Hello! So sorry for the wait, but coming up with this stuff is amazingly time-consuming, especially when you have to coordinate writing times. More hilarity will ensue. Over to WW:

As per usual...it's all on me. You know the whole 12% discussion in the Avengers? Yeah. I'm the Pepper in this situation. Except I really only did do 12%. Applause for Astrid, please. Now read on, and enjoy.


Error

Luckily for Hiccup - or not, both had their merits - the second group was not "lost." This was mostly due to the thankfully small size of Berk and the fact that fangirls know little to nothing about boating. Hiccup had left Fishlegs and Meatlug in charge of the first group, their lesson on fluff interrupted, and mounted up to sighs and even one faint. Ignoring this totally, he'd followed Snotlout to the place where he claimed they'd last seen the fangirls.

It was, unfortunately, on the mountain, just where Snotlout said it would be. Hiccup could see the unfortunate signs of their passage - a few wobbly marriage proposals carved unskillfully in horrific Norse and something that looked fearfully like a hagalaz surrounded by a heart, not to mention trampled grass in every direction.

Shuddering, Hiccup hopped off Toothless and went over to the twins.

"I told them to stay here," Snotlout said. "You know, in case the fangirls come back." He threw out his chest proudly. Hiccup scowled at him.

"Where's Astrid?"

"She and Stormfly went after the fangirls," Tuffnut interjected. Hiccup started. At first glance, he'd assumed Ruff and Tuff were together. A panic swept over him as he realized that Ruff wasn't there either.

"You let the two of them go alone?"

Tuff shrugged. "Yeah? So?"

"So they're - they're probably in the middle of sacrificing them by now," Hiccup spat, pounding a fist into his forehead. "What made me think I could trust you guys?!"

Snotlout looked at him. "You trust us?"

Hiccup exhaled, trying to think. "Toothless? Let's go, bud."

"Whoa, whoa, wait - what about us?"

"You're coming with me," Hiccup said over his shoulder as he climbed on Toothless. "I'm gonna need more backup than Astrid and Ruff."Hiccup waited for them, seething.

"Geez, Hiccup, chill out," Tuff said.

Hiccup stared at him. "What?"

Tuff shrugged. "I heard one of the girls say it."

"Let's just-go," Hiccup sighed. "C'mon, bud." Toothless fluttered his wings, and they shot up-the famous almost vertical takeoff.

"Oh, Toothless, do you have to be such a show off?" Hiccup complained, looking apprehensively at the bouncing group of fans on the ground. He flinched as one screamed, presumably with delight, but it sounded more like a Nightmare was using her as a chew toy.

That thought probably shouldn't have amused him. He was becoming Astrid.

Finding the lost fangirls wasn't difficult; Hiccup knew exactly where to go once he heard Ruff yell, "OY! PAY ATTENTION OR WE'LL THROW YOU OFF THIS MOUNTAIN ONE BY ONE AND THE SEA MONSTERS WHO ESCAPED FROM HEL WILL DEVOUR YOU IN A SINGLE GULP!"

Hm. Ruff had a way with words once you got her going.

Astrid and Ruffnut were standing facing the mob, Stormfly shrieking protectively from behind them. Astrid was smiling tightly and gripping her axe; Ruffnut had a javelin poised and ready to throw.

"Oh-kay, let's try to avoid that fate," Hiccup said as they landed. Snotlout narrowly avoided landing on a few writers. One was actually hit by Hookfang's wing. Hiccup cringed. "OUT OF THE WAY," Snotlout bellowed.

One of the fangirls screamed with delight at Hiccup's and Snotlout's arrival. "Oh my God," she whimpered. "They're just as beautiful as they are in the movie!"

To Hiccup's intense discomfort, the girl ran up and looked intimately into his face, reaching out with one brazen hand to touch the scar on his chin. "Hey, so, space," Hiccup sputtered, leaning away. Astrid yelled, "Down! We were NOT kidding about the sea monsters!"

The girl was not deterred. "Textured. They even made it textured," she sighed, obviously in ecstasy.

"Did you eat some of the green berries?" Astrid demanded. "Because you've got the delirium. Back. Off."

"Maybe she's just dehydrated?" Hiccup suggested. "When was the last time we fed them?"

"I'm a film student," the girl said, and flipped her hair at Astrid, who blinked, slightly stunned that anyone would dare while she was holding an axe. "Gwendolline Blake."

Astrid, despite her self-oath that she would never ask Hiccup something too important in front of the victims, found herself whispering, "What's a gwenline?"

