A/N: I'm not entirely convinced by this chapter. It started off well, but ended sort of... meh. :P It's also occurred to me that the story doesn't really have much of a plot right now (not that it surprises me, self-inserts rarely have a tangible plot, do they? XD), but one will be unearthed soon. It will involve much heroic action and life-saving on our parts, obviously. ;)
I'm aware that Lucius would most probably not be at the school when the Marauders finally mastered their Animagus form, but I'm being very vague and non-specific here. XD Forgive me?
Summary: Two girls stumble across a mysterious store, where they buy mysterious amulets and receive mysterious warnings. When they ignore these words, they literally "fall into" the Harry Potter world. Hilarity and hijinks ensue.
Disclaimer: Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates) and Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle), however, belong to myself and Rusty Nail, respectively.
So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts
Chapter Four: The Crane and The Manatee
The evening had gone smoothly enough for Isaviel; Severus had introduced her to most of the 'important' members of Slytherin and for the most part she behaved herself. She got a few disapproving looks when it came out that her best friend was a Gryffindor but nobody seemed to dwell on it for too long. Severus helped her to avoid the topic of the purity of her blood since she didn't know if she was a 'pureblood' or not. Isaviel assumed she must be if it was a criterion for being a Slytherin but made a note to try and ask Dumbledore at the next available opportunity.
She was now lying in bed, unable to sleep because of the dull ache that was spreading across her face - it was like when you try to sleep with a migraine and it feels as if your pillow is made of concrete; in other words, pointless and frustrating. Luckily her bed was closest to the door so she was able to sneak out without making any noise.
When she got to the top of the stairs she saw a lone figure sat on one of the comfy chairs that circled the fire, which was roaring with life and gave the whole room comforting warmth. Recognising Severus, she descended the staircase and heading towards him. "Evenin'."
Severus glanced over, "Morning. It's about half 2."
"Really?" She needed to get a watch, "So what are you doing up?"
He motioned to the piece of parchment he was writing on, "Homework."
Isaviel tutted, sitting in one of the many free chairs huddled around the fire. "Last minute homework scramble?"
Severus pursed his lips. "Actually, I had it done, but Black threw it into the lake." He sounded less than happy about sharing this piece of information. Isaviel figured that the homework was the reason the two had been caught fighting earlier that afternoon - not that it took a brain surgeon to work it out. After a moment he continued, a shrewd smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Though I did manage to throwhis bag into the lake. So why are you up?"
"Broken face."
"Ah, yeah," he said, looking at her for the first time since she'd sat down. The bruises had grown a dark purple and were in patches across her eyes and cheeks. "If it's that painful-"
Isaviel waved off the rest of the sentence. "Naw. It's more of a dull ache, really. Much better than what it would be like if my face had remained actually broken." She felt her nose for a moment, wincing when she got to a particularly tender spot. "And hey, I got my first war wound."
Severus snorted, and then went back to his homework. "I don't envy you for it. The injury or the debt you owe Potter."
Isaviel glanced over, hand still on her nose as if she were worried it would fall off. "What?"
"Potter. He saved your life and he won't hesitate to remind you at every given opportunity."
"Well, if he needs an egowank, let him," she said, giving a small shrug, "I've got no problem admitting he caught me."
"He and Black will make sure you don't forget that you owe him."
Isaviel quirked an eyebrow; "I hope you're not insinuating that they'll want what I think you're insinuating."
Severus nearly dropped his books onto the floor at the suggestion, turning an interesting shade of purple as he began spluttering about not knowing what she was hinting at. After he had put the books onto the table in front of them for safekeeping he regained his composure, muttering, "That is most certainly NOT what I was implying they would want."
"Why do you dislike them so much anyway? What did they do to you?"
The boy remained silent for a moment, tensing up. Isaviel noticed that the hand in which he held his quill was shaking ever so slightly but whether this was through rage or fear she could only guess. She was about to change the topic when he replied. "Everything. Anything." He started chewing on his lip. "They... don't really like me much."
Isaviel didn't really know what to say; for all the tough times she might have come through - and 'tough times' was a rather subjective phrase to use - she'd never been bullied. From what she'd read about in magazines and in articles bullying is possibly the worst thing one human being could do to another and caused nothing but hurt and misery for the victim. Knowing all of this was one thing, experiencing it for oneself was something altogether different. "Well I like you," she offered, more as a question than a statement.
