Hello again, its me postman obama, with yet another chapter of Super-bitch (As Dragonfire-jessie sparrow was begging i thought why not :) ) As for information about this chapter, well its alot longer than the last one adn i tried to write that BMWW interaction for you, The Mortal Knight. I'll apologise if the relationships seem a bit unrealistic, but hey i'm here writing fanfiction, what do i know about relationships. Another peice of information i'll warn you about is that i drop the F-bomb somewhere in here adn i'm not sure what rating i set (Or to be honest what the ratings mean) so if there are any annoying five year olds, who will go and use the F-word at home, and then tell there parents that Obama told them to use it, well not only will your parents think your an idiot, but, well yeah, just your parents will think your an idiot, because i don't really care... But you all seem like responsible people here so we should be all good... Enjoy
Superman was skipping down one of the many sterile watchtower hallways. In one hand he carried a plate with a tuna fish sandwich on and in the other he held a glass of fruit juice. He moved quickly, desperate to rejoin batman in the monitor room. He rounded the corner, close to the monitor room, and was met with a glum looking Aquaman, looking idly at the vending machine, scuffing his foot along the ground. He turned around, saw superman and began pouting like a small child.
'Have you come to kick me out of the hall as well?' Aquaman asked, his voice laced with impertinence.
'No…' Superman began, suddenly feeling sorry for his previous treatment of Aquaman. After all wasn't Aquaman closer to a child than an actual meta-human. And children should, of course, be treated kindly by adults such as himself and batman. He took a step forward, but Aquaman turned his back, like a sulky child.
'Of course you have' Aquaman pouted 'because you all think you're better than me, because Aquaman's the most useless hero on the team.' He had his arms folded across his chest, his back to superman in defiance.
'I don't think you're useless…' said superman softly.
'Really?' said Aquaman turning around slowly to look superman in the eye
'Of course you're not useless…' Truthfully Superman did think Aquaman was a bit useless. The man had the Ability to call whales to his aid. Even in the water a whale was pretty useless. It doesn't even have teeth. And on land, Superman had no idea how the power to telepathically communicate with fish was going to be of any use whatsoever, but nonetheless he went on with his charade, trying to make Aquaman feel better about himself.
'Thanks, Superman' Said Aquaman, wiping his eyes with his sleeve 'Your so nice' Aquaman offered a reassuring smile.
'Listen, I'm sorry about earlier, shouting at you and all. It's just Batman can be difficult to deal with alone and with other people invading in and watching us, well it just gets awkward' Superman sighed
'No it's fine… Listen between you and me… Batman… Total hottie' Aquaman winked at superman 'It's a real shame about him and wonder woman though' Aquaman said shaking his head
'Well, Bats might be thinking twice after he tastes my tuna fish sandwich' Aquaman looked confused
'Was that supposed to be an innuendo?' He asked scratching his head. Superman gestured tot eh tuna sandwich in his hand.
'No, silly' Superman said. Then winked at Aquaman and continued 'I don't put out on the first date'
'Ah ok' Aquaman said, as superman walked off, down the hall. As superman walked away Aquaman whispered to himself 'Do he got the booty?' After brief moments contemplation Aquaman resolved
'He Dooooooo'
Meanwhile in the monitor room Batman tracked Superman's progress through the monitor screens. He had made fast progress. Faster than Batman had hoped, He needed time to assess the situation further. There was clearly something wrong with Superman. He wasn't exactly the manliest of all the heroes of the justice league, with his mild manners and polite, quiet nature, but he wasn't exactly camp, or overly feminine, like Aquaman. All Batman needed to do was get Superman to file his daily report, and then finally, perhaps, he would have some answers. He went back to scanning the screens, when there was a polite rap at the door. Batman quickly checked the screens, but superman was speaking to a pouting Aquaman. Batman turned and saw Diana standing in the doorway to the monitor room.
'Hope you don't mind if I come and sit with you?' She asked as she sat down in the absent superman's chair. She flicked her raven locks behind her shoulder and stared at him with her dark eyes. She held her knees to her chest and slipped off her shoes.
'Do you know you're my third monitor duty partner today?' Batman said, turning to stare at her, in all her beauty.
