Chapter 4: Faded Memories
Raph sat kneeling before the lovingly maintained shrine set up under the large tree, quiet and obviously lost deep in his thoughts. He reached out and gingerly traced the ragged blue cloth laying on the wooden shelf, an old mask neatly folded next to a pair of well worn swords, lovingly tended to. Then Raph paused, his hand hovering near the framed picture placed in the center of the display.
Swallowing hard, Raph reached over and slowly picked up the framed picture. His electric green eyes grew soft as he studied it, his scarred hand hovering just over the photograph as if longing to touch the object of the image, yet not daring to touch the glass.
He had always liked that picture of Leo. April had been experimenting with photography, and had taken several portraits of everybody, including this one. His oldest brother stood there in an easy, relaxed pose, gazing at the camera with the barest hints of a smile and a sideways glance. His blue eyes were warm, happy, and sparkled with an inner light, displaying a friendly, almost playful side of the blue, sword wielding turtle that usually only his family and those he trusted ever really saw.
Raph took a deep, shaky breath, then twisted about to pull out the photograph of the human child from a pouch on his belt. He held the piece of paper next to the framed photo, and for a moment, it was like he forgot how to breath.
Those blue eyes. Those sapphire blue eyes that, even in the pictures, seemed to be as deep and bottomless as the ocean. Eyes that seemed to see everything and serenely dared those they bore into to try and unlock the unfathomable power that lay deep in those blue depths.
Those eyes were the same in both of the pictures. One in a decade old photo of a sword wielding, blue clad mutant turtle, and the other in a young, black haired child's face. How could they be so different, and yet both familiar and identical?
"It's kinda hard to wrap your head around, isn't it?"
Raph just exhaled slowly, and carefully set the framed picture back on the shrine.
Mikey moved around to kneel beside him. "You okay, bro?"
"... Yeah."
Mikey leaned against him, giving him the physical comfort he needed but would never ask for. "Dee wanted me to come get you. He's working on some plans to help figure this Leo situation out in the Lab."
"'K." Raph nodded in acknowledgment.
Mikey looked at the shrine meant to honor the dead, then at Raph hesitantly. "Do you think we should, I dunno... Still be keeping that up? Yunno, since Leo's been reborn and all that?"
Raph stiffened at the thought, then shrugged. "Would feel weird to take it down."
"Yeah. Almost... disrespectful or something." Mikey agreed. He was quiet for a moment, then chuckled. "What a weird problem to have! How many people have to wonder what to do with the shrine to their brother's spirit, because it turns out that he's not actually a spirit anymore, but running around alive in a new body?" He snorted. "Really. For ten years, I've been offering Leo pizza and tea, and go figure, he wasn't even dead anymore to enjoy it!"
Both Raph and Mikey paused, and the weight of those words suddenly seemed to echo through their very beings.
Leo wasn't dead. He was a very much alive human child now.
For ten years now, they had dealt with this huge empty void in their lives, and now, somehow, against all logic, reason, and sanity, their older brother had once again come back to them!
It was a mind blowing turn of events.
Leo wasn't dead!
How was this even possible?!
Mikey couldn't help but give a huge grin and a happy wiggle, then reached out and touched the framed photo on the shrine. "Leo... bro. What can I say but 'You're amazing!'"
"Only Fearless." Raph shook his head with disbelieving smirk.
"Hey though. I figure there's somebody that we could call on for some help." Mikey gave Raph a wink and sat up on his haunches, pulling out a piece of cheese on a stick. He turned to the shrine next to Leo's, the one they had built for their father and beloved sensei, and carefully lit the candles, before setting the cheese stick down, making the offering of one of their father's favorite treats.
"Master Splinter. Sensei." Mikey started, tucking his knees underneath him and bowing low before the shrine. "I don't know if you helped Leo figure out his way back to us. If you did, major, major thanks! Like, you have NO idea how over the moon we are to have Leo back! It's the greatest thing to ever happen to us!" He grinned, but paused, then continued a little more somberly. "But... our bro is out there alone right now, and we're still trying to figure out how to help him. So, if you don't mind, could you keep an eye on Leo for us for a bit? I think he could all the help he can get right now."
