He wasn't in love with Drake. He didn't even think that vampires could achieve love.

The sex was good. All the ways his body was desecrated, oh, god, it almost made him feel human. Skin against skin, breath mingling, teeth puncturing his skin while he was being thrust into, it made his adrenaline rush. And the things Drake called him…not 'whore,' 'slut,' or 'pretty toy.' He said other things; things that made him feel as if he was valuable despite his purpose in life was to bring pleasure to his master, whoever he or she may be at the time.

And perhaps if he admitted it, the rare moments of time alone with Drake weren't so terrible. Drake often cursed this generation, this century, the vampires of this day and age, who were weakened and useless. He proclaimed that nothing good had become of the world and that it should all perish in a pit of fiery flames. Hannibal often just ate his yogurt and carried on with life. When Hannibal did talk, it was often only for an argument they had rolling on them. Drake was treating him like a prisoner. Hannibal wouldn't let go of his past. Drake needed to let him breathe. Hannibal should do more fulfilling things in his free time, reading being a good start. Rarely did Hannibal actually talk.

Time without Drake was boring, even with Vivicka and Lucrezia there to watch him and entertain him. He always felt as if somehow he should be out wherever Drake happened to be at that moment. It wasn't devotedness to Drake, himself, more as the need to string himself along, prove himself as the good pet even though he hated that term with a passion. He was Drake's. He should be with Drake, and when he wasn't he found himself feeling sort of…lost.

He wasn't in love with Drake. He didn't even really think he was gay, bisexual, asexual, heterosexual, any of that. He was used too much in his past, present, and most likely in his unknowable future. Being used for so long, it made him hate the idea of love, and made the idea of being a pet for the rest of his life a terrible notion, yet one he felt doomed to live in for the rest of his unnaturally long life. Sex was sex. It didn't matter who it was with, male or female. Some sex hurt, some sex was sweet or gentle, but it meant nothing in the end. It was a way to quench a primitive hunger that every species on earth had.

Though a kinder master than Danica was, Drake was still simply that; his master. If he wanted, Drake could chain him up, and he would have to take it. He could refuse to feed Hannibal for days at a time and then throw a child towards him and watch the gore that ensued, just as Danica had. When Drake was angry, Hannibal still felt the urge to back away, especially when the First's face shifted—God, that creeped him out. Though he had never hurt Hannibal, the pet still felt the need to have distance between them any time they weren't fucking.

He could never be happy in this life. No one could, not even the most broken…and he admitted freely; he was damaged beyond repair. His life was lived on a giant leash that gave him free roam over the entire tower, but eventually led back to a bed, and kept him from greener pastures, metaphorically speaking. He had no life, just breaths that he took repeatedly one after the other.

Maybe if he could pretend long enough, he could ultimately trick himself into some sense of contentment. It was highly doubtful. Lucrezia had told him, one night shortly after he had made the transition from Danica's bitch to Drake's, that he could never be as happy as he could have been in his 

human state. He had wanted to hate her for that, to pretend that she was lying to him to push him into a further state of brokenness. She had never lied to him, though, not once in the year he had been Drake's pet. He eventually had to believe that this ominous hole inside him would never leave. He would have to live with this desperation to feel something else besides hollow.

Jesus, what he wouldn't do to smile.

A/N (for Chapters three and four): I know these are angsty, but I really believe that Hannibal wouldn't be quite as mouthy if he hadn't been rescued by Abigail. He wanted to die in cannon, when Abby rescued him, but if she hadn't and he had become Drake's pet, I believe some of the will to live may have returned. Just my thoughts.

I hope this is enjoyable. These last two chapters I feel like I kinda lost Hannibal. I hope that isn't the case.

InnocentGuilt