Jim thought the scene went as perfectly as it possibly could the next day. After calling cut he was so happy that he hugged Joyce, who had been there to watch. He was amazed at how natural an actor his daughter was, at how willingly she threw herself into the role. He was also proud of Mike. He had filmed several scenes of the show but this was the first one that had any kissing or physical contact and he was surprised as this kid who claimed to not be an actor lost himself in the role he was given. Mike and El knew a secret that Jim didn't know but it had only helped their performance. When her father yelled cut El moved her mouth to Mike's ear. "Last time was better," she breathed quietly. Smiling coyly at him as she removed himself from his lap.
"Yeah, your dad was happy but not as happy as I was." Mike whispered back, the possibility of being overheard making it hotter. He smiled wickedly at her.
"Do you promise?" El asked, batting her eyes.
"Promise." Mike looked around the room. Everyone looked busy and were not looking in their direction. He pulled her down and kissed he quickly but passionately. "Do you want to get some coffee?"
It was early afternoon and the two were walking hand in hand along the sidewalk. They were on their way to a little coffee shop that was tucked into the block where the record/book store was and were taking their time ambling to their destination. Mike saw a phone booth and remembered that he had promised his little sister that he would call her and plan their mother's Christmas gift. He had kept forgetting and time was running out. He knew his sister would be antsy about it. He sheepishly asked El if it would be okay to stop and she was more than happy to wait as he made the call.
After a couple of rings, Mike's father answered the phone call.
"Hey Dad, is Holly around? I needed to discuss mom's gift with her." Mike told his father.
"She is but you needn't worry about that. I think you should spend your time making sure your grades are your first priority. If you end with anything less than the Dean's List you might as well not even come home. I'm tired of you wasting your potential. You have too much of your mother in you. It's sickening."
Mike didn't wait around to hear anything else from his father. He simply hung up the phone.
The Mike that emerged from the phone booth was not the Mike who had entered it. El could see that his face was changed, looked bitter and sad. She reached out to pull him close to hug him and see what was wrong but he stiffened at her touch.
"Mike, what's wrong?" El asked, her brow furrowed and her voice slightly shaking.
"Let's just go." He turned and started toward the coffee shop.
In the restaurant Mike was distant. He had a scowl on his face and didn't drink his coffee. El tried to get him to talk to her but he just looked out the window. His mouth was pulled down into a frown and his eyes looked mournful. El was worried. Finally, he spoke.
"El, I don't think this is a good idea." Mike sounded defeated. "I'm only going to end up hurting you. You would be better off not knowing me." His eyes looked glassy. There were clearly tears in them. "I'm sorry." With that he stood up and walked out, leaving El alone at the table, dumbfounded.
Max had just gotten off from her shift at work and was walking down the sidewalk when she spotted El coming toward the store. She could see that El had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy and she had her arms wrapped around her own body like she was trying to comfort herself. Max stopped her on the sidewalk, noting that El had a faraway look and barely registered that her best friend was standing in front of her. Max put her arm around the girl and together they walked to Max and Lucas' house. Max led her upstairs and sat her on the sofa while she made them cups of tea.
El was crying into a pillow when Max came back with two cups of tea.
"El, what happened?" Max put her hand on El's shoulder, feeling her trembling. El looked at her and started crying harder.
"I...he... sniff sniff ...told me I'd be better off..." El sobbed harder once more.
"I can barely understand you, El. Take some deep breaths. I can wait until you calm down." Max said consolingly.
"Mike...everything was going great and then..." El put her face in her hands. Max could see the tears oozing through her fingers.
"What did he do?" Max asked, starting to get annoyed at Mike.
"He said I'd be better off without him and he walked away!" El sobbed even harder. "He didn't even look back. But he had promised me!" Her face went back into her hands.
Max pulled El close and held her while she cried. It lasted for longer than Max had anticipated. Every time El thought she would stop crying she'd think of Mike walking away and she'd cry again. It didn't help that her mind kept playing tricks on her, remembering him walking away juxtaposed with remembering the day in her dad's office and the time Mike sang to her at his apartment. Everything was too overwhelming for her and she was having a hard time getting herself under control.
"I'm sorry, El. But he's just being stupid. He'll come back around. I know Mike." Max tried to comfort her.
"No, I don't think he will." El hung her head and cried more.
"Give him some time. I'll get Lucas to talk to him. It seems odd that he'd do something like that. It's not very Mike of him."
They sat on the sofa, El still trying to stifle her tears and failing. Max wondered why Mike had pushed her away. He had seemed so happy the last couple of weeks.
The days were counting down to the winter break. Finals were ongoing and soon everyone would be leaving for Christmas. Max met El at a coffee shop to see how she was doing before Max left for her own break. El would be staying with her dad at their house near campus.
"How are you feeling?" Max asked as she blew on the cup of hot coffee she was holding.
"I miss him." El almost whispered. "I miss him a lot, Max. I don't know why he would do that. I should have been clear that I had real feelings for him. Maybe he thought I was just using him because of the show. You know, we fooled around and it was amazing but I never actually said how I felt about him. I guess I should have."