"What's a film?" Snotlout asked. "Wait, where's Tuff? Did we lose him? Again?"

"How many times have you lost him before?" A fangirl asked, looking personally affronted.

"We don't do it on purpose," Ruff huffed. "And, what, twelve times?"

"Ruff does it on purpose," Hiccup interjected. "I would, too, if I had to put up with him that often."

"Has it really been that many?" Astrid wondered.

"It's kind of a blur," Snotlout agreed. Hiccup swiveled on Toothless' back to look for BelchBarf - who, unsurprisingly, was not present. He sighed.

"Okay, team, Astrid, you go look for Tuff. Snotlout, go with her."

"Remember when I knocked him off a cliff?" Ruff reminisced, still lost in the moment. "And he was a foot from death..." she sighed happily.

"That's creepy," whispered a teenage boy a few rows of shivering writers back. "I can't imagine my sister doing that to me..."

"She's probably imagined it," Ruff yelled to him. "Watch out, you never can tell. It's always the ones you don't expect."

"Ruff, I think we can handle these fangirls." Raising his voice, Hiccup shouted, "We're all heading back to Berk! You're gonna have to walk, so quit talking and get in your single file line!"

"Back to Berk?" A girl with two blue streaks in her hair piped up, looking confused. "Umm, aren't we on Berk?"

A boy hissed at her, "Berk is the island and the village. God." Another three girls turned to him. "Gods!"

"What a great intro to the lesson we didn't have planned," Hiccup muttered, nodding to Astrid and Snotlout, trying to communicate to them that they should leave. Snotlout didn't seem too eager, but Astrid grabbed him by the wrist ("Ow, Astrid! I thought Hiccup's dad told you to control your anger more!") and towed him to their dragons. "Be careful," she mouthed to Hiccup, and nodded at an older woman in the far back. "That one's been making plans. Solitary confinement!"

"Enough with the cages," Hiccup breathed, then turned back to the mob. "Single file line. I told you already."

The line, hastily assembled at Hiccup's command, straightened out admirably when Toothless shot a few well-aimed plasma bolts on either side ("That's it, bud, extra cod for you tonight.") A few fangirls (and one shaking boy) screamed, and Gwendolline, who had refused to move, muttered, "He really does bribe him with food! Who knew the fanfiction writers were actually right..."

Hiccup, whose long patience was beginning to fray, turned to her severely. "And are you going to tell me that you're not a fanfiction writer? Furthermore, you're a bad fanfiction writer. You're not any better than them. That's why you're here."

"Actually, she's not," Ruffnut remarked, smiling evilly as she approached Gwendolline from behind. Her javelin, Hiccup noticed, had a faint red bloodstain on it, and she rested it on Gwendolline's shoulder, who sucked in her breath, terrified. "She's that intern I was telling you about, the one who tried to break into DreamWorks and has a restraining order from Bonnie Arnold?"

"They know about the movie?!"

"Ruffnut," Hiccup choked. "You thought bringing a practical stalker into our lives was a smart idea?"

"She needs the help even more than some of them," Ruff protested, nodding at the line, which was starting to bulge out in several areas as people turned and stepped out to look at the confrontation.

Hiccup pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. "I'll agree with that," he conceded, "but we'll have to deal with her when we get back to the village."

"In the cages?" Ruff said hopefully.

"NO!" Although adamant about the issue, Hiccup's response was angrier than he'd intended, as Gwendolline, taking advantage of his closed eyes, poked his cheekbone with one prodding finger. Startled, his eyelids flew open and he stumbled backward and fell.

"Two things," he said solemnly from the ground, trying to ignore the whispers and giggles from the line twisting to get a good look at him. "One, Ruff, maybe that's not such a bad idea, and two, Toothless! Come on, you let me fall now?"

Toothless gave him a look Hiccup read instantly as, "Don't be so dramatic." Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's go. I said a single-file line!" Toothless screeched, and they fell back in line perfectly. "Excellent work, bud. We're flying overhead, follow as quickly as possible. If any of you are inclined to wander off again...I'd just like you to know that it reaches freezing here before sundown. And after? Us and dragons aren't the only things living on this island." With that ominous half-truthful warning (Vikings, of all people, did not fear boar, but Hiccup did), he mounted and started directing traffic.

Finally back in the training ring, Hiccup found Fishlegs happily dictating on Gronkles to a small but dedicated audience. Mostly, anyway. The majority was at least paying attention, a few were taking notes, and some in the back were desperately fighting sleep. Hiccup could sympathize. Fishlegs was a brilliant mind, certainly, but once he started expounding on dragons he could talk Thor into a nice nap.

