Chapter 4. Race of Tiny People – Invisible to Adults!
"Why is it called an 'audition?'" Sheik asked. He, Link, and Ralph were lying in the grass near the basketball courts in Kakariko Park. "What makes it different form an interview?"
"I have no idea," Link admitted. "Because of the singing, I guess."
"Have you ever sung before?"
"Um… Does 'Happy Birthday' count?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Then yes. Many times."
"I just can't figure out why they're so desperate. Seems like that would be a cool place to work."
"It was, once," Ralph said. "Then they hired a new manager. Total jackass. It was his fault they'd been having employment troubles, and even though he got fired, there's still nobody who wants to work there."
"How do you know so much about it?"
"The jerk manager was my uncle."
"Ah."
Link brushed a bug away from his nose. "The new-new manager, Navi, seems nice."
"Hope so, for your sake."
"Shut up." He yawned and stretched. "I gotta admit, I'll miss having nothing to do all weekend. At least the place doesn't open until noon."
"Yeah, what's up with that?"
"Well…who's gonna eat ice cream before noon?"
Sheik tugged thoughtfully at some grass. "I would…"
"That is because you are a woman," Ralph said, in an oddly empirical tone.
Sheik coughed suddenly. "Wha- what? I am not! What are you- What- Why-"
Ralph laughed. "Calm down man, it was a joke."
"I- I knew that…"
Ralph pushed himself up on his elbows. "Aw, he's blushing."
"Go to hell."
"You are insanely cute, do you know that?" He threw a leaf at Link. "Link! Isn't Sheik insanely cute?"
"Frikkin' adorable," Link agreed. He sounded half-asleep.
Sheik blushed even harder. "You guys are ridiculously secure in your own masculinity."
"This is true," Ralph grinned.
"Actually," Link said, "that reminds me. I've sort of been wondering, Sheik… Why are you so paranoid all the time?"
"Mm, a few reasons." He ruffled his hair. "I've had more than my share of stalkers, for one thing. And once my cell phone got stolen and my friends all got crank calls and pestered and stuff."
"Go back to the stalkers." Link sat up. "I want names and addresses."
Sheik grinned. "Come on, I don't know-"
"You think I'm kidding? Give me ten minutes to go get my bat and call a cab."
Sheik shook his head. "I am not going to be a participant to vandalism."
"I wouldn't be using the bat on their property."
"Unless you consider someone's face their property," Ralph added cheerfully.
"Well it doesn't matter anyway because I don't know where any of them live any more. And the only one I would want you to beat up is in juvie."
"Do tell," Ralph smirked.
"Well…he was an ex…"
"Now I have to kill him."
"Link!"
"You trusted him enough to go out with him and he stalked you? I need more than a bat for this. Ralph, go home and get a butcher knife from your mom."
"Yeah, sure," he crossed his arms behind his head and closed his eyes. "I'll get right on that."
Sheik was laughing nervously, "Come on you guys… He's already in juvie, isn't that enough?"
"He hurt you," Link said firmly. "It'll never be enough."
They looked at each other over Ralph's head.
"Link, I…"
"Tell me more about this guy."
Sheik lowered himself back down on the grass. "Well, uh, he seemed nice at first, good-looking, popular, all that, but…it turned out he was only dating me for- I mean, he was just using me."
"Sex?" Ralph asked, not bothering to open his eyes.
Sheik felt his cheeks flush. "Well, that too, but mostly he just wanted to be seen with me."
"You're popular, huh?"
"You could say that."
"How you find out he was a dickwad?"
"I don't even remember any more. It was more than a year ago. I guess it was just…little things. He let the façade slip, something like that. We got in a fight and broke up. Next day he's calling me, begging me to forgive him. I'm not that stupid, so I hung up on him. But he kept calling. Soon he was showing up at my house, camping in the backyard. I still have no idea how he got past the guards…"
"You mean the rent-a-cops at the front gate?"
"Uh, yeah, them."
"I doubt it would be to hard to get past 'em."
"Have you actually tried?"
"Well…no. Okay, good point."
"So anyways…after he'd become enough of a nuisance my…mom called the cops. They gave him a warning, he came back, we called he cops again. Finally we pressed charges and he got locked up. Although, that may have been for the carjacking too…"
"Carjacking?"
