Krit
I spend the night on the couch, unable to sleep for most of the night. All I can do is remember what it was like sleeping in the bed with Zane. I sigh and punch my pillow in frustration. I order myself to sleep, forcing myself to even out my breathing and relax. Finally, I fall asleep.
What seems like only seconds later, I jerk awake. The smell of bacon invades my senses. I open my eyes and look around and see Zane making breakfast. He smiles at me.
"Morning, sleeping beauty." he says, "Hungry?"
"For bacon? Always." I declare, scrambling off the couch.
Good bacon is a rarity. For one, it's hard to find any. And secondly, I usually hang out with Krit, if anyone, and neither of us can cook it just right. I sit at the counter and watch as Zane cooks. He laughs at me and hands me a plate of what he has already made. I glare at him before wolfing down what is on the plate.
"Slow down, kitten. You're going to give yourself a stomachache." Zane warns.
"Never." I reply, handing him the empty plate.
Satisfied with my breakfast, I leave Zane to cook the rest for himself and plop down on his couch. I turn on the TV and flip channels aimlessly. I finally get bored with it and leave it on the channel I come to, not caring what is on. There's never anything good on TV anyway.
I feel the couch move and look over at Zane as he plops down next to me. He has a bacon sandwich. He bites into it happily and I resolve myself to watch him.
"What?" he asks through a mouthful of food.
"Nothing." I reply with a shrug.
"Then why are you looking at me like that?" Zane asks after he swallows.
"Because you're more interesting than the damn TV. Is that okay?" I return.
"No, you're weirding me out." Zane replies.
"Oops." I shrug.
Zane sighs and quickly finishes his sandwich, resigned to letting me watch him. He throws the last bite to Millie, who happily catches it in midair and swallows it without stopping to chew.
"Got any plans today, kitten?" Zane asks.
"Uh...I have to meet someone for lunch, but other than that no." I respond.
"Wanna come with me to take Millie for a walk?" Zane asks.
"Sure."
Zane gets up and I follow him. He tells Millie that it is walk-time and she immediately starts jumping up and down in excitement. We all head out the door and start off into the forest that surrounds Zane's house. I wonder how Zane came by such a nice place and figure Zack got it for him. How Zack did that I don't bother to wonder. I probably don't want to know. Whatever the means, it is a nice place.
"You've got a nice place here, Zane." I tell him.
"Yeah. Nicest thing Zack's done for me for some time." Zane says.
"You mean besides saving your butt regularly and the whole escape from Manticore thing." I say, defending 'big brother'.
"Yeah, besides that." Zane agrees, grinning.
We both know how much Zack has sacrificed for us. He can be quite an asshole at times, but that's just who he is. Zack is always there for us, our security, our fail-safe. When everything else in the world has gone wrong, "big brother" is always there to bail us out.
"So, Syl..." Zane begins, "What have you been up to anyway?"
"Me? Oh, nothing much. The usual bar-hopping, cat-burglary, skipping out the back door a sec before Ol' Deck catches me kinda same old." I joke.
"Serious." Zane presses.
"Well...laying low mostly. Got chewed out bad the last town. Krit and I were doing some heists. Zack said it was too conspicuous. He moved me out here and Krit to New Mexico. Life was just starting to work itself out a little when that damn heat thing screwed it all to hell again." I shrug it off, "Time to start over again."
"Stop that." Zane snaps.
I look at him in surprise.
"What?"
"Stop doing that 'nothing matters to me, I'm too tough for the world' thing. You don't have to pull that with me." Zane says.
I look at him curiously. He is looking away, a frown on his face. I try to figure out what he's thinking, but it's beyond me.
Confused, I respond, "I know."
"Do you?"
"What is up with you, Zane?" I demand.
"It's just...nevermind." Zane sighs.
"No! No, nevermind. I want to know." I insist.
"It's just...we all act so tough around each other, especially Zack and you girls. It's like we're still back in Manticore and you're all afraid that if you show a weakness someone might turn you into to Lydecker. I hate that. They wanted us to be emotionless and I...I don't know, Syl. I just...when you showed up shaking and asking for help, it was like you were so human, so real. I don't want to move backwards from that. You're my favorite, my best friend, my kitten. And I...I don't know." Zane was almost pointedly avoiding looking at me.