"Got them," Hiccup said tiredly, returning to his position against Toothless' back and watching the fans straggle in. Most of them were rubbing their arms or blowing into their fingers; Hiccup, to his surprise, did not find this particularly worrisome. So what if they had frostbite? It was recoverable. Most of the time. It wasn't like losing some toes would kill them, anyway.

"Oh." Fishlegs drooped, and Ruffnut appeared at the end of the line, stretching, which had merged into small groups of two and three. Half-heartedly, Hiccup considered forcing a single-file line, but was too tired to give the order. "We were having so much fun while you guys were gone, right?"

One girl at the very front nodded emphatically. "Jenny's been my best student," Fishlegs told Hiccup enthusiastically. "She really loves Gronkles and keeps quoting me..." Hiccup noticed a flush of color on Fishlegs' cheeks.

"Huh," Hiccup smiled. "You two had a good time, then? Wish I could say the same. Astrid and Snotlout are off attempting to recover Tuffnut and BelchBarf." With a yawn, Hiccup glanced up at the sky. "They need to eat sometime, and we still need to go over grammar..."

Fishlegs, Hiccup was pleased to see, actually appeared to be thinking for a solution. Maybe he should leave him alone with the students more often...Hiccup swept his gaze over the class, who seemed actually mostly well-behaved and...well...normal.

Maybe because it was Fishlegs, there hadn't been any attempted hostage-holding, and Fishlegs didn't really look any worse for wear...Hiccup shuddered at the thought of being left alone with the fangirls by himself.

He would probably be dead by now.

"Let's take them to the Great Hall," Fishlegs suggested. "They can have something to eat and there's enough room in there for all of them."

"You have a point." Hiccup looked at the mob, which was starting to get a little sleepy, he hoped. "Do you think we can trust them to not, you know, ravage it?"

Fishlegs shrugged, then raised his voice. "Everybody!" he screamed. "We're going to take you to dinner, but you have to be respectful to the Great Hall! Otherwise we'll feed you to the worms!"

Hiccup watched, impressed, as the mob straightened up nervously, and - thank the gods! - began to assemble themselves in a single-file line. "Wow. Fishlegs. Didn't know you had it in you."

"My granddad was a Berserk. My mom says I'll be the next one," Fishlegs pursed his lips. "Alright, follow us!"

A fangirl was trod on by Stormfly as Astrid returned, panting slightly. Hiccup tried desperately not to laugh as the girl squawked. Ruffnut was less successful, but Astrid barely spared her a grin as she slid down Stormfly's side. Hookfang and BelchBarf ducked through the entrance a moment later and Snotlout and Tuffnut toppled off together.

Numbly, Hiccup stared at the scene, then sighed, supposing he should get up and go over. His calf twinged as he pushed himself to his feet, and Toothless, almost as if sensing his pain, snuffed anxiously.

"Fine, bud. Hang on one second..."

As Hiccup drew closer, the more disturbing it became. The first, immediately conspicuous detail was that Tuffnut's...erm...distinctive blond dreadlocks were, well, missing. His hair was now short, shorter than Hiccup's, and, shockingly, clean. His wrists and feet were bound, too, with what looked terrifyingly like some of the fangirls' undergarments. His tunic and leggings had been replaced...by an oversized and obviously foreign dress. His gag was slipping, and he shouted, wriggling viciously, while Astrid and Snotlout tried to get close enough to help him and Ruffnut watched, torn between rage and hilarity.

Hiccup halted, transfixed with horror. Toothless padded up behind him, and before Hiccup could think, he was saying, "Uh, bud? Maybe we should get those ropes off him..." Indeed, Snotlout was now holding down a thrashing Tuff while Astrid carefully readied her axe above.

The plasma blast was over in a second, and Tuffnut wildly pulled his hands apart, grabbed the gag, and spit onto the floor. Hiccup carefully knelt down and withdrew a small dagger, sawing through the ropes around his ankles while Tuff groaned.

Hiccup hesitated, then said, "I hate to ask...but what happened to you?"

Astrid sighed. "We found him in a cave on the north side of the island. There's a camp of maybe eight or nine that we didn't gather up at first. Apparently when Tuff wandered off they kidnapped him and knocked him out. When he woke up, his makeover was already almost done."

Hiccup peered closely at the traumatized Tuffnut. "Is that...eyeliner?" Frantically, Tuff swiped at his eyes, moaning desperately.

"Get it off...get if off..."

