Hi... I'm sick. I feel like crap. And I don't own Naruto. DEPRESSING!


There are a lot of things I hate in the world. Tomatoes, dirty laundry, hobos. But right now, in this world I don't really belong to, there is nothing I hate more than my own birthday.

I've been living every Naruto-geek's fantasy for ten years. On my fourteenth birthday, I cried.

Sure, my brother was annoying, my mom was always doing bills, and my dad was always working. I still love them. Sure my hometown was dull, and all around boring in every way. I still miss it.

And I can never see my family, or my home again, all because I signed a stupid little piece of paper. Paper that was given to me by a random hobo.

When I get older, it's like I'm even farther away from my old life. Hence, my utter hatred of birthdays.

But, being... twenty three? Thirteen still? (I was always pretty confused about that) I can legally hire genin to be my pack-mules.

"Alright, I want you two that look like clones to scrub the floor, and the girl can tend to costumers." The three nodded like obedient little slaves, but I caught the twins giving each other a discreet high five. I scowled and turned to go.

"One more thing; if I hear that you little pervs have been peeking in the baths, you'll be meeting the bottom of my foot. Got it?"

"Y-yes ma'am!"

... It's kinda creepy how those twins talk in sync like that.


"Let's see, I've got all the supplies, and a new broom so I'm all set!" I cheerfully walked across the marketplace, completely ignoring the strange looks I was getting. What? Was it really all that weird for a teenager to walk through the streets of a ninja village while monologuing her actions?

... never mind.

At least I don't scream about "flames of youth" and exercising into the sunset. I'll never get rid of the mental scars from when he visited the bathhouse...

I shivered at the gate of the bathhouse was now in view, so I began to speed up. When I arrived, I immediately wished I had a bottle of sake on me.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF KAMI-SAMA DID YOU DO TO THIS PLACE!"

"Um... we were having a contest." One twin answered, his hair full of cobwebs. What the-

"It kinda got a bit; out of hand." Twin #2 picked a few scraps of wood shavings out of his hair.

I stared hopelessly at the wrecked entrance room. How'd they get burn marks on the ceiling?

Why were they using fire to clean a bathhouse anyway?

"Great, now I have to hire some... builder guy... and close down the bathhouse until it can be fixed! That may take months..." I dropped my grocery bag and fell to my knees, an aura of despair surrounding me in a cloud of blue and purple. That still weirds me out a bit...

"So... we aren't getting paid?" The girl asked me. She was covered head to toe in soapy water.

"Heck no. You can chalk this up as a mission failure, and I hope you can pay for this damage."

"Aw man!"

Okay, that was creepy before, but now all three of them are doing it!


My face was covered in sweat from the summer air.
My shoes were melting into my feet.
I had a sunburn on my arms and legs.

But, I would go on!

Brooms don't just buy themselves, you know.

I have learned that when you live in Konoha, you develop quirks. Not quirks like "I have a rock collection!" Really weird quirks.

The Daimyo's wife loves squeezing the life out of cats. The guy in the weapons shop downtown loves throwing sharp, pointy objects at people. I love hitting people over the head with brooms.

Hey, when you've got a shtick, you stay with it.

And so, I dragged myself to the store in the middle of the day. During a heat-wave. In Fire country. With a tiny paper fan.

I really wanted that broom.

When I wasn't at work, I was in the market. It's just my daily routine; for the past ten years. Wow. That's kinda pathetic...

"WHY IS IT SO HOT!" A child's voice screamed from the direction of the nearby academy training grounds.

I nearly tripped. Then, completely forgetting the crippling heat, I stormed over to the source of extreme annoyance. What I saw nearly stopped my heart. Naruto.

He was laying on the grass, sweat covering his small frame. He was at the mercy of the weather.

"OI!" He looked up at me with tired eyes. "Kid, you're going to get heat stroke! What do you think you're doing?"

"My sensei told me there were going to be special classes here today! So I've been waiting here for two hours, believe it!"

... seriously?

"Kid, they closed down all of the schools. There's a heat wave today!"

"NANI!"


"So, your teacher played a trick on you?" I gulped down my water. "That's stupid."

"Yeah, people do this kind of stuff all the time! Believe it!" The blond not-yet-ninja happily sucked on the straw to his juice.

"Sucks for you."

After my lengthy explanation of what a heat stroke meant, I took him to a nearby cafe. Surprisingly, we weren't kicked out.

"Hey wait! I don't know your name, lady!"
"Mimi. I run the bathhouse over by the market."
"I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I'm gonna be Hokage one day, don't you forget it!"

Right.

"Naruto, huh?" I swallowed the last of my water. "So tell me; do you like ramen?"

"It's my favorite food! The best! Believe it!
"Good. It would be a terrible act of irony if a kid named fishcake didn't like ramen."
"Yeah! Ha Ha Ha!"

I'm honestly not sure if he's laughing if he thinks it's funny or just for the heck of it. The kid's just so happy.

He's like your first glimpse of sunshine after years and years spent in a shadowy basement.

I quickly swore to myself never to speak to him again. Messing with the plot is a big no-no, right?

"Well kiddo, I better get going." Standing, I smoothed down my apron. "I've got brooms to buy, construction workers to yell at."

"Okay... bye, Mimi-nee-chan..." He turned to leave, and my stomach lurched.

I froze. Nee-chan?

Well, it might not mean anything. He calls Ayame nee-chan as well, and she's just... one of his most precious people. Crap.

I glanced at the pouting seven-year-old, who was just beginning to stand up. He called me his sister...

The title of "Big Sister" weighed heavily in my mind. Darius.

He would be fourteen by now... or twenty? I didn't know. He was my little brother. My baby brother... I missed him so much.

And now, here was a small boy, years younger than myself, calling me his big sister.

I almost glomped him then and there. Almost.

"Naruto." He spun around and stared at me with huge blue eyes. Crap. Self restraint Mimi, self restraint. "I'll see you really soon, kiddo. Maybe... I'll take you out for ramen or something."

My wallet will not be happy about this in the future, will it?


YAAAAAY! I'm better now. Also, I WENT TO ORLANDO FOR BREAK! WOO!

Mimi: Did I ever tell you how much I hate you?

Me: ... every day.

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