"When they got his fingerprints after the first arrest, they found that they matched those found inside a stolen car that had gone off the highway, like, months earlier."
"So he was a bad guy through and through, not just an obsessed stalker."
Sheik sighed. "Seems that way. I sure know how to pick 'em, huh?"
"Well, next time you like a guy, try to picture him getting beat upside the head with a baseball bat. You know, test how feasible it is."
Sheik thought about that for a second, then turned his head toward Ralph. "Isn't this weirding you out at all?"
"What?"
"Talking to, you know, me, a guy, about my ex-boyfriend."
"Not really." Ralph stared up at the sky in silence for a moment, then punched the air triumphantly. "Ha! Take that, other people's expectations!"
"Ralph's a misogynist, not a homophobe," Link said, he lay back down. "And I like to think I'm neither. Though your story did give me some 'overprotective big brother' urges."
"I like those urges," Ralph said. "They make me threaten to beat up people I don't even know!"
"That would be where the 'overprotective' part comes in," Sheik agreed with a smirk. He closed his eyes. "Seems like I've always got people trying to protect me. But really, I like you guys better than…other people."
"Other people?" Link asked.
"Mm. There's always people around me, wanting to protect me. They want to know everything I do, every minute of every day."
"That seems a bit extreme."
"I'm rich as hell."
"Ah."
"That's why I started going to that bar, you know? No one knew I was doing it, no one who was there knew who I was. It was like I could only be myself…when nobody knew myself. Which is terrible grammar, but you know what I mean."
"Yeah…"
"And now I have you guys! Nobody knows about you, so you're basically like the bar. Only cooler. And you smell better. Most of the time."
"Nobody knows about us?" Link pushed himself up again.
"Nope, nobody. In fact, no one has the slightest clue where I am right now."
"Won't you get in trouble when you get back?"
"Nah, my mom's used to it by now. It's been like a month. Hey, um, this is all sappy and gay but," he smiled, "you guys…mean a lot to me, ya know? You're the best friends I've ever had."
"Aww," Ralph rolled over and wrapped and arm around Sheik's midsection. "We love you too, man!"
Sheik laughed and tried to shove Ralph off of him. He almost didn't hear Link's soft words.
"Yeah…we really do."
zzz
There was a gaggle of females inside when Link got to Cold Stone, all gathered around the register. He tried peering over them, to see if he could spot Navi, but all he saw was a head of short black hair. Not her.
"Link!" He turned to see Navi coming out of a small door tucked behind a corner. She smiled, those curiously bright eyes glowing even brighter. "You're right on time. Come on in."
"Thanks Ma'am."
"It's just Navi." She shook her head. "I'm older than I look, I'll admit, but that doesn't mean I like to be reminded of it."
Given that Navi had that ageless quality that only movie stars seem to possess, Link wondered what she was talking about.
The small door led to a small room, with what looked like a card table and four chairs set up inside it. There were a couple of stacks of paper on the table, very neat, and two filing cabinets in one corner. It looked like the type of room that you would expect to be messy, or at least cluttered, but someone with an ordered mind had been inhabiting it too long; keeping it from its natural state. The only thing that seemed at all out of place was a complicated-looking paper airplane, made out of a plastic "Help Wanted" sign, sitting atop one of the cabinets.
"Have a seat," she gestured to a chair, facing the doorway, and took the one closet to it herself. Her back was to the door, but she didn't seem to mind. Link wondered about that. Most bosses followed the rules of Sun Tzu, whether they realized it or not.
Navi took a piece of paper from the top of the closest stack and scanned it perfunctorily. "So you have no previous job experience."
"Um, no. But I'm willing to work hard!"
Navi chuckled. "Don't worry, once you get the hang of it, this stuff isn't hard at all. You have your Food Handler's permit?"
"Yes. I got extra credit for getting it in my civics class last year."
"Handy. It says here that you used to play on your school's basketball team?"
"Yes, but I let it get in the way of my grades, so my guardian and I decided it would be better if I gave it up."
Her eyebrows rose microscopically. "Gaurdian?"
"Yes Ma- uh, yes. I'm a foster kid."
"Not likely to move soon, are you?"
