away. I know what it is like to become someone you no longer recognize. I know how a drop of fear in a lake of insecurity can turn into an ocean of anger.

But, Emma, I still need you to know that even though I have forgiven you, its not fully. See, forgiveness is not something that is just given. It is something that has to be earned. You can't just say 'I'm sorry' and expect to have a clean slate. Trust me, I know. I have worked very hard to earn forgiveness from the people I hurt.

So, even though a lot has transpired tonight, I don't think enough has been spoken. I think we still have a lot to talk about. I, for one have no where to be, and as far as I know, neither do you. So, lets talk."

I sat there, part shocked and part elated. This amazing, beautiful, surprising woman still wants me. She also forgave me. She said not fully, but I can understand. This is not something that I can just bury under the 'Emma has problems, don't blame her,' tree. The one were every leaf has an excuse on it.

No. No more excuses. I can't pick a leaf this time and hope for the best. I grew this tree, now I have to cut it down. I have to do right by her, by our unborn child, by our son. I may not be the savior they believe me to be, but I will be the woman, mother, girlfriend they deserve from me. I love them more than anything, and I will fight for them, with everything I am. Everything I have. Everything I can. I will fight to prove I can be deserving of them.

I wanted the silent words in my head to become spoken sound. No matter how hard I tried, nothing came out. Just silence. I really hated myself right now. The one time I really needed my voice, it failed me.

I went to the next best thing. My eyes. Hoping that they could convey all my thoughts. I had to try something. Anything.

Allowing my eyes to completely focus on her was probably not the best choice. Once I finally let the shock from her words dissipate, I was able to fully look upon her. She was extremely beautiful. My mind went blank.

The room was completely dark, except for that small sliver of light from the falling moon. Hitting her just right and illuminating her features. God, I was breathless and she was perfect.

It was like a painting come to life. Her lifeless stairs and emotionless face, slowly started to dissolve. It was beautiful, to watch her features, her eyes come back to life. She even smiled a little. I knew she was right. We had to talk, I maneuvered myself so I was sitting indian style in front of her. I wanted to see all the emotions cross her face as she talked. I just wanted to see her. And so, we talked.

Thats what we did. We talked. Oh, how we talked. Through the rest of the night til the sun came up. It felt like years, when really it was just a few hours.

All the things I learned about her. Her life. Her childhood. Her parents. Things I told her I have never told anyone. My life. My childhood.

After that night we made a decision together that I would sleep in the guest room for a while. To give ourselves some space. It only worked for about a week. Seeing as neither of us could sleep without the other.

I also started taking her out on dates where we talked more. Of all the time we have been together, I have never once taken her on a real date. How low of me? Never. Not once. How could I do that? She deserved to be courted. To be wooed. To be treated like a lady, a Queen. Again. I was just someone that took what I wanted from her. God. How does she even still love me?

The last thing we decided on was no love making for a while. It sucks, but was completely necessary. There is still talking we have to do. Forgiveness is still up in the air. Our future has still yet to be decided. The last thing is to add love making into an already complicated situation.

Taking a deep breath, trying to clear my head and store my thoughts away for later. Deciding that I need to know what time it was and how much time I have before work. I let my head slowly roll to the left and catch the time. Clear as day in big red numbers it read 9:30. Well not as bad as I thought. Either way, I am just glad that I don't have to be at work til 11. My one and only late day. Normally I will either wake up about 10 minutes before my shift or Regina wakes me up.

Lately I have been waking myself up. As much as we want to spend time together, we want to spend just that much more apart.

I have really messed things up big time. I am doing my best to fix them.

I did much more than just re-crack Regina's heart, I destroyed it and left it in tiny little pieces. Pieces that one day at a time, I am putting back together, at least, I hope.

I know I need to get up and at least take a shower, but something is pulling, compelling me. So instead I make my way downstairs. Walking towards the kitchen, because of something I can not explain, I just know she is in there. Just before I cross the threshold, I take a deep inhale of breathe to give myself a false safety of steeling my nerves.

Big mistake.

As the air hits my nose, there is an amazing, undeniable aroma that accompanies it.