'Am I your favourite?' She asked, with a teasing smile playing on her lips
'Meh' Replied Batman 'as a partner for monitor duty I'm impartial.' He turned and looked at her again, this time a smile playing on his lips 'But as a partner for other things. Well that's a different story'
'Did the fabled batman just crack wise' she asked laughing, and shaking her hair off her shoulder.
'Well I have my moments' Batman said and leaned in to kiss her. She pecked his cheek and handed him a report 'Sorry Bruce, but business first. The full report on myself and Hawk-girls mission to the Amazon'
'Of course' Batman said, pulling back and examining the report 'Ill read it later, but for now, what was it like to return home?'
'The usual I guess' Diana sighed 'never really had the chance to enjoy it, too much pressure all the time'
'Of course… What was the situation over there?'
'Some kind of mystical spirit released, possessing the volcano, burning, smashing, and screaming.'
'And…?' Asked Batman
'I lassoed it, Hawk-Girl smashed it into oblivion and my people's elders re-trapped the spirit'
'Very good' replied Batman, returning to the monitor screens. Superman was leaving aquaman now, heading to the monitor room once more. 'Listen, Diana, can we lock the door?'
'Whoa, hold your horses, cowboy' She said, a mocking laugh piercing the air. Batman both hated and loved her laugh. Batman sighed and Wonder woman looked at him
'Bruce' she said. He wasn't looking at her. She leant in and kissed him on the lips. That seemed to get his attention, as he kissed her back. Typical of a man Diana thought, her own mocking laugh echoing through her head.
Superman could see the door to the monitor room ahead. He was so close, with no more distractions he could be with Bats within twenty seconds. He pumped himself up to a speed walk, not wanting to spill any of the juice, or, god forbid, drop the sandwich.
Because that would make batman angry, and I want bats to happy, because that would be just swell.
Superman neared the monitor room, close to his goal of giving batman the perfect sandwich, when a red streak flashed in front of him, faster than his kryptonian eyes could see.
Flash… superman thought, eyes scanning the hallway, seeking the speedster. Another flash of red appeared across the man of steels vision, and another, And another. Superman's eyes were spinning in their sockets, just trying to keep up with flash. Superman looked at the chrome walls and then at his empty hands.
'NOOOOOOOO!' superman bellowed, the force of his voice shaking the walls, and causing flash to stop and stare.
'Jeez, Supes, it was just a sandwich' Flash said, scratching his head. 'I'll go make you another if you like?'
'YOU TOOK BATMANS SANDWICH' screamed superman, approaching flash menacingly, rolling up his sleeves.
'Holy moly Supes, you can't be serious?' Flash was often seen as the fool, the hapless clown, but now there was nothing but stone cold fear in his eyes. Despite acting slightly odd recently, the kryptonian was still a walking powerhouse, practically a god and when he was pissed, well flash had heard rumours about what the guy could do.
'Listen, Supes, been great talking to you, but I really gotta dash, y'know?'
'No you don't' superman made a grab for flash, but flash as gone already. Superman was about to make chase, to punish him for his misgivings, when he heard mumbling and worried talk going on inside the monitor room. He turned to investigate.
Batman turned to investigate, breaking off his and Diana's kiss, when he had heard the bellow and Flash's panicked voice. He looked back at the monitor screens, and saw the man of steel approaching flash with a look of pure hatred and fury in his eyes, rolling up his sleeves and gritting his teeth.
'Bruce?' Diana said, genuine fear on her face
'Clark is having a temper tantrum' sighed Batman
'Isn't that a bad thing?' replied Diana, wondering why Batman was so relaxed
'Have you seen Clark lately… He's been acting…'
'Bitchy' supplied wonder-woman
'I was going to say odd…' said batman 'But yes he's been acting like a li'l bitch'
'Why is he so mad?'
'Hang on a minute' Batman turned to face the monitors 'He doesn't have my sandwich'
'You made him get you a sandwich?'
'He was coming on to me, I had to do something'
'But…' grumbled Diana 'making you sandwiches is my job'
'Really…' sighed batman, rubbing his temples 'You're offended that I got superman to make me a sandwich'
'Not offended, just a little disappointed… are his better than mine?'
