A/N: One last update before an important interview. If the next update comes by Friday, you will know it didn't go well... :P


Answers – Day 4: The Lakeside Town of New Bodhum – Reid Lake

As he jogged down the earthen footpath by the shores of Reid Lake, Hope looked up fleetingly at the sky. Grey clouds were looming above and, as the weather forecast had predicted, New Bodhum was in for another wet day today. Guess that trek's got to wait 'til tomorrow, he thought absently. The idea of tramping through ferns and plants and trees and leaves in muddy ground was extremely unappealing.

He had awoken late on the wrong side of the bed that morning. The grumpiness and irritation did not leave even after breakfast and he found himself in no mood for work. He knew exactly why he was feeling petulant and resorted to the television and internet to distract himself from things—or people—he didn't want to think about. For close to three hours, he laid almost comatosely in bed, staring at the widescreen a metre away and flicking through the channels dully. He knew he had to start on his next assignment soon but at that moment, he simply didn't care. He just wanted to bum around and chill out, hoping his father would not call. He was in no mood to chat.

In the afternoon, after a short, accidental nap (he wondered how he could still doze off after such a long sleep), Hope forced himself to climb out of bed, feeling extremely lethargic. It was hours past lunchtime, though he wasn't hungry. After a peek out of the window, he rather reluctantly decided to go for a run along the lake, just to get some fresh air and exercise. Bad weather was imminent but unlike Palum-Vale, it did not turn cold or chilly in New Bodhum when it rained and he didn't mind running through a drizzle.

Now, as he passed the cafés and restaurants on the shores of the lake, he started to feel more energetic. It brightened up his day, somehow, seeing other people go about their business or sit at tables under shades and have cups of coffee. He liked running, too. Most of his friends preferred working out with weights but he hated it. Running gave him a sense of freedom and release, though it constantly reminded him of how unfit he had been as a child. He suddenly remembered the way he had stumbled around and panted and wheezed as he and Lightning traversed the Vile Peaks years ago.

He almost stopped in his tracks. That had been a mistake, letting his train of thoughts into that territory, and now, no matter how much he tried to concentrate of his breathing and his steps, he inevitably found his vacant mind thinking about her.

And Raines.

Cid Raines. The name stirred a biting, acidic unpleasantness within Hope—anger, animosity, and most significantly, a burning jealousy that he thought he had extinguished years ago. He wanted to laugh sardonically at his foolishness. He, a living, breathing human, felt envious and resentful towards the ghost of a man, and all because he yearned for the one thing the dead man already had, even six feet under.

Then, without warning and even more stupidly, his antagonism shifted to Lightning. Why couldn't she let it go? Why couldn't she feel what he had felt for her since he was fourteen? Why had she found it necessary to dismiss his intentions as if he was still a kid? Why couldn't she just—

Hope slowed down to a walk as he reached the pier, panting hard and staring at the bluish-green, quiescent surface of the lake. Drops of rain were beginning to land on his hair and face, but even as the people around him started to move quickly under the shades, he merely stood there on the shore and stared out at the horizon, at the dark patches of clouds in the sky and the bobbing hovercrafts a mile or so away.

He felt like killing himself, or maybe just the part of him that harboured all this contempt and fury—cut it out and remove it like one would a cyst or a tumour. Hating Raines was one thing, but feeling the same about Light... He was ashamed of that. It was as if there was a huge, gaping hole of emptiness in his heart and no matter how quickly he was trying to patch it up, it just kept growing bigger and bigger and more painful. Getting angry at someone just because they didn't return your feelings was… It's not right, the inner voice of his conscience was whispering to him. Shows just how much of a kid you still are.

Six years, and he was still messed up. Fucking pathetic.

Lowering himself down onto one of the benches close by, Hope gazed at the calm, rolling waves, his skin damp from a mixture of sweat and rain. The drizzle was getting heavier and he was getting wetter but it felt almost liberating sitting out there like that. He closed his eyes, his head bending back and took a moment to feel the gentle drops of water on his face.

Would things ever be the same again between Lightning and him? Last night at the restaurant, they had acted as if they barely knew each other. Would it always be like that from now on? He was torn between feeling an overpowering heartache over her reaction to his words a few nights ago and deep regret for his own actions. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all. If he could go back to that evening in her apartment, he would have just accepted her offer of a hot drink, stood with her on that balcony and talked about anything but the past.

