It was obvious the hobbit was agitated. His hands kept clenching into fists, his legs were scarcely still and his head whipped at odd angles, as he let out the odd deep breath. I thought that he might have had enough disturbances for one night, but unfortunately, he would have to deal with one more.
"I heard you took a tumble, master hobbit," I said.
He buckled at the sound of my voice, peaking around his chair to see me walk in with a tray, which I rested atop a table between us, when I took the seat opposite him.
He nodded, his movements quite queer and exaggerated, "Yes, well I'm quite alright."
I reached forward and took the tea pot on the tray, careful to pour the hot steaming liquid into the two floral cups I had set out beside some biscuits.
"Here, I brought you some tea Dori made."
Twitching his fingers, he cautiously accepted, as if at any given moment I were to laugh and withdraw my offering.
I didn't want him to be uncomfortable around me, so I relaxed into the plump pillow, casually cooling my own tea, by blowing the surface, to assure him, that he was safe with me. And unlike my comrades, I wasn't about to spit food or knock him off his chair, or have loaded his cup with some suspicious ingredient.
So I added, after taking a sip, "Chamomile, and let me tell you it isvery good."
He held it up in gratitude before taking a much needed drink, "ah well, Thank you."
We were silent as we indulged on the tea, with only the fire crackling the wood in the hearth to make a sound and I watched the flames dance, enjoying the simplicity of the peacefulness. This house must have been in his family for many generations, judging by the belongings accumulated in the room.
Portraits in beautifully carved frames, books, crystal ornaments and grand clocks. I should feel suppressed by the amount of stuff, but I didn't. Instead, it actually emanated a sense of comfort and security. I can see how it would be difficult for the hobbit to leave this, for a journey of uncertainty. He must have been reading my thoughts, because his cup briskly clinked back down on the tray drained of every drop, and he remained leaning forwards, his elbow at his knee.
"I'm sorry, but I have said all I have to say to Gandalf. I won't be joining you on this quest."
The hobbit was expressive with his hands, pressing his mouth into a thin line when he had finished with stating to me what he wanted to be his decision. I say wanted, because I wasn't so sure he was as adamant as he tried to convey.
"Bilbo, I came to be in company. Don't feel you must explain yourself to me."
He was shocked I didn't push the issue like Gandalf had. Shocked and suspicious, so he tried to hide both in carrying on talking, like the lecturing old grandparent, which no one listened to.
"What need do you have to go gallivanting into dangers such as these anyway milad-…Gaia. Riches, gold and jewels; seems a poor thing to risk your life for if you ask me."
Satisfied with his point, I couldn't have agreed more with the hobbit, for the topic of conversation surrounding the mountain has either been the dragon, or the gold inside, and personally it angered me, for the value of Erabor to me was not in its wealth, but the memories. Memories, that for years now, seem more like a fantasy of mine rather than to have been reality, or those of another dwarf, since who I am now, is not the same compared with who I was when I resided in the lonely mountain, and I missed her. I wanted to be her again and this quest was my means at achieving that, or at least to reinvent myself so that I came out stronger, and dare I admit, but happy also, because the sole instances where I am, is when Thorin is with me, and even then the deep sorrow within, is only being pushed down, and not eradicated.
"Wealth, no Bilbo I do not think it is wealth we wish to reclaim, nor is it purely our home. This journey, it promises something far greater to us. A chance at its journeys end, to discover who we truly are inside. For that is something many go on wondering, until their death and I think it a severe shame."
The look of Bilbo would have made you believe that I had just slapped him.
His eyes were wide, his mouth agape, blood was gushing to his face and turning it beet red. My words must have struck a nerve and it would seem that our gentle hobbit, was not as content here in the shire as appearances would suggest.
"Gaia."
Fili was standing side face, and even late in the night, his yellow hair was still vibrant. Unable to help myself, I sniggered at his effort to exude authority, because whenever he did, I saw the little boy in the man and wondered where had the years gone that one day, I would be handing the future over to one I thought to keep protected under my wing and in my stubbornness, I didn't want to let him, nor his brother, go.
