The first thing she needs to do, Olivia decides, is gather intel. No different than working any other case, but flying under the Secretary's radar means her resources are going to be a lot more limited. She's got time, but it's slipping fast.
She books a couple of days of vacation and tells Charlie she's fine; she just hasn't been sleeping well (it's the truth) and she needs time after everything that's happened. She knows he's probably already got a theory; all the changes to her body are hard to miss, but with Lincoln being in the big chair now and the team all but disbanded, she worries about losing him. He's been one step away from throwing in the towel for a while now, but she still trusts him, and she needs him watching her back more than ever.
She felt his absence on the other side, his loss in the other Olivia's life so abrupt, told only by the sudden holes in her case files, that she's afraid to lose his friendship over here. So she takes her vacation days and promises to call Charlie, maybe meet him for supper or something, just so he can see for himself that she's alright. And in the mean time, she uses her time away from the office to do a little research into the device on her own.
Apparently, there's a Markham's Used Books on this side too. And where there is a particular bookstore full of rare books, in a universe that also contains several pieces of the device in question, logic follows that there will also be a copy of the text she's looking for that will shed some light onto the whole equation. Olivia doesn't have Peter's silver-tongue to sweet-talk Markham into finding what she's looking for, but a shirt button or two less is just as convincing. She leaves the shop, book in hand, and with a clear sense of direction for the first time since her return.
Of all the people she's close to, all the people she has to lie to, her mother is the most difficult. The woman has already lost one daughter and grandchild. Olivia is afraid to put her through that again.
Olivia's not expecting the visit; she didn't know about her mother's return. Faulty intel, or else proof that her cover was absolute; even Charlie doesn't know she'd been swapped, after all. Either way, she's unprepared when she answers the door.
Marilyn blusters into the apartment with words about missing another lunch date, and stops short, staring, as her daughter closes the door behind her.
"Oh," is all her mother says upon witnessing Olivia's newfound curves. "Oh Olive." There is no joy, no excitement in her eyes. All Olivia sees is the fear, and there's not a damned things she can say – is allowed to say- that will reassure her.
"Mom?" she says, sounding too chipper and false to her own ears. "Hey. I forgot we had a thing."
But her mother isn't easily distracted. "Why didn't you say anything?"She stands at an arm's length, a little cautious space between them. "Did this have anything to do with your break? When you showed up at the house… " And that way leads to the safest excuse.
Olivia takes a step forward. "I couldn't tell you anything then." A lie of omission, but a lie, nonetheless. The words taste sour.
Another step forward and her mother is holding her tightly. Marilyn strokes Olivia's hair, tucks a strand back behind her ear as if she were still a small girl, and Olivia feels her breath hitch, just once. As she pulls away, she sees the sadness her mother usually keeps so well hidden, and she wants, more than anything at that moment, to tell her that it's okay, that there is a place where Rachel lived and where there's a beautiful little girl who brings happiness to everyone she meets. She wants to assure her mother that this isn't going to end like her sister, Marilyn burying a daughter next to a child with no name, but that's a promise Olivia has little hope of keeping.
Marilyn holds her at arm's length again, this time with a sad smile as she looks Olivia over. "Did Frank know?"
Olivia doesn't have to force the tears which sting her eyes. She shakes her head no. At least that much is true. Her mother pulls her close again and whispers, "Oh Olive."
For the first time, Olivia regrets her success.
tbc...
