This chapter has a trigger warning for some reference and description of self harm, hopefully not too graphic. Proceed with caution if this affects you.
Dean followed his brother as he seemingly took him on a tour of the day room. Sam was definitely improving, he was picking up a word here and there and was warming to Dean slowly but surely. He still wasn't completely himself, but Dean was unsure he ever would get the real Sam back.
"Look," Sam muttered, pointing at the pile of paper and some crayons. He looked up at Dean, expectant of a reaction as he squeezed his teddy bear in his hand.
"They look fun, huh?" Dean smiled encouragingly, "You want to draw something?"
Sam stared at his brother for a little while before moving onto something else. The room was deserted besides the brothers, a nurse and some security, just in case Sam got spooked. They'd tried to introduce Sam into going to the day room with other residents, but he got skittish and was on the verge of a panic attack with the presence of strangers, a lot of whom stared at him. They decided it was best, for now at least, for him to only visit on his own.
The younger Winchester picked up a stuffed animal left on one of the couches and handed it to Dean before wandering off toward the board games.
"Uh, thanks," Dean frowned, placing it back where Sam found it and following his brother again.
"Dean," Sam pointed at the boxes of board games on the shelf, looking at his brother then back at the games.
"Wow, Sammy. We played a bunch of these as kids, remember?" Dean studied the different games, "Remember Buckaroo?"
Sam didn't respond, his communication wasn't at its best. Dean didn't even know if he understood what he was saying. He was going to see if Sam wanted to play it, but figured the sudden jerk of the plastic donkey might not go down well with him.
"Hey, how 'bout snakes and ladders?" Dean suggested hopefully, taking the box down and holding it out to his little brother. Sam stared at it a moment as if it would attack him, but eventually took it and sat down at a table with it. He sat his bear on the table as if he would play with him.
"You loved this one," the older Winchester smiled wistfully, "Though you were always happy when you landed on a snake. Even though that wasn't the point of the game."
Sam was staring at him blankly as he spoke before pushing at box towards him. Dean sighed and set up the board.
"What colour counter do you want, buddy?" he held out the four coloured plastic pieces, "You always liked blue. Maybe blue?"
"B-blue," Sam mumbled, "Blue."
Dean was unsure whether that was his brother's decision, or whether he was simply imitating the word – he'd been doing that a lot – but he gave him the blue counter anyway, "You gonna roll the dice, Sammy?"
Sam looked from the dice to Dean and back to the dice before slowly reaching to pick it up.
"That's it," Dean nodded encouragingly. Sam stared at it for a while before opening his palm and dropping it, flinching as it hit the table. He curled in on himself a little, wrapping his arms around himself.
"Hey, hey, it's alright, buddy," Dean smiled at him, "Won't hurt you. Looks like you rolled a five."
He moved the counter for his brother after a few minutes of him just staring at it. They carried on playing, despite Sam only rolling the dice when it was his turn. He did crack a small smile when he won the game, however, which Dean was glad to see.
Once Sam's allotted time in the day room was over, he was taken back to his room after picking out a Disney DVD from the shelf. This time he had Aladdin, and soon enough he was settled on his bed to watch the movie.
Dean left after his little brother had fallen asleep for the night, curled up in a ball under his bed covers with his nose buried in the soft fur of his teddy bear. He was mumbling Cas' name a few times, which wasn't a surprise considering he'd been asking for him all day.
The older Winchester was woken in the early hours of the morning to his phone ringing. He answered it immediately upon seeing it was the hospital. They'd called at night before, when Sam had experienced extreme episodes or had a seizure.
"Is he alright?" he said instantly, his hand already shaking, "Is Sammy alright?"
"Mr Winchester, your brother broke out of the ward. We have police out looking for him."
Dean's heart lurched, "He's missing?! What the hell happened, how did he get out?"
"He was having a bad night, a lot of nightmares and he'd just calmed down from a panic attack. But he started screaming, we found him hiding in the corner of his room, completely terrified, he must have been hallucinating. He was begging for someone to stop."
"Oh, Sammy," Dean shook his head, running his hand through his hair.
"We tried to calm him down but he got violent. Hitting out at anyone who came near him. We attempted to move him to solitary, where he wouldn't be able to harm himself or anyone, but no one could restrain him. He threw someone without touching them, they, they're in the hospital with a concussion. He almost choked a guard to death. His strength it…it didn't seem human at all. He was just so scared, he…he…" the woman on the phone trailed away nervously.