"No, not likely. They don't like to move kids as old as I am. More damage to the grades, and the psyche. Besides, my guardian keeps kids as long as the state will let him."
"That's good. You're just interested in weekend work?"
"Yes."
"Well…we could use all the help we can get. On weekends it's just me and Dark, and I need a break too, dammit." She paused. "Er, sorry. So, uh, can you sing?"
"I can try."
"Good enough. Why don't you-"
"Navi!" a voice exclaimed from outside the door. It popped open and head of black hair popped in. "We got a problem! There was this lady, like, forties or fifties or something, and-"
"You didn't try to hit on her, did you?" Navi said, the dismay plain in her voice. She was still looking at Link's application, refusing to even turn to face the speaker.
"No!" the boy exclaimed, sounding insulted that she would even ask. "Well, not yet anyway."
"Dark…"
"She had nice shoulders, okay?"
"According to you, everyone had something 'nice' about them."
"That's because everyone does."
He caught sight of Link then, and his eyes widened. "Wuh-oh."
"Something wrong?" Navi asked, eyes still firmly on the relative sanity of the piece of paper.
Link and the black-haired boy surveyed each other without a word. Link's first thought when he saw him was 'goth,' but a second look disproved that. The boy did have black hair, but it appeared to be natural. His eyes were red too, but again, it looked natural. And he was dressed all in black, but it seemed to be a style choice, rather than a cultural thing. Black jeans and a black polo shirt with a skull over the heart. There were more skulls dangling from his ears, and one had been doodled on his left wrist. That one had a bow on it though, and what looked like a speech bubble coming from its mouth and extending onto the back of the boy's hand.
He was, Link realized, fairly good-looking, from an aesthetic standpoint, but Link just couldn't bring himself to call the boy "handsome." He was a shade too far to the pretty side, especially with those thick black eyelashes (no mascara needed there), and there was just something about him…as though the face was too familiar for Link to truly appreciate its good points. But Link had never seen this guy before in his life, had he? He liked to think he would have remembered red eyes and black hair, and a complexion that a polite person would have called "olive," but to Link just looked gray.
Noticing that nobody had spoken in a while, Navi finally turned in her seat and face the other boy. "Dark, what could be so important that…you…left…" She trailed off, looked hard at the boy, Dark, then turned and looked at Link. Then she looked at Dark again. Then back at Link. Then she blinked several times.
Then she said a word in a language Link didn't understand, but from the tone could only be an expletive.
"I was so hoping…" then she sighed resignedly. "Dark, what did you come back here for?"
"Huh?" He withdrew his gaze from Link. "Oh! Right! This lady, she had one of those little dogs, right? The punt-dogs? Like that famous skank carries in her purse, only fluffier and not a rat? Anyway, it got its little head stuck between the register and the toppings case."
Navi shook her head. "If it could get its head in there, it can get it out. Get some dish soap to make it slippery. And don't let the dog lick any of the soap! The gods know we do not need to get sued by some old broad who decides to hold us responsible if her purse rat gets sick."
"Right away, Boss," Dark snapped her a quick salute, gave one last glance at Link, and disappeared.
Navi turned back and laid the application on the table. "That walking maelstrom was Dark. You'll be working with him, once you're all trained up."
"Wait…so I got the job?"
Navi laughed, though there was no humor in it. "Yeah, you got the job. And frankly… No, it's not worth it. You got the job, that's enough. Can you start tomorrow?"
"Sure."
"Okay, show up at eleven o'clock." She got up and neatly snatched something out of the file cabinet, without even having to look. "Employee handbook. Dress code, rules, it's all in there. I need to go hurt Dark until he starts giving answers I like. I suggest you leave before I do."
Link gulped. "There won't be any hurting of…other employees, will there?"
"Do you know Dark?"
"No Ma'am, never seen him before in my life. I think." He added that last on almost without realizing it.
"You think," Navi repeated. "Oh, that is a good one."
"Are you all right Ma'am?"
"Stop calling me 'ma'am,' first of all. And second…" she sighed again. "Yes, it's fine, it's nothing to do with- well, no, it sort of is, but it's not your fault, that's the important bit. Just…show up tomorrow at eleven." She forced a smile. "Don't worry about it, okay? You seem like you worry about too much as it is."
"I do?"
