Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy. I own nothing!
Chapter 4
The hallway blurs and seems to go on forever as Xion tries to figure out what just happened. She is at a loss and she has no idea what to make of it, any of it.
Xion supposes that it isn't really important. What is important is reporting back to Aqua and letting her know that Vanitas is all right and that he isn't out wrecking havoc. She just hopes Aqua and Ven don't ask too many questions.
As hard as she tries, Xion cannot stop hearing Vanitas' voice bouncing around in her head. At first, she thought his words were just the ravings of a man who had too many drinks, but now she is starting to think there might be more to it than that.
No. It is impossible. It's Vanitas, she reminds herself as she tries to shake the thoughts away.
"Hey!" calls a nearby voice and Xion squabbles to regain her feeble, fleeting composure before turning to address the voice.
It is Ven. He is running down the hallway toward her, his blonde hair disheveled and his cheeks heated from exertion.
"Did…you…find…him?" he asks between breaths.
Xion can't help but grin at him as he doubles over and fights for breath. "Yeah. I found him. He is back in his room asleep. He will have a nasty hangover in the morning but other than that he should be fine."
She can practically see the relief seep off him as all the tension leaves his body.
"Thank goodness," he breathes and slaps his forehead in alleviation.
Crisis averted. They wouldn't have to worry about Vanitas anymore that night although Xion was never too worried to begin with. She seriously doubted his trigger would be drinking. It would have to be something major to send him over the edge. Actually, she really wants to ask Ven if Yen Sid ever talked to him about Vanitas' triggers. Would it be of his own free will or would it be out of his control? Vanitas was an enigma wrapped in a mystery. She only vaguely understood him and the whole strange, dark story or fate or whatever it was…
"Come on," Ven says and takes her hand in his. "Let's go find Aqua so we can tell her you found him."
Aqua is pacing around the Headmaster's office in a fizz when they finally find her. She looks like she is two seconds away from calling Master Eraqus and declaring a state of emergency.
"Please tell me you found him," she says, exasperated.
Xion has only seen Aqua frazzled a handful of times and every time it is like watching a dog walk on its hind legs. It is just unnatural.
"We found him," Xion informs quickly so Aqua will relax. "He is back in his dorm room sleeping like a baby."
Aqua releases a curt breath and collapses into the massive chair behind Eraqus' desk.
Xion knows Aqua isn't afraid of Vanitas. She has proved that time and time again. What Xion thinks Aqua is afraid of is Xehanort and how Xehanort can use Vanitas.
"Thank you for your help, Xion," Aqua expresses her gratitude with a forced smile.
Aqua reaches over the desk and begins dialing a number on a nearby phone. Xion assumes she is calling off the big guns, the big guns being Terra.
"Hey," she breathes into the receiver. "Yeah, we found him. You can head back now. Yeah. It's fine. See you in a bit. Bye."
The instructor hangs up and begins kneading her temples. "I see no reason to tell Master Eraqus about this. This will stay between us and I will just check on Vanitas in the morning. I have to retrieve his monthly journal anyway."
Ven nods but Xion is confused. "Monthly journal?"
When the question leaves her lips, Aqua immediately realizes her mistake.
"Um…" Aqua sighs. "Vanitas is required to keep journals so we can evaluate his psychological state."
"Vanitas keeps a journal?" Xion gawks. Never in a million years would she have guessed Vanitas kept a journal.
"He has kept one since we were kids," Ven explains. "Xehanort made him keep one after…"
"It seemed like a smart practice so we merely continued it after he and Ven were transferred here. Master Yen Sid thinks it is good for him although he doesn't really write much anymore," Aqua continues. "But still, it allows Master Yen Sid to see whether or not his thought process is normal. Well, as normal as Vanitas' thought process can be."
As they talk about all this, Xion starts to think maybe she does know about Vanitas having a journal…
"Xion, this is Vanitas," Master Eraqus says politely.
Vanitas sits quietly underneath a small tree within the Summit, his back against the tree's sturdy trunk and his knees brought to his chest to hide the object he is writing in.
Upon hearing the Master's voice, Vanitas sighs heavily and quickly stuffs the small, red book he was scribbling in away so he can somewhat address him. When his eyes rise to meet hers, her breath catches in her throat when she realizes his eyes are gold.
Xion has seen reddish-yellow eyes before, eyes that were almost golden but never eyes that were actually gold!