"And he just ran for it?" Dean clenched his fists anxiously, needing all the information available.
"He did…he just ran, found his way out and ran. We couldn't stop him. I'm so sorry, we're doing all we can to find him, he's a risk to others and himself."
"I'll go looking for him. He'll be scared out of his wits," the concerned Winchester disconnected the call and was about to pray for Castiel when his phone rang again.
"Bobby, now's really not-" Dean began as he picked up the call, but was quickly cut off.
"Why the hell is Sam in Sioux Falls?!" Bobby said a little frantically.
"He, he's what?" Dean stared ahead of him in disbelief, "He broke out of the hospital just now!"
"Well then, he musta teleported, 'cause he's right here. Soaked to the skin, its rainin' pretty bad," Bobby was sat in his car, not far from the younger Winchester curled in a ball against a wall, "Got a call from Sheriff Mills that Sam was here, just wanderin' and looking real confused. She tried to approach him but he got skittish, backed against a wall. Told 'er not to go near him, not to let anyone near him. I'm keepin' an eye on him, Dean. Just get here as fast as you can, alright?"
"Yeah, Bobby," Dean wiped furiously at his eyes, "Thanks."
He put his phone away and began to pray for Cas, "Cas. You got your ears on? Sam needs our help, right now. I couldn't give a crap if you're busy right now, Sam needs us."
The angel appeared within a split second of Dean finishing his sentence, "What's happened to Sam?" he demanded, eyes narrowed.
"Get me to Sioux Falls, somehow Sam's got himself over there," Dean grabbed Cas' arm, "Now, Cas!"
Without another word, the hunter and the angel found themselves in the pouring rain in South Dakota, right beside Bobby's car.
"What took you so long?" Bobby frowned as he opened up the car, "You gotta get him back to my place, he'll get hypothermia if he stays out here any longer."
Sam was rocking back and forth, gasping as he began to have a panic attack. His clothes had dark red patches all over them, Dean could only hope it wasn't blood.
"Cas! Cas! Cas!" he called desperately into the rain, he clearly hadn't noticed the angel standing not too far away, "Cas!"
Cas and Dean approached him slowly, so as not to spook him even further.
"Sammy," Dean had to speak loud to be heard over the rain, "Sammy, we're here, buddy. It's alright. You're safe. We'll take you to Bobby's, alright?"
Sam let out a louder gasp before passing out completely, falling back against the wall. He started seizing violently, and both Dean and Castiel ran ahead to him. His arms and neck were covered in scratches that had bled and stained his clothes, causing Dean to shake his head and wipe at his eyes.
"C-Cas," Sam opened half an eye once he came around, his whole body shivering with the cold.
"Hello, Sam," Castiel murmured calmly, touching both brothers' shoulders and taking them to the safety of Bobby's house.
"We gotta warm him up, Cas. He's gonna get sick," Dean's voice was a little high pitched with panic. He turned his attention to his brother as he let out a small whimper, "Hey, hey, it's okay, Sammy. You're safe. You gave us one hell of a scare there, buddy."
Sam reached a shaking hand toward Cas and clutched at his tie, tears leaking from his eyes, "Cas, Cas."
"I'm here, Sam. You'll be alright," Castiel said as reassuringly as he could, helping Dean peel off Sam's shirt that had stuck to his skin with the rain. The younger Winchester complained and tried to move away, clutching tighter at the tie.
"I know, Sammy, I know you don't like us touching you, but we gotta get these off. We'll get you some nice, dry, stuff, right? Much more comfortable," Dean sighed, Sam's arms outstretched toward Cas weren't helping at all, for one thing the angel could barely move, and then there was the issue of getting his shirt over his head.
"I'll get the shower going, Cas. Try and get those damn scrubs off him," Dean shook his head and left his shivering brother with Cas, who resorted to taking off his tie for Sam to hold while he attempted to remove Sam's shirt.
"Now, Sam, I don't think you want to stay cold, do you?" Cas was trying to reason with Sam, "I don't think you'd enjoy getting sick."
"Cas," Sam mumbled forlornly, "Cas."
Eventually the angel coaxed Sam into the bathroom in just his underwear, where the shower was ready for him. His lips were tinged a little blue from the cold as he stared at the water worriedly.
"C'mon, Sammy. Panties off, get in there and warm up," Dean said a little firmly. Sam looked at Cas with wide eyes, unsure what to do with himself.
"Go on, Sam. It won't hurt you," Cas took Sam's hand and lead him towards the shower, "Do you want me to assist you?"
