Title: Fight

Author: tiny
Summary: Elliot confronts Olivia about the pregnancy.
Disclaimer: blah they're not mine blah

CHAPTER 4

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2005

Elliot agonized over the few simple words that stared back at him from the piece of paper he held in his hands. He had been sitting there for almost two hours, waiting for her to wake up. He waited for an explanation, anything to ease his mind.

There were too many questions and not enough answers. The first thought to enter his mind was why he hadn't known about this before? How long had she kept it from him? He realized that they were noticeably more distant than they had been once upon a time, but he wished this—of all things—was something that she could have told him. Most of all, because he desperately wanted to know if he was involved.

Though they hadn't talked about it, he hadn't forgotten about that night they shared together. It had been on his mind from time to time ever since. And now it was all he could think about. He wondered if this...situation...could be a result of that night. His mind trailed to the prospect that the reason why she didn't tell him was because she knew that it wasn't his.

He didn't even know how to process the possibility. If she was pregnant and it wasn't his, that meant she was having a baby with someone else. For selfish reasons, the thought of that upset him. But if it were true, that meant he was off the hook.

Suddenly, he was ashamed. He felt guilty for thinking of it that way. He knew exactly what he was doing when he had sex with her, and he obviously knew the potential consequences of his actions. So seeming like he was trying to get out of a responsibility he may have to face, made him feel like an ass.

But he'd done all of this before. All of his children were almost grown. He never thought he'd have to face something like this again. After the twins were born, Kathy had her tubes tied. So it had been many years since he'd even considered the possibility of fatherhood again.

For so many reasons, he was conflicted. Given the choice, no, he didn't want to start all over again. He thought he had almost reached the end, yet now he would be starting all over. But then again, he loved his children. He couldn't imagine creating another one and not being a part of their life.

He shook his head. He could be going back and forth for no reason. This may be a situation that he isn't a part of at all. Maybe she'll just end up getting pissed off at him for butting into her personal business. Then they'll go back to just being partners and everything will be the same. Well, except that she'll be pregnant. He began to realize that nothing would be the same; it didn't matter either way.

The more he thought about it, the more frustrated he became. He didn't know what to think; he didn't know what he wanted. He needed something...anything...from her. He needed her to give him some direction for his thoughts to go.

Elliot put the paper on the table by her bed and watched as Olivia began to stir awake. He kneaded his hands together and noticed the sweat hiding in his palms.

She felt his eyes on her. She turned to find him sitting in the chair next to her bed. She sat up a bit and tried to focus in the dim light.

"Elliot, what are you still doing here?"

He looked down at his hands and then back at her. He didn't even know how to ask her.

"Why do you have to follow up with your OB?"

"What?" she asked, trying to ignore the slight panic she suddenly felt.

Elliot's expression remained unchanged as he repeated his question. "Why do you have to follow up with your OB?"

She blinked, causing gentle tears to fall from her eyes. She stared at him a few moments, and then looked away as if she was trying to hide. It didn't matter though. He knew.

"Are you pregnant?"

It was a question, but sounded more like a statement with a hint of uncertainty. Or maybe it was a little bit of hope that he might be wrong. But with a slight nod, Olivia confirmed his fears.

Elliot rubbed the back of his neck with a shaky hand. "How far along?"

She new what he was doing; he was trying to figure out if the dates matched.

"About 6 weeks."

Just as she expected, he remained silent as he searched through his memory for the time it'd been since that night.

"I can't do this," she breathed.

"Can't do what?"

She stared at him for a moment but she couldn't say it. She got up and walked to the bathroom, pulling the door closed behind her.

He waited about five minutes before he followed her. He could only stand there so long and listen to her cry on the other side of the door. He slowly turned the knob and opened the door. He found Olivia leaning against the bathtub, her head in her hands.

Her wet eyes met his and his heart broke.

"What have I done?" she cried.

Elliot walked over to her and joined her on the floor. He draped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. They sat there for quite awhile before her soft voice broke the silence.

"How did you know?"

"I read your discharge papers." He paused, hoping her question was an invitation for discussion. "How long have you known."

She sighed. "About a week."

"And you just weren't going to tell me?"

Olivia shrugged but didn't say anything else.

"Am…" He hesitated. "Am I the father?"

She hung her head. Her voice was barely a whisper.

"I don't know."

She could feel his muscles tense. Neither one of them spoke for a long time. They both realized the possibility was there; that she might be pregnant with his child. But, Olivia also knew there was a possibility it wasn't his baby at all.

Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat. He couldn't decide whether to be upset that it might be his, or upset that it might not be. He still didn't have any solace for the thoughts racing in his mind. "But it might be mine?"

"Yes."

He took a deep breath. "What are we going to do?"

She looked at him, eyes wide. "What do you mean? Elliot, I can't have a baby..."

"What? You mean you're seriously considering having an abortion?" he interrupted. Not only did he not agree with abortion, but this might be his child they were talking about. He thought back to when he and Kathy had gotten pregnant with Maureen. He couldn't imagine what life would have been like had they made the choice not to have her.

His mind continued to race without him. First he was trying to become acquainted with the fact that he may or may not be a father again. And now he had to rationalize that it didn't matter either way because she wanted an abortion.

"What did you expect me to do?"

Elliot shook his head. He stood and walked out of the room without answering her. She followed him and watched as he grabbed his coat and walked toward the door.

"You're just going to leave?" she asked, hurt.

"Olivia," he paused and took a deep breath. "I don't know what to say that won't hurt you."

"I want the truth," she said, trying to sound brave. Inside, she was dying.

He closed the distance between them. She looked down at his hand that was now on her stomach.

"There's a possibility that baby could be mine," he said as his voice cracked. "I love my children. It kills me to think I might have created another life…and you just want to take it away. That hurts, Liv."

Her tears slowly started to fall. But she didn't offer him any kind of consolation, no indication that she would change her mind. She just felt there were too many reasons not to have the baby. She never expected him to want this. He already had four kids who were almost grown.

He didn't expect to want it either. He hadn't even begun to process his feelings on the matter, until Olivia had already made the choice without him. Now, the thought of her not keeping the baby was just too much for him to face.

He stepped away and slipped his arms into his coat. "Law says I can't make you change your mind. So I'm just going to leave." He turned and headed for the door.

"Elliot, wait."

He stopped but didn't turn around. He hoped beyond hope that she would ask him to stay and talk about this. He wanted her to ask how he felt about everything; he wanted to know what she was thinking.

"I'm sorry."

Disappointed, he shook his head and walked out of her apartment.