Xion waves meekly but all Vanitas does is glare at her, his eyes cold despite their warm hue.
Slowly, he rises to his feet and slings his bag over his shoulder.
"He will be accompanying you on your mission later. He has a Job as a Warrior and a Dark Knight," Eraqus states proudly, but Vanitas looks far from amused.
"Vanitas," the Headmaster continues, "Xion is from Twilight Town. She is a Black Mage and Xemnas has allowed us to borrow her skills for this mission since we are short on students with advanced black magic skills."
"So?" Vanitas snorts.
Eraqus releases a defeated sigh and Xion realizes that this kind of behavior is commonplace. "So I thought you two should get to know each other a little before your mission together. You know how important trust and teamwork is."
"I know." Vanitas smirks and Xion notes he his smile is as charming as it is dangerous. "I just don't care."
Vanitas shoves his way past them and journeys back down the Mountain Path.
"Where was he?" the gruff hum of Terra's vocal chords shakes her out of her memories, and she instantly wonders how long she was lost in thought.
"Uh," she drawls. "He was passed out by the east wing entrance in some shrubbery but I took him back to his room."
Terra's brow rises skeptically. "He went with you? Willingly? Did you cast Sleep on him or something?"
Xion giggles into her hand. "No. I didn't have to. He was so drunk and disoriented I think he would have let a Moogle take him back to his room."
"Well, at least he is here sleeping it off instead of running around wreaking havoc." Terra strolls around Master Eraqus' desk.
"We don't have to worry about him anymore tonight," Aqua concurs and Xion really wants to ask them what it is that they know that she doesn't.
Xion knows a little about Vanitas but Aqua, Terra, Ven, and the Masters clearly know more than anyone else does. They know why Vanitas is Vanitas when she only knows what Vanitas is.
"What happened to him? Why is he…the way he is?" Xion asks and effectively sucks all the air out of the room.
"Xehanort," Aqua spits his name like bile.
"But what did he do to him?" she questions again despite her better judgment.
"Xion," Aqua's voice goes low but remains stern. "Sometimes, it's better to know nothing."
She doesn't talk, which makes him wonder how this is going to work. Perhaps Axel can translate. That is the only way he can see this mission going off without a hitch.
Honestly, Vanitas doesn't think he needs a mage at all. They are vastly overrated but tell that to Master Eraqus, and thanks to Aqua, everyone now sees mages as a necessity. Brute strength just doesn't cover it anymore, which is why he has been grouped with Xion and Naminé. Axel is the second layer of strength to help balance out their little party. Vanitas doesn't think he needs him to complete this mission either, but since Xion cannot speak, perhaps Axel can be useful after all.
"Do you speak?" Vanitas demands as he basically stands on top of her.
Xion visibly shrinks and takes an uneasy step toward Axel as if trying to vanish behind him. Her eyes fall to the ground and she remains mute. This angers him further.
"She's worthless. Is it too late to trade her in for someone else? I'm willing to take the Red Mage at this point. At least she isn't dumb," Vanitas insults and rolls his eyes.
"Xion isn't worthless and she isn't dumb," Axel retorts and the fact that he is protective of her isn't lost on Vanitas. What Axel could possibly have in common with the mute Black Mage is beyond him. Axel has a thing for hanging with children and Vanitas thinks that is because Axel is a child himself although he was older than most of them.
"Then she is broken." Vanitas smirks, fangs glistening.
"She isn't broken," Axel grits out and shields the quiet girl who is now using her witch hat to hide as well. "She is just shy."
Vanitas' brow rises at this. "So she is capable of speaking?"
"Yes. Don't you know what shy means?"
"I know what it implies," Vanitas snorts. "Weakness."
"Xion isn't—"
"She isn't weak. I know what you are going to say. Save your breath," Vanitas snaps. He can't listen to Axel defend her anymore. All the sweetness and compassion is making his teeth rot.
Xion peaks out from beneath the rim of her hat, blue eyes sparkling. His eyes meet hers and he expects to see contempt, hatred, anger, disgust, or fear but he doesn't. He sees curiosity shimmering behind her eyes. Her body language is timid but her eyes are curious, lively, and eager to meet his. This surprises him and flat-out baffles him. She is the only person who has ever looked at him that way.
The first thing Vanitas does when he opens his eyes is wish he had the ability to destroy the sun which has the audacity to be so painfully bright. The second thing he does is vomit into the waste can beside his bed. The sight of the waste can makes him think of Xion, so the third thing he does is pray that he didn't say or do anything stupid while he was drunk. However, he has a gnawing suspicion he did.
