The Dead Man's What?

Author's Note: So what's going on? I meant to update last weekend, but the storm we had here knocked my computer haywire and I had to get it fixed, but, here you go! I apologize for the very late update, my muse decided to take an extended vacay in the Alps, don't worry he was severely punished with feathers and tar. All is well. Enjoy!

Reviews:

Readerfreak10: Man, I knew I was behind on something! Too true.

emerald lady: I had definitely just watched that movie before I wrote that chapter! My Favorite!

Lady Lea: Thanks as always!

Chapter Four: Girl Interrupted.

"Beckett?" I stifled a laugh still can't think of him as a Lord, obviously neither can Jack.

'Yup, he's a lord now. Imagine that. " Jack nodded before turning back to Elizabeth, who had still yet to stop whining.

"Yes, they're signed 'Lord Cutler Beckett of the East India Trading Company.' Ah, I remember those letters she's waving around, I snatched them out of her hand, and placing my hand on her forehead kept her far enough away to let me read them.

'Well Jack, you've always wanted to be under the king's orders, here's your chance to do it for free, "I removed my hand Elizabeth had started to lean into, she fell, Legolas hissed as she clunked to the floor, I shook my head, silly girl. "Does he really think pirates could be bought for such a cheap price? " I dropped the letters on her back, she glared up at me, I smiled cheekily.

"Euhh. "

"Will was working for Beckett and never said a word." Gibbs whispered, I started at him. "What?"

'Well of course he wouldn't tell us! What would you have done to him if he had, kill him? Torture him? Eru, you are an idiot.'

'Would not have!"

'Yeah, you would've actually." Jack said nodding, Gibbs stared at him, I smiled.

'See."

"Beckett wants the compass. Only one reason for that. " Good man, change the subject.

"Whatever for?" Ah, there was the confused Legolas I loved so much.

"Of course. He wants the chest."

"Shouldn't he have enough, I mean he is in charge of the trading company of most of the Caribbean." I patted Legolas on his arm and made a motion for him to stop asking questions.

"Yes, he did say something about a chest. "

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS AND I DON'T?" Legolas shouted whirling on Elizabeth who had finally gotten to her feet.

'Maybe you weren't listening."

'Oh yes that makes since seeing as I'm an elf and can hear better than you." Legolas crossed his arm and started to sulk, I just laughed and kissed him on the cheek.

'I'll explain later I promise." He just smiled at me.

"If the Company controls the chest, they control the sea. " Jack nodded and turned to me.

"A truly discomforting notion, love. "

"Aye, can you imagine, makes me shiver just thinking about it." I shook my head and turned to Elizabeth, "Is that all you got?"

"Aye." Told you she was worthless.

"Baaad! Bad for every mother's son what calls himself pirate."

"What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean you old geezer?" He just glared at me. Where the hell does he come up with these sayings of his, honestly?

I think there's a bit more speed to be coaxed from these sails. " He walked off shouting orders about foreheads or something, he really is losing it.

"Might I inquire as to how you came by these?"

'Persuasion." Legolas snorted, Elizabeth glared at him, he smiled.

"Friendly?"

"Decidedly not."

"It was more like this Jack, I held him, she asked question, he quivered as I fingered my arrows, savvy?' Legolas smirked at the glaring Elizabeth, I knew it wasn't her that had earned the letters.

"Ah, Will strikes a deal for these and upholds it with honor, yet you are the one standing here with the prize. Full pardon, commissioned as a privateer on behalf of England and the East India Trading Company... Ta, as if I could be bought for such a low price."

'Told you." Legolas just rolled his eyes at me.

"Jack, the letters, give them back. " Whiny whiny whiny.

"No. Persuade me." Oh dear, not this again.

"You do know Will taught me how to handle a sword."

"You do know, that still doesn't mean you know how, right?" Elizabeth glared at me, I just smiled and waved. "I'm not gonna lie you know." Legolas just placed his hand over my mouth, familiar sensation.

"As I said... persuade me." Jack just smirked at her as she huffed and walked away, not a very good persuader at all.

"I could have done better.'

"You would have been more violent, that's why I didn't ask you too." Jack smiled before running off to the galley.

"It's true, I would have kicked him and then run off with them as he sat groaning, he knows me too well." I shrugged and walked off, wonder what Pinto's up too; suppose I could drop in and visit him...mwuauhahah.

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"My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are... troubled. " Jack sat down next to a moping Elizabeth, I just wanted to hurl something at her.

'You have one of those?" I threw as I ran by chasing after Pinto who had dropped a pail of water over my head.

"Yes." He snarled and glared, I just shrugged and kept going, well, only to hide, Pinto popped up behind me not long after, I kicked him out and snickered as he glared at me.