"Zane..." I say, feeling astounded.
This wasn't part of my training. I wasn't sure how to respond. I hadn't known...
"Zane..." I repeated.
"I'm sorry." Zane says quickly.
"No! It's okay. I just...I don't know what to say." I admit.
I stop, sitting down on a log that has presented itself. Zane stands in front of me, looking even taller from my sitting height. He finally meets my eyes and gives me an uncertain smile.
"I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday." I blurt out before I even know what I'm saying.
"Syl..." Zane says, surprised, "You never..."
"I know. He wasn't important. Just a distraction. Just part of acting normal, which I'm not. We're not." I say, being more honest than I've been for most of my life.
Zane didn't respond, but instead joined me on the log. He squeezed my hand and I looked at him, feeling that strange feeling in my stomach and my chest grow stronger. That feeling that I'd dealt with since I'd woken up the day before. Had it only been that long? It seemed like forever. Maybe it had been forever, only I was just know realizing what it was. In my mind I whispered, 'Zane, I love you.'
"We should head back if you want to make your lunch meeting." Zane said quietly.
I mentally shook myself, outwardly nodding in agreement. We both rose and headed back towards the house.
***
Rather than sit around and have awkward moments, I wave goodbye to Zane and head out as soon as we get back. I drive pretty fast to the restaurant where I was meeting Krit. I park the car quickly, not even close to being straight, and walk in. I scan the room quickly and spot Krit waving to me from the corner. I try to be inconspicuous as I hurry over.
Krit gets up and hugs me as I reach him.
"Hey, kitty. I missed you." Krit says.
"I missed you, too."
I sit across from him and take a long sip of the coffee he's already ordered me. Just the way I've always liked it, too.
"What's wrong, kit-kat? Why'd you call?" Krit asks.
I slowly set down my coffee. I have never had any problem talking to Krit before, but for some reason I can't find my voice now.
"Syl?" Krit asks, his face creasing with worry.
He quickly gets up and moves next to me, putting an arm around me and giving me a supportive hug.
"It's alright. You can tell me. You know that." he says.
"I...I think I'm in love with Zane." I say in a whisper.
Krit sits frozen, stunned. I look at him anxiously. I feel this desperate need for Krit's approval.
"Please, say something." I plead.
"H...how?" Krit asks.
"Well, I was in heat..." I begin.
Krit groans.
"Not again with this, Syl." Krit says, "You have to stop thinking that sex and love are the same thing. It's gotten you into trouble before."
"No! That's not..." I pause and consider what Krit is saying, "At least, I don't think that's what it is."
"Then what is it, Syl?" Krit asks, looking sad.
"It...I just realized...he understands me, none of my boyfriends have ever understood me...and I...I feel like I've always love him...and...I don't know, Krit. I'm so confused. And I want so much to tell him, but I'm afraid that it will just make things worse." I sigh in frustration and bury my face in Krit's shoulder.
Krit rubs my back in sympathy.
"Oh, kitty. You've dug yourself into a deep one this time." he says, stroking my hair a little, then pushing me back into a sitting position, "You know how Zane is. Do you really want to get into this?"
"I can't help it, Krit."
"But, little one, I can't stand to see you get hurt."
"He won't hurt me, Krit." I insist, "I'm his favorite. He cares about me as much as you do."
"He very well may, but that doesn't change who he is."
"He's Zane." I sigh.
"Exactly." Krit says with a frown.
Just then a waitress arrives with food. Krit smiles and explains he ordered already, picking something he thought I'd like. As always, he's read me correctly. This thought disturbs me now, however, in light of Krit's speculations. I quietly pick at my food.
"Stop that. Eat." Krit reprimands.
I stick my tongue out at him and pointedly stick a forkful of scrambled eggs in my mouth.
"Good girl." Krit teases, patting me on the head.
I jerk away from his hand and stick my tongue out at him again. He smiles and turns his attention to his own food. We both finish quickly.
"Will you stay?" I ask.
"I'd planned on it. Where you staying?"
"With Zane."
Krit sighs and gets up. I ignore him and lead the way to the car.