Damn his headache. Damn his stupidity. Damn the sun. Damn Vanitas. Damn Xion. Damn everything but most of all, damn his big, fat mouth. He really wishes he wasn't a talkative drunk.
Once he finishes puking his guts out, he glances at the clock and has a moment of sheer panic. He has overslept and he is missing class…!
Wait…yesterday was Saturday, so today is Sunday… Class doesn't meet on Sunday… he muses.
Hell, he doesn't even know what day it is. He swears right there on that bed he will never get this drunk again. Then again, he has made this promise to himself more than once in his eighteen years and has never followed through with it. Something would always happen and he would long for the comfort that could be found in a glass or at the bottom of a bottle.
Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he slowly gets to his feet. He wobbles around for a few moments before gaining his balance enough to journey into his bathroom. He rinses his mouth out in his pearly sink and tosses back a few of the painkillers Xion left out for him.
Vanitas knows he said something last night but he just can't remember exactly what he said. Regardless, he will play dumb if she says anything to him about it. That is his plan and he will stick to it. All he will remember is her helping him and it won't even be a complete lie. However, he hopes to avoid her and the situation completely until they both forget it. Until then, he is going back to bed for the next twenty-four hours.
Before Vanitas can reach his bed, he is stopped by the sound of knocking.
"Vanitas," a voice he instantly recognizes as Aqua's resonates behind his door and he feels the overwhelming urge to punch something.
Choosing to ignore the knocking, Vanitas attempts to flee to the safety of his bed.
Aqua knocks again. "Vanitas! Let me in. I know you are in there!"
"It's open, stupid," he groans and barely recognizes the sound of his own gravely voice.
"How are you feeling?" she asks lowly as she enters his room, her tone genuine.
"Like sh—"
"Stop!" she interrupts and holds a hand up before the profanity can wriggle its way out of his throat.
He can't help but smirk at her reaction.
"I know you probably have a hangover so I will keep this brief," she continues and he notices all the concern in her voice has dispersed and now all the remains is her stoic, professional air. "Just give me your journal, let me check your vitals, and I will leave you alone."
Vanitas curses under his breath as he slowly sits upright.
He has been doing those damn journal entries since he was 10 years old, but he didn't start having his vitals checked until he came to the Land of Departure. Granted, all students at the Academy have to have their vitals checked frequently but he knew that they had other motives for checking his. Vanitas' vitals haven't been normal since his 'training accident.' However, the medics, Aqua, the White Mages, and the Masters have determined what is normal by his standards. Because of his 'accident' his pulse is faster, his blood pressure higher, body temperature higher, and even his respiration rate is higher. Everything inside of him is enhanced, heightened, over the top, and faster than it should be.
"Why do you want my vitals? Isn't it a bit early for that?"
"Yes, but since I'm already here I thought I might as well check some of them now and get it over with," she says with a sigh but smiles at him. "You will still have to go to the infirmary later this week as always though."
With neither the strength nor the will to argue, he complies and positions himself on the bed so she and examine him.
"Thank you for being cooperative," she whispers as she walks towards him, and he can tell that she isn't in the mood to fight either. For once, it seems like they are on the same page.
"I haven't written anything in that damn journal but you are welcome to take it," he sneers as she checks his pulse.
Aqua subtly rolls her eyes. "Once I finish, write something then, give it to me."
"I'm too hung over to write anything," he groans and snatches his arm away from her.
Aqua holds her hands up in surrender. "Fine, but don't come crying to me when Master Eraqus and Master Yen Sid drag you into the office and demand that you explain why you didn't write anything this month."
"I don't get what the big deal is!"
"You know what the big deal is!"
Vanitas glares at her with unmatched intensity; biting the inside of his cheek so hard he can taste blood.
He darts to his desk so fast his head feels like it might explode but he is too pissed to care. He rips one of the drawers open, slinging its contents throughout his room and digs through the remnants until he finds a small, red journal.
Slamming the logbook onto the desk's mahogany surface, he rips it open and begins carving his pencil into its insides.
Aqua silently watches the tantrum from her seat on his bed and patiently waits for his next move.
"Here," he spits as he finishes. "Take it and get out."
He throws the journal at her as hard as he can and much to his displeasure, she catches it with ease.