He glanced over and raised an eyebrow.
"I don't mean that way," she said, flustered, flailing her arms like a moron. "I mean, earlier, when they were asking about my lineage and you knew I didn't have a clue, you covered for me. You helped me understand what they were talking about. You... you looked after me." She shrugged. "You looked after me when you don't even know me, really. If that's not the sign of a good friend, I dunno what is."
Severus gave a small smile. "Thanks."
"Anytime," She returned the smile. "Wait, didn't someone say it was Saturday tomorrow?"
"Yes, why?"
"...well. You're doing homework now, when you could do it in the morning?" She looked at him as if he was insane. "Are you sure you didn't get a knock from a bludger?"
"I'd rather get it done and over with, which is why it was finished in the first place."
"Oh. That's actually a pretty good idea."
"Thank you. You know, you should probably go get some rest."
"Want me to go?"
"No, that's not how I meant it," Severus said quickly. "I mean you should rest... your... err, face?" He grimaced at his own words. Isaviel burst out laughing, the idea of resting her face proving far too funny for her to take. After a moment, a rather insulted Severus couldn't help but chuckle with her.
Once she had recovered, Isaviel stretched out across the couch. "I think I'll stay and keep you company if you don't mind. 'Sides, it's Saturday."
Severus said nothing and continued with his homework, watched by an intrigued Isaviel.
II.
Breakfast was shaping up to be a pretty dull affair for both Isaviel and Theoli, who were forced to sit on opposite sides of the grand hall where all their meals would be served. Theoli had called her over but Sirius had whispered something into her ear and her face fell; no doubt the same as what Lucius Malfoy had said to Isaviel about houses not mixing during mealtimes. It wasn't fair, they had a lot to sort out and they had extremely limited time to do it because of some stupid gorram rules that the students followed as law.
Still, it probably wasn't a good idea for them to be making a bad impression at such an early stage of... whatever reason they were there in the first place. She'd wring a proper answer out of Dumbledore's shiny beard if it was the last thing she ever did. Isaviel was right in the middle of causing a potentially disastrous mass collision on her plate between a train of beans and a sausage-Hindenburg when Snape leaned in and whispered to her.
"I think someone's trying to get your attention."
She looked across the hall at Theoli, who waved. She then held a finger up to signal her to wait a moment, and then looked down to the table, putting something into her hands and then looked back up with a mischievous grin. Holding her hands out, she blew gently, and something flew out of her hands and into the air, fluttering around in small circles before Theoli gave another gust of breath to send it floating across the hall. The chattering and talking among housemates stopped gradually as they noticed the small object and all eyes followed it as it made its perilous journey. As it got closer Isaviel realised it was an origami crane which landed on the table in front of her not a minute later. She gave Theoli a questioning look, to which she made a motion to open it up.
Inside was written; "How gay is this?"
Isaviel gave a bark of laughter, then clamped her hands over her mouth, realising every pair of eyes in the hall was staring directly at her. She then smoothed the piece of paper out and began folding it. Hushed whispers spread as she folded, waiting to see what animal she would come up with to rival the grace of the crane. What the produced wasn't exactly what people were expecting.
Snape gave a confused look. "...what is that?"
"A manatee," she whispered proudly, not wanting to give the game away to anyone else. Then, mimicking the actions of her friend across the divide she blew the piece of art out of her hand. At first it flew well, soaring high into the air as if it were diving through water, but after a moment it stopped dead and then began to wiggle and flail it's way across the hall at an extremely slow pace. Everyone stared, open-mouthed, not sure whether they should laugh or pretend not to have seen. Theoli - who had also been staring in surprise - slowly began to look more and more irritated as the origami manatee continued to wiggle and flail.
Finally losing her patience when it finally got past the second table, she stood up. "CHOOSE A FASTER ANIMAL, DAMMIT!" She bellowed before stomping across and snatching the manatee out of the air and returning to her seat. Sirius looked at the paper creation and wrinkled his nose.
"What the hell is that?" He wasn't bothering to keep his voice down. "A walrus?"