I spend the night on the couch, unable to sleep for most of the night. All I can do is remember what it was like sleeping in the bed with Zane. I sigh and punch my pillow in frustration. I order myself to sleep, forcing myself to even out my breathing and relax. Finally, I fall asleep.
What seems like only seconds later, I jerk awake. The smell of bacon invades my senses. I open my eyes and look around and see Zane making breakfast. He smiles at me.
"Morning, sleeping beauty." he says, "Hungry?"
"For bacon? Always." I declare, scrambling off the couch.
Good bacon is a rarity. For one, it's hard to find any. And secondly, I usually hang out with Krit, if anyone, and neither of us can cook it just right. I sit at the counter and watch as Zane cooks. He laughs at me and hands me a plate of what he has already made. I glare at him before wolfing down what is on the plate.
"Slow down, kitten. You're going to give yourself a stomachache." Zane warns.
"Never." I reply, handing him the empty plate.
Satisfied with my breakfast, I leave Zane to cook the rest for himself and plop down on his couch. I turn on the TV and flip channels aimlessly. I finally get bored with it and leave it on the channel I come to, not caring what is on. There's never anything good on TV anyway.
I feel the couch move and look over at Zane as he plops down next to me. He has a bacon sandwich. He bites into it happily and I resolve myself to watch him.
"What?" he asks through a mouthful of food.
"Nothing." I reply with a shrug.
"Then why are you looking at me like that?" Zane asks after he swallows.
"Because you're more interesting than the damn TV. Is that okay?" I return.
"No, you're weirding me out." Zane replies.
"Oops." I shrug.
Zane sighs and quickly finishes his sandwich, resigned to letting me watch him. He throws the last bite to Millie, who happily catches it in midair and swallows it without stopping to chew.
"Got any plans today, kitten?" Zane asks.
"Uh...I have to meet someone for lunch, but other than that no." I respond.
"Wanna come with me to take Millie for a walk?" Zane asks.
"Sure."
Zane gets up and I follow him. He tells Millie that it is walk-time and she immediately starts jumping up and down in excitement. We all head out the door and start off into the forest that surrounds Zane's house. I wonder how Zane came by such a nice place and figure Zack got it for him. How Zack did that I don't bother to wonder. I probably don't want to know. Whatever the means, it is a nice place.
"You've got a nice place here, Zane." I tell him.
"Yeah. Nicest thing Zack's done for me for some time." Zane says.
"You mean besides saving your butt regularly and the whole escape from Manticore thing." I say, defending 'big brother'.
"Yeah, besides that." Zane agrees, grinning.
We both know how much Zack has sacrificed for us. He can be quite an asshole at times, but that's just who he is. Zack is always there for us, our security, our fail-safe. When everything else in the world has gone wrong, "big brother" is always there to bail us out.
"So, Syl..." Zane begins, "What have you been up to anyway?"
"Me? Oh, nothing much. The usual bar-hopping, cat-burglary, skipping out the back door a sec before Ol' Deck catches me kinda same old." I joke.
"Serious." Zane presses.
"Well...laying low mostly. Got chewed out bad the last town. Krit and I were doing some heists. Zack said it was too conspicuous. He moved me out here and Krit to New Mexico. Life was just starting to work itself out a little when that damn heat thing screwed it all to hell again." I shrug it off, "Time to start over again."
"Stop that." Zane snaps.
I look at him in surprise.
"What?"
"Stop doing that 'nothing matters to me, I'm too tough for the world' thing. You don't have to pull that with me." Zane says.
I look at him curiously. He is looking away, a frown on his face. I try to figure out what he's thinking, but it's beyond me.
Confused, I respond, "I know."
"Do you?"
"What is up with you, Zane?" I demand.
"It's just...nevermind." Zane sighs.
"No! No, nevermind. I want to know." I insist.
"It's just...we all act so tough around each other, especially Zack and you girls. It's like we're still back in Manticore and you're all afraid that if you show a weakness someone might turn you into to Lydecker. I hate that. They wanted us to be emotionless and I...I don't know, Syl. I just...when you showed up shaking and asking for help, it was like you were so human, so real. I don't want to move backwards from that. You're my favorite, my best friend, my kitten. And I...I don't know." Zane was almost pointedly avoiding looking at me.