"Thank you," she says calmly and it only angers him further. "I will see you in class tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your day."
"Get out!" he roars so loudly he sees spots.
He is yelling at Aqua, but this isn't just about her. It is about the whole situation revolving around him and she knows it. It is more than just journal entries and vitals but that doesn't keep him from taking it out on her and slamming the door on her as hard as he can.
The ceiling above her bed is blank and white and she finds herself envious of it. She wishes her mind were like the ceiling. Clear, unsullied, and white. She wishes her mind was like that but it isn't. Her mind is full of confusing thoughts, all revolving around one individual with black hair and golden eyes.
Aqua told her that sometimes it was better to know nothing but that only made her wonder about him more. That statement only spurred more questions. Is it that bad? Is he that bad?
Then there was still the whole matter around the night before… If Vanitas was really the monster everyone made him out to be then, why would he…? Did he?
She can't sleep. They couldn't find the Heartless they were sent to destroy so they had to stay overnight at a hotel in Traverse Town.
Xion decides to take a walk, hoping the fresh air will calm her down and allow her to sleep.
She makes it halfway down the hallway and then she sees him. The one Eraqus had introduced her to earlier, the one who said she was broken, mute, and weak. She thinks he is about her age, maybe a year older. He looks about fifteen years old. He is writing in that book again, hovering over it protectively. His eyes leave it only to glare at her.
Xion freezes and she can't decide if she is afraid or not. She thinks she should be, but she doesn't feel afraid.
"I-I…" she tries to speak but fails.
Vanitas looks at her cynically before slamming his book shut. He looks like he might humor her or perhaps he just wants to fully devote to ridiculing her. She isn't sure which yet.
"Can't sleep?" he finishes for her.
Xion nods.
"Yeah. Sometimes I can't sleep either," he adds and her feet begin to thaw.
She takes a step toward him. She isn't sure why.
"Y-You did well today," she manages to choke out and he looks surprised that she can actually speak.
"I always do," he states matter-of-factly, somehow managing not to sound smug or conceited. "You weren't as worthless as I thought you would be."
"Thanks?"
"Yes," he groans, sounding bored. "That is the appropriate response."
"I-I…was…going to take a walk…"
"No one is stopping you," he says calmly.
"It helps me sleep sometimes."
He is either pretending to ignore her or actually ignoring her now but somehow, she can see past his defensiveness and cruelty. He just looks…sad and lonely?
"D-Do you want to come with me?" she inquires timidly and he proceeds to look at her like she is insane.
"Why the hell would I want to do that?" he scoffs.
Xion shrugs and he rolls his eyes.
"Come on," he says as he rises to his feet, walks to the entrance, and holds open the door open for her.
"But... But you said…"
"Don't try to figure me out. Just go." He chuckles and motions for her to move.
The only thing Xion can do is gawk at him as she tries to do exactly what he told her not to do; figure him out.
"Do you want to go on the damn walk or not?" he asks, clearly losing his impatience.
Not wanting to anger him further and not wanting to lose her walking companion, Xion does as instructed and scurries out of the hotel.
While continuing to stare at the ceiling she remembers how they had spent most of that night walking around Traverse Town talking about nothing. She thought they would be friends after that but she quickly learned Vanitas wasn't one for friends. People could only get so close to him…
"I think I'm about to go check on Vanitas," Xion states as she rises out of bed and walks to her closet.
She knows Aqua has likely already been to his room to retrieve his journal and check on him herself. She knows she doesn't have to. She knows he will probably just yell at her when she gets there. She knows all of this but a part of her still wants to check on him.
Naminé yawns and sits up in bed. "Do you think that's a good idea?"
"No," Xion replies honestly as she throws on a black sweater.
"Should I call Axel or Roxas if you are gone too long?" the White Mage teases.
"Probably," Xion answers with a chuckle as she shimmies into a pair of jeans.
"Have fun!" Naminé giggles and waves goodbye before disappearing beneath her milky blankets again.
"I'll try," the Black Mage says with a sigh as she walks out the door.
As Xion makes her way to Vanitas' room, she attempts to cook up a plan. How should she go about this? Honesty is usually the best policy but she is going to see Vanitas. Honesty doesn't really seem like something Vanitas will go for. However, he is also clever enough to smell a lie and she isn't a good liar.
By the time she reaches his door, she has decided there is no good way to go about this. She will just have to hope for the best. This is Vanitas after all.