It was Isaviel's turn to stand. "IT'S A BLOODY MANATEE, YOU DOG!"
Sirius and James stared at her, wide-eyed, as the two boys opposite them dropped their cutlery with a loud clatter; one even seemed to be choking on his breakfast and had to have someone smack him on the back to bring up the offending blockage. Isaviel gave a sheepish laugh and then sat down, slowly, vaguely aware that Lucius was giving her one of the most disgusted looks she had ever seen and extremely thankful that no teachers were in the hall at the time.
III.
"Sirius, what the hell are you doing?!"
Isaviel gave Theoli a bemused smile, pointing to Sirius' hand which had hold of her robes and tie to prevent escape. "What, you can't see? He's pinning me against the-"
"Shut up," he snapped. "What did you mean back there?"
"Sirius," one of the boys behind him said. "I'm sure she didn't-"
"Stay out of this."
He looked rather put out by this but stepped back nevertheless. Severus, who was being restrained by James and another boy, struggled to get free. "You let go of her!"
Sirius gave him a nasty sneer. "Don't worry, I save the worst for you."
"And they say chivalry is dead." Isaviel may have realised she was walking a very dangerous line had she seen the look of concern on her friend's face, but was too busy engaging in a staring match with her captor to notice. "Pinning defenceless girls against the wall, threatening and bullying? Quite a catch, aren't you?"
He ignored her. "Why did you call me a dog?"
"Because you are one."
He got closer, lowering his voice. "How did you find out?"
Isaviel looked at him as if he was insane. "How did," she was confused, but severely amused, and broke into laughter as she spoke. "How did I find out? You run around flaunting your jackassery. Not really a big secret, now, is it?"
Sirius' grip on her robes relaxed a little and a confused look crossed his features. He narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"
"You're an asshole?" She tried, wondering if he was more than a little slow on the uptake. "Would you like me to give you the definition?"
"You mean you think I'm a dog in the asshole sense?"
"What else would I mean? That you're a cute widdle doggins?"
Sirius was about to launch a counter-offensive when a cool voice behind them made the group jump. "Is there a problem here?" Lucius Malfoy glanced across the gathering, well aware that yes, there was a very big problem but not voicing his thoughts. Severus' captors let go, letting the boy turn and shoot them an angry glower before looking at Sirius. Isaviel gave a sarcastic smile and slapped Sirius' hand away before addressing Lucius' question.
"Nah. Everything's just fine. Right?" She fixed Sirius with an icy glare, tilting her head as she spoke.
Sirius stepped back, returning the stare with equal ferocity. "Yeah. No problems here."
Lucius turned his nose up. "The headmaster wishes to see you both," he said, motioning to Isaviel and then Theoli. "He is still in the Great Hall and has said he will remain there." Without so much as a 'goodbye' he turned and left, leaving the group of younger students in a stand-off, daring one another to be the first to make a move. In the end, Theoli was the first to break the silence.
"We should go. Severus, you should leave before we do."
"Oh, Snivellus, being protected by girls?"
"Change the record, Black," Theoli snapped. "At least he doesn't bully girls." She then ushered Severus along. Isaviel gave them all one last filthy look, then jogged to catch up with the other two. Once they were out of earshot, she glanced over her shoulder to check they weren't being followed. "Who were those other two?"
"Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew," Theoli said, curtly. She'd had a nice evening talking to them all the night before and was under the impression that they were all quite nice guys but this had severely dented her opinion of them. Remus, in particular, had been nothing short of charming and lovely to the newcomer but the way he'd just let the situation unfold irked her more than she'd care to admit. "I'm starting to see why you two fight all the time."
Severus just gave a 'heh' as they stopped in front of the Great Hall. "I'll be in the common room." He skulked off; shoulders hunched and head down, rounding the corner and disappearing out of their sight.
"Won't they be kind of pissed at you for that?" Isaviel asked, rubbing her shoulder.
"Probably. Sirius shouldn't have done what he did... and what's wrong with your shoulder?"
"Hit it on a bit that juts out of the wall. No big. Just aches."