The aroma glides through my nose, making contact, letting itself known in the canals of my nostrils, sending my smell and taste sensories into overload. Like steam from an ocean. Flowing up into the air, getting absorbed by an unsuspecting cloud.

As much as I want to permit the groan that is fighting for its sound to escape my mouth, the sight in front of my is much more important. A sight I do not wish to ruin with the betrayal of my vocal cords.

A figure standing at the sink, staring out the window. Taking in the scenery of her backyard. Her beloved apple tree. A figure that can in no way be mistaken for anyone but Regina Mills.

Regina Mills in a moment of complete thought is a beautiful and frightening sight to see. On the outside she looks relaxed, so serene. Sometimes a smile will graze her lips, a sculpted eyebrow will raise, or a slight turn of the head, as if confused or in understanding. But inside, inside its unpredictable. Her thoughts could be racing, turbulent. Like that of a storm charged with only lighting. unpredictable, ready to strike at any moment. Or her thoughts could be peaceful, slow. Like a soft breeze on a beautiful day.

I am not ready to lose this. This moment in time. The soft, peaceful, relaxed sight of her. Yet, I want to touch her, hold her. After a few seconds of contemplating, I choose on the latter. Slowly making my way over, walking around the island to stand right behind her. Leaving just enough space for a hair to fall through. I allow my arms to raise, with deliberate, yet slow, easy movements.

When my arms reach her waistline, hovering just centimeters away, I stop. Afraid to wrap my arms around her, yet somehow finding the strength to do so, I embrace her, pulling her close.

That nagging fear that has always been there, residing, making homage in the back of my head, forcing it way into my insecure emotions, thoughts, since that night, when she flinched away from me, afraid of my touch. Oh, how those thoughts came rushing forward like a road raged driver. The fear that she will never again feel safe or comforted by my touch or in my arms.

Only then did my fears become reality when my arms met her waist, did she flinch.

I forced the tears back into the green oceans that were roaring to spill over behind my eyes.

I knew nothing would ever be the same again. I had messed up everything. So, slowly removing my hands from her waist, just to relish in the feel of her in my arms for a little bit longer, she did something I did not expect.

Strong, yet soft hands found their way to mine, holding them in place. Pulling tighter around her as she leaned into me, resting her head just below my chin.

I couldn't help but lightly squeeze, then relax. All those fears that arrived moments prior, just melted away when she touched me.

Silence enveloped us, but not an awkward silence, a comfortable one. One I thought we would never get back.

"I wasn't flinching away from you."

Those words. Those few words brought a smile to my face.

"I did not expect you to be up just yet. I know today is your late day of the week, but I also know you have been getting up early all on your own, which is surprising, but a good surprise.

I don't know if I was just that deep in thought that I did not hear your metal thumping feet or if you somehow managed to be quite."

I couldn't help it, I snorted, "metal thumping feet, really?"

I couldn't see it, but I could feel, hear the smile in her voice. "Yes, metal thumping feet. Honestly, you are very loud when you come down those stairs. Not just the stairs, your metal feet could be heard anywhere. Seriously, what are feet your made of? Because they certainly are not bone and flesh."

I could not help but laugh. She's right. I am a loud walker. Can't help it.

Turning in my arms to face me, her hands in a light fist, gripping my shirt between thumb and finger, she spoke. "Since I did not hear you coming down the stairs, I jumped when you touched me, I was not flinching. I felt a presence, more specifically, your presence, but I thought I was imaging things. So I ignored it."

I was a little upset at her words. That we have distanced ourselves so far from each other, that she thought my own presence was an imagination. I have to fix this. I will fix this.

For now, I enjoyed the feel of her in my arms, I could not help but let my fingers play with her shirt. Loving the feel of her skin just a fabrics distance from my fingertips. Missing the feel of her skin and wanting to desperately touch, but knowing she would give me a tongue lashing for messing up her attire, I just relished in the feel of what I could under my fingers.

"You see, I was on my down here, thinking I might get the drop on you, but as I got to the kitchen I saw something beautiful."

Dipping her head and hiding her shy smile, only to lift her head and allowing me the pleasure of seeing it, I continued.

"So I walked around the island to get a closer look, but someone was in my way. Naturally I had to move you to get a closer look."

