Chapter 4:

A bird was singing sweetly in a tree outside of Carl's window, the early morning light filtering through the curtains. Carl awoke, his shoulder sore and stiff but warm. He looked down to see Enid's sleeping face. Wisps of her dark hair were covering her face, her breathing slow and peaceful. Her cheek was resting on his chest the palm of her left hand over his heart. He didn't want to wake her but also didn't want either of them to be caught by a judgemental adult.

"Enid…?" he whispered.

Enid's eyes flew open immediately. She was a light sleeper it seemed. I guess they all were nowadays.

She blinked a few times and lifted her head off of Carl's chest. He felt cold immediately.

"Hey…" he whispered.

Enid turned to face him and propped herself up with one arm, "Hey," she whispered back.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up but I didn't want someone to catch us…you know…in bed together…" Carl's face couldn't possibly have gotten any redder.

Enid blushed too, "Good thinking," she whispered. She got up slowly and reached for her sweater. Carl grabbed a pair of jeans from the floor beside his makeshift bed and pulled them on over his boxers. He turned his head to watch as Enid pulled on her sweater, pulling her long hair from underneath to cascade over her shoulder.

Carl was thinking about the skin under her sweater. The freckles like constellations on her stomach, the way her chest flushed when they kissed, the softness of her breast…

"Carl…" Enid whispered angrily.

Startled, Carl whipped around, "Oh shit, was I thinking out loud?" he thought. He raised an eyebrow at Enid but all she did was point at a picture on his dresser beside her.

He crossed the room to stand next to her. He only had three pictures: A picture of him with Judith, an old picture of him with his mom and dad and a picture with all the residents of Alexandria that had been taken only a few weeks ago. Carl hadn't noticed it before but someone had drawn on the group picture.

An arrow had been crudely drawn through Denise's face with red pen. A heart broken in two pieces was left over Maggie's chest and Glenn and Abraham's faces had been scratched out so much so that you couldn't even tell it was them anymore.

Carl's hands were shaking. He could barely think. He reached out, grabbed the frame and threw it as hard as he could across the room. It veered hard to the left and almost hit the window. The wooden frame splintered apart and fell with a bang to the floor.

Carl turned and looked at Enid. Her face had gone dark, her eyes staring at the ruined photo on the floor. Carl took a few breaths.

"They're monsters…" he said through his teeth. "It's one thing to kill someone…but to ruin the only memories we have left of them too? They won't get away with it…I won't let them…Enid?"

"I have to go." She said quietly. She turned quickly and headed for the window. Carl watched her go, he tried following her but his legs were frozen in place. He watched as she swung her legs over the sill and vanished from view, not once looking up to match his gaze.

Carl was throwing darts when there was a knock on his door.

"What?" he yelled. He spotted the picture on the floor again, his insides burning with hatred.

The door opened and his dad and Michonne stepped in, Aaron was behind them but stayed in the door frame.

"Carl, what are you doing up here?" Rick asked noticing the holes in the wall from Carl's missed attempts at the dartboard. His eyes then travelled to the broken frame on the floor.

"Practising…" he said quietly.

He could practically feel Michonne looking at Rick behind him. He couldn't turn to look at his dad, he'd say something stupid and end up regretting it later.

Carl could hear Rick step towards him, "Aaron and I are leaving for a few days, you should come with us."

"Someone's got to be here for Judith…"

"There's people who want to help and we'll be gone a few days at the most." Said Rick. He took another loud step towards him but Carl refused to turn around.

His dad sighed, "We need supplies…they're going to be coming back soon…"

Carl couldn't contain his frustration any longer, "Is this how it's going to be now?"

"Yes, it is." Rick said sternly. Carl could hear the frustration in his voice but he didn't care. "You know that."

Carl threw another dart and it missed. How could he go on a supply run when he couldn't even throw darts straight? How was he supposed to do anything like he used to? His body had betrayed him…his remaining eye almost useless.

"See you in a few days."

There was a moment of silence and then he heard his dad turn and start to leave, "We should get going…."

Michonne reached out and squeezed Carl's shoulder as she left the room. He appreciated the small gesture.

After they had left him Carl sank against the wall, he rested his head in his hands. The familiar headache was starting behind where his other eye should be. He was going to kill Negan. He didn't know how he was going to do it but he didn't care. He'd figure it out somehow. He didn't care what happened to him, he was going to take out as many Saviors as he could.

He didn't know how long he sat there trying to formulate some kind of plan. He heard some commotion coming from downstairs and decided to see what was happening.

Michonne was packing a large duffle bag with bottles of water, her sword, a few extra knives and some snacks. He sat down at the dining table.

"Hey Carl," she said giving him a sad smile.

"Where's Judith?" he asked looking around for the little stinker.

"I thought you could use a break so I asked Jeanine to watch her for a bit."

"Thanks. Why didn't you go with my dad?"

Michonne looked up at him, and opened her mouth to speak but seemed to think better of it and closed her mouth again. After a few moments she said, "I have to figure some things out…"

Carl felt hope for the first time in days, Michonne hadn't given in. Carl sprung out of his chair and after her.

"What is there to figure out?"

"How we can do this? If we can…"

"We can't!" Carl said louder than he had intended. "No…not like this."

Michonne shrugged her shoulders, "Your dad thinks differently."

"And he's wrong!" He needed her on his side, "You know it!"

Michonne wouldn't meet his gaze, she kept packing her bag and looked straight ahead of her. When she was finished she walked around the counter and put the bag over her shoulder, "Even if I think he is…" she stopped and turned to face Carl. "I don't know."

Carl shrank a bit under her gaze, it was almost like she knew what he wanted to do. She turned and headed for the door, "Change your bandage later and be nice to Olivia." She closed the door behind her and he watched as she walked away from the house.

Carl saw something move out of the corner of his eye and turned towards the window. He saw Enid walking through the grass towards the wall. Carl threw on his boots and ran out of the door and after her.

"Enid?" he called out to her as she pushed metal footings through the wall posts.

She stopped but didn't turn to look at him. "I need to see Maggie." She pushed another footing through the post.

Carl was thrown. "You're walking to the Hilltop?" he asked incredulous. She was leaving after all. His heart sank, "…it's far." He doubted the distance factor would make her stay.

She took a step up onto the post, "I'll be fine."

Still she refused to look at him, "Maybe."

"I'll be fine!" she said angrily. She looked at him over her shoulder, "I have better aim than you."

Carl felt like he had been punched in the stomach. Why would she hurt him like that? He thought she cared for him. The moment the words came out of her mouth though her expression changed. Her eyes turned sad.

"I didn't mean it that way…"

Whether she meant it that way or not, it hurt him.

"I'm not saving you anymore."

She turned back to the post and reached up to grab another footing, "Is that what happened in the armory? You saved me?"

Why was she so angry with him? "Yeah" he said.

"You made it back in one piece, you're still here."

This was about them…Glenn and Abraham, Denise and Maggie…it wasn't about him. Carl could hear Lucille and she smashed through skull and flesh and gravel.

"I'm not talking about that." He didn't even want to think about it.

Enid stopped, her eyes were glassy, "I'm sorry you had to see it."

All he could do was shake his head, "I'm not."

She let out a deep breath, her shoulders slumping and then she was climbing again. He watched as she climbed the rest of the way to the top. Her eyes caught his for just a moment and then she was gone.