"You could sue for that back home." Theoli headed into the Hall. Isaviel scoffed then followed. The hall was now quite empty in contrast to how it had been not an hour ago. The food and cutlery had all been cleared away, leaving four quite plain looking wooden tables lined up with only a couple of students dotted here and there, reading or writing. Theoli spotted the headmaster, who was inspecting a nondescript patch of wall in the far corner and slowed down, slightly.
"Kind of surprised Severus didn't tell me to bugger off, though, what with me being a Gryffindor."
"He probably will sometime. Don't worry your pretty little head," she cooed, patting Theoli on the head in a rather condescending manner, earning herself a swift whack on her injured shoulder. "Ohgodow!"
They continued play-fighting as they approached the headmaster, who had apparently finished staring at the wall. "Ah, girls," he said, giving them a warm smile. "I trust you had plenty of rest?" After they nodded, he continued. "I realise that you must have plenty of questions to ask, so if you'd like to accompany me to my office, we can talk along the way. Miss Fortesque, what have you done to your shoulder?"
Isaviel froze mid shoulder-stretch. "I... um. I was viciously attacked by a wall?" Theoli smacked her forehead with her palm.
Dumbledore shrugged, seemingly accepting this explanation. "Now," he began, walking towards the doors. "What is it you'd like to ask first?" Almost simultaneously, the girls asked their own questions.
"Are we purebloods?"
"Do we have to go to lessons?"
Dumbledore laughed as they rounded the next corner. "I shall address your question first, Isaviel. Yes, you are both pure-blooded witches."
"See, this is where I have issues. We're not witches."
"The welt on your face says otherwise."
"That one's from the bludger, actually."
"Ah, my mistake."
"Sir, we fell into this place. How is it people aren't finding that incredibly freaky? Because I tell you one thing, I am far beyond confused right now."
Theoli nodded. "We don't belong here."
"Alas, this is something that you will have to trust me on." He stopped for a moment and looked them each in the eye. "You girls do belong here, for reasons that I cannot give you at the moment. I only ask that you trust me enough to keep you safe and well. From major harm at least," he added, glancing at Isaviel's shoulder. "As for your question, Theoli," he said as he started walking again. "Yes, you will have to attend lessons like the rest of your housemates."
"But we don't know anything!" Theoli complained, clearly terrified at the thought of having to attend a lesson having no base knowledge whatsoever. "We don't even have the correct books!"
Dumbledore smiled. "The books can be sorted quite quickly, I assure you. The knowledge, however, is something that you already have." He looked thoughtful for a while. "Tell me, what do you know about the Draught of Living Death?"
"It's a sleeping potion so powerful it causes the drinker to fall into a very deep sleep for an indefinite period of time. I think the ingredients include asphodel, wormwood, the juice of a sopophorous bean and chopped valerian root, but I'm not sure since I've not-" She blinked. "...not made it before?"
"I'm quite sure that you girls will be fine in your lessons."
"Theoli knowing what the Draught of Living Death is doesn't help me."
"The fact that you didn't call it the Draught of the Living Dead suggests you know and understand exactly what your friend was just talking about."
Isaviel opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it. She repeated this action a couple more times before she actually spoke. "So... we know all this stuff. How?"
"Because you are students of Hogwarts, of course," he said as they approached the entrance to the headmaster's office. Isaviel and Theoli looked at each other, uncertain of pretty much everything and unsure about what to believe. After all, it wasn't everyday they just fell into a world where witchcraft was the norm and then found that they had some sort of magical capabilities. They followed the headmaster into his office as he waited for them to continue with their inquiries.
They attention was focused on a majestic looking red and gold coloured bird sat on its perch, looking right back at them. Dumbledore cast a glance over his shoulder and then headed over to the bird, rubbing the underside of its neck with his finger, which the bird seemed to enjoy. "I see you've noticed Fawkes."
"He's quite beautiful," Theoli said; awestruck, "what is he?"
"A phoenix."
"A phoenix?"
"Yes."
Theoli scratched her ear. "You're having us on, right? They're mythical creatures. They don't actually exist..."
Fawkes gave an indignant cry, and then turned his back to the girls as a sign of his irritation at such a comment. Dumbledore gave a soft chuckle, petting the bird on the back. "Fawkes here would beg to differ."
