Disclaimer: Really? Okay fine! I'm siriusly not J.K Rowling...or Sirius for that matter.

A/N: To the three people who are seemingly the only ones reading this...this one is for you!

Vicky, I'm finally getting to use your idea about the fruit shop (well apples mainly)

"It's been three hours Black. Will you or will you not hurry the Salazar up?" Snape exclaimed in an exasperated tone.

Indeed the four wizards had been walking around London eating and feasting on Muggle food and chocolates for no less than three hours and Snape was finally starting to crack under the strain of being near the Marauders without his Lily.

"Ro way en" Lupin managed to spit out through his chocolate filled cheeks. Giving him an utter look of disgust, Snape turned to James for a translation.

James looked quizzically at Lupin for a moment and then said directly to Snape " He said Bugger off!"

Snape turned a puce colour at such an insult and said "FINE!" before snapping his fingers and vanishing into thin air.

...

At the Potter Manor, Lily was pacing up and down. As a stumbling Snape appeared in the house Lily stopped abruptly.

"What are you doing?" he asked trying to stand without tripping on his overtly large nose.

"Pacing." Lily replied through pursed lips.

Snape nodded and joined Lily in her pacing.

Meanwhile, back in Muggle London, James was starting to get restless too. And the hot sun wasn't helping either. Remus and Sirius had seen yet another sweet shop and were both currently scoffing their faces. James decided that he really wasn't needed and so he too...vanished from the spot.

When Remus and Sirius came back out, holding their bulging stomachs they noticed that their Prongsie was no longer there. But the boys were too preoccupied with their stuffed stomachs and they simply shrugged and kept on exploring.

...

When James got to the Potter Manor, an unusual sight met him: His wife and former nemesis were...wait, what were they doing?

"What are you doing?" James asked in bemusement.

"Pacing," Snape snapped.

"Oh," was all that James said, and he too joined the other two in pacing.

...

Sirius and Remus meanwhile had finally managed to stop looking for sweet shops and were currently peering into pet shops.

Upon reaching a shop for exotic looking birds Sirius mused, "So this is the Muggle version of Eyelops Emporium."

Remus rolled his eyes and didn't bother with a reply. The truth of the matter was that he was getting a bit tired of staring at animals.

"You know we really should be looking for the apple iPod," he reminded Sirius.

But Sirius appeared to have not heard. He had just seen the shop 'Dogs R Us' and was far more interested in going into the shop.

In side the shop were...dogs. Sirius was so excited about seeing dogs that he didn't even realise when Remus finally got fed up of roaming around London, and he too disappeared.

...

Upon seeing the three people pacing inside the Potter Manor, Remus didn't even bother with questions.

He just simply picked himself up from the floor (where he had fallen when he came) and started pacing behind James.

...

Now Sirius was all on his own...oh dear.

The first thing he did upon entering was to go the owner of the shop.

"Do you have Padfoots?"

"What's a padfoot?" the lady asked, warily of the long-haired man in front of her.

"I'm a padfoot, but I was wondering if you sell other dogs which are Padfoots?" Sirius asked excitedly.

"I have never heard of that breed, now excuse me I have to go feed apples," the woman replied impatiently waving Sirius aside.

"APPLES!" Yes! I remember apples; I need to buy something to do with that.

"Well I suggest you go to a fruit shop then," the woman's voice came from somewhere down the shop.

"Where's the fruit shop?" He asked

"Down the road. It's hard to miss, it's the biggest one in London!"

With that information, Sirius trotted out of the dog store, completely forgetting his desire to buy a Padfoot.

The dog shop owner shook her head and sighed. Her assistant came up behind her and said. "Tough customer, eh, Vitzy?"

Vitzy rolled her eyes and said, "More like a deranged customer. Seemed to think that 'Padfoot' was actually a breed of dog and then he thought he was actually Padfoot, himself! I mean I've heard of people thinking they are Harry Potter but why on earth would you want to pretend to be Sirius Black? Seriously, some people need to stop living in a fantasy world!"

Her assistant just nodded and handed, Snowy the dog-fog, over.

...

Sirius found the fruit shop alright. After all, it was the biggest in London.

He sauntered in and quickly got lost amidst the shelves upon shelves of peaches, oranges, mangoes and various other muggle fruits that Sirius hadn't ever seen before.

"Can I help you?" A tall girl with glasses asked Sirius.

"I'm looking for an apple but I can't remember what it looks like," he said mournfully.

"You serious?" the girl asked trying to hide a snigger.

"Yes, actually, I am. The name is Sirius. Sirius Black," Sirius said really happy that he was finally famous.

The girl rolled her eyes. "Sure, and I am Hermione Granger."

"Who?" Sirius asked confused.

The girl rolled her eyes. "Fine, you caught me out. I'm Vicky, now let's find your apples, Mr. Black"

Sirius twirled the red almost-ball shaped fruit in his hand.

Vicky watched him with raised eyebrows. "What's wrong, now?"

"Well this looks nothing like the apple that Lily had."

"Let me guess, Lily Potter?" Vicky asked in a bored tone.

Sirius looked up and said "Yes! How did you know?" but Vicky didn't seem to supply with an answer.

"And it doesn't even have white worms coming out of it." Sirius declared, eyeing the apple disdainfully.

"And there are no sounds coming out of it!" He added. "Look here, Miss Vicky, I think you've given me the wrong apple."

Vicky sighed visibly and as he started to explain the shape of 'Lily's apple', Vicky suddenly gasped in understanding.

"Oh my GOD! You're talking about an Apple IPod!" she declared.

