"J? Rabbit? Are you two coming for—" Smurf stopped in her tracks and looked at Pope with wide eyes.

Pope turned around and gave a timid smile to his mother. "These two, uh, ruined my surprise for you."

She immediately held her arms out for him because if she hadn't, there would have been shit. I watched her carefully. She grinned at him, but when he hugged her, her smile dropped and she looked at me. I shook my head quickly and shrugged, letting her know that I did not know he was getting out. Judging by her face, she didn't know, either.

Pope.

I missed him, sure. He had a few screws missing, yet he was probably the most capable of the family. He knew this and knew we all thought he was crazy, which was why he was angry all the time.

I can't not love him. He was the most loyal and it showed in his prison sentence. It was Baz who was supposed to have been in prison. Not Pope. No one really talks about that because it was a fuck up on Baz's part and for that, Pope will always resent him.

If one asked me who I would have missed more between the two, I wouldn't be able to answer the question. I have a special bond with both of them. After he hugged Mom, he pulled me into the warmest hug I've had in a while. I rested my head on his shoulder and stood there in his arms. Taking in his strength, his scent, Pope himself in my presence after so long. "I've missed you, Andy." I said softly.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you." He pulled back and looked at me. "Three years and you're a woman now. You look different."

I shrugged a shoulder and bit down on my lip. "Different, how? I mean, that's a good different right? It's not like you haven't seen me."

He just stared and didn't say anything. Didn't do anything but shake his head. His eyes raised to mine and then I saw that smile. The one he had only for me. One filled with a warmth that he didn't let the others know he had that side of him. "You look gorgeous."

Squealing, I jumped in his arms and laughed. "You ass! I thought you were going to say I looked like a cow or something!" I turned around for him. "Like my braids?" I did a little model pose. Then licked my finger and touched my ass with a hissing sound effect. Smurf laughed and J just kind of stood there, watching the dynamic between us for sure and not knowing what the hell to think.

"Love 'em….Medusa." He blocked my slap and smiled again, but when he looked at J, that smile faded quickly. "Again. Who the fuck are you?"

AK AK AK AK AK

We all sat in the living room, surrounding Pope, who was in the arms of Smurf. Craig was on the floor, doing blow of course. I understood his reasons, but lately, it was as if he became reliant on the shit. He assured me countless times that he wasn't hooked, but Stevie fucking Wonder could see pass his bullshit.

"So, you're Julia's kid. Josh." Pope said, staring at J.

I had him in my arms. I wanted to make him as comfortable as possible. After all, he was family. He was more of a family to them than Baz and me.

"Yeah," J said softly.

Silence.

"You look like her." Pope muttered.

He was the last to know about Julia. I know her death hit him hard, but he would never let us see him cry, nor break. With this family, death came all the time. Quickly and relentlessly. We were used to losing those we loved so when it happened, we had a tendency to close up. Shut down. Pretend like the shit doesn't hurt us. Unfortunately for me, I will never know Julia. That was fucked up for me because she would always be the sister I always wanted to know, but never got the chance to.

"We should have a party." Deran said. He sat on top of the couch; feet set firmly on the cushions. "C'mon. Our brother's back. We need this shit."

"Yeah," I said. "that's exactly what we need. Another party." We were always having parties. I wasn't complaining, though. "I need a reason to break out my new bathing suit."

Deran raised a brow. "If you can call them that. They cover your nips and clit. That's about it. Shit is annoying."

I smirked. "Then stop staring so hard, asshole." Standing, I grabbed my glass and looked down at J. "Want me to top ya'?" He stared at me like I had grown three heads. "Your drink—get ya' mind outta the gutter." I laughed. "Ya' want another drink?" If we were out in public, anyone could tell he stood out from the rest of us. I don't know why that bothered me, but it did. I wanted him to loosen up. I was going to make it my mission to make sure he became one of us. Family. He may have had just his mom all these years, but he had us now. My brothers didn't trust him, but I did. As far as Smurf went, she was on the fence, I could tell she wanted to trust him. If she didn't, he wouldn't be living with us. I grabbed his glass and Pope's empty beer bottle.

It only took me a few moments to return with drinks for pretty much everyone. Except one person. Deran noticed. "Aren't ya' gonna get Baz something to drink?"

I looked at Deran. He had that slick little smirk on his face. I knew what it was for and so did he. He knew I was still pissed with how he spoke to me. How he treated me. I couldn't stand for people to do shit like that, especially men. "Barry's a big boy. He can get shit himself." I looked over at Craig, who was doing yet another line. I kicked him hard. "Jesus Christ, dumb ass! Take a fucking breather with that shit!" I looked at Smurf. "You don't see that shit?"

"He's a big boy." Baz said, throwing my words back into my face.