Not even trying to hide the playful grin from my face, or the laugh that easily fell from my lips.

Never once tearing my eyes from her face, I felt her girp release from my shirt, bringing hands up to lightly hit me on my chest, giving me a good shove. Strong enough to almost, almost make me lose my grip on her. Not a chance.

When the smile on her face changed to a wicked smirk, I swallowed. Uh-Oh, I am in trouble.

Fisting her hands in my shirt, giving a tug, silently telling me to come closer, I leaned in.

Not knowing what to expect, but when her lips touched mine, I was momentarily shocked.

Realizing my mistake when she started to pull away, I reacted. Threading one hand through her hair and one around her back, holding her in place. Moving my lips against hers.

To caught up in the kiss. A kiss we had not shared like this in a long time. A kiss of passion, of need, want, but most of all, love.

We have kissed since that night. Not like this.. There was more love, more passion, even just a little trust. God, how I missed these kisses.

I had not realized that she moved her hands until I felt them running up my back, under my shirt, stopping when they reached my shoulders. Only then did I realized I was in real trouble. Lightly digging her nails in my back and slowly running them down.

The shiver that ran up my spine, I swear wracked my whole body. Not to mention the moan that tore up my throat and into her mouth. She only smirked and pulled away.

"Re-gin-aaaa." I whined. I whined like a child. I didn't care. She knows what that does to me, especially with no love making for a month.

Walking over to grab her cup of coffee from the counter, she turned and smiled at me. "We agreed on no love making, we never said teasing was forbidden."

Slouching my body, letting my arms hang low, I walked over to her, resting my head in the crook of her neck. "Not fair. So, so not fair."

Putting her cup down, I felt her shoulder move under my head and her hands grab my face, lifting me up to look at her. A soft, beautiful smile graced her lips. Gods, she is so gorgeous.

Speaking softly, "I know, your right. It wasn't fair or nice. I'm sorry."

"You don't sound sorry."

"I'm really not."

Ooh, how I want to wipe that smug look off her face. So I did. I kissed her. Letting my tongue swipe her lower lip asking for permission. She whimpered, allowing me access.

Her lips barley parted, when my tongue took a life of its own, and slithered into her mouth. Tasting all of her. Every inch. I smiled wickedly when she let a moan slip past her lips into my mouth. Choosing, at that moment, with extreme strength to break away.

Walking away, but not before I caught the shocked look on her face, shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly, and throwing a 'sorry' her way. Grabbing a plate from the cabinet, turning around, I could not stop the teary eyed, belly tightening laugh.

She looked just like a petulant child. A stern face, but pouty lips with her arms crossed. Ha, two can play this game.

With my laughter subsided. Simply ignoring her, I walked over and started putting food on my plate, moving to sit at the counter, just so I could look at her while I ate.

"I love you."

Her body seemed to relax with those words. Coming over to stand behind me, wrapping her arms around my midsection. Resting her chin on my shoulder. "I love you too." Turning her head, she placed a simple, sweet kiss on my neck.

I hummed in appreciation. Enjoying the feel of her arms around me. The peaceful, comforting moment in time.

Not wanting to ruin this moment, but needing to ask. "Do you know what time you will be getting off work?"

Releasing her grip on me, missing the warmth immediately. She moved to sit next to me. "No. Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering. No reason."

"Emma."

"Ok, Fine. I was going to surprise you with dinner. I just thought, that, well, after everything that has been going on, it would be nice. I was going to see if my parents could take Henry for the night and we just be by ourselves. I just wanted to do something special for you. To show you that I am trying, that I love you. I know it wouldn't be much, but..."

Putting a finger to my lips, silencing me. "I would love that Emma, very much. I won't be off until 7. I know it will be late, and I probably won't be home til about 7:15, but I would love to have dinner with you."

How is it this woman, after everything, can still be this understanding towards me. I just fall in love with her more and more each day.

"Ok."

"What are you making?"

Smiling, I shook my head. "Nope, that is most definitely a surprise. But its something I hope you will love."

"Not even a hint?"

"Nope."

"I don't know if I want to eat something I have never had before, especially if you are cooking." Smiling that sly, sneaky smile, trying to get her way.