After taking a deep breath, she knocks on the door as gently as possible, knowing Vanitas is likely nursing one hell of a headache by now.
"Go. Away," he says and honestly, she wasn't expecting much less.
Xion decides there is no way she is getting an invitation to come inside, so she takes a gamble and opens the door regardless.
"Knock, knock," she says with a nervous chuckle as she lets herself in. As she does so, she thinks this may be the last thing she ever does.
Upon entering, she sees that Vanitas is lying across his bed and one of his arms is draped over his glowing eyes to shield them from the brutal sun pouring into his room through his window that he has likely dubbed a traitor.
"Did I not say—" Vanitas' reprimand is cut short the instant he sees her in his doorway.
Xion smiles meekly, waves, and waits for him to ask what the hell she is doing there, but much to her surprise, he doesn't say a word. He visibly stiffens and blanches and if she didn't know any better, she would think she is seeing a tint of pink clinging to his chiseled cheekbones.
"I, uh, just came to see how you're doing," she explains as if he did ask her what the hell she was doing there.
Vanitas sits upright and rests his elbows on his knees. "I've been better."
His tone is surprisingly calm and his posture shockingly lax. She wasn't prepared for that. She was prepared for his anger, not…whatever this is.
"I figured. Is there anything I can—"
"Why did you help me?" he demands more than asks.
"What?" she recoils.
"Why did you help me last night and why are you back this morning?" he reiterates, his tone stony.
"I just wanted to help…"
Vanitas slowly rises to his feet and walks toward her.
Instinctively, she takes a step backwards.
"Don't do me any favors, Xion. I don't want your sympathy. You can shove your compassion. We both know you wouldn't be here if you didn't have to be, so you can drop the act and get the hell out," he states coldly but Xion can't help but notice that although he is saying cruel things, he sounds sad.
Vanitas reaches out and for a moment, she thinks he might throw her out himself but instead he grabs the doorknob behind her and yanks the door open.
"Leave," he commands but Xion does nothing but look up at him with bewildered eyes.
They were so close that she could see the dark circles under his molten eyes, she could smell the traces of liquor on his breath, and make out every contour and crease of muscle chiseled into his alabaster skin.
"I don't have to be here and I volunteered to help look for you last night. I can't really tell you why I am here now but I'm here of my own free will. No one has forced me do anything," she replies softly, timidly.
Vanitas' weary eyes narrow at her and she shrinks a little, unsure if he is sizing her up or getting angry.
"You're stupid," he snorts.
"Maybe." Xion shrugs a shoulder.
"Well, I appreciate the…concern," he hisses, "but it isn't necessary. Aqua has already been here and, as you can see, I'm fine and I would be even better if everyone would stop bothering me."
"Look," Xion counters, feeling a sudden boost in confidence. "You were so out of it last night, I was worried about you and wanted to see if you were okay. Excuse me for caring!"
Vanitas looks like he might laugh as he scoffs, looks away from her, and runs a hand down his face. "Get out of here, Xion."
The Black Mage's mouth tightens into a flat line as she glares at him and the audacity he has to speak to her in such a way. She was stupid to come here. She was stupid to think that this wouldn't be anything but downright unpleasant. What was she expecting to happen?! That he would be grateful? That he would let her be a friend to him? That things would be like they had been before she transferred here? That he wouldn't be a complete and utter jerk?
Their eyes lock for a long-suffering moment before Xion surrenders and leaves.
Sometimes, Vanitas regrets what he does. It's a rare occurrence but it does happen. Vanitas isn't beyond regret.
Sometimes, Vanitas regrets how he treated Xion, but it is so much easier to push people away. His life, his existence, it's just easier that way. He doesn't need to get close to anyone; especially to someone he knows he could grow to care for. Technically, he is doing her a favor. He is doing everyone a favor, himself included.
Emotional attachment just isn't in the cards for him in any way, shape, or form. Not when he knows how the story ends. Not when he knows no good will come of it, which is why his regret is usually only temporary.
She should be grateful to him for keeping her away. She should be grateful he never let her close enough to the fire to get burned. She should be grateful he has restraint and that he knows that he if he lets her in, he will destroy her. She should be grateful that he knew when he enough was enough. He is sparing her. It is just better for everyone this way.