"A what?" Sirius asked confused, but Vicky was busy laughing her head off.

Finally, clutching her sides, she told him to go to 'Staples' and buy some paper and ask the shopkeeper to write down 'apple iPod' on it and then direct him to the apple store.

Sirius was way out of his league, not only did he not know what kind of shop 'Staples' was but he also had no clue as to what 'Paper' was! But trusting Vicky, he plodded his way to the shop.

Of course, us Muggles, know that Staples is in fact a mugglified version of Flourish and Blotts, so when Sirius saw all the stationary stuff he finally felt relieved. At least he understood what these weird cylindrical things and white sheets were supposed to be!

"Are you looking for something specific, sir?" A young shop assistant asked Sirius. He turned around quickly and blurted out 'I'm looking for parchment!" before realising that he was supposed to say 'paper' (he by now had understood that paper was actually what Muggles used, instead of parchment).

The girl beamed and pointed to herself before replying, "That would be me, sir. Jade Parchment is my name."

Grinning, Sirius replied, "That's funny! You're in a parchment shop and your name is Jade Parchment! Hahahaha…"

The girl was not amused, she had heard that plenty-of times before. "Well we don't stock parchment." She said huffily.

"I meant papy," Sirius said hastily.

"Paper?" She asked holding up a stack.

Sirius peered at it closely. "Yes that. I need you to write down what an apple iPod is," He said.

The girl stared at him. "You must be foreign," she muttered and walked towards the front of the shop. "I'll write it down for you, you don't need to actually buy anything."

A few minutes later Sirius left, with a piece of paper on which the girl had written 'An instrument to hear music through.' With this and the directions to the 'apple store' Sirius went on his merry way, singing Jingle Bells, Snivellus Smells, I am better look-ing…'

FINALLY, he reached the apple store where he was greeted by a woman with a bright smile who claimed her name was JelloDVDs but the joke of her having a name like that in a shop which sells films, was lost on Sirius because he didn't know what the heck 'Dee Vee Dees' were, at any rate. So when he stared blankly at Jellos, she started getting a bit fidgety.

Neither of them said anything, Sirius started to wonder if a wizard had silencified her, but then he remembered that he was in Muggle London…

Eventually, Jellos clears her throat and asks the man in front of her what he is looking for.

Sirius glances at the paper in his hand and says, "Ah, an instrument to hear music through."

The girl nods in apparent immediate understanding and walks off, only to appear a few seconds later, holding a rectangular shaped box-like think with white 'worms' for earphones.

"Is this what you wanted?" She asks, smiling dazzlingly at him.

He notices the white worms and the box-like shape and nods his head, in satisfaction. Now Lily will be happy with him again!

The woman smiled back, at having served a customer so well, as she led him to the paying stall.

"That's forty pounds, please," the checkout lady said in her very chav twang.

Sirius extracted notes with the picture of the Muggle Queen on it and gave it to the lady, who stashed it away into the drawer and waved him to leave.

"Hope you enjoy your portable radio!" JelloDVDs yelled as Sirius hurried out the door.

Now that Sirius had finally got hold of an apple iPod (or so he thought) he realised he had no idea how to get back to the Potters.

He shuffled to a deserted alleyway, which in it self took about an hour because, well, he kinda was in the middle of the busiest city in the country!

He cast a corporal patronus (shape of a dog...DUH!) and sent a massage along with it.

A silvery form of Padfoot came bounding into the living room of the Potter Manor and Sirius' voice barked out, "How did you get back?"

"Apparated! Obviously" James' stag patronus had reached Sirius.

"What about the Fidelus Charm?" came back the dog patronus.

Here James paused and wondered then suddenly remembered what Lily had told him. He formed another patronus and sent it off with a message.

"Peter already betrayed us, come on over, you're safe."

"Oh that's why Wormy never came over today! All right, here I come!"

Sirius does a dramatic twirl ...and falls down. He gets up again and grumbling decided to just do it the normal way.

...

At the Potter Manor, everyone is pacing about. Some are tense (cough Lily cough), some are trying to disguise their happiness (ahem Snape ahem) while two are slightly confused but also a bit bored.

Suddenly Sirius appears on the doorstep and Lily goes to open the door.

At seeing everyone's unusually sombre (well, Lily's anyway) expression, Sirius asks the question that everyone expected-readers included-to ask:

"What's wrong?"

Remus looked up and smiled sadly while Lily gave a small sob. Snape rushed to comfort her while James opened his mouth to speak.

"Prongsie?" Sirius asked in genuine concern.

"It's baby Harry...they've taken him!"

"Who?" Sirius asked astounded. Sure no one liked Baby Harry but he was still the 'Chosen one!' Losing him was just a preposterous idea!

"The Malfolicles..."

"You mean Malfoys." Sirius stated, thinking of his cousin's family.

" really does mean Malfolicles" Lupin chirped up. Lily finally found her voice.

"It's the Weasleys. They've kidnapped my baby Harry! Who will I feed all the stale baby formula food?" she wailed and both Lupin and Snape hugged her sympathetically.

"The poor Redheads? Why do you call them Malfolicles?" Sirius asked his best mate.

James giggled and even Snape gave a strained smile.

"Padsy, they have dirty nail follicles...so they have Malfolicles! HAHAHAHA!"

A/N: Ah, hope you liked it. Sorry about not updating the other stories…I'm going through a stressful time and a huge writers block…but I've got a MacBook so maybe I'll try writing on that, perhaps it will be a different experience?

Anyway…REVIEW!

Vitzy-