Dean snickered as Castiel was left to help Sam out of his underwear, causing the angel to shoot him a glare. Sam stood there, completely still, seemingly unfazed.
"I'll wait outside. Give Sam some privacy," Castiel disappeared from sight, leaving Dean to help his brother warm up.
"Cas? Cas?" Sam looked around, a little panicked, "Cas!"
"Hey, hey, hey," Dean didn't mean to raise his voice, and regretted it as Sam flinched, "Cas will come back. But you need to warm up."
He gently pushed his brother toward the shower, and he finally got inside, just standing there as the water covered him. At least he'd feel warmer now, Dean thought to himself. He couldn't bear to look at Sam's thin frame. He'd lost so much muscle and a lot of weight thanks to his appetite or lack thereof. His height didn't help, it only made him look skinnier. Hopefully his appetite would return so he could gain back some weight.
"Dean…Dean…" Sam said quietly, the sound of the water almost drowning him out, "Out."
"You want out?" Dean looked at him, "You warmed up?"
Sam didn't answer, just giving his brother puppy eyes from the shower.
"Alright, c'mon then," Dean helped his brother out and wrapped him in a towel. Sam stood there helplessly, his hair flat against his head, and began to scratch at his already broken skin. A little blood began to pool out of the cut.
"Hey, hey!" Dean slapped his hand away without thinking, causing Sam to cower away into a corner of the room and look at his scratches.
"I'm sorry, Sammy," Dean sighed, taking a small step closer to him, "I didn't mean to scare you. Just, don't hurt yourself, alright? Please, don't hurt yourself anymore."
Once Sam was in his pyjamas – an old shirt and sweatpants left at Bobby's – and in bed, Dean went downstairs to figure out what to do next. The younger Winchester had gone out like a light the moment he was put to bed, curled up in a tight ball and still shivering a little.
"We can't send him back to that hospital, Bobby," he ran a hand through his hair, "Not if he's gonna start zappin' anywhere. He was lucky that he ended up here."
"And how are you gonna explain that to them? Sorry, my brother can't come back because he teleported to South Dakota? They're not just gonna let him go free like that," Bobby shook his head.
"They said he's a risk to others and himself," Dean sighed, "He wouldn't hurt anyone. He just hits out when he's scared."
"And that's exactly why they're not gonna want him out, Dean. If he's a risk, they'll want to keep him in, or at least get him to a closer hospital," Bobby scratched his beard, "I'm sorry, son, he has to go back there."
With a minor miracle and a lot of celestial persuasion from Castiel, Sam was in fact discharged from the hospital. He was to instead attend regular check-ups at Sioux Falls General and would be provided with his meds from there. Dean could only thank the angel several times for the help. At least now Sam could be home, and taken care of by his family.
Dean stayed by Sam's bedside, terrified he'd disappear, literally, or have another episode. As he watched him, Dean ordered every Disney movie he could online. If his brother was to live at Bobby's, they definitely needed something to calm him down.
While Dean was taking some time out to collect his thoughts with a beer or two, Sam woke up in terror from a nightmare.
"Cas! Cas, Cas!" he called out desperately, "Cas!"
The concerned older brother ran upstairs just as the angel appeared at Sam's bedside.
"Sam, Sam," Castiel slowly laid a hand on Sam's leg as he quivered, "It was just a nightmare. Lucifer can't hurt you anymore, you're safe."
"Scared," Sam let out a whimper and looked at Cas, his eyes sparkling with tears.
"I know," Castiel said softly, "I won't let anything hurt you."
Clumsily, Sam threw himself at Castiel in a hug, wrapping his arms tight around him and burying his head in his shoulder similar to a toddler. The angel yelped slightly in surprise and had to steady himself before they both fell off the bed, before gently hugging him back. He began to frown.
"Sam, I believe you have a fever," he placed a hand on Sam's forehead, which Sam shied away from instantly.
"Stop," the younger Winchester mumbled, attempting to hide under the bed sheets, "Stop."
"Is he sick?" Dean's voice startled Sam, but he calmed down a little upon seeing him.
"I think so," the angel looked at him solemnly, "I'm sure he will be fine, Dean. He just needs rest."
"Dean," Sam said quietly, staring at the bed covers.
"Hey, Sammy," Dean's expression softened, "You alright?"
Unsurprisingly, Sam didn't respond, instead wrapping his arms around himself and shivering. His skin was pale and he didn't look very well at all.