However, that doesn't always keep him from wanting things to be different. That doesn't keep him from wanting to take her compassion. It doesn't completely dissolve the need for companionship. It doesn't silence the voice in the back of his head that taunts him and asks 'what if?' What if he had let her show him compassion? What if he did let her be his friend? What if he hadn't pushed her away the instant he felt her getting too close to his heart? What if he had heedlessly followed it into oblivion with her?
His heart may be rotten and black, but it is still a heart and has wants.
"Ow," he grouses when the syringe makes its way into the veins in his arm.
He feels the pain but he doesn't grimace or wince. His face merely twitches. Vanitas is used to needles by this point.
"I'm sorry!" the twitchy White Mage responds and she seems somewhat familiar. Her hair is sandy blonde and she has big doe eyes that are almost hidden by the large white hood she wears.
As Vanitas watches her, he starts doing a mental inventory of all the girls he has slept with and tries to figure out if he has slept with this girl before. Probably.
He wishes Naminé was the girl pulling the blood sample from his arm. Naminé is the best at this sort of thing. Aqua is also acceptable but both of them are tied up with other people.
Today the Masters are conducting a Mark of Mastery Exam so everyone is running around like a bunch of morons, trying to get physicals and doing last-minute preparations. Vanitas doesn't bother. Not anymore. He has been through this many times before. Qualifying for the Mark of Mastery Exam has never been the problem, passing is the problem.
The Mark of Mastery Exam is held once, sometimes twice a semester depending on how many students qualify. Once there are enough candidates, an exam is held and Yen Sid and Eraqus decide who earns the mark and who doesn't. Xehanort and his sons Xemnas, and Ansem used to be included in the process as well but they aren't really considered Masters anymore…
The White Mage shines a light into his eyes and he glares at her for assaulting him but allows her to continue the examination. There will be hell to pay if word gets back to Eraqus and Yen Sid that he refused to get a physical.
Bored, Vanitas looks at the vial of his blood while the mage tests his reflexes. He almost expects it to be black but to his surprise, his blood is a normal, healthy hue of red. Sometimes he forgets that he is human. He has been treated like a monster for so long he often forgets that he isn't one. At least he thinks he isn't. Sometimes he isn't so sure.
Looking away from the crimson fluid, he gazes back at the girl running his tests and sees the baffled look on her face. Clearly, she has never taken his vitals before nor is she aware of what is normal for him.
The White Mage flips through the files in a panic until she finds the one belonging to Vanitas. She skims through the file and slowly begins to calm down. Vanitas figures she probably saw his previous test results or a note Aqua left within his file to explain his…situation.
"Um…okay," she stutters, her eyes not leaving his file. "I-I guess you are free to take the exam now…"
Vanitas leaps off the examining table and slips his shirt back on before she has the chance to change her mind. He wants to get out of there before she has the chance to stop him or call for Aqua.
The Mark of Mastery Exam isn't as challenging as everyone thinks it is. It isn't until one takes it that they realize that it is more a test of heart and character than actual skill. The individual's skill is only half of the exam. Were skill the only factor, Vanitas would have passed years ago. He is one of the best when it comes to skill, but the corruption in his heart-that is what keeps him from passing.
Vanitas doesn't know why the Masters continue to degrade him this way. Why do they bring him to take this exam time and time again when they know good and damn well he won't pass? Why bother? Why continue to humor him with false hope?
It takes almost all of his willpower not to ask as he stands before them for what feels like the millionth time.
This room is way too bright. The walls are smothered in turquoise and gold trim, and the floor beneath his feet is a sea of creamy yellow. The windows are made of pure stained-glass of so many vibrant hues he thinks he might go blind from looking at them. The physical and metaphysical light of this room is almost too much for him to swallow sometimes.
Finally, at the front of the room, there are five, large wooden thrones but only two are filled. It has been like this for a while now. Yen Sid and Eraqus sit in the middle and orchestrate the Mark of Mastery Exam, alone.
"Welcome!" Master Eraqus booms as he rises to his feet, "And congratulations on qualifying for the Mark of Mastery Exam!"
Master Eraqus continues with his motivational speech while Vanitas starts examining the crowd. He only recognizes like a fourth of them and he notices Sora and Riku managed to qualify this time. If Vanitas were a betting man, he would wager that Riku would be one of the few to obtain the mark. His younger brother, while very talented and enough heart to make him choke, is still a bit reckless. His heart is his strength but also his weakness. Sora almost has too much heart. Perhaps Vanitas should ask him to donate some of it to him. They would both likely be better for it.