Raph swallowed hard. Then he carefully slipped the photo of the blue eyed human child back in his belt, shifted so he was facing Splinter's shrine, placed both of his hands on the ground, then bent down so low that his forehead touched his knuckles, closing his eyes respectfully as he bowed in silent prayer.
Then, after a minute or two, he pushed himself back up and was quiet for a moment, before muttering, "Wish there was more we could do to help him."
It made even his shell ache when he remembered how upset child Leo had looked before. Leo was hurting and alone and scared out there, and Raph was more then half tempted to just charge out of the Lair and search all over the city until he could find this version of his brother, make sure he was safe, and somehow make things right.
"Yeah." Mikey agreed, leaning on Raph with a sigh. "Poor little bro looked freaked out about something!" He looked up at his Red brother, and put a comforting hand on his head, pulling him down so their foreheads were touching. "But remember, this is Leo we're talking about. Even though he's chibi now, he'll be okay. He's... well... Leo. "
"Yeah..." Raph tried to let himself be convinced. Then he clamored up to his feet, and offered a hand to Mikey. "Come on. Let's go see what Donnie wants."
Stepping into the lab, both Mikey and Raph were almost immediately overwhelmed by the pure chaos and energy as items were strewn and hastily rearranged, papers were printing and stacked on every available surface, and several computers were quickly set up and running programs. A large board with a map pasted on it was propped up in the center of the lab, covered with several push pins marking certain locations on the map, all connected by strands of blue yarn
"There you are!" Donnie rushed over and shoved a large armful of rolled up maps into a startled Raph's arms. "There's so much to do and so little time to do it in!"
Raph had to quickly juggle the avalanche of paperwork to keep it from slipping and falling everywhere. "Uh..."
"Those are maps of the subways system, and the timetables of the trains." Donnie continued, moving over to grab a handful of papers that had just finished printing. He began pinning the paper to the large central map. "I need you to find the station that Leo entered, as well as the ones closest to the park. Cross reference them, and try to figure out what trains Leo possibly takes, and we can start working on a plan to try and figure out where he goes."
"Okay?" Raph blinked.
Mikey moved over to the large map, poking one of the push pins stuck in it curiously. "What's all this?"
"I'm recreating the route that Leo took yesterday, including all the stops he made and buildings he visited." Donnie explained, tongue sticking out slightly as he smoothed out the paper he has just pasted. "I'll research the connections between them, try to figure out what he trying to accomplish, and hopefully find some clues as to what is going on with Leo."
"His path seemed pretty random." Mikey said doubtfully, plucking at the taunt blue yarn connecting the pins. "Do you really think you can figure this out?"
"It is a long shot." Donnie admitted, studying the map, then reaching over to push a few more pins in. "But if this is Leo we're talking about, and I think we've all come to agreement that it is, then he rarely moves without purpose. If there's a chance of figuring out what he was up to, who he was meeting with, and, most importantly, what has gotten him so upset, then I'll make the effort."
Mikey studied the yarn that indicated the path they taken all over the city. "Perhaps he was just testing us?" he looked to his two brothers jokingly. "Remember when Leo used to lead us on games of 'Follow the Leader'? It was one of his favorites."
Raph scoffed, unrolling the maps that Donnie had assigned to him. "He doesn't even know we exist, Mikey."
He began scanning the subway systems, determined to figure this out, even if it took him all night. From the looks of it, Donnie and Mikey felt the same way.
After the stressful day they just had, it wasn't like any of them were planning on getting much sleep tonight anyways.
This... this was new.
Where was this?
I knew this place.
I knelt in a large dojo with stone walls, dominated by a beautiful tree growing under a ray of light beaming down from a hole in the ceiling. It decorated with an assortment of various rugs, most of them looking like they were scavenged and carefully repaired and cleaned. The walls and dividers were covered in beautiful Japanese scrolls and artwork, and various exotic weapons were hung with pride.