Well, no; if he could really turn back time, he'd go back six years before and make her tell him about Cid Raines on that cliff.

A nagging curiosity itched at the back of his mind and not for the first time since that night in The Lindblum, he wondered who exactly Raines had been to Lightning. An old lover, most probably, but how? How had they met? How long had they known each other? How long had their relationship lasted? How close had he been to her, or her to him?

A sudden thought struck him and Hope straightened up slightly. There was a way he could find out. In an ideal world, the first person to ask would be Light. She was definitely not an option now, but there was someone else—someone who knew her inside out.

Like family. Without further hesitation, he jumped up and sprinted back to his hotel, ignoring the glances and surprised looks from the people around him. After a quick shower, he stopped by a café for some savoury pie and coffee before heading towards Lightning's apartment. If he remembered correctly, Serah had mentioned that she taught at a middle school somewhere in the neighbourhood. He had to ask a few passers-by for directions and finally found himself outside a tall, impressive building, complete with metal grills and fences around the grassy compound. A nearby sign read New Bodhum Intermediate.

Then he inwardly kicked himself. He could have easily found the place if he had just looked up all the middle schools in the area and compared their locations with Light's address.

He glanced at his watch. Judging by the number of students walking around and out of the building with bags over their shoulders and umbrellas in their hands, school probably just ended. He had to move through the swarm of kids, though most of them edged away as he approached. He reached the main office, asked for Serah Farron and had to complete a simple form before someone escorted him upstairs to the teachers' lounge.

He passed a trio of adolescent girls, who were staring at him and giggling quietly. "Hey, hey… Who… kinda cute… Ms. Langrid's son?" He caught some words as they whispered and couldn't help going a little red.

The lady from the office stopped by a door, which swished open as she scanned her card. Telling him politely to wait outside, she went in and all he could hear was the teachers chattering loudly to one another, no doubt even louder than their students had been in class. When the lady returned, Serah was with her. The surprise on her face was clear when she saw him.

"Hope!" she exclaimed. "Wow, I didn't expect you when Viera told me I had a visitor."

The office lady—Viera—just smiled warmly at him and left before he could even utter his thanks. Rubbing the back of his neck, he suddenly felt very foolish to be standing there in the hallway of a school, hunting down Lightning's sister just because of his own needs. He didn't even know Serah very well. They were practically mere acquaintances.

"Sorry… Um, you're probably busy… Maybe I should have given it more thought before coming here…" he mumbled and her eyebrows rose even higher as she cocked her head to the side.

"Is something wrong?" she gently asked, reaching out to touch his arm. "Here, let's go to one of the meeting rooms. I'm not busy; I usually take a break after classes, anyway." She led him further down the corridor and into a medium-sized room with a large conference table in the centre and a widescreen in front. He took one of the seats by the corner and she sat down next to him.

"What's up, Hope?" She smiled and as he looked at her, he realised how different she was to Lightning. Serah was like glass—crystal clear and transparent to anyone who looked at her. One could tell what she was feeling just by a glance. Light was… always changing; one moment an opaque box, or a one-way window, the next a stained glass with a myriad of colours. You could see through it but only barely. He could count on one hand the number of times she had been as easy to read as her sister.

"I need your help," he replied. Her sapphire eyes softened. Maybe it was because of the earnestness in his voice, or the sincerity on his face.

"Okay…" she answered with a slow nod. "I'll do what I can. What is it?"

He paused, holding her gaze staunchly, and said, "I need you to tell me about Cid Raines."

o-o-o-o-o

"Lieutenant Farron! Report from the Third Platoon just in," a soldier called out as he jogged to Lightning and saluted her briefly. "They have sightings of an Adamantortoise approximately ten miles south of Outpost Omega and a flock of Wyverns approaching from the north-west. They are currently engaging a pack of Hedge Frogs by the Sulmya Stream."

Lightning rested a hand on the hilt of her gunblade and frowned, turning to look past the dense forest and vegetation below their vantage point. "An Adamantortoise alone? That's weird," she remarked. "They usually travel in a group or stick close to their young."

"There were no signs of any other Ortoises nearby."