Sora sees Vanitas shortly after he sees him and shoots him a smile. The fact that Sora looks the most like him of his brothers isn't lost on him. He noticed it the first time they were introduced a few years ago but seeing it pains him and it makes him resent Sora. Vanitas doesn't like seeing remnants of himself in others. Maybe it's because he doesn't really like himself or maybe it's because it makes him acknowledge the void in his chest or maybe he sees a shadow of his former self. Regardless, it angers him. Maybe he can use that anger to successfully get through this exam.
Vanitas starts wondering which smoke and mirrors technique Eraqus will use to commence the exam this time. He always begins with some easy task, some defenseless object they have to defeat. Vanitas thinks he will just use his signature orb of light. Eraqus tends to gravitate towards that one often.
Once Master Eraqus finishes the formalities and his speech on protecting the balance and all that jazz, he summons the holy spheres just as Vanitas predicted.
How dull, he muses as he summons Keyblade and prepares to attack.
Sparing is his least favorite part of the entire exam. After the first test, Eraqus gives his spill about how one's true nature is revealed when equal powers clash then they are forced to fight one another.
Vanitas sees this as a form of torture. Master Xehanort used to make him spare like this as well but he had different intentions...
"Next, Vanitas and Sora will face one another. Remember, there are no victors only truths," Master Eraqus states stoically.
Rolling his eyes at Eraqus, Vanitas squares up and prepares to grapple with Sora. Somehow he isn't surprised he was chosen to face Sora but it should be mildly entertaining. He has never spared with Sora before and he is pretty sure Sora is one of the few people within the Academy who could offer him a true challenge.
They begin exchanging blows and almost instantly his ears start to ring and his vision starts to muddle with every clash of metal. He staggers and attempts to blink the haze filling his eyes away.
Sora's form starts to blur and suddenly, he starts to look a lot like Ventus...
Clash with him!
Vanitas winces and suddenly his eardrums are a chalkboard and the voices inside him are long, dirty fingernails mercilessly digging into them.
Pure light against pure darkness…
The ghastly noise becomes too much and Vanitas falls to his knees where he dry heaves onto the swirling, flaxen designs of the chamber floor beneath him.
"Vanitas?" he hears Sora's voice somewhere amidst the pandemonium blaring in his ears and reverberating against his skull.
To form the ultimate key!
"Don't touch me!" Vanitas wails but he still feels Sora touching him, attempting to steady him and bring him back to his feet.
Take what Ventus owes you!
Other voices chime in like a choir of banshees and he feels like he might die right then and there. He hasn't felt like this since he was a student at Radiant Garden. He hasn't felt like this since...
No, don't go there! he chides himself.
"Vanitas," another voice murmurs, a voice he assumes belongs to Eraqus.
"No," he responds curtly although he doesn't really know what he is objecting to. 'No' just seems like an appropriate response…
Vanitas can see but he can't see. Everything is so clear, enhanced, and heightened that it is blurring. He can see through Eraqus, through Sora. He can see their bones, their insides, their nerves, their light…that damn radiance that threatens to blind him…to destroy and extinguish him. He feels the danger in his gut, in the back of his mind. Their light wishes to banish his darkness…his shadow. Vanitas doesn't merely walk with shadows; he is the shadow.
Vanitas...
That damn voice thunders in his head again and he finally recognizes it. He doesn't know how he didn't recognize it sooner. It is his voice, a voice he hasn't heard in years…
Vanitas no longer feels like he is in control of himself or his thoughts. He feels like a puppet. Someone is pulling at the darkness pulsing through his veins, pulling at his lifeblood, his force, his essence. It is trying to make him do something...or maybe it is trying to tell him something...
Vanitas, the gravely voice purrs.
Vanitas snatches Sora's hand and desperately tries to reestablish his hold on the feeble string that barely tethers him to this world, to sanity.
"Do you hear that? Do you hear him?"
"W-Who?" Sora asks in bewilderment and Vanitas thinks he might hear Master Eraqus screaming for Aqua in the distance.
"Xehanort…" Vanitas breathes so only his sibling will hear…so the voice won't hear.
Sora looks at him as if he has stabbed him in the gut.
Vanitas' gaze shifts and he sees Master Yen Sid behind Sora, eyeing him with his signature steely stare.
"W-wrong brother… Ventus…ask Ventus…can he hear him?" Vanitas asks, his tongue growing so thick he struggles to speak.