"I just thought I'd be married by now. I'm so ready to be married. " is it me, or is she still whining?

"What are you doing" I whacked my head on the side of the ship and turned to find attractive azure eyes boring into mine, almost like I was doing something wrong. Which... I wasn't.

'What I always do, eavesdrop, come join?" He rolle dhis eyes before laying down beside me.

"You know... Lizzie, I am Captain of a ship and being captain of a ship I could, in fact, perform a marriage right here. Right on this deck. Right… now." I had to slap both of my hands over my face to stop from laughing out loud, he really was quite a horny man.

"No, thank you. "

"That has to be the smartest thing I've ever seen her do." Legolas mouth was wide open, I reached over and closed it, and patted him on the cheek, alway so dumb.

"Why not? We are very much alike you and I. I and you... us. " Oh here we go.

"Except for a sense of honor and decency and a moral center. And personal hygiene." Ouch, he was in need of a bath desperatly, only, we've never told him in such blunt terms.

"Trifles. You will come over to my side, I know it." I laughed as he tried to conceal the fact that he was smelling his arm pits, what a dork.

"You seem very certain."

"One word, love: curiosity. You long for freedom. You long to do what you want to do because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. You want to see what it's like. One day... you won't be able to resist. " He smirked as Elizabeth just looked at him, i laughed into Legolas' tunic, even he was shaking with laughter, these two were quite the evening entertainment.

"Why doesn't your compass work?"

"Oh, nice cover." I slapped my hands over my mouth and layed on the floor hoping they hadn't heard me, there was few moments of silence but nothing more.

"My compass works fine.' Leave it to Jack to get upset over something so stupid; or maybe he was defending his manhood hm?

"Because you and I are alike. And there will come a moment when you have a chance to show it. To do the right thing."

"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by. " That has to be the funniest thing I've ever heard him say, and it is so true.

"You'll have the chance to do something... something courageous. And when you do, you'll discover something. That you're a good man."

"Oh contrare" I shouted standing up, they all turned to me and Legoals jerked me back down giving me a look, yeah, really need to control that.

"No, I have faith in you. You want to know why? " No not really.

"Do tell, dearie."

"Curiosity. You're going to want it - a chance to be admired - and gain the rewards that follow. You won't be able to resist. You're going to want to know what it tastes like." Oh ew, I just threw up in my mouth, with every stament she leaned in and licked her lips, now shes waiting for him to kiss her, I slowly stand and take a barrell with me, have to do the same that I did for Will; I lobbed the barrell that connected with Jack's face making a sickening crunch.

"ENGAGED!" I shouted before running off so that Jack couldn't catch me; oh I'm good.

"That was a little much don't you think?" Legolas asked flopping down beside me. Yes, the prince of the Mirkwood elves flopped, amazing I know.

"Land ho!!" I fell down the stairs landing with my feet over my head glaring up at a laughing elf and a stupid fat Gibbs smirking.

'I hate you, with every fiber of my immortal being." Legolas just laughed even harder.

"I need my jar of dirt!" Jack went flying bad my head, almost stepping on it mind you, I just grunted and pushed myself back up. Does he honestly think that dirt does anything..I mean seriously?

"Well, come on Esme let's go." I nodded and watched Legolas jump lithly into the boat, I on the other hand had to trip, knocking the ropes and sending the boat flying to the water with a loud thud. "Alrigth, that's one way to get down." Jack said smirking, holding on to his dirt to his chest. I made to take it and he snapped at my hands, what a sad, strange man he is.

"You're pulling too fast." Pintel screamed at Ravioli who was huffing and puffing on the other side of the dinghy.

"You're pulling too slow!"Ravioli retorted pulling his oars faster.

"We don't want the Kraken to catch us. I'm saving me strength for when it comes. Just don't think it's Kraken, anyways. Always heard it says Kray-ken."

"What's with the long 'a'?"

"Aha."Pinto commented nodding his head.

"No no no no no. "Kroken"'s how it's pronounced in the original Scandinavian, and "Kraken"'s closer to that." Ravioli shook his head at Pinto who was looking perturbed.

"Well, we ain't original Scandinavians, are we? Kray-ken."Pinto smirked like he'd won something. I shared a look with Legolas before pushing both of them spluttering out of the boat and looking over the edge smirking.

"You're both wrong. It's the Kraken as in Crack-in. Savvy?" They nodded and I smiled allowing them to scramble back on board, Jack just shook his head at us.