Raising my hand to lay on her shoulder, giving it a little shove. "Oh, shut up. I know what you are doing. You will never get me to tell."

She smiled, not just any smile. Oh, shit. I know that smile. Fuck. Why didn't I choose my words wisely. Fuck. I had to use challenging words. Before I could rectify my words, her hand was on my thigh, squeezing.

"Never you say. Are you sure there isn't anything I could do that would help ease those words from your lips."

Fuck. I am in deep shit now. One month. One fucking month of no love making, nothing. She is playing her cards. Very will I might add.

My hands gripped the counter, as hers moved higher and higher up my thigh.

Fighting with every fiber in my body against her carefully calculated ministrations. To afraid to move my hands to remove hers for fear that I will push them closer to where I need them instead of stopping her.

With all the will in my body, I bring it forth to keep my voice from sounding needy, wanting. "No. Not at this moment. Nothing I can think of." Fail. I totally sounded needy.

"Very well. If you say so." Removing her hands from the apex of my thigh, but not before her fingers brushed my center.

"Fuck."

She smiled devilishly. "Oh, look at the time. I need to leave before I am late."

It wasn't until she moved from her seat, that I felt my body relax from the high she gave me.

Still caught up in the sensation running through my body, I hadn't realized that at some point she pulled me to my feet. It was her voice that brought me back.

"Hey, are you okay? I'm sorry if I...

Cutting her off with a kiss, to let her know everything was ok. We are ok.

"I'm good."

She dipped her head, as if ashamed, guilty. Lifting my hand up so my fingers could grip her chin, tugging slightly. Letting her know I wanted her attention. Eventually looking at me, I continued.

"Really. I promise. I am good. Great even." When she didn't believe me, I pulled her into a tight embrace, whispering in her ear.

"I am glad that we can get back to this. The playful teasing, the loving embraces, the comfort of each others company. I missed this. I am glad that you are feeling comfortable enough around me again, to do this, to interact with me this way."

Pulling away, putting both of her hands on each cheek. She smiled, "Me too. But I really have to leave or I am going to be late."

Giving her one last tight squeeze before releasing her. Not wanting her to go, but knowing she has to.

I watched as she went to grab her purse, keys, and phone from the counter, only for her stop her movements half way.

I am pretty sure I panicked in that moment. Knowing full well that there is a turbulent storm brewing in her head. I wanted to reach out, touch her, hold her, pull her close, but glued to my spot.

I felt my heart thud louder and louder in my chest as she turned around, items in hand . My heart nearly stopped when she fully turned, a huge smile on her face.

Walking closer and closer til, I swear we are chest to almost chest. Seeing as she is shorter than me, even in heels.

"I am glad that we could get back to this, too. I have missed you, missed us. I am sorry if I scared you. I just really don't want to go to work. This is the first time in a month since we have truly felt comfortable with each other. I don't want to leave. I want to stay here with you. I love you Emma Swan."

I just stood there, going through the emotions that were wrecking havoc on me. Trying to decipher through all of them. Panic, fear, near death, arousal, comfort, joy, clingy, happiness, but most of all love.

The last. That last emotion that swept through me was need. The teasing, closeness, soft touches, a month of nothing, passionate, yet loving kisses. Her telling me she loved me, with her confession of wanting to stay with me. Something inside just snapped.

I lunged forward, hands landing on cheeks, pulling close, attaching lips to hers. Pouring all my love, all my need, all my passion into that kiss. Conveying all the unspoken words to the best of my ability.

Pushing, urging her back, til back met counter. It was like everything took a life of their own. One hand wormed its way into her hair, while the other held tight to her back.

My tongue slowly swiped her lower lip, asking, begging for permission, only as soon as I got it, my tongue took a different direction. Leaving her lips, gliding across her cheek, down her neck. Stopping once it felt her pulse point. Retreating back into my mouth, lips replace tongue, sucking lightly.

I felt the muscles in her neck strain as she turned her head, allowing me better access. Her pulse pounding harder around my lips and under my tongue. Her hands finding my back and digging her nails in.

Pulling skin further, harder into my mouth, teeth anchoring, bitting, holding desired flesh.

Hands roaming, moans falling, engulfing us.