"Zane..." I say, feeling astounded.
This wasn't part of my training. I wasn't sure how to respond. I hadn't known...
"Zane..." I repeated.
"I'm sorry." Zane says quickly.
"No! It's okay. I just...I don't know what to say." I admit.
I stop, sitting down on a log that has presented itself. Zane stands in front of me, looking even taller from my sitting height. He finally meets my eyes and gives me an uncertain smile.
"I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday." I blurt out before I even know what I'm saying.
"Syl..." Zane says, surprised, "You never..."
"I know. He wasn't important. Just a distraction. Just part of acting normal, which I'm not. We're not." I say, being more honest than I've been for most of my life.
Zane didn't respond, but instead joined me on the log. He squeezed my hand and I looked at him, feeling that strange feeling in my stomach and my chest grow stronger. That feeling that I'd dealt with since I'd woken up the day before. Had it only been that long? It seemed like forever. Maybe it had been forever, only I was just know realizing what it was. In my mind I whispered, 'Zane, I love you.'
"We should head back if you want to make your lunch meeting." Zane said quietly.
I mentally shook myself, outwardly nodding in agreement. We both rose and headed back towards the house.
***
Rather than sit around and have awkward moments, I wave goodbye to Zane and head out as soon as we get back. I drive pretty fast to the restaurant where I was meeting Krit. I park the car quickly, not even close to being straight, and walk in. I scan the room quickly and spot Krit waving to me from the corner. I try to be inconspicuous as I hurry over.
Krit gets up and hugs me as I reach him.
"Hey, kitty. I missed you." Krit says.
"I missed you, too."
I sit across from him and take a long sip of the coffee he's already ordered me. Just the way I've always liked it, too.
"What's wrong, kit-kat? Why'd you call?" Krit asks.
I slowly set down my coffee. I have never had any problem talking to Krit before, but for some reason I can't find my voice now.
"Syl?" Krit asks, his face creasing with worry.
He quickly gets up and moves next to me, putting an arm around me and giving me a supportive hug.
"It's alright. You can tell me. You know that." he says.
"I...I think I'm in love with Zane." I say in a whisper.
Krit sits frozen, stunned. I look at him anxiously. I feel this desperate need for Krit's approval.
"Please, say something." I plead.
"H...how?" Krit asks.
"Well, I was in heat..." I begin.
Krit groans.
"Not again with this, Syl." Krit says, "You have to stop thinking that sex and love are the same thing. It's gotten you into trouble before."
"No! That's not..." I pause and consider what Krit is saying, "At least, I don't think that's what it is."
"Then what is it, Syl?" Krit asks, looking sad.
"It...I just realized...he understands me, none of my boyfriends have ever understood me...and I...I feel like I've always love him...and...I don't know, Krit. I'm so confused. And I want so much to tell him, but I'm afraid that it will just make things worse." I sigh in frustration and bury my face in Krit's shoulder.
Krit rubs my back in sympathy.
"Oh, kitty. You've dug yourself into a deep one this time." he says, stroking my hair a little, then pushing me back into a sitting position, "You know how Zane is. Do you really want to get into this?"
"I can't help it, Krit."
"But, little one, I can't stand to see you get hurt."
"He won't hurt me, Krit." I insist, "I'm his favorite. He cares about me as much as you do."
"He very well may, but that doesn't change who he is."
"He's Zane." I sigh.
"Exactly." Krit says with a frown.
Just then a waitress arrives with food. Krit smiles and explains he ordered already, picking something he thought I'd like. As always, he's read me correctly. This thought disturbs me now, however, in light of Krit's speculations. I quietly pick at my food.
"Stop that. Eat." Krit reprimands.
I stick my tongue out at him and pointedly stick a forkful of scrambled eggs in my mouth.
"Good girl." Krit teases, patting me on the head.
I jerk away from his hand and stick my tongue out at him again. He smiles and turns his attention to his own food. We both finish quickly.
"Will you stay?" I ask.
"I'd planned on it. Where you staying?"
"With Zane."
Krit sighs and gets up. I ignore him and lead the way to the car.