'What?'
'Are his sandwiches better than mine Bruce?
'Diana, I really cannot believe you're asking me this…'
'Answer the damn question Bruce'
'I don't know I didn't actually get to eat the sandwich'
'Oh so now you're changing your story'
'What the hell has gotten into you?' said batman 'Aren't you supposed to be completely the opposite of Super-bitch down there?'
'What are you saying? You don't find me attractive anymore?'
'Where did you get that from? No I'm not saying that I just thought that you were supposed… sort of… a feminist? An out of the kitchen kind of woman? In fact im pretty sure you have never made me a sandwich'
'I guess so…'
'Wait… are you jealous of superman?' said batman, a realisation dawning in his mind
'Uh, no' stumbled wonder woman 'I mean look at his hair'
'Oh my god, you are' Batman began repeatedly hit his head on the keyboard
'I am so not' wonder-woman fake laughed
'Listen, don't be jealous… Clark is… a work colleague… and at the moment a little bitch'
Wonder woman sighed 'Ok… I'm sorry… I'll be less of a jealous bitch'
'Good because I have had it up to here…' Batman raised his hand above his head '… with li'l bitches' at that moment an alert came through in batman's mask, from the batcave.
'Batman it's me Tim… I mean… uh robin' stammered a squeaky voice
'Fuck off' said Batman, disconnecting the radio frequency.
Superman looked into the monitor room to find Batman and wonder woman, together. He felt heartbroken at this betrayal. He looked between the two of them, neither one even had the courtesy to act as though they had been caught doing anything inappropriate.
'Batman… How could you?' Superman asked, tears welling in his eyes. Batman looked puzzled
'How could I what?'
'Cheat on me like this. I was gone five minutes and you… you' he broke down into a series of racking sobs. 'And with that… that… slut' he pointed at Wonder-woman.
Wonder-woman looked pissed 'Call me a slut, again… you... you' Wonder-woman struggled 'Bitch'
'Slut' said superman, slapping wonder-woman
'Bitch' said wonder-woman, slapping superman
'Slut' said superman, slapping wonder-woman
Bitch' said wonder-woman, slapping superman
'Slut' said superman, slapping wonder-woman. Batman face palmed and took in a deep breath.
'ENOUGH' He shouted, his voice echoing along the corridors, yet no-where near as loud as Superman's bellow had been.
'Sorry, Batman' said superman, looking down and shuffling his feet. Wonder-woman remained petulant
'He called me a slut' she said, pointing at superman
'Didn't I say I've had an enough of Bitches today?'
'Yeah, but…' wonder-woman continued
'Shut up, said batman, silencing her with the phrase 'Superman, where's my sandwich?'
'I had it I swear… I… and… flash… he ate it… and then you and…' He burst into tears. He managed to sob 'Are… you… mad?'
'Very' said Batman. This caused another bout of sobs, louder than before. 'I think you need to go to your room and stay there until I decide to forgive you' Batman said, pointing him out the door. Superman fled, crying. Batman grabbed wonder-woman's arm as she too was about to leave.
'Gather the other leaguers' He told her 'Or at least all those I the watch-tower. I have a list of them here'
Batman handed wonder-woman a list, with the names of various leaguers in bold. Wonder-woman read over the list quickly;
Superman
Batman
Wonder-Woman
Flash
Green lantern
Red tornado
Aquaman
Plastic man
'Divide equal shifts watching superman's door, make sure he doesn't leave. Exclude me and flash'
'Why you and flash?'
'Superman still secretly blames flash for eating my sandwich, and therefore my anger. If he finds out flash is just outside his door, there's no telling what he might do to him…'
'And you because?'
'I have to go find a newspaper, see if anything odd did happen to superman today, see if I can get to the bottom of this' Batman walked out purposefully, towards the zeta-tubes.
Dere you go, anotha chapta for ya govna. I hope you found it amusing. Please reveiw and follow, becasue if you do i'll send you an official Postmanobama T-shirt (Joking i don't have t-shirts) but do it anyway, for me
-PO (See ya later, alligator)