"It's probably lost," she muttered. "Anyhow, tell Third Platoon to keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn't cross the border. Radio us immediately if it does. The last thing we need is one of those damn things stomping around here."

"Yes, ma'am." The soldier saluted again and left to pass the comm. along. Lightning shifted her attention to the rest of her platoon, who were mostly sitting and resting by a large rock. Today's mission was the regular patrol along the western borders and the nearby railway lines from Nautilia as well as clearing up prowling, wayward monsters in the areas that were supposed to be safe for civilians. Her team had just endured a fierce, relentless battle with a small group of Verdelets, who, despite her fastest and strongest attacks, had proceeded to summon an Ugallu each. Needless to say, the soldiers were exhausted after the fight and she ordered a short period of R and R.

Battles were so much easier with magic, she thought, recalling how quickly she used to be able win a fight when she had been a l'Cie. Granted, the Manadrives the GC used packed a punch, but they were still no match for pure, genuine magic.

Her sharp ears caught the sound of wheels squeaking and bestial grunts and she immediately scanned around. From the hill she was on, she could see a bunch of Goblins and their Chieftain moving about below. Turning to her subordinates, she barked, "Time to move!"

With discipline and without so much as a groan of fatigue or pain, the soldiers jumped up and followed her. It did not take long for them to dispose of the Goblin pack. After that, Lightning sent two of them to scout out the forest nearby. When they returned with a clean report, she gave the order for everyone to return to the team's outpost, which was about twenty minutes away.

At Outpost Omega, the Third Platoon was already standing alert by the building, watchful and waiting. She returned their salutes and turned to the Second Lieutenant temporarily in charge of the team. Usually, the Third Platoon, who patrolled the south-west parts, was under Marakov, one of her fellow Lieutenants, but he was on indisposed leave and subsequently, his team was placed under her command. To keep the soldiers happy and show that she had not intentions to over-exert her power, she charged the only officer on the team to lead them and gave them orders to patrol their usual areas. Located directly south-west of the town's main gate, Outpost Omega was the two platoons' base when they were on the field.

"Where's that Adamantortoise?" she asked. That was the priority.

"It headed further south and we lost sight of it after the Arley Canyons," the Second Liutenant, Cyall, responded. "The Wyverns just flew past; I don't think they even saw us. Zones 31 to 35 are safe for the time being, but we had more fiend encounters than usual in Zone 30—almost twice the numbers."

She grew more serious and concerned after hearing his report. "That's close to Hillers Woods… What's with the anomaly? Is it mating season already?" Lightning sighed, slightly puzzled.

"Uh… I don't think so, ma'am," Cyall said hesitantly. "Shall we bump up patrols around that area?"

"Definitely. It's near the green zones for the civs… a little too near, in fact..." Lightning crossed her arms, swiftly working out a strategy in her head, and continued, "Have the patrols every half an hour and have two squads do additional recon. around the area, too, even at night. Most of the western zones were clear today, so if things don't change, I can afford to send some of my team to back you up tomorrow."

The officer nodded and gave her a smart salute. "Yes, ma'am!"

o-o-o-o-o

Serah stared at Hope in silence for a moment or two, her eyes wide. Then she said, rather cautiously, "Is there a reason for this?"

He averted his gaze, looking at the gleaming, metallic table before him. "I… I know he is important to Lightning…" he said. He didn't bother with the past tense—dead or not, the man still held a place in the soldier's heart. "And I just want to know why, that's all…"

When he looked at her again, Serah's face showed hesitation and reluctance, and for a second, he realised that maybe she wouldn't tell him after all. But he wasn't going down without a fight. "Please, Serah," he pleaded, wondering if he would be too forward if he reached for her hand. "Behind every ending is a story, right? I… I want to understand Light a little better… and I think if I knew what Raines was to her, maybe… things will be different…" He felt flat after that, not knowing what else to say. He couldn't exactly tell her that he wanted to know as much as possible about the man he was extremely jealous of; the man he despised with a passion. He couldn't tell her how he only wanted to get to the bottom of the why Lightning still couldn't let Raines go.

Serah sighed, leaning back in her seat, and studied Hope closely, biting her bottom lip. "… She told me what happened between the both of you, you know," she murmured.