Caught up in the feel of her in my arms, and tasty, delectable skin in my mouth, that it took me a minute to register her words.

Her hands came between us, sliding up, gripping my shoulders, pushing. "Emma, Emma, stop. Please Stop."

Grabbing every ounce of strength and will, pulling away. The sight I saw when I did only fed into my high. I wanted to dive back in. Make love to her right here.

Her eyes were dark, glowing, like an ember in a fire. Burning, grabbing and holding your gaze at the beauty of it. Hair disheaved. Lipstick smeared.

Her words came back to me, bringing me down. I felt guilty, ashamed. I pushed her, yet again.

I went to move to turn away, til I felt soft hands wrapping around my wrist. Bringing me back to face her.

Hanging my head low, I couldn't look at her. To ashamed.

Delicate hands touched my chin, lightly pushing, asking, pleading for me to look up.

After a minute, I did.

All the time I have been with this wonderful woman and she still manages to surprise me.

There was a soft, sweet smile grazing her lips. Her hands reached down to grab mine. Her eyes, those eyes, beautiful, soft, transfixing eyes, kept mine glued to hers.

"I saw that look Emma. That look of guilt. There is no reason for it. Please don't feel guilty. I wanted that just as much as you did, but there is still issues we, as a couple, need to work on. Trust me, I was ready to rip your clothes off and make love to you until you passed out. I...I just want to take this slow. I love you Emma, very much. We have gotten back to this point were we are comfortable in each others company again, and I don't want to mess up our progress by just jumping into bed. I want to have dinner with you tonight, I want to talk to you, be with you. But I still need time, can you give me that? Time?"

I stood there. Stock still. Letting my brain make full understanding of her words. Some many things I wanted to say, millions of little words trying to form to make coherent sentences. Of all I wanted to say these were the only words that left my lips.

"But I forced myself on you. How can you be okay with that? How can you be okay with me? You should have thrown me out that night, and never looked back."

The tears that I fought so hard to stay in oceans finally over flowed and slid down my cheeks.

"I just... I just love you so much. I don't, can't lose you. All I keep doing is messing up. I just feel like I am trying so hard, but the harder I try the more it blows up in my face. You deserve someone better. Someone who will cherish you, love you, worship you. I am not that person. Not anymore."

Taking a deep, long, slow breathe to gather the courage I needed, to say these words. "Regina, I love you, and could not imagine spending my life with anyone else but you, but..."

Her body went scary still. Soft hands, turned hard. Squeezing til mine nearly shattered.

I knew better than try to pull her close. To comfort her in this mind set. My only option, speak softly.

"Regina."

Yanking her hands from mine, voice cold, angry, hurt. "No, don't you dare 'Regina,' me.

I was momentarily stunned. Why was she so angry? What happened? Watching as she grabbed her things off the floor and headed for the door. It was when I saw her hand reach the door handle that my mind seemed to catch up.

Running towards her, stopping at the top step in the foyer. "Regina, wait, please. Let me explain.

Turning to face me with death in her eyes. "There is nothing to explain. If you want to leave. Go ahead. Its what you do best anyways. I will raise this child and Henry on my own. I have done a fine job before you came along, and I will just as fine if not better when you are gone."

Her words cut deep. I was a runner, she knew this, but I also thought she knew that I was done. Done running. I had found my home. I am in for the long drive. Sure there will be potholes, construction, but nothing we can't find another way around to get to our intended destination.

I didn't understand. What this anger was about? Where it was coming from?

I ran through everything that had transpired. From our actions to our words. Over and over. Just as I was about to ask what had upset her, I finally understood. "She thought that I..."

"Regina, no. Wait. Please. You don't under..."

Oh, but I do. I understand perfectly. You wish to break up with me. If that is what you want. Fine. Like I said, leave. Go. Now if you will excuse me, I am running late for work, and this conversation is over."

Turning from me, to the door, hand on the handle, turning. My heart beat so fast that it broke. Tiny pieces scattered through my body. Working up to the oceans that held the tears behind my eyes. Threating to spill over like moon light hidden behind a dark cloud.

"Regina, please wait. Please, don't leave. Let me explain. Please. I'm pleading, begging you to stay and just let me explain. I...