"Yes, my boy, what is it?"
His eyes flickered to Bilbo and back at me, "they're starting."
Immediately my whole demeanour changed, and I stood without excusing myself from the Hobbit and let Fili guide me towards the deep humming, which was made by the dwarves and reverberated throughout the whole house.
Upon my entering with Fili, Thorin breathed his last of the pipe he held, and began to sing.
"Far over the misty mountains cold.
To dungeons deep, and caverns old.
We must away, 'ere break of day.
To find our long forgotten gold…"
They were all there, assembled and deep in thought, merging their deep voices with their leaders when enthralled to do so, stimulated onto a spiritual level, the same as myself, who could only listen besides Fili and his brother who we joined.
The song of the misty mountains was still in progress, bringing some to their feet, when Kili, Respectful of those who were singing, quietly whispered in my ear, "I guess there's no turning back now, right Gaia?"
I pressed my cheek against him.
I suppose to anyone else, it was the way of the world that we certainly did retain the right, no matter what, to say when we wished to go no further in this quest, or to stand now and return from whence we came. However, that was not the case.
This was greater than mere obligation and I am reminded of when Thorin said that there was no choice for him, realising that he was not alone with that belief.
The song of the misty mountains, it has bound us, and together we are the company of Thorin Oakenshield.
"No lad, there is no turning back."
…..
I was gazing out the window, staring at the night sky when the wizard spoke after sitting silently smoking his pipe, a swirl of smoke drifting above him.
"You should sleep Gaia. From here on out, whatever the land has to offer will be our bed. Come rain, sun or snow."
It was hard to keep my eyes open, they were so heavy and of course, he was right, I should take advantage of the comforts provided here. Everyone else had, snoring away, savouring having four walls to keep out the cold, a warm blanket and a feathered pillow beneath their head. It had been a while already for me since I have had a proper sleep, having travelled here straight from Ered Luin. Nevertheless, still I looked out the window frozen in place, waiting on the stars to fade and the black sky to turn blue with the rise of the sun, anticipating the morning and all it would bring.
Without a reply or my complying to his suggestion, the Wizard's guttural voice, a raspy sound made at the back of his throat, went for another approach.
"I heard you talking with Bilbo earlier."
I grunted, "not much gets passed a wizard."
I heard the chair creak with his weight shifting and I myself perched on the windowsill as far as it would allow me to, relieving my arms of the tight chainmail cuffs I had tied there, which were the only intricacies to my armour, designed to keep it feminine, which I could be rid of for now, since the chainmail vest would require me to unlace the corseting back, to the hard leather chest plate on top, and I did not have the skill to do that by myself, and I was hardly going to ask Gandalf.
"I must admit; I was surprised by your passion for this quest. Even more so by your joining."
And there it was…
I was beginning to wonder where he was going with this. One sentence that leads to another, a wizard never asks a direct question.
I smiled, "that is because you do not know me, Gandalf the Grey."
And he didn't, we hadn't actually met until now, and this was the first we have ever spoken. I am sure he knew of me, many did, but I don't usually have a name in the minds of others. I was simply Thorin's wife, and as much as that was an honour and a blessing, I was my own person too.
Again there was a swirl of smoke blown by the wizard, "no, I am ashamed to say I do not," he turned away, "But I do admire your strength."
"my strength?" I asked, leaving the moon and stars behind, wondering what he knew of my strength.
I didn't sit, instead I stood across from the wizard where Thorin had when he sung, supported by the fireplace, and appreciating the heat hitting the back of my legs. Gandalf was reading me to the thread bare, and it wasn't something I was particularly enthusiastic for, so standing compared with his crouched form, made me feel like I had more control over the situation.
Gandalf's weathered face softened, despite my hostility towards him, "oh my dear, you have endured what many could not. You must credit yourself that."