It was familiar.
It was home.
There was somebody kneeling right next to me, a calm, comforting presence.
After a moment, I gathered up my courage and looked up at him hesitantly.
A brown and white furred rat in a burgundy red robe meditated serenely beside me. At my inquiring glance, he opened his eyes and looked down at me. I stared in wonder. His brown eyes were filled with so much warmth and wisdom.
He smiled down at me with pride, and in that moment, I knew that I was safe and that I was loved.
I settled down next to him, closed my eyes, and together we meditated under the tree in that beautiful dojo.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
I almost leapt out of my bed in surprise, startled out of a deep sleep by my alarm clock. I quickly swatted at it, turning it off, and settle back, blinking myself awake the rest of the way.
It was very rare that my alarm woke me up, and never had I been in such a deep sleep that it had caught me unaware like that. Usually I was already awake by that point, woken up either by my internal clock, or by those dreams that haunted me of my Shadows. But the dream I had of the tall rat person last night had been so comforting and warm.
Leonardo. Fear nothing.
A strong but gentle voice echoed in my mind, fading away along with the warmth of the dream.
Then, once again, I was left alone in a cold, dark, dilapidated room.
But I wasn't going to be alone forever.
I had found my Shadows! I knew they were real, and I knew I wasn't crazy!
I rolled out of bed and began gathering up my clothes with renewed determination.
If I found them once, I would find them again. And I would be strong for them, and show them that I could protect them. That I could belong to them!
I would not give up! Not now, and not ever!
I rushed through my morning routine, hurriedly pulling a spare blanket over the drunken, sleeping form of Mr Owen passed out on the entryway of the house, before rushing straight over to the alleyway where I had found them the morning before, going as fast as I could go.
Swallowing hard, I clutched my backpack close to me as I crept closer towards the alleyway by the closed flower shop. Above me, the dawn sky was dark and heavily clouded, promising a possible cold fall drizzle later, and making the morning darker then usual.
But now, as I approached, I was disappointed to realize that the alley was empty and lifeless, except for the stray cats that glanced at me warily. There were no warm auras waiting for me this morning.
With a sigh, I turned to start walking down the sidewalk towards the park.
And there, waiting for me in the branches of some of the trees, were the auras of my three Shadows. Red. Purple. Orange.
I exhaled in shaky relief.
They were here!
Things were going to be okay. Even if I accidentally lost them, it looked like my Shadows would try to find me again. Either that, or my particular form of crazy just liked to let me suffer by wondering if I had lost my possibly imaginary family forever.
No. No, I needed to stop thinking like that. I wasn't crazy. They were real! My Shadows were real, and I needed to protect them.
I didn't try to approach them. I had learned that lesson yesterday. Instead, I moved through the grass, covered in cold morning dew, and settled down on the rock by the off-path tree, getting ready to meditate. I tried not to shiver as the cold late fall breeze blew past me, permeating my rather thin clothes.
Now that I realized that I hadn't lost them, I needed to figure out how to gain their trust. Plus, there was a matter of my two new friends, friends that I felt oddly protective of already. I suppose my little meltdown yesterday in front of April and Casey would have left them worried. I inwardly chided myself for allowing myself to lose control like that. I needed to be stronger then that! For April and Casey, and for my Shadows.
"Leo!"
I opened my eyes and turned around to see April jogging up to me, looking concerned.
I gave her a gentle, warm smile in greeting, hoping to show them that I was okay. "Good morning." I looked around curiously. "Where's Casey?"
"He's looking around a few other places in the city. He'll be over shortly." April looked relieved and worried at the same time as she knelt down besides me, examining me closely. "Leo, are you okay? What happened?!"
"I'm fine." I patiently endured the examination, secretly enjoying the attention and care. "I apologize for worrying you yesterday. I just overreacted to a unexpected development, but everything turned out okay in the end."