With all the will left in me, pleading with my own body, to keep my eyes open. No matter how hard I wished it, my eyes closed. What shred of heart I had, could not watch her leave.

Hearing the door open, I turned. My fists opening and closing. hoping, with all hope, praying, I could keep my emotions, feeling, together, until she left.

Every muscle, every fiber, every tendon, ligament, strained with tightness.

That was the sound that killed me. That completely destroyed what last shred, piece of my heart was left. She closed the door. Leaving me.

I couldn't feel. I couldn't move. I was numb and burning with pain at the same time.

It just seemed that the more numb my body got, the higher my pain intensified.

Higher and higher, reaching, hitting way past my pain tolerance.

Just as I was to pass out, it left just as quickly as it came.

All the strength in my body, muscles keeping me up right, failed. I felt myself fall, hard, fast.

There were hands on my stomach, arms around my midsection, chin on my shoulder, and voice in my ear.

"Emma, love. Tell me. What have I not understood."

"It doesn't matter."

"Why not, Emma."

"Because you are not real. I fell and hit me head. This is all an illusion from my subconsciousness. If I was to turn around, you would disappear. You are not real, and I would be alone, in the darkness."

I could feel her hands moving around my waist, making her way to stand in front of me. I closed my eyes. I couldn't look. She is not real.

I felt her hands glide up from my waist, past my chest, across my neck, under my chin, cupping my cheeks. Her thumbs caressing just under my eye. Asking for me to open them.

"Emma, Love. I'm real. I am not an illusion concocted from your imaginary concussion. You never fell. I caught you. I'm real."

I didn't want to look. I knew as soon as I did, she would disappear, like an unknown familiar face in a fading memory. My eyes refused to listen. Refused to stay closed. Slowly, very slowly, they opened.

The first thing my eyes attached to when they opened were soft, beautiful, dark amber ones. Looking at me with so much understanding, worry and love.

I couldn't stop the sharp intake of breathe, or how my hands flew up to touch her face. As much as I wished to trust my eyes, my mind still believed her to be imaginary.

The second my hands touched her face, I felt indescribable relief wash over me. She was real. She was here. She didn't leave me.

"You didn't leave."

"No. I didn't leave."

How she even heard me through tears and aggressive sobs. Either way I was grateful. I was grateful that it was her hands wiping away my tears. I was gratefull that it was her voice calming me. I was grateful that she stayed.

"Emma, love. Will you tell me now? Tell me what I have miss interrupted."

Letting my hands fall from her face and brining my left one up to lay over her right one. Leaning into her comforting touch and letting my eyes close slowly at her soft words. Relishing in her. Letting her presence surround me before I spoke.

"I was never going to break up with you, or leave you. You are my home. My family. My life.

I can give you all the time in the world that you need, Regina. I love you so much that, honestly, my heart should be in pieces, because I swear it has burst more than once from all the love I have for you.

I never should have given you a self-loathing answer. It wasn't right and I am sorry. I was just so caught up with what I had done. How I had crossed a line that we together created. I know it has been a month, but that doesn't excuse me or my actions.

I will never get over how you still love and want me. I don't think I will ever understand how you do it. Sometimes I don't even want to. I just want to go with it and pray that I never have to count my blessings.

I know I make mistakes, but what I did that night wasn't just a mistake, it was choice. A wrong, terrible choice that I can never take back.

Yes, it was a choice I made out of fear and anger, but that still doesn't condone my actions."

Taking a deep breathe, letting my eyes open, I gently grab her hand and put it over my heart, laying both mine on top of hers.

"I vow here and now Regina, to love and cherish you. To never let you go. To never leave you. To always be what you need. To be what you deserve. To be only yours forever."

Taking my right hand off ours combined, I bring it up to wrap around her neck and pull her close.

Leaning in so our lips are a daybreaks seconds away from touching, letting her make the final choice.

When her lips connected to mine, I moved my right hand down to the middle of her back, pulling her even closer with our hands still connected, covering my heart. I felt her left hand move from my cheek and settled on the middle of my back.

I kissed her deeply, passionately. Letting the truth of my words come out of me in that sweet kiss.

It was like we let ourselves get lost in that kiss. Like the world around us dissipated. Like all our problems just melted away.