Hope felt the blood rush to his face, his cheeks burning hot in dismay. He couldn't look at her. A part of him was actually not surprised that she knew. Lightning was her sister, after all, and sisters… talked…

"But we're not here to discuss that," Serah said mildly, almost absently. "Okay… I guess there's no reason to keep this away from you…" She took in a long, deep breath and then exhaled heavily, leaning forward to the table and placing her arms on it.

"Cid Raines—" she began quietly. "—was almost like a brother to me and Lightning."

At her words, Hope couldn't help but stare, stunned and taken aback. Of all the possibilities, he never would have considered that.

"Cid and his dad used to live next to us," Serah continued. "He never knew his mother. His father was… always away, to say the least, so mum used to have him over all the time—after school, for meals, sometimes even to sleep over. Lightning told me that mum just couldn't bear the thought of a child living alone, so she tried to be every bit a mother to Cid as she was to us. I was too young to remember any of it but Lightning used to tell me how he drove her crazy with his antics. He was quite a rowdy child… He pulled her hair, made fun of her, all those silly things teenage boys do when they're restless. He never touched me, though, my sister said; he was always after her…" A fond smile made its way to her mouth. "I think he was probably afraid of what our mother would do to him if she had caught him bullying a baby."

Despite the situation, Hope found the corners of his lips turning up in a very tiny grin. He hastily straightened his face.

"Cid lived with us—on and off—until he was fifteen or so. His father moved to Eden then, and took him along. I don't know if he went willingly or not, but we never saw him again. Mum missed him a lot, or so my sister said, and she never admitted it but I think she missed him too," said Serah with a small frown, lowering her eyes. "… And then, eight years later, at mum's funeral, he suddenly turned up."

Hope kept silent, watching as she subconsciously traced circles on the smooth surface of the table under her fingers. After a brief pause, she resumed, "He'd… changed so much from when we last saw him. He told us his father had been killed in a car accident a year back, and that he had joined the Guardian Corps before he even finished high school. He was with the Capital Guard Division in Eden at that time, but he was going to request for a short term transfer to the Bodhum Security Regiment." Serah turned to Hope, looking a little troubled, and said, "I think he wanted to do that for us. He knew that without our mum, there was no one else around to watch out for us, so he wanted to be nearby... Well, I believe so, anyway…

"Cid helped us a lot back then. I was… barely even twelve, so I didn't really understand the gravity of it all. After the funeral, I thought that was it, but there were bills to pay, a house to maintain, our lives to take care of, and I was too young to realise all that. Lightning had to do everything and she never spoke a word about our problems to me. She probably didn't want me to worry… She was the person I leaned on, and Cid, in turn, was the one she leaned on."

"You mean Raines assisted both of you financially?"

Serah shook her head and shrugged. "I don't know," she said honestly. "Lightning never told me. I don't think so… We both had a trust fund from our parents… Maybe Cid did help us a little with money, but I think he helped us more just by being around; for support and just someone to talk to, I guess... I think he helped Lightning more than me, though..."

Hope looked at her expectantly and asked, intrigued, "Why do you say that?"

"During the two and a half years after he came back, my sister grew really close to him. They spent a lot of time together, in between school and his work…" Serah slowly said, a pensive expression clouding her eyes. She smiled slightly and added, "I think she really looked up to him. He was so different from the kid who used to torment and tease her. He was the adult now, the soldier who got to carry a weapon around and fight monsters. She admired everything about him, but I think what she really respected about Cid was the way he had changed his life around. He was independent, reliable and someone you could count on—the perfect role model."

"… So that's when their relationship started, I guess." Hope was unable to hide the unhappiness in his voice. With an empathic look, Serah's immediate response was a concurring nod.

"Somewhere along the line it did," she said. "I don't know exactly how it all began, but it didn't last very long. After she graduated from high school, she told me she was going to join the Corps… and that Cid was leaving for Eden the next week…"

"Was it possible that... she joined the GC to be with him?"

"On the contrary, I think that was exactly what she didn't want," Serah said unexpectedly. "I know she chose the Corps instead of PSICOM because of the things Cid used to talk to her about, but the military has strict rules about fraternisation. She joined fully aware of that fact. Maybe… she took it as a deterrent for anything that could happen between both of them in the future."

Hope wondered what could have happened to make Lightning feel so strongly about the man and yet, not want to be with him. When Serah paused, he took the opportunity to ask a question he had been yearning to know the answer to for a while now, "Why did their relationship end?"

