A Fire Demons Guide to a Moving Castle

Chapter Four: The Inhabitants


Sorry for the wait, I lost my notebook with the chapter in. (-_-;) - Sweatdrop emoticon

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Howl's Moving Castle. Only this fanfic and the guide! ('TIS MINE! MWAHAHA)

Ahem. Please leave a review at the end!


'Inhabitants eh? So this section is about us then? I might not be in it though… Thank God.' Sophie hummed as she turned over the page.


Part Two: The Inhabitants

The most difficult thing about controlling a moving castle is that you have to put up with the humans that live there. AND you have to do what your master (in my case Howl) tells you or else. That's not all. You also have to put up with the others and do what THEY tell you. So basically you're at the bottom of the pecking order! It's so unfair! ARRRGHH! It makes me so mad!

This part of the guide tells you how to deal with these people. And since this manual is about Howl's Moving Castle I will be using the people who live here during my time for the examples.

Alright let's begin:

Being an Agony Aunt:

Yes, an agony aunt. Don't ask how this happens. It just does. You'll be peacefully snoozing away in your fireplace and BAM! All of a sudden about five faces are staring down at you demanding that you listen to their problems.

Though it's not all that bad. For starters you get to listen to ALL the castle gossip. And I mean ALL. I know that fire demons aren't really gossipers but it can get seriously boring here. So a little gossip goes a long way if you know what I mean.

For example, I was once told by Howl that he was thinking of getting a perm. (Oh how I laughed)

Second of all solving people's problems actually… well this is embarrassing… it actually creates a warm feeling in our cold hearts. I think it's because – you know – we've done a good thing and helped someone and now they'll finally shut up.

It's only fair I tell you how to be a good agony aunt right? Now bearing in mind this is in my own opinion here are a couple ways to be a good agony aunt:

1. LISTEN to the problem. Don't interrupt them or anything. Listen to the whole problem and not just what you want to hear.

2. Once you've done that take a few moments to think about what you've just heard.

3. Is there more than one side to the story? If there is, it's best to listen to all sides before making a decision.

4. The decision is kinda just voicing your own opinion on the situation. But please make sure your decision is on what you think would be best for everyone.

It's a lot easier than it sounds as you'll rarely get a tough problem.

Dealing with the master's orders:

I hate this section. I hate taking orders and I bet you do too! I say that as far as I'm concerned Howl can shove his fashion faux pas up his… Ahem. However we have no choice.

Me because of a stupid deal I made and I'm sure your situation is something similar to mine. I mean, surely you're not staying with the humans on your own free will?

Anyway (and this is a bit sly), just because you TAKE orders doesn't mean you have to DO them. Feel free to pick and choose. It's what I do and I get along just fine.

Though do take care when choosing what orders you do and don't do. You have to do all orders that are important and need to be done immediately. At the same time you don't have to do any orders that will go unnoticed if not completed. (It is sly isn't it? But also cunning… Yes… Cunning…)

Putting up with guests:

Guests are the WORST thing that can ever enter the castle. They're worse than witches, goblins, faeries, pixies and elves.

We get quite a few guests here at the moving castle at the moving castle. They're mostly girls Howl's going to jilt. He is the most disrespectful, pathetic man I have ever seen. And the day he spends less than 3 hours in the bathroom in the morning is the day he's truly in love, I say!

Now, when there are guests try to remain unnoticed. This is because if the guests do notice you they tend to scream and shout a lot.

We're not that ugly… Are we?

Getting to know the people:

After a while you'll be able to define who are guests and who aren't. You can usually tell as people who aren't guests tend to stay inevitably and Howl doesn't get pissed. These people are called inhabitants. (Or people-Howl-doesn't-get-pissed-at)

Inhabitants can just arrive out of the blue. For instance it used to be just me and Howl. But one day Howl was setting off into Porthaven and found a little boy asleep on the doorstep. Apparently, he had no place to go to as a fire had burned down his home, killing his family. I was shocked, this boy had lost everything and he just carries on with life? I could never do such a thing. So Howl took pity on the young lad and took him on as an apprentice (Whoopee doo. One more mouth to feed). Now he stays here – his name's Markl – and he's actually not all that bad. (Except I have to help him with the tasks Howl sets him every so often.)

Continuing this part of the guide… When you've established who are guests and who are inhabitants go ahead and reveal yourself. Make sure they know you exist!

But first you must watch them. And do so with care. Watch the way they walk, talk and act. Watch until you have a rough outline of who they are and what they're like. After all, you can never be too careful.

Establishing your POWER:

This is a sort of carry on from the last sub-heading. Read this as it's important (Everything is but I feel like I have to repeat this every now and again for extra important stuff.)

Though technically you're at the bottom of the pecking order establishing your power means they – the humans – will see you as an omnipotent being that is not to be messed with. *Grins wickedly*

So once you've watched and got a general idea of what everyone's like then go ahead and make sure they know you exist. Go about it in a way that emphasises your power and "authority". Think about it, first impressions are very important.

Why not put on a little show? Show them your SPARK! Declare that you are scary and powerful; prove your point with a fiery explosion. Humans are suckers for little demonstrations.

However some might not believe what you say. For those humans fear is most effective. Kindly inform that it would be much better to believe what you say and have you as a friend rather than a foe, since it is you who is in control of the castle and if they still don't believe you… Give them a little 'friendly' demonstration.

By then you should have nailed it.

Tolerance and Patience:

Tolerance – A fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality etc., differ from one's own.

Patience – The quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation or the like.

Yeah you do need those two definitions. Especially for those moments when you find yourself screaming "WHAT IS PATIENCE/TOLERANCE?!" (I know I have)

Those two are annoying as they take time (A hell of a lot of it may I add) to build up and achieve. Basically, you will have to wait patiently (no pun intended) and they will come.

In the meantime while you wait I should mention that besides waiting and testing yourself in order to build up your patience and tolerance there is no true/ definite way to do it.

But I would recommend buying a so-called stress ball. And buy lots of them as trust me, you'll need 'em and they don't last.


So what do you think? This isn't the end by the way! There is still one more chapter to come!

Until then, CIAO!

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