"Guard the boat; mind the tides... don't touch my dirt." Jack threw his coat on Ravioli's head before grabbing a shovel and jumping out of the boat, Legolas was about to make another unbelievably graceful exit, so I did the only right thing to do in that moment. I shoved him face fist into the water before using his body as my steps to get onto the sand, problem number one. Problem number two, Legolas doesn't like getting used as steps so he grabbed my feet and jerked them out from under me causing me to splash into the water beside him before he started to tickle me mercilessly; the only reason he stopped was because Jack threw his shovel barely missing his head.

"Don't do that again." Legolas smirked sticking his hand out to help me up, I snorted and knocked his hand out of my way.

"I don't need you help thank you very much." His smirk just got larger as I acted like a dinosaur trying to crawl out of the water making loud sound effects.

"Child."

'Grandma."

"Elfling."

'Really, really ancient grandma."

"SHUT IT!!" Elizabeth shouted turning to us, I sent her a heated glare and made to shove my sleeves up but Legolas caught me and shook his head. "For gods sake we have more important things than watch the two of you act like that! How old are you, five?"

'Oh, someone's is way to bitter. It's sexual tension my dear, no need to get flustered.' I patted the bristled Legolas on the head and stomped past the blushing girl and caught up with Jack who was busying surveying the island.

"And what does the compass say dear Lizzie?" She whirled around pulling the thing out and starting to shake it.

"You know, in order for it to settle on a direction, you might not want to shake it causing movement, smart ass." I commented sitting down and throwing my arms behind my head, she sent me a very heated glare, I winked and smiled back; Legolas came and sat down, gracefully, with his back turned to me and leaned back.

"I wonder if she has a brain sometimes?"

"Apparently not."

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" She screamed finally stopping the constant shaking of the compass. "This doesn't work. And it certainly doesn't show you what you want most." She threw Jack a contemptuous glare before throwing herself onto the ground; he just waltzed over to her peering over her shoulder, at first I though he was trying to catch a peak down her shirt and was going to lob a sand ball at him but Legolas pointed out his eyes were adverted from that area.

"Yes, it does, you're sitting on it." I blanched and began to form another ball of sand.

"Beg pardon?" She looked flabbergasted, I started sniggering at her.

"Move." Jack waved her off before pointing at the ground where she had been sitting. He whistled to Norrington, who rolled his eyes before stepping on the shovel and beginning to dig. I leaned back on Legolas, getting a feather up my nose and decided better of trying to sleep on his back.

"You know, that's quite annoying, getting a feather up my nose everytime I lean on you."

'Well that's not my fault." He retorted chuckling.

"Is too, you're the one wearing the stupid quiver." I huffed before leaning again, smacking one of his arrows out of my face and closing my eyes...this is too boring.

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"It's real." Elizabeth breathed, my nostrils flared when her breath hit my face.

'Do you own a toothbrush, per chance." She glared at me, I just smiled.

"You actually were telling the truth. " Norrington just stared at Jack, he looked like he'd been given a treat.

"I do that quite a lot, yet people are still surprised." Jack smiled, I just rolled my eyes.

"With good reason." We all turned to see Will standing before us, in the most cliché of hero poses.

"Ohhhhh, good entrance. Way to make that work." Will and Elizabeth just sent me a glare. I held my hands up. 'It was only a compliment, no offense meant."

"You're alright, thank God! I came to find you." Elizabeth threw herself at Will and they started kissing, I noticed Jack and Norrington staring at them jealously and I just had to laugh.

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHA...you old bags! You are so jeal-" Jack smacked his hand over my mouth smiling innocently at the now staring couple.

"How did you get here?"

"Sea turtles, mate. A pair of them strapped to my feet."

"Oh Eru that was lame.' They all ignored me.

"Not so easy is it?" Jack smirked.

"But I do owe you thanks, Jack."

"You do?"

"Oup, here it comes, the missile that started a war." Everyone just rolled there eyes except for Legolas who nodded.

"After you tricked me onto that ship, to square your debt with Jones." Will started, Elizabeth sent Jack a mightily surprised look.

"WHAT?!" Did I mention how much of a chicken she sounded like just then?

"What?" Jack asked looking around like he had no idea what was going on, I snorted and just shook my head, classic Jack move.

"I was reunited with my father." Will's grip on Elizabeth became tighter, I just snorted again.

"Oh, well, you're welcome, then."

'Alls well that ends well." I smiled clapping my hands, Elizabeth sent me another glare. "Look girl, do that one more time and you won't have any eyebrows to furrow at me, understood?"

"Everything you said to me, every word was a lie!"

"Le gasp!" I placed my hand on my forehead before acting like I was fainting, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, Legolas just grabbed my hand and pulled me back up.

"Really..."

"Pretty much. Time and tide, love. Hey, what are you doing?" Jack whirled on Will who had pulled his knife out and was preparing to stab the heart.