I shook my head. Whatever strength I have retained after Thorne's death is not of my own doing. I have drawn it from other sources. Sources that had they not existed, then neither would I.
I live now because of Thorin, because of Fili and Kili, because of the sake of my people. They are my reason for carrying on, and It wasn't a healthy notion if you think about it, to live for the sake of others but not your own. I needed desperately to inspire a desire for living, which went beyond those I love.
I needed to believe that I had a purpose to be here. Something I carried with me in my youth, but was gone now.
Thus, I had a need to rediscover it.
in my musing's the Wizard had been awful quiet and not fixing his gaze on me, which I thought was his point, to dig into my brain and unearth the answers to his many ponders. I had practically laid them out on a table for him to feast on, but he had carried on smoking as if I weren't even there, perhaps a mist that his eyes glanced at warily.
I cocked a brow, "you seem nervous."
That rattled the old Wizard, not something which happened often I am sure and he began stuttering, until I interrupted in a manner he had not suspected.
"don't worry. I know why, and I don't resent you in any way Gandalf... I don't."
Truth is, I believe this quest would have happened even without the Wizard and if I was honest with myself, half the worry I felt for Thorin when he left the Blue Mountains was because I feared that he was trudging towards Erabor without telling me. Hence my relief when he returned unharmed, however, it did just prolong the inevitable. That moment Thorin knelt and told me he was going to take back our home, I have been waiting on it since we first arrived at the Blue Mountains, and there was no shock, no surprise on my part. This was his destiny. And no matter the circumstances, the world would have ensured it's happening. That I have no doubt of.
"thank you my lady, that means a lot to me."
The tension between the wizard and I came to end and I was glad it happened now rather than later during our journey. It's good that we could now begin on a new page, for what we are planning calls for no small amount of trust and then I recalled the common ground we stood on regarding the hobbit and asked, "Gandalf, do you share the same faith as I do in Bilbo?"
He smiled in an awkward crooked way, staring past the wall where I knew the Hobbit was lying sleeping.
"the thing I have learnt about Hobbits through all my dealings with them Gaia, is that they have a tendency to surprise you."
At some point, the thick figure with the red flamed hair known as Gloin had come to find us, a scrap of paper in one hand and an inky quill in the other. It would seem he was up to his tricks again, as the dwarf had a fondness for making money being poor in background as a merchant.
Scribbling our names, Gloin said, "then I have your bets whether he'll come with us tomorrow?"
Gandalf and I laughed, nodding our heads and simultaneously agreeing.
"indeed you do Gloin and I look forward to my winning's."
…..
"Gaia…"
I could feel that there were fingers brushing my cheek bone, rousing me from sleep along with hearing my name being called.
"Gaia…"
Both were having the desired effect and I woke slowly, with my site groggy and expecting to see someone to be there in front of me, but there wasn't. Instead the fingers belonged to the arm draped over my body, as I had curled up next to Thorin after leaving Gandalf.
"Gaia, come on lass, its time."
I groaned, never one to wake up easily, and childishly I knew full well that he couldn't move without my doing so first. But he was persistent and I won't mention what he did to cause me to quiver and bolt upright, shuddering.
At my reaction, he roared with laughter flashing me one of his rare smiles, and I hit his arm to make him stop with the ridicule, though I couldn't help giggling myself.
"I take it no one is here Oakenshield, otherwise you would not have done that."
Supporting his weight onto his arms, Thorin pushed himself up and was just inches away.
It must sound strange to call a man this, but he was so beautiful, his physical presence as well as his soul. Thorin could walk into any room without the reputation he has, and still be the focus of attention. He was a charmer, a jester, a loving and caring dwarf at the same time as being, complicated. Once you met, there was no chance at forgetting him. He left an impression and who better than I knew that, because ever since I was girl I have faithfully been his and his alone, as no one could shine brighter than he.