The feel of her body pressed to mine. The feel of her lips moving against mine. The feel of her hand protecting my heart. The feel of her skin under my hand.

Wait. Her skin?

Opening my eyes, I slowly pull away to see her body held tightly between the wall and my own body. Her arms, hands held above her head, by my hand wrapped around her wrists. Pulling her taught. My other hand at some point had removed her shirt from her slacks and slid up her back. But the sight that really had my knees shaking was her kiss swollen lips, flushed cheeks, and heavy breathing.

So beautiful.

I must have made my thoughts vocal, for the next thing I saw was her eyes open.

I am almost positive that my knees buckled and that if I wasn't holding onto her so tight, I would I have fallen flat on my ass.

Her eyes were so dark, they were black, filled with lust, want, and need.

"Emma." Her voice was low, husky, vocal sex.

"Regina." I moaned her name.

Her lips turned up in a predatory smile, the next thing I felt was her thigh slip between my legs, making delicious contact with my center.

"Fuck." Slipped out of my mouth, hitting hers. She breathed the word in, letting it melt in her mouth and sending it out as a solid hum accompanied by a self-satisfying smirk.

I don't know how she did it, but Regina Mills is a woman of surprises and managed to increase the pressure on my center from her position. Always the topper.

The sheer intensity of the pleasure she was causing to course through my body, was more than I could handle. More than my body could take.

I let my body succumb to the pleasure, the high, as I rested my head atop her right shoulder.

Possibly the worst mistake to make at that moment.

I felt her turn her head, and then a hot, wet tongue gliding from just under my ear down to my shoulder and back up.

My heart was beating faster and faster, her tongue was moving slower and slower, stopping at my pulse point.

Sharp pleasurable pain shot through my whole body as her teeth sunk in. At that moment all I knew was her and the pleasure she was giving me.

Her teeth scraped across my skin as they released taught flesh, a soft tongue to sooth the imprints, lips sucking hard, knowing full well that it will leave a 'I own you' mark.

I moaned my agreement. To be owned by Regina Mills is a thing of beauty. I want the world to know who I belong to, who owns me.

As my body got closer and closer to climax. Some where through the fog a voice rang in my head. A voice telling me that this needed to be taken slow. Her voice saying she didn't want to just jump into bed. Her voice asking for time. Her voice.

I wanted my climax. I needed my climax. But I needed her more. I didn't want her to regret her actions after everything was done. I didn't want her to regret our hormone induced session of fucking each other against a wall to mess up our progress.

Knowing full well that no matter how much I wanted this to continue. It needed to stop. It need to stop right now.

Releasing my hands from her body. I pulled away and stepped back.

I looked up to gage her reaction and my eyes immediately connected to hers.

Her eyes were intense, dark, hooded, shooting liquid heat straight to my core, making me want more. But I knew, I knew I had to hold my ground and stay firmly glued to my spot, even though every muscle in my body was pleading to be touched by her, to be near her.

A raging battle in my head and body. One telling me to stay where I stood, the other twitching to move near her.

Her voice brought me out of my thoughts, conflict.

"Emma."

"Regina."

It was like we were in a trans. Caught in each others stares.

The intense gaze was gone, replace by a soft, unknowing, almost defeated, sad look.

"Regina."

I walked back towards her. Cupping her cheeks with my hands.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. That was not my intentional goal. Its just...Shit. I was seconds from throwing you over my shoulder, taking you upstairs, throwing you on the bed, ripping your clothes off and fucking you til you just couldn't take anymore, or until you passed or something and starting all over again, til your body was just complete mush.

We talked about taking things slow. I don't want to rush it. To rush you. I know things got really heated just a few moments ago. Somewhere in the middle the fog lifted. The fog lifted because I heard your voice in my head. I didn't want this to turn in to a regrettable moment, something that would put us two steps back instead of forward.

I wanted to honor your request. You want to take things slow and take the time you need. I want to give you that. This was not giving you what you needed. This was taking, even if both parties were involved. You deserve better, and I want to be better.

So If you wish to be mad at me, that is fine. I will take your anger any day over a possible regrettable decision.

I love you baby, I want to do right by you."

I watched as tears formed in her eyes and slid down her cheeks. My thumbs soothing each one away with every swipe.