"Oh," Theoli muttered, suddenly embarrassed; she'd charmed a paper crane across the hall, seen people flying on broomsticks, had seen someone light the fireplace in the common room with magic and didn't believe in phoenixes? The absurdity of it all. "Sorry, Fawkes. Really. Erm. You're... gorgeous? Very slim? Those feathers don't make your bird-butt look big at all?"
"Don't mind her, she's normally that spastic. She doesn't mean any offence."
Theoli gasped. "As if you're any better."
"I never claimed to be."
After a moment, Fawkes turned back around, seemingly satisfied with the apology he'd received, and went back to preening himself.
"So... why are we here?" Isaviel was intent on getting a satisfactory answer before the day was done. "And will we be able to go home?"
The old wizard fixed her with an intense stare that made her feel uncomfortable, as if he could read her thoughts and see her soul... But that's ridiculous, she told herself, and she could have sworn his lips twitched a little. "You are here for the good of the future and the good of all wizard kind."
"...overdramatic, much?"
"Not at all. Your futures are tied to many of the young witches and wizards around you through those amulets you possess." He pointed to the necklaces, which had not left the girls' necks since they had been purchased at the old antique store. "It will become apparent as time passes, I promise you."
"I hate to burst that bubble, but we bought these for a tenner each at a shop back home."
"Yes, but why was it you who bought them? Why was it you whom the old lady decided to show those necklaces to?"
"I don't- Wait, how do you know about that?"
The old man's eyes twinkled with vibrancy and life. "I have my ways."
Theoli held the amulet out to him. "Can't we just give these to someone else? You? Someone who knows what they're doing?"
"Alas, no. Those who use the amulets as the prophecy dictates are the only ones who it will obey until the prophecy is fulfilled."
"Wait, prophecy?" Isaviel looked alarmed. "What prophecy, nobody told us about that. We know about the copious amounts of DOOM, but she didn't say there was any back-story to it."
"This is something I will have to look into before I tell you anything. I wouldn't want to give you any false information now, would I?" He smiled. "Don't let it cloud your hearts, for there is still plenty of time for you to enjoy the wonders of Hogwarts again."
"...again?"
Dumbledore only gave one of his knowing smiles (™) as he left his pet's side and took two leather-bound books from a shelf and held them up. "Do you know what these are?" They shook their heads no, figuring they wouldn't just be ordinary books. Dumbledore stood across the other side of his desk. "These are special diaries; they are connected to each other, allowing you to communicate with each other through them. Write on a page in one and it appears on the corresponding page of the other." He set them on the table and slid them across. "They will respond to the writing of the first who sets their quill onto the page; anyone else will find that the page will not hold the ink. It will allow you to converse even when you are unable to do so."
"Sweet!" Theoli exclaimed, picking up the one with the red leather cover.
Isaviel picked up the green one and ran her hand across the aged looking leather. "Dude..."
Then, realising what they'd both said, the girls start to laugh, getting into an argument consisting of the words "dude" and "sweet". Upon seeing Dumbledore's (and Fawkes') confused faces they fell silent, clearing their throats and muttering apologies. The headmaster shook his head, lightly, and then sat down at his desk. "As well as recognising the writing of those who first write in it, they will also only release the lock for the voice of those who first command it." He gestured for them to try.
Shrugging, the girls each spoke to their diaries. "Open."
The locks clicked and popped open to show page after page of blank parchment. The girls grinned. "Thank you sir," Theoli said. "Though... why do we get these?"
"Again, all part of the-"
"-the thing you can't tell us about yet?" Isaviel finished. "Bah, never mind. As long as we're supposed to be here..." She frowned, feeling as if she had started to forget that she had a life before she fell into this world; would the two of them be able to get back? Somehow, the question didn't seem to bother her and the prospect and excitement of being at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry pushed the thoughts far back to the corner of her memory as the girls big farewell to the headmaster and headed towards the library.
Reviews would be lurved. :D
So, you guys worked out any potential pairings yet? (Clearly if we are to be uberSues we need to be paired with someone. It's like, Sue Law.) The next chapter will introduce a new Sue, and will be slightly more eventful / angsty. ;D Expect fireworks (of the very bad kind) between Isaviel and Sirius!
Beta'd by Rusty Nail AKA Theoli