"Don't make this your fault, El, because it's not. Mike needs to figure out what he wants out of life. He's a big boy and is able to ask questions. He could have asked to talk about how you guys do or don't feel at any time." Max reasoned with her.
They sat in silence, comfortably drinking their coffee. Looking out the window El said quietly, "I love him."
Max could see that but had wanted El to admit it to herself. They talked a bit more, Max feeling empathetic as El listed all of the things she was currently missing about Mike and how she wasn't looking forward to Christmas anymore.
_
The Thursday before the start of the winter break. Mike met the rest of the guys at Olympus for a game of D&D. It would be the last for a few weeks until the winter break was over and everyone came back from their respective towns. Everyone had finished finals and were deflating after the semester. He hadn't seen El since he told her she'd be better off without him. His emotion was palpable.
"Man, you are down tonight. What is going on with you?" Lucas asked. Lucas already knew, seeing how Max was El's best friend and El had confided in Max the whole story, including how she really felt about Mike and how hurt she now was. He just wanted Mike to talk about it.
"Nothing." He glared at his dungeon master notes. "I told El she'd be better off if I wasn't in her life. I got a jump start on not hurting her forever and I feel shitty now. It was for the best though. She deserves someone better than me." Mike spewed the words.
Will spoke up, rolling a 20 sided die in his hand, "I think you're wrong."
Mike shrugged. "How would you know? You've only seen us together maybe once." Mike snarled, taking his frustration in himself out on the friends who were trying to help him. They all let it happen. They knew he was hurting.
"That's true, but my mother sees you every day and she's mentioned to me more than once that you two have great chemistry. She watches how you interact with her. She thinks you love her. She thinks El feels the same. But that's my mom. She's a romantic. She could be wrong." Will prodded.
Mike was silent, staring at the floor.
Max chimed in. "Why did you push her away, Mike? Like, exactly why, not generally why?"
Mike thought for a moment but he was only stalling. He knew why. Seeing his friends all looking at him, waiting patiently for him to tell them why he was hurting himself so much, he hung his head.
"I don't want to hurt her. I'm just going to end up being like my father and she doesn't deserve for that to happen to her. She should have the world. She's the best. I don't deserve the best." Mike put his hands over his eyes.
Lucas, Max, Will, and Dustin all exchanged glances. They had never seen Mike looking so broken.
"Mike, do you respect El? " Max asked, her tone being more matronly.
"Of course I do."
"Then don't you think she deserves to have a say in what happens in her life? Don't you think she deserves to be part of the discussion?" Max appealed.
Mike raised his head to look at Max. "I didn't think of it that way."
"You aren't your dad, Mike." Dustin stated. "You are the opposite of your dad."
"Dustin is right, Mike." Max got a thoughtful look on her face, like an idea had just come to her. "Hypothetically, let's say you and El got together and, well, oops! She got pregnant. Would you love the child you had with her?"
"Well, obviously I would."
"I'm not looking for a general obligatory love that you should have just because it's your kid. I want to know specifically why you would love a child you had with El. You can think about it." Max crossed her arms in front of her chest.
Mike looked at her and then looked at all of his friends. He knew what his answer was. "I'd love it because it would be part El."
"And...?" Max waited for the next part.
"And I love El." Mike put his hands over his eyes again, feeling tears start to well.
"Dude, you should come by the cutting room tomorrow before you leave for home. I have something to show you." Dustin patted Mike on the back. They all looked at their friend, how sad he looked, and knew that if only he'd listen to his heart instead of his head he would be so much happier. Sometimes being too close to the picture makes it hard to see the artwork though. Will knew that. They didn't finish their game that night, electing to just talk and try to get Mike to see that he needed to talk to El. He needed El and it was their job as friends to make him realize that he was indeed good enough.
"Did you ever think that El is smart enough to know what she wants?" Max asked Mike after Dustin had gone to bed. Will had gone home and Mike was getting his coat and gloves on before he went back to his apartment.
"I know she's smart. What do you mean?" He asked, a little annoyed.
"Maybe she wants you. You with any flaws that come with you. Maybe she doesn't care if your dad is an ass because she knows you aren't. Maybe she cries at night because she hasn't talked to you in weeks. Maybe she is just going through the motions of her days now and is planning a sad Christmas because she knows you won't be around. Maybe she loves you too. And by maybe I mean definitely."
"What?" Mike's jaw dropped, his face a picture of astonished surprise.
"You think she has cute facial expressions? You should see her when she's crying her eyes out about you. When she tried to stop crying she'd only cry harder. It almost made me cry and I don't cry. She is in love with you and she doesn't understand what happened. That makes it even harder for her." Max revealed.
Mike felt his stomach drop. Max's revelation had made his heart leap but it was quickly replaced by the thought of him having made El cry and he felt like someone needed to punch him as hard as they could. He hung his head in shame and wordlessly went to his car. On the drive back to his apartment fresh tears ran down his cheeks as he thought about how badly he wanted to see El and how he might have ruined his chances. He barely slept that night, only dozing off a little before 7:00 a.m. He packed his things and, remembering how Dustin had told him to stop by the cutting room on the way out of town, headed to campus to see what was up.