"He wants Ventus," Master Yen Sid proclaims and Vanitas wonders why he isn't more surprised by that fact. He hates Yen Sid and his omniscient façade.
"He wants Ventus…? Are you sure?" Sora questions the sorcerer in disbelief.
Vanitas doesn't hear Yen Sid's response because he feels cool fingertips feathering across his temples and he panics. He tries to crawl away but the hands follow him and latch onto his head.
"Let me go!" he roars.
Growling in his throat, he shoves the hands away and attempts to run away only to have his body and everyone around him betray him. He can't see but he feels himself being chained to the floor by multiple sets of hands but that doesn't keep him from trying his damnedest to break free. He kicks, he screams, he shoots Dark Fire out of his mouth like a demon, but he can't get up. He is outnumbered.
"Shh, Vanitas, you're okay," a gentle, melodic voice muses and he can't help but relax a little. The voice, the feeling in his gut, they tell him she is dangerous and that she is too bright but she soothes him. He is no longer smothering, he is no longer drowning in a sea of his own darkness, choking on his own blackened mucus. His veins no longer pump vile acid into his heart and his skin is no longer on fire, so he relents. Why fight something that is taking away your pain?
When the haze clears, when he can see, feel, and think again, he is met by set after set of concerned eyes. Whether the concern is for him or for themselves he doesn't know.
"What…happened?" he rasps as he sits upright and holds his distressed head. Apparently, everyone had released him at some point.
"I…I'm not sure," Naminé whispers and Vanitas realizes her voice was the gentle voice he heard that soothed him.
Figures. White Mage sorcery no doubt, he thinks to himself.
Vanitas looks down at his hands and sees them covered in thick, black fluid. It is everywhere. It stains Naminé's dress, it blankets the tawny floor, and it is seeping off him.
Materialized darkness.
He grimaces and covers his ears in vain to block out the voices and the memories. He can't take anymore.
"No! I won't do it anymore! Stop pumping that shit into my system! Get it out! Get it out!"
"Vanitas!" Eraqus shouts and shakes him by his shoulders until he stops screaming. "Stop it. You are all right. No one is putting anything in your system. Your body is just having a reaction to something…"
"Let go of me," Vanitas hisses and tries to pull away from the headmaster.
"Vanitas…are you okay?" Ventus is here now and somehow that is almost comforting. It is almost comforting to have someone there who knows... Ventus knows Xehanort. He was there. He would understand...
Vanitas looks at the slop on his hands and shakes his head. "No…I haven't been okay in a long time."
Ven, crouches down next to him and places a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. It doesn't really work but Vanitas doesn't shove Ventus away either.
There are more people within the chamber now. Terra was here with countless others who came to watch him act like a man possessed. Before he can tell them to take a picture it will last longer, he sees that Xion is here now as well. She stands beside Ventus, her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide with shock and concern…and he can tell her concern is in fact for him despite how he acted the last time she saw him.
That look, those eyes, that soft expression of understanding... She looks at him differently. She sees him in a way that others don't and that is why he tolerates her over all others. He knows that now. The realization washes over him like acid and it burns, it burns deep down past his skin and down into his bones...
"Terra, Ventus," Master Eraqus hums quietly, bringing him out of his sick, perilous musings, "Take him to Aqua in the infirmary. She will know what to do until Master Yen Sid and I finish the exam."
"I can go myself," Vanitas proclaims as he staggers to his feet and slings the black fluid off his hands. "Finish the exam. I won't go anywhere. I'll wait in the infirmary."
Vanitas lurches through the awestruck crowd and out of the massive foyer of shimmering stain glass and thrones. He slows when he walks past Xion and as their eyes mate, he almost says something. He almost apologizes. He almost asks her to go with him. He almost asks her what she thinks of him, dripping darkness and having fits. He almost says something to her. Almost.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading! I'd also like to thank everyone that reviewed/followed/favorited!
It's a miracle! I have finally managed to finish this chapter and update this story! I apologize for the wait but I hope you guys are still around and still interested! I will try to do better about updates in the future but life happens sometimes.
Anyway! I know this story is confusing at times but I am being a jerk and purposely keeping you in the dark about some things, one of those things being Vanitas' past (and Vanitas in general...). However, we will get there and things will start making more sense! Until then, feel free to ask questions. I don't bite I promise.
Next time Aqua will diagnose Vanitas and we will find out who passed the Mark of Mastery Exam!
Thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