Serah looked at him with a sad smile and softly said, "I don't know. She has never spoken to me about him since her graduation and I never asked. After he left to return to Eden, it was as if Cid never existed anymore, and then over the years, it was just something that slipped from our minds. Lightning grew more reserved—more distant—after she joined the Corps. We didn't talk much; I never brought him up and she never said a word about him. That was the unspoken norm."

Her response was disappointing. Hope found himself staring blankly at his hands as another question slowly emerged from the back of his mind, jabbing at his consciousness annoyingly. He turned to her slowly and said in a sombre tone, under his breath, "Serah… do you think she loved him?" He didn't know why he felt the urgent need to ask her about it, as if he foolishly still wanted a second opinion even with Lightning's subtle insinuation two nights ago.

Serah held his gaze, warm eyes hiding nothing, bright and open with honesty. "I'm afraid I don't know," she admitted quietly. "What I do know is, no matter how short their relationship had been, it wasn't just a fling. Watching from the sidelines, even I could tell that they had a deep connection somewhere, as if they had both exchanged and held on to an inherent part of each other, somehow. Was that love?" She shook her head firmly. "I really don't know. But he was her first, and you never forget your first."

Her words rang true in Hope's head. You never forget your first. He couldn't imagine ever forgetting about Lightning.

"After mum died, Lightning had to throw away her childhood. She wanted to grow up as quickly as she could for both our sakes," Serah murmured, a distant look in her eyes. "She had to be strong for both of us, and I really do believe that one of the reasons she managed to accomplish that was because of Cid. I mean, if he hadn't been around, who knows what would have happened to us? Who else could Light have turned to? Without him, maybe we wouldn't even be here right now…"

Her thoughtful countenance evoked an uneasy feeling within Hope. He felt as if he was intruding into someone else's private moment, or cutting into an intimate conversation between two people. It was time to leave; he might not know the entire story between Light and Raines but at least now, he had a clearer idea about their past, even if it had been from another person's point of view. Straightening up in the chair, he tentatively laid a hand on Serah's wrist and said, with earnest gratitude, "Thank you, Serah, for telling me, and I'm sorry if I brought up things you'd rather not be thinking about."

Her warm smile was unexpected. She petted his hand and replied, "Doesn't hurt to reminisce sometimes… but did knowing all that help you in any way, in the end?"

His answer was a confident nod. "Yeah…" he said shortly, not wanting to elaborate.

She smiled again and started to get up from her seat. "Glad to hear that. Um, I should probably get back to work now..."

"Sorry again, for coming to find you without notice," he hastily apologised, standing up as well.

"No, no, it's fine. I don't get many visitors at all, anyway. Snow has never even been here before," she said affably. He gave her a watery grin and another respectful nod. Just as they were at the door, however, she stopped him for a moment. "Hope," she called, the seriousness in her voice making him turn to her. She sighed, pushing away pink bangs the way her sister sometimes did, looking as if she was considering how to word her next sentences. He merely waited patiently.

"Hope," she started again slowly, this time gently and almost comfortingly. "Love… love isn't something that just drops from the sky, or something you can gain easily from someone. There's no switch you can flick or button you can press to make someone feel that way about you. Like trust, you have to earn it, and like most things in life, sometimes the only thing you can do is wait for it. Sometimes… maybe what you think is love isn't actually love at all."

The surprise on his face was obvious. Why had she suddenly brought it up? Then he frowned slightly and countered, "So how would you know then, when you're in love?"

"I think that's something only you can answer," she pointed out wisely. "Their your emotions, after all."

"… What about Snow? How did you know that you loved him?"

He was a bit confused when she just chuckled at first, smiling rather bashfully. "Back when we were in Bodhum…" she said fondly. "When I told him I was a l'Cie, he didn't run away. He came after me instead and told me he'd help me complete my Focus. I think… that was probably when I knew."

"Always the hero, huh?" He couldn't help the remark.

"My incorrigible hero," she corrected and he found himself grinning.

She walked him to the elevator, where he thanked her again and for some reason, she just gave him a small hug in return. When he left the school, there were only a handful of students mingling about the compound. The sky was gloomy and grey and it was still raining lightly, but the weather was the least of his concerns as he made his way back to the hotel. Halfway along the way, though, he decided to go back to Reid Lake again. He needed some time alone to think.