I shot him a look. "Way bigger than you in every aspect," I said through clenched teeth. Don't fuck with me, asshole. That's what I should've said, but I kept quiet. He didn't deserve any more of my attention. I didn't even know why I was giving him a hard time. All of us argued constantly, but we loved each other. Our spats were nothing new, but for some reason I couldn't let this one go.

AK AK AK AK AK

The party was the shit, of course. Just a bunch of close friends, drinks, and music. Oh, and drugs. Duh. Deran and Craig made sure of that.

I was in the kitchen, helping Smurf with the refreshments. Baz and Pope were in charge of grilling burgers and hot dogs for everyone. Simple menu, really. It's what Pope wanted. A simple, old fashioned American barbecue. The music was loud and obnoxious. So were the guys and girls. No one gave a shit. No one gave a fuck. The only thing that mattered was that there was fun to be had for however long Pope wanted the party to carry on. Who knows how long that would be? Sometimes, he had his good days where he wanted to be around people for hours on end. Other days, it would be minutes, maybe just seconds. That was the thing with Pope. One never knew what one would get with him. It was what I found so endearing about him. He kept you guessing. Kept you on your toes. One could never get complacent with him. He always changed things up.

"Be honest with me, Rabbit." Smurf said. "You knew Andrew'd be coming home today."

I sighed and gave a mock growl. "Ma', seriously? Why ya' keep asking me that shit? I told ya'. No, I did not know! I don't think anybody knew and honestly, I think Pope wanted it that way."

Smurf nodded, satisfied with that answer. "It's just…he's closer to you out of all of us. He used to tell me everything. Now? Hardly tells me anything anymore."

"The guy has spent three years in jail. I think he had a lotta shit on his mind other than talkin' to his mommy about his feelings." I snorted and threw a cucumber slice at her. We headed towards the door with trays of food, but I stopped and turned to her. "Especially when he wasn't even supposed to be the one locked up. Hey…if there's something I need to tell ya', I'll tell ya', okay? But right now, I think he's good." I gave her a smile and she leaned in and kissed me.

It took us no time to find places for the food and our asses in some chairs, relaxing. Well, Smurf relaxed and had a cig. I found my ass in the water. "Yaaaaas," I moaned, after taking a hard dive from the diving board. I dipped my whole body in and out a few times. I didn't stay in long though. I climbed up the diving board, again where Craig and J were. Baz was at the bottom with Cath, his girlfriend and my little niecy-poo, Lena. Deran was by the grill with Pope. Talking shit, no doubt.

"Hey J!" I slapped his shoulder. "Wake the fuck up. Whattiya' daydreamin' about? Jump in!"

Craig clapped. "Hell yeah! Take a fucking chance, bro!"

J looked at the both of us, as we taunted us. Everyone chimed in, calling out his name. "J…J…J…J…J…"

I could tell he wanted to, but something was holding him back. It hadn't been the first time I noticed that 'something', too. It was there loud as shit, yet quiet and invisible. Come on Josh. Take a chance on us.

Eight words.

There were plenty of times I wanted to say those eight words to him.

Finally, I got tired of it. Instead of saying the words, I 'showed' the words. Taking a couple steps back. I charged at him, taking the both of us off the board and into the water. When we came back up, all we saw were people cheering for us. It was all we heard, too.

I looked over at J. I had never seen him that happy since he'd gotten here. The sight of his smile was intoxicating. Leaning over, I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It was official, I was going to become addicted to his smile, which was going to make me try even harder to get him to do it.

The rest of the party went by like a quick breeze. It ended too quickly for me. Night came fast and soon, it was past midnight. There were a few stragglers, who would eventually find their way home. Smurf, Cath, and I did most of the cleaning. The rest would have to be done in a few hours when day light broke and we had some sleep.

Cath left with Lena and Baz assured her he'd be home in a little while. Craig crashed with two girls in his room. Deran had his weed and disappeared. Probably went to the beach or to his own place. Pope was still a little ticked that Smurf and Baz put him up at one of the motels close by. It was a nice little suite though, but I understood his need to be under the same roof as the rest of us. He hadn't been with us in three years and it could have been more than that. So, why they didn't let him stay in the house was beyond me.

The lights were dim where I was in the kitchen and I had already sent Smurf to bed. I was going to my own in a little while, but there was one stubborn pot that wouldn't get clean and it was pissing me off.

I finally gave up because my fingers were raw and I was literately falling asleep in the damn dish water. Sighing, I put the pot in the other side of the sink with a little bit of soapy water in it still to hopefully loosen up that annoying spot. I wiped down the counters with a few Lysol wipes. I had one more half of a counter to go and then I would be done.