"It's ohkay," Hiccup said soothingly, the way he might calm a frightened dragon. "We're gonna get you all cleaned up and your hair'll grow back eventually..." Hiccup stepped back to survey the situation.

"Ruff, I need you to take Tuff back to your house. Fix him up, let him stay there for a few days. I don't want that cell to know he's okay." He lowered his voice. "Could you maybe consider cutting your hair too? To make him feel better?"

Ruffnut snorted.

"Orrrr not," Hiccup muttered.

"I'm not okay," Tuffnut whined from the floor, but Hiccup continued over him.

"Fishlegs, you did great today, so I'm gonna have you and Snotlout take these guys up to the Great Hall. Make sure you cover the grammar things and how they always steal my adjectives. Astrid and I are going to round up the kidnappers." Hands on hips, Hiccup looked at them. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go!"

Astrid stayed by his side, but Fishlegs and Snotlout hustled off to their dragons, the latter moaning about sleep and his long day. Ha. And you think this is a long day...

He turned his head to check on Ruff...but there was no Ruff. "Ruffnut?"

Hiccup whipped back around and stared at Astrid. "Astrid, did you see Ruff...?"

Astrid's eyes widened in panic. "No..."

Together, they turned to look at the north side of the island, where a tiny light was flickering against the cliff.

"Oh, no."

.

"Yes, thank you so much Mrs. Thorston. No, I'm sure. Keep Tuffnut in the house for a couple days, we need him to stay away from the fangirls...yes, we're going to go rescue Ruffnut right now...and Mrs. Thorston? If we're not back in about an hour, can you send Hiccup's dad with reinforcements? Have a good night!"

As the door slammed, Astrid slumped into the side of the house. Hiccup sighed. "Well, at least we don't have to worry about him..."

Hiccup looked at her, her beautiful blue eyes reflecting the stars he wished he could have time to enjoy tonight. "At least..."

He heaved yet another sigh and looked North. "Come on. Who knows what they're up to by now."

"More like what she's up to," Astrid remarked. "She can take care of herself."

"Oh, I know that," Hiccup said darkly, rubbing his nose in memory of all the times Ruffnut had clocked it.

"I think she gets it from Mrs. Thorston. She's one terrifying lady. Did you see her face when she looked at Tuffnut?"

Hiccup shuddered. "Unfortunately, I did."

.

Meanwhile, Fishlegs was in his element.

"Stealing our adjectives is not cool. Hiccup especially hates this. Just because he used the word fishbone once to describe himself - in a joking manner! - does not mean that you get to call him fishbone all the time. It is also not really acceptable to describe someone as how skinny or, um, husky they are, or by their hair color, once you've introduced them. It's the mark of an amateur. You guys are getting to be on your way to being not amateurs."

Fishlegs was growing hoarse. He'd already addressed most of the grammar issues - about how bad grammar made even the best of stories unreadable, how language was to be respected, how you really should bear in mind that teenagers with fire-breathing reptiles read all your work without you knowing it...

Most of the fangirls had fallen asleep by now. They lay sprawled on varying things in the Hall, curled up against each other, leaning on the walls, and one was even hugging a pillar. A few of the more enterprising had climbed right up onto the firepits for warmth, something Fishlegs was beginning to wish he'd thought of. Even Snotlout was out cold, leaning against Hookfang with his head tipped back and snoring loudly - obnoxious even in sleep.

Fishlegs yawned too, and, like he'd done so many times already that evening, let his eyes drift to Jenny.

She was sitting at the very front, propped up against a pillar and drowsily smiling at him. He'd been slightly disappointed that his second teaching stint hadn't gone as well as the first, but they'd had a hard day.

Jenny, admirably, had stayed awake the entire time and only now lapsed. She looked so sweet when she was asleep, Fishlegs pondered, standing over her. Her medium-length brown hair lay docile and adorable, and her face was relaxed and, well, beautiful.

Unsure where he was supposed to go to sleep for tonight, Fishlegs decided to stay in the hall, just in case. Besides, he didn't like the idea of Jenny being alone with all these savages and Snotlout. Because being within a ten-mile radius of Snotlout pretty much guaranteed something unpleasant happening.

As he fell asleep, Fishlegs found himself pondering poetry.

Gronkles are red,

Meatlug is blue,

But neither are as pretty as you...

Meatlug wasn't blue, Fishlegs thought hazily, but it made a good rhyme.

Hey, Stormfly was blue...

.

But for Hiccup and Astrid, the night was far from over. And not in the way most fanfiction writers would dream of.

(However, if Hiccup had to rate it, T for violence.)