Most of the people at the lake were sitting in the many cafés along the lake. As he walked down closer to the water, he spotted a woman with a dog strolling on the shore. There were even some fishermen on the pier with their lines out. The rain was beginning to ease and he was a little relieved by that, since he didn't have an umbrella. Sitting down on the same bench he had chosen an hour or so before, his mind floating back to the problem at hand, Hope understood that this was something he had to work through by himself. He was old enough to handle his own issues now and he couldn't go running to his father or someone else for help. He refused to.

As he sat there in the drizzle, slowly getting damp and watching the dog fetch a stick by the lake, Hope felt the cloud in his mind clearing, as if washed away by the raindrops falling on his head. It was almost like an epiphanic ray of light had suddenly shone down on him. He thought back to that night on that cliff, six years back, and that night on Lightning's balcony, two days ago. He thought about everything he had felt for her over the years and what he had been feeling after seeing her indifference towards his intentions. He thought about Raines—the dead man he hated yet envied—and about what Serah told him. He thought about what he really wanted from Lightning—what his deepest desires actually were.

When he arrived at New Bodhum four days ago, he almost revelled in her surprise when she saw how much he had physically changed, and by some selfish rationale, he had thought that was enough of a reason for her to return his feelings, but when she didn't, he accused her of dwelling in the past; of not getting over the death of a man who, as most people saw him, had been a traitor.

Hope closed his eyes, leaning forward and raking his hands slowly in his wet hair. Stupid. He was so stupid and self-centred and naïve and childish. How could he have expected Lightning to reciprocate just by him setting foot in New Bodhum? He couldn't snap his fingers and just magically make it happen, make her like him the way he wanted. It was completely unfair for her when he assumed that she felt the same towards him simply because six years had passed and he had grown taller, more mature. How could he have taken her for granted by presuming she had waited all this time for him, then act like a foolish, sulky child when he found out he was wrong? He had been holding on to his teenage crush for so long that all sense and logic had escaped him.

Like trust, love was earned, Serah had said, but right then, he wasn't sure if what he felt for Lightning was love. Surprisingly, a part of him didn't care, actually. What he knew for certain was that she was important and dear to him and regardless of what happened, he didn't want to lose her. Maybe he was in love with her—how would one tell, really, when one was new to things like this?—but it mattered not to him. He cared greatly for her and if the only thing to do was to swallow his feelings now to keep her by his side, he would willingly pay the price.

If what he had to do was sit by, watch her back and wait patiently for her to turn to him, then he would gladly pick any seat.

It was strange, but when he reached that decision, Hope felt as if an entire weight had been lifted off his shoulders and chest. It was as if the rain had cleansed him of all the petulance and ill-will within him. Even thinking about Raines brought different emotions to his heart. He still couldn't help the badgering jealousy within him but there was also almost a sense of respect towards the man for what he done for Light and Serah. Hope realised now that no matter what he did for Lightning, he could never hold a candle to Raines.

I have to talk to her, he thought suddenly. He had to apologise for the things he said and tell her how unreasonable and selfish he had been. Getting up from the bench, he looked at his watch. It was almost five thirty. He had no idea what time she was usually home, so he decided to pick something up to eat along the way to her place and just wait outside until she arrived.

Half an hour later, he reached her building, munching hungrily on some sandwiches. He had missed lunch and hadn't realised just how ravenous he was until a few minutes ago. He went up to her door and knocked. No answer. He leaned against the wall and waited silently. A couple walked past him to enter their apartment down the hallway, giving him brief, polite smiles. He just nodded back.

One hour later and he was crouching by the door, glancing at his watch. Most of the people who passed him took no notice of him, though one or two cast suspicious, wary looks. He ignored them and continued waiting.

Two and a half hours after he arrived, he was sitting on the floor and leaning back on her door, an elbow resting on a raised knee, his cellphone in his hand. He had sent her a message but received no reply. When he tried to call her, her number wouldn't go through. He considered contacting Serah but decided against the idea immediately. He had bothered her enough for a day.

When almost another two hours crawled by and there was still no sign of Lightning, Hope finally gave up and returned to his hotel, his steps and his heart as heavy as lead.


A/N: So why exactly did Light and Cid's relationship end? Good question.