"Leo." she apparently somehow knew me well enough to stop fussing and give me a Look.
I gave a heavy sigh of acknowledgment. Fine. "It was... a family matter. But I think I have it worked out. "
April was quiet, then, after a moment, she pulled back a bit and sighed. "Leo." she said, looking down at me seriously, and I raised an eyebrow at her inquiringly. "I... I can tell that you want some privacy in your life and I respect that. I don't ever want to make you uncomfortable." she chose her words carefully. "But I want to make sure... you're... okay, right? You're not... in any bad situations?"
I was quiet for a moment. I wanted to reassure her, but I couldn't tell her everything. Being the responsible adult she was, she would definite want to 'help' me by getting me into a proper environment for a child to live in. She would call the authorities on me for my own good, because she was a good person and cared that way.
But I couldn't let that happen. Not until I had my Shadows.
I paused. I wouldn't lie, but I couldn't tell her everything. "April, I'm honestly fine. If it'll ease your mind, I'll admit that I'm a little lacking in... consistent parental guidance... and perhaps the financial situation of my home life is less then ideal, but I promise you, I'm not unhappy. I have a roof over my head, enough food to eat, and I'm not being abused or harmed in any way." I exhaled, and felt the auras of my Shadows around me. "My family... is a little..." I searched for the proper word. "... reclusive, I guess I could say. But they are the most important thing in the world to me."
April looked at me for a long moment, then nodded, pulling me back into a hug. "Okay. But Leo, if you need anything, anything at all, we're here to help. Do you understand?"
I smiled at her and nodded. "Thank you.
What I couldn't tell her was that the only thing I needed was my three Shadows. And that was something that I didn't think she could help me with.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let my emotions get away from me like that." I sighed. "I failed to be in control of them."
"Oh, no. No, we are going to nip this right in the bud this time." April growled at me.
I blinked in surprise. 'This time'? What did she mean by that?
"Leo, listen to me. True strength isn't bottling up your feelings inside so they don't bother anybody." she said gently, running her fingers through my hair, smoothing it down. "It is true that you're strong, even when alone. But true strength comes from your friends and family. True strength is being strong enough to face those feelings, to trust them to your friends and family and trusting them help you."
I blinked at her, and then lowered my eyes as I tried to process her words. I didn't want to be a burden on anybody, ever. I wanted to be stronger, strong enough to protect everybody. What she said made sense, but... I didn't know if was something I was capable of doing. It was like I had years upon years of habit ingrained into my soul, even though I was only, theoretically, a child. "I... I will meditate on that." I finally admitted.
She sat down next to me, smiling at me in encouragement. "Then, if you don't mind, I think I would like to get some meditation in as well."'
"Of course." I nodded, inwardly dancing with delight. But... before that... there was something I had to ask her.
"Um, April. You mentioned that your father in law runs a dojo, right?" I hesitantly asked.
She paused, and then finished folding her legs as she looked a little sad. "He... did. But my Sensei died years ago."
Oh. Well, so much for that idea. "Oh." I said quietly. "I'm... sorry."
And I really was. For some reason, I felt a genuine pain in my heart at that.
"He was a great and noble man, a warrior soul with a gentle heart." She gave a half smile and reached over to brush a lock of my hair out of my face. "Like you." she observed.
I looked at her in surprise.
She smiled at me and nodded knowingly, wistfulness in her eyes. "I know he would have loved to meet you, Leo."
I rubbed my arm, unsure if I was doing the right thing. "April, I... I have a rather big favor to ask of you."
She looked at me, surprised, but nodded. "Of course, Leo. You only have to ask."
"Will you be my sensei?" I blurted out before I could lose my nerve.
She froze, eyes wide. I thought I could even feel my Shadows shift around in surprise. Strange. I would think they'd be too far off to hear us.
"I don't have any money to pay you." I swallowed hard. "But... but I need to become stronger. I need to!"