The cutting room was a mess. Dustin was an expert at what he did but he was always disorganized, at least to an outsider. He actually knew where everything was and could locate something within seconds if asked to do so. Mike knocked quietly on the door, not wanting to disturb him if he needed quiet. Dustin appeared rather quickly, his grin spreading as he saw who was at the door.
"Hey, man. Glad you remembered." Dustin ushered him into the room.
"I'm heading home after this." Mike said. "Extremely excited about it." His sarcastic tone made Dustin laugh.
"I'm heading back tomorrow. I needed to finish a couple of things for Dr. Byers and I also wanted you to see this." He motioned for Mike to sit in a chair in front of a monitor. Dustin took a small reel of film from the desk and popped it onto the deck.
"I've been cutting and splicing and it's going pretty well but I couldn't help but notice a few things as I was working. Specifically some things that I cut together on here that I wanted you to see, especially after you started thinking you weren't good enough for El." Dustin was saying as he pushed play on the machine.
There was no sound but Mike watched as Dustin narrated the scenes in front of him.
"Okay, look at this one. You guys are supposed to be arguing about where to put a chair. Look at how you look at her. Do you see? Heart eyes. Now look at her. She's a legitimately good actress, no offense to you, buddy, but look at how she's looking at you when she's supposed to be pissed at you. Heart eyes!" Dustin's voice was raising due to his excitement over explaining what he saw to Mike.
"In this scene here, her character supposedly doesn't like you and is supposed to be glaring at you. We didn't actually use this take and you'll see why. Right there! See how she's looking at you? She was supposed to be scowling but she looks like she's about to hug you. We couldn't use that one. Do you see? Then there's this last one. Your characters both know they have feelings for each other but neither of them have said anything to the other. Look at both of your faces. You both look like you want to kiss each other. It works for the scene but there is definitely some hardcore chemistry going on between you two and you should hang on to that."
Mike sat back in the chair and was thoughtful. "I may have lost my chance, Dustin. I fucked up."
"If she loves you she won't move on in the next two weeks. But you need to be thinking of some way to make her understand that you know you fucked up. Make her know that you are truly sorry and you need to make everything up to her. Just what I think anyway. Your happiness is yours to squander if you desire."
Mike knew Dustin was coming from the heart. He thought about it all the way back to his parents' house. He dreaded being there as soon as he pulled into the driveway but he was looking forward to seeing his sisters.
Holly ran out to meet him. He was happy to see her. It was late afternoon by the time he got there, having left school a little later than he'd planned and stopping for lunch because he was in no rush. She helped him take his things inside.
His mother came out of the kitchen to hug him as his older sister, Nancy, was coming down the stairs to do the same. He had barely been in the house for fifteen minutes when his father started pestering him about his grades and talking about how he was wasting his hard-earned money on his son's "dipshit" career choice. Mike longed to be back at school. He'd rather be alone than deal with his father.
They ate dinner together, the family, and Mike's mom and sisters asked him about school and seemed very interested in the show he was going to be in, wanting to know about his co-star and the other people involved. Mike's father rolled his eyes and made a dismissive sound. He didn't join the conversation but Mike could tell he was nothing short of angry.
After dinner Mike helped his mother clear the table. He was about to go downstairs into the basement to get a book he had wanted when his father called him into the living room.
"What did you need, Dad?" Mike asked, trying to be polite so as not to start any conflicts.
"I think when you go back to school you should refrain from going anywhere near the theater department. You've already spent my money on all the hours you currently have so I really hope you can find a job with the lame degree you are working towards, but I don't think the theater should have anything to do with it and it will only bring you down. So when you go back, no more talking to those people unless the Dean of Students himself says your grades depend on it, and I don't see that happening." Ted Wheeler looked smugly at his son.
At that moment Mike knew he was nothing like his father. He never could be. He grabbed his coat from the coatrack and stormed outside. He was going for a walk to try to clear his head. I have been so stupid! He thought as he walked down the block and turned left. Why did I let him get to me? I may have ruined the best thing that ever happened to me!
He turned the corner into a strong wind that blew icy on his cheeks. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and kept walking. When his right hand went into the pocket of his coat he felt something crinkle. He removed it to see a note. He stopped in the street to read it under the light of the street lamp.
Dear Mike,
I wish you didn't have to go away for Thanksgiving. I wish you could stay here with me. I'm really going to miss you! I want you to know that I will always be here for you. Whatever you need. I promise (like the song)!
I hope to see you as soon as you get back. When you feel down, remember that I'm here to bring you back up.
Love,
El
Mike remembered the night he had sung to her. He had taken a different jacket with him the next day when he left for home so this note must have been in the pocket of his coat since then.
He sprinted back to his house. He had to talk to Nancy immediately.
*****************************************************************************
What will Nancy tell Mike he should do. I have an idea...
Thanks again so much for reading!