"Aye, they're gone, and we should leave now too, before the whole of the Shire is awake."
He kissed the tip of my nose and pulled himself up, lending me a hand.
"it's a long walk by foot," I commented as he disappeared for a second and came back with the items I had left on the windowsill earlier this morning, and for me to put back on, as well as my cloak.
Handing them to me, he clasped his own cloak into place, and checked his person for anything he might have forgotten, "the wizard said he could get us some ponies. Were to meet him beyond Bag End"
Fiddling with my cuffs, Thorin helped with the lacing on each, "I won't ask how he'll manage to swindle that."
He grunted, "nor will I. but we do need them Gaia."
After some last fussing about, Thorin walked to the door with his hand at the handle, "are you ready?"
I nodded, ready as I'll ever be, but just before Thorin opened the door, I snapped, "wait! What about Bilbo, is he with the others?"
His silence was my answer, and Thorin opened the door and left me standing in the hall weighed down by the disappointment.
I didn't bother to look; I didn't bother to wake him.
I had done everything in my power to sway the hobbit, and now; it was all down to him.
Nevertheless, before I left and as if by a chance, I found the contract Balin had drawn up. His signature was there, as was Thorin's, and I flattened it in plain sight next to a quill, my last incentive for the hobbit and I bade his home goodbye.
We met up with Gandalf where Thorin said we would, and to my surprise he did indeed have with him a line of ponies for us to choose from, passing on to us their names. Mine was a grey pony, her shaggy coat dark like storm clouds, hence her name Rainy. Personally, I wasn't much of a rider and the boys with Thorin, sensed my apprehension as they climbed onto their ponies backs effortlessly.
"what's wrong Gaia?" Fili called followed by his brother.
"so used to being close to the ground that at the slightest chance of being raised a few feet higher, your taken out your comfort zone?"
The two didn't even earn a glare off me. I just stroked Rainy feeling every beat of her strong heart, and allowing her to get familiar with my air as I did with hers. When I was finally ready, I swung my body onto the saddle and claimed the reins.
"carry on Kili, because I warn you now, short women can still kick where they need too, to cause pain."
clicking my tongue to the roof of my mouth, the pony trotted forwards and passed my nephews, who exchanged a genuinely frightened glance with each other, as Thorin parted some wisdom to the jesters and chased after me.
"I told you before lads, your aunt is a fierce dwarf. And I would never risk being the target of her wrath. Remember that."
With Gandalf at the lead, we begun down the road, with a chorus of whining to keep everyone occupied, with the waste in coming to the shire as we left without our burglar.
I was just waiting on Gloin calling in the bets when suddenly we heard a desperate plea being shouted and saw the unmistakable figure of Bilbo Baggins running to catch up with us, waving in his hand the contract I had left out for him, and I could not have been more pleased.
"I signed it!" he exclaimed with a proud smile, handing the parchment to Balin who made show of inspecting it with his eye glass.
"Everything appears to be in order. Welcome Master Baggins to the company of Thorin Oakenshield."
And with that they cheered, including myself, at the announcement. Though Thorin had only this to say before discarding the hobbits presence.
"Give him a pony."
the sweet satisfaction of being right was too much to resist and I could tell Thorin was begrudgingly anticipating my rubbing it in, so being the obedient wife, I couldn't let him down.
"you look a little sour Thorin. Dare I say you have learnt nothing in all the years being married. And that is, you must always listen to your wife."
I turned and caught the bag of coins heading my way and acknowledged the hobbit, tying the bag to my belt, with a disapproving husband shaking his head at my gamble.
"I'm sorry my love, but I just couldn't help myself, not after I was told that hobbits have a tendency to surprise you."
"what am I going to do with you Gaia," he groaned, and I steered Rainy closer to his own pony, Sharman, grabbing the back of his head, so he tilted further to his left to hear me tease.
"oh, I could think of a few things."
And just like that, Rainy ran on my command.