"Baby, please don't cry. I didn't want to upset you, I'm sor..."

My words were cut off by her lips. Kissing me with so much love, so much passion, so much trust. I nearly cried myself.

Her hands reached around my back the same time her lips left mine. Laying her head in the crook of my neck as she cried.

"I'm not upset. You Emma Swan always seem to know just what to say and do. You always know how to save me from myself. You always know how to pull me back. I wanted it, I wanted you so badly that I didn't think of the consensuses of our actions. You, you did. I wanted time, I needed slowness. You, Emma, gave back to me what I almost destroyed myself. All of our progress we made, nearly destroyed by hormones, and selfish desires.

I love you, Emma Swan."

My arms came up, engulfing her in a tight embrace. Holding so tight that, it feels like the life is getting squeezed out. Only to relent just enough, so there is room to just breathe.

"I love you too, baby. I will aways do my best to save you, no matter the cost. Losing you, would be like losing ever butterfly in the world. They may not alway be so pretty when they start out, but they always bring a smile to your face and a warm glow to your body when ever you see one.

You, Regina Mills are my warm glow. Every time I see you, I alight with smiles that are never ending. You, Regina Mills are my butterfly.

You? Selfish desires? You are the least selfish person I know. Don't scoff. You would give up anything and everything to save Henry, this baby, me, and anyone in this town. You won't admit it, but I know you. You would.

Don't you even dare bring up cursing an entire realm as selfish. That was anger and pain and you know it.

You are not the Dark Queen anymore. Is she still apart of you? Yes, she always will be. But that is the most attractive quality about you. Both light and dark.

As for hormones, you are pregnant Regina. Hormones comes with pregnancy. They will have you up and down, and firing all over the place.

I meant what I said. I want you screaming and yelling at me one minute and crying on my shoulder the next, I want to be woken up at 3 in the moring because you have a craving for Ice cream, I want to see your smiles every time you touch your belly, I want to see your face light up when the baby kicks for the first time, I want you in tears when you hear the heart beat, I want to tell you how beautiful you are and how much I love you every day, whether you believe me or not. I want it all.

Plus we both know you have always been a sex fiend.

Coming to my station to 'drop off paperwork' or 'requesting a meeting' at your office."

"Emma Swan." She scuffed. " I have no idea what you are referring to. I am a respected Mayor of this town, I will have you know. A sex fiend, please. I am more refined than that."

"Really, Madame Mayor? More Refined? So if you are not a 'sex fiend' then what do you call it?

"Its a Queens duty to make sure her princess is happy."

"So when you come to my station to 'drop off paperwork' you are just doing your duty when you push me onto my desk, ripping my pants off, thrusting three fingers knuckle deep inside me, giving me an amazing orgasm, then waiting til my eyes open to make sure I am watching when you slowly lick your fingers clean of my juices. You call that 'Queenly duties?'"

"Why, yes princess, I do. What do you call it?"

"I call it a 'knights duty to keep her Queen happy.'"

We stood there for a few minutes in comfortable silence, just holding each other. Relishing in the contact.

Until she asked, "What time is it?"

Pulling her phone from her purse, clicking the power/on button, the time popped up in big white letters.

I think her eyes nearly bulged out of head. "Its 10:30, I am late, and you have to be at work in thirty minutes.

Emma Swan, you and your antics have caused me to be late. In all the years I have ran this town I was never late. You have ruined my good name."

In her Dark Queen voice, "I shall destroy you if it is the last thing I do." Only to be followed by a sexy smirk, then a soft smile.

This woman is just too fucking perfect. "Ok, your Majesty, destroy away. Oh, and running late for work will not ruin you or your good name, it just makes you human, like everyone else in this town."

"Whatever you say, Princess. But we still need to leave."

"Uh, Regina, what about your..."

With a wave of her hand, she was her perfect, immaculate self, and I was dressed in...my sheriffs outfit.

"Regina, I am so not going to work like this, I am going upstairs...To chan...

Dammit, Regina!" I yelled to no one in my station. Of course she would poof me here. Such a smart ass, but my smart ass.

I just knew that she had a wicked smile on her face, and that today was going to be a good day.