"Get some rest," Dean smiled at him, "You might feel better after some sleep."
"Ted," his little brother looked around him a little frantically and automatically began scratching at his neck, "Ted."
"Crap," the older Winchester cursed under his breath. Sam must have left his bear, named Ted according to him, behind at the hospital, "We'll get Ted back for you, Sammy. Just go to sleep."
Without warning, Sam threw up violently on the bed, causing both Cas and Dean to step away immediately. He looked up at them both, puppy eyes in full force as he looked from one to the other and back again before curling in on himself, tears falling from his eyes.
"Hey, it's alright, you're alright, buddy," Dean reached to put his hand on Sam's shoulder but he cowered from his hand, "Let's get you cleaned up."
Castiel disappeared and reappeared with Sam's teddy bear in his hand, which he instantly reached for. He hugged the bear to his chest childishly, burying his nose in the toy's fur, before allowing Castiel to help him change into new pyjamas. Dean changed the bedsheets and went downstairs to ask Bobby to bring up a bucket for any future incidents.
"How's he doin'? He hungry?" the older hunter looked over at Sam, curled up in bed and clutching at Cas' tie, holding his bear with the other hand.
"He's shaken, but I don't think we should try and feed him yet. Still a bit skittish," Dean sighed, ""I'm never gonna get my brother back, am I?"
"He was locked up in Hell, Dean! Trapped with Michael and the devil themselves! We're lucky he's even showin' improvement," Bobby shrugged, sighing slowly, "But no matter what, he's still your brother. He still looks up to you and loves you, even if his head plays tricks on 'im sometimes. You've gotta be there for him, boy."
"Of course I'm there for him! We all are, I'll do whatever it takes to make my little brother better, or at least make him feel safe," Dean felt tears prick his eyes, "I just wish I could get Lucifer myself and-"
"That's not gonna help anything. Focus on your brother, not what hurt him," Bobby looked at the older Winchester sternly, "Sam needs you here, not going off on some revenge mission."
"Yes, sir," Dean muttered, turning to Sam and Cas. Sam was beginning to fall asleep, his hand still holding onto Cas.
"I'll let you get some rest," Castiel stood up, "Good night, Sam."
"Cas, stop. Cas," Sam fussed, reaching out his hand, "Cas!"
"Think he wants you to stay," Dean smirked.
"Dean, I can't stay here. I'm needed in heaven. And we can't start raising suspicion about Sam," Castiel looked at Sam sadly, "I'm sorry."
"Cas," Sam's eyes were wide and puppy-like, and he stared at the angel pleadingly. His lip began to tremble as if he'd cry any minute.
"Just until he gets to sleep, c'mon," Dean sighed, "He's exhausted, he'll be out in minutes."
"Fine," Castiel sighed, taking his seat beside Sam once again and allowing him to hold his tie, "Get some rest, Sam."
Sam drifted off to sleep pretty quickly and didn't wake until morning. He got a little distressed in his sleep, causing interference in the electrics of the house, but otherwise slept fine.
"I will ward the building to ensure Sam can't disappear anywhere," Castiel slowly moved away from Sam once he'd fallen asleep, relieved that he didn't wake, "And so no angels can detect him."
"I guess they won't particularly like the idea of him running around with some of Lucifer's grace?" Dean sighed, following Castiel out of the room.
"They won't. Most likely they'll want to destroy it, him in the process, others might want to extract the grace for themselves. Either way, they'll want to bring harm to your brother," the angel sighed.
"Can't we get it out of him?" Dean frowned, "He doesn't even understand he has it in him, he could hurt himself. Hell, he's already hurting himself! He's clawing at himself like he wants to take his own skin off!"
"That could be an effect of the grace. If he can sense it, maybe he wants it out," Castiel shook his head, "But it might just be his mental state. He's hallucinating Lucifer all the time, hearing him say awful things."
"There has to be a way, Cas. He can't carry on with that still inside him," Dean shook his head, "What the hell do we do?"
"I'll look into it as best I can without raising suspicion," Castiel said in a hushed tone as if the conversation was being watched, "Just keep him safe. I'll be back whenever I can."
"Thanks, Cas," the older Winchester sighed, "Really, thank you."
Castiel nodded before disappearing, leaving Dean to sit on his bed beside Sam's, watching over him worriedly.
Thank you for reading! Please leave a review. I'll update as soon as I can, but I'm now back at university so I don't have so much time. Thanks for understanding :)