"Leo..." she breathed, looking at me with wide eyes. She looked around for a second, and if I hadn't known better, I'd say she was looking towards the trees where my Shadows hid for a second, before turning back to me. "I... I mean I will teach you everything I know, of course. If that's what you want. But... but I'm not sure I'm good enough to be called your sensei."
"I believe you are." I said sincerely, looking up at her hopefully.
She made a strange little noise, and then was quiet for a long moment after that. I suddenly realized that she was trying hard not to cry.
"I... I'm sorry!" I shrank back a little.
"Oh Leo!" she fiercely wiped away her tears, and, to my surprise, turned and pulled me into a tight, possessive hug. "Leo, I... I would be beyond honored to be your sensei."
I paused, then broke into a wide grin. "Really?!"
"Yes, really." she squeezed me harder, then pushed me back to arm's length, looking me over and running her hand against my cheek. "Though I'm afraid that you may be disappointed. I'll do my best."
I looked up at her with the utmost confidence, grinning with joy. I had a Sensei! "Well, I've already figured out that the best of April O'Neil is nothing to underestimate."
She laughed, gave me one more hug, and then settled back into a seiza. "Alright. So, let's start out like we were planning originally. Let's start with meditating while we can, before Casey comes. Let me tell you, once he arrives, there will be little peace."
"Hai, Sensei." I copied her seiza pose, settling in next to her.
Both of us had big smiles on our faces.
"So April's going officially to train him as his sensei?" Donnie looked at the tablet screen thoughtfully. "This... this is actually an ideal development! With that, we can better track his situation and steer his education and development!"
Raph was looking at the young boy meditating on the screen almost longingly, but then gruffly crossed his arms and looked away. "We'll have to help April come up with the lesson plans. Make sure he's learning things properly."
"They won't always be able to meet in the park." Donnie tapped his chin, deep in thought. "Winter is coming up, and soon it will be too cold. It's too bad we couldn't just take him down to the dojo." He looked up and snapped his fingers. "The antique store that April's aunt left her. Now that her dad moved to California, the apartment has been sitting empty. They could use that as a dojo!"
"Hm. That could work." Raph agreed. "We'll have to clean it up first, but I think it'll make a decent dojo. I could even move some of our old exercise equipment up there."
"Hey. Mikey, you've been rather quiet about this." Donnie looked over to their orange brother as he realized this, perplexed. Mikey was rarely quiet.
Mikey was staring at the tablet, a funny look on his face. Then he shook his head and looked up, giving his brothers a forced smile. "Think we can teach him swords again? I think he'll like that."
"Maybe... maybe in a few years." Donnie frowned, eyeing his youngest brother curiously. "April will have to work on the basics first, of course."
Raph looked thoughtful. "I think I know where our old bokken are stored. We can dig those out and restore them."
"Yeah." Mikey sounded distracted as he turned back to the meditating Leo on the screen.
When April had married Don eight years ago, she had taken on their family name, Hamato April. That was the name that she always used now.
Leo... he had just called her April O'Neil.
How... how did he know?
Casey quickly jogged across the dew covered grass, noticing April sitting quietly by herself, sipping at tea, and hurried over to her.
"I'm here!" he panted. "Sorry it took me so long. Traffic was terrible! How's Leo?"
April wrapped her hands around the steaming tea cup, enjoying the warmth it emitted on this cold morning. "He seems to be fine, thankfully. I think things are going to be okay." She looked up at him, a wonder filled, happy look on her face. "And he asked me to be his sensei! Can you believe that?! I'm Leo's sensei now!"
"Oh, that's great! Congrats, Red! You'll be great at it!" Casey looked relieved, and then proud. He glanced around curiously. "Where is he, though?"
"Oh, we're working on lessons right now." April took a small sip of her tea.
"Lessons?" Casey looked at her, confused. "What sort of lessons? GAHK!"
And suddenly he was buried under the full 43 pounds of a ten year old boy dropping out of a tree, a few dry leaves fluttering down in my wake.
April calmly took another sip of her tea. "Pouncing lessons." she said simply.