I went to move, when two long and tanned, muscular arms boxed me in. I stiffened a great deal, trying to remind myself that I was safe. I knew who it was and he knew I had a problem with people being behind me the way he was right now. "Baz, please…" I begged softly.

"No, Bonnie. Not until you talk to me."

I gritted my teeth and took in a deep breath. I was safe. I reminded myself that, but I yelled at him inside my head. I yelled for him to back the fuck up. "Barry…"

He turned me around until I was facing him. He put his finger beneath my chin and made me look into his cobalt blue eyes. "I don't like it when you are mad at me. Then you ignore me. You know how much I hate that."

"Ya' know how much I hate when ya' yell at me and treat me like a child in front of everyone." It seemed like nothing I should be so upset about, but my mom did it all the time. It was her goal in life to try and remind me that she was the adult, which meant she was the boss and I was nothing. Nothing, but a child. An annoyance to her, even though I didn't ask to be fucking born.

Baz nodded at me, as if he understood "Okay, you're right. I'm sorry. I've just…been a little outta my head lately. Cath is giving me shit again. Smurf wants to see Lena. Cath doesn't want her to and I'm stuck right in the fucking middle."

I nodded, completely understanding. Cath was such bitch sometimes. Yeah, I get it. She doesn't want her kid exposed to some of the shit that has happened around the house, but it wasn't like we were going to put her nose up to a mirror filled with lines of blow. We would cut off our fingers before we let anything happen to that little girl, but Cath didn't give a shit. We love Lena to death. It was just a shame Cath controlled when we got to see Lena. "Sorry she's doin' that Barry."

He shook his head. "Don't do that to me. Don't call me Barry. You only do that when you're completely pissed at me. I'm sorry, okay? I won't do that shit again."

Biting my lip, I gave him a nod. Being this close to him…he always made me feel like a little, bity girl. And safe. Like nothing could hurt me. But there was still one thing… "Don't come up behind me like that. Ya' know I don't like that, Baz."

He tilted his head, stepping in towards me, leaning against me and making me lean against the counter. "Tell me."

My eyes blinked and my mouth fell open. "I…" I shook my head vehemently. "Ya' know I can't do that!"

"He's not here, Jack!" Baz hissed. "Even if he was, you know he would have to get past me to get to you. You know that!" He was trying to keep his voice down, not wanting to wake the others. "Tell me."

I wanted to tell him. All Baz knew was that the 'he' was someone close to me and that he hurt me. Baz and I had this conversation numerous times, but I could never get to the part where it hurt me the most. I was too scared. Too scared that I would blink and 'he' would be standing in front of me. That me living with the Codys was all just a dream and I was back in Louisiana with 'him'. My shoulders shook as I started to dry sob. That was when I cried, but no tears actually shed. I allowed myself to get upset about the shit but what I didn't allow myself to do was cry. I would never shed another fucking tear over that monster.

I felt Baz's arms around my entire body. I was much smaller than he was so it was no big feat. His lips kissed my shoulder, then my neck. I shuddered. My neck was my spot. You know…THE SPOT. Baz knew that and often he would kiss me there to excite me. This time, I knew it was to comfort me. To reach me in a place where I didn't allow many people to reach me and that was to my heart. He pulled back, but only so that he could kiss my lips. Then his mouth was back on my neck again. "I won't let him hurt you," he whispered. "I promise. Is that why you've been so angry at me lately? It's like our fights last longer and our arguments are getting pettier."

It was like he could read me. As if I was a book and the pages were my soul, that he could read those words easily. Even I didn't know why I had been so short with him lately, but he knew. Somehow, he did. I doubt that was the only reason. There was something else there. I just couldn't put my finger on it.

I held him just as tight as he was holding me. It felt good and I felt myself relax more and more. I sighed into his chest. "This feels good. I needed this."

"You sure it's not J you're needing?"

I bit my lip and furrowed my brows. "Jealousy is so ugly on you."

"Sorry." he muttered. "Maybe I am jealous. Hated it when you give your attention away sometimes. Especially when you're mad at me."

I shuddered. His breath on my neck was seriously making me weak in the knees. What I was about to ask him was selfish of me. I knew he needed to get home to Cath and Lena. He told her when she walked out with my sleeping niecey-poo that he would be home soon. But Cath knew the deal. Shit changed all the time when it came to this family. One minute my brothers could be going to their own places. The next minute, they were staying with Smurf. "Stay with me tonight." I whispered, looking into those eyes.

"You don't even have to ask." he whispered back. Pulling away, but holding my hand, he turned out the remainder of the lights, keeping the small one on above the stove. We passed through the rest of the kitchen and through the living room. I stopped, which caused Baz to stop. Pope was outside. Staring up at the sky, at the moon. Still as the fucking Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

"Shit!" Baz and I said out loud together.