Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story

Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some Jokes.

The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

Chapter 4: Dong Zhuo's Rise and The end of the eunuchs

After the death of Emperor Ling there were 2 factions in the imperial court. The ministers and generals vs. the castrated eunuchs. In the group of the ministers and generals, the imperial commander He Jin took advantage of being the brother of the late empress and issued an edict:

"We must slay the ten eunuchs who are responsible for this corruption!"

For that, he reunited men that approved of his ideas. In that group of men, the figures of Yuan Shao and Cao Cao could be seen. Yuan Shao and Cao Cao were childhood friends, and they didn't saw each other since long ago.

Yuan Shao: COW COW IS THAT YOU?

Cao Cao: DAMN! You never change do you nobleman?

Yuan Shao: Ha ha ha ha ha!

The two friends hugged each other and talked a lot. Then He Jin spoke of the current situation.

He Jin: We must slay the castrated Eunuchs! Seize them and grind them to dust! We will restore peace to the court!

Cao Cao and Yuan Shao: Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla EUNUCHS! Bla Bla Bla Bla RESTORE THE POWER OF THE COURT!

He Jin: WHAT DID YOU SAY! HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT MY SPEECH!

Cao Cao and Yuan Shao: We didn't say nothing! We are speaking of current topics like the Han etc...

He Jin: Humph...

Meanwhile, in the Eunuchs Chamber…

Eunuch 1: Comrades, what should we do? We have been in the protection of the Han and now this Imbecile that is brother of the empress wants to kill us!

Eunuch 2: We must plot to make someone kill him! Hey you the guard over there!

Guard: Yes?

Eunuch 2: Kill He Jin! I will reward you with Gold, Wine and all the things you dream of!

Guard: Understood.

Eunuch 3: Those Guards are very generic… they only say Yes and Understood…

Guard: Understood.

Eunuch 3: I wasn't talking to you!

Guard: Understood.

Eunuch 4: CRAP just kill He Jin!

Guard: Understood.

Meanwhile, He Jin wrote an edict to his sister, the late empress, to kill the eunuchs and restore authority. But what he didn't know was that he was going to meet his end very soon, and that the edict wasn't noticed by the late empress.

Guard: Prepare yourself!

Then the guard slayed He Jin and his dreams came to an end. In the end, the ones that slayed the eunuchs were Yuan Shao and Cao Cao.

He Jin: I can't believe I lost to someone… as scrawny as you… Urghh...

Guard: Enemy Officer Defeated!

Eunuch 5: Wonderful! You have earned my praise warrior!

Eunuch 6: We can't fall behind!

Meanwhile in the Eunuch Chamber…

Eunuch 7: We have been saved! He Jin is dead!

Eunuch 8: But his troops remain healthy! We must slay them as well!

Meanwhile in the other side…

Yuan Shao: What! He Jin has been assassinated? Close the city gates and don't let those castrated eunuchs get away! Slay them all!

Thus, the eunuchs were either slayed or they committed suicide. The capital city of Luoyang was in a state of Chaos. Just then, a certain someone took advantage of the state of the court and seized it. It was Dong Zhuo.

Dong Zhuo: Mwhahahahahahaha! So the court is finally MINE! NO ONE CAN STOP ME!

Yuan Shao: Remember your place Fat Carcass! One such as yourself cannot approach the emperor! You are just a mere usurper!

Dong Zhuo: And you are a mere insect that wants to steal MY POWER IN THE COURT! The emperor is mine! The old world is dead! This is the new world! My World 2.0!

Yuan Shao: Wuttt? What is that?

Dong Zhuo: A world filled with Wine, Women and Song! My own personal paradise! It's nothing of your business! You are just another insect in the sole of my shoe! The world is mine!

Yuan Shao: How dare you talk to a Nobleman like meeee in that tone! INSOLENCE! You shall pay, Dong Zhuo!

Dong Zhuo: Guards! Escort him out of here! Put him in jail!

Yuan Shao: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE LAND IS DOOMED! CAO CAO! SAVE ME!

Cao Cao arrived with some men and ambushed Dong Zhuo's troops. Dong Zhuo had to flee to the Imperial Palace. He then instated himself as Prime Minister of Han.

Cao Cao: You almost got killed there! We are criminals now! Dong Zhuo will put us in Jail!

Yuan Shao: That's the exciting part of a man's life! THE SUSPENSE! THE IRONY! Now we have to live our life to the fullest! We cannot get caught by Dong Zhuo!

Cao Cao: Let's get out of here first.

Dong Zhuo did not sympathize with the Emperor Shao, so he poisoned him along with his consort and made the Late Empress He trow herself by a window. He then instated the new emperor, Liu Xie as Emperor Xian. Everyone was in fear of Dong Zhuo. He also gained the service of Lu Bu, the mightiest warrior in the land.

End of Chapter 4

Hope you liked it!

Chapter 5 is the Battle of Si Shui Gate.