"'Fraid so. Honestly, who says 'ma'am' anymore?"
"Er, right, sorry about that."
She laughed, and it didn't seem forced this time. "Go on home, read the handbook, get some sleep. And I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay. Thanks. Thanks a lot."
zzz
Saturday evening, time for the weekly check-in. It wasn't scheduled or anything, more like tradition, but Link found it comforting. Plus, Mr. Deku was getting on in years, and the half-dozen foster kids who lived with him were all young enough to be wildy unpredictable. Link figured it couldn't hurt to follow the rules, even the self-imposed ones.
He called a little after eight, when he knew they would be finished with dinner, but not yet getting ready for bed. He had the usual "How's-school-what-have-you-been-up-to-lately" conversation with Mr. Deku, then the phone was passed off to Saria.
Over the last few years, she's become Link's confidante, almost a therapist at times. It probably wasn't good for him to be telling a little girl all the sordid details if his life, but dammit, he had to tell someone. Besides, she was almost thirteen. She'd probably seen worse on television.
And it wasn't like this week's news was too shocking. He told her about Kafei acting weird and the date, the audition and crackhead goth boy, then she asked about Sheik.
"Oh! He told me today about this crazy ex-boyfriend he had! Apparently the guy turned into a stalker or something after they broke up. And he stole a car!"
"Sheik?"
"No, the ex."
"Wow, poor Sheik."
"No kidding. I wish he'd told me the ex's name, or where the juvenile hall was, or something. I'd get me a bat or a pipe and…eergh!"
Saria laughed. "Sounds like somebody's jealous."
"Jealous! What?" Link felt his pulse speed up, for no reason he could think of. "Wh- why would you think that? I'm not jealous!"
"All right Link, sheesh, it was a joke."
"It's just, he's my friend! Why would I be jealous?"
"You tell me."
"I'm not jealous."
"If you say so."
"I only want to hurt the guy because he hurt Sheik!"
"Your Sheik."
"Damn right my Sheik! I- Hey!"
Saria laughed and Link glared at the phone.
"Quit it!"
"You've got to admit, Link, this guy means a lot to you."
"He's my friend. My best friend, I think. He means as much to me as…as you do."
"Would you beat up someone for stalking me?"
"Hell, I'd beat someone up if they just looked like they might stalk you."
Saria laughed again. "That's good to know. I should get off now. Mido's doing the 'wrap it up' gesture."
"Oh, okay. Good night."
"You too."
She hung up.
Link put the phone back in its cradle and leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling. It always seemed so quiet after those conversations. He fiddled with the remote, thinking about turning on the TV, but he already knew nothing good was on.
"Jealous," he murmured. "That's...Saria's crazy. I'm not...Why would I be..." He shook his head firmly and shoved his thoughts behind a door marked "Do Not Open." They wouldn't be alone.
He looked at the remote one last time, then tossed it on the couch and headed for bed. Navi had said to get some sleep, and he had the sinking feeling he was going to need it.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
AN:
Well, everyone asked for fluff after the last chapter, and I did my best to oblige. I'm afraid that's going to be as far as it goes for a while, fluff-wise. Pure male-bonding. Pfft, yeah right. You're not fooling anyone Link!
I find it interesting that Ralph, despite being the goof, is the most well-adjusted member of our little group. Link's all lonely (and he has a few other issues that I'm not addressing yet), Kafei's a maddler, and Sheik... Well, Shiek's just mad in the head. Ralph has no issues whatsoever. Yet. Mwahahaha!
No, no, I jest. I hate angst. Drama, yes. Angst, no. There's a difference!
And yay! Dark's finally here! I love him so much, and I intend to make sure you all love him too. I think he has a really good philosophy when it comes to dating. "Everyone has something nice about them." Be it hands, eyes, or secondary sexual organs. You just have to look. And believe me, Dark enjoys the looking.
Mwahahahahahahahahaha!
Oh yeah, almost forgot, guess who Sheik/Zelda's ex-boyfriend is! The title is a hint. I'll probably divulge the name later. Maybe. I might just forget this conversation ever happened. It's not really plot-relevant. A lot of this stuff isn't, actually. We've got a good three, maybe four more chapters of setting up before things start happening. And boy, do they ever happen!
Heheh. Coeds.