"I'm gonna kill Jones." I stepped on the knife right as Jack pulled his sword out and leveled it at Will's neck.

"Can't let you do that, William. 'Cause if Jones is dead, who's to call his terrible beastie off the hunt, eh?" Will sighed and stood up. "Now if you please, the key?" Will smirked before grabbing Elizabeth's sword and pointing it at Jack.

"I keep the promises I make, Jack. I intend to free my father. And I hope you're here to see it."

'Oh this dramatic pride and father/son bond is just killing me." I smirked and crossed my arm. "What a dork, don't know anything about the rules of this game do you ol'boy" Will just glared at me.

"I can't let you do that, either. So sorry." Norrington sent Will one of my trademark grins, I smacked him on the back.

"I knew I'd rub off on you." He just glared at me. "Alright then." I stepped back crossing my arms again.

"I knew you'd warm up to me eventually." Jack commented smiling, I laughed when they all switched sword positions.

"Lord Beckett desires the contents of that chest. I deliver it: I get my life back.

"Ah, the dark side of ambition." Jack smiled at Norrington.

"Oh, I prefer to see it as the promise of redemption." They start fighting and running away, Will trips and falls, I just start laughing.

"WILL!" Elizabeth fell down beside him, he just pushed past her standing up.

"What a chivalrous man." Legolas commented smirking, I love him sometimes.

"Guard the chest." She gasped and glared at his retreating back, I just smirked and Legolas had quite the smug look on his face.

"This is not funny! This is no way for grown men to - Oh, fine! Let's just pull out our swords and start banging away at each other, that's all there ever is. I've had it! I've had it with wobbly-legged, rum-soaked pirates" She stomped her foot, she didn't notice Pinto and Ravioli had joined us.

"How'd this go all screwy?" Pinto asked scratching his head.

"Well, each wants the chest for hisself, don't 'e? Mr. Norrington, I think, is trying to regain a bit of honor. Ol' Jack's looking to trade it, save his own skin. And Turner there - I think 'e's trying to settle some unresolved business twixt him and his twice-cursed pirate father." I nodded.

'Pretty good mate." He smiled at me before turning back to the screaming Elizabeth.

"That chest must be worth more than a shiny penny." Ravioli commented nodding to the chest, I felt Legolas stiffen beside me.

"Terrible temptation." Ravioli tsked smirking.

"If we was any kind of decent, we'd remove temptation from their path." They smiled and ran for the chest, I sent Legolas a grin he returned a smirk.

"Let's give them a head start?" He nodded his smirk beginning to get larger as he reached for his bow; I placed my hand on it, he raised his eyebrow. "That wouldn't be much fun, especially for me, we'll use blades." He nodded and replaced his bow, we were watching them until something in the corner of our eye made us turn to see Elizabeth pretending to faint. I couldn't help it I just started guffawing slapping my knee and everything. She turned and glared before noticing the chest was gone.

'You let them take it?" She looked incredulous.

"Yup, we were making this funner for ourselves, you know, thrills of the hunt." Legolas replied looking at his nails; her eyes almost popped out of her head. "Ready?"

'Set."

"GO!" We both shouted before running off, leaving a very pissed off maiden behind us. I Just laughed and sped up Legolas matching my speed. Pinto and Ravioli were already back into our sights now, I just smirked and sped up again.

"We GOT IT!" Pinto screamed before I stepped out smirking in front of him. Elizabeth came flying out very ungracefully after me.

'YOU JUST RUINED THAT MOMENT!" I screamed at her, she just shook her head before standing and smirking at them; she reaches for her sword and doesn't find one, they smirk and pull theirs out, I just roll my eyes and step forward not even pulling my sword out.

'Ello poppets!" Just then a big wooden wheel rolls by with Will and Norrington fencing on the top of it as it rolled, not two minutes later Jack came flying after it, I just started to laugh.

"That's not something you see everyday." They turned their attentions back to us and were about to strike when a hatchet whizzed right across my face to thud in a tree right beside me. "OH god, I think I just lost ten years off my life."

"Not that that does much." Legolas commented dropping down beside me scaring the shit out of me, Ravioli, and Pinto; Elizabeth was too busy glaring after the wheel. I turned to the direction the hatchet came form to see all kinds of weird fish things coming over the horizon; I shivered. Oh the memories, Legolas shared a look with me before turning around and facing them.

"Time to go?" Ravioli nodded before handing Elizabeth both their swords and running off with the chest; they hit a tree and dropped it, Elizabeth stepped forward trying to guard it, I shared a look with Legolas who sighed before stepping up beside her.

"I suppose I ought to save you so that I don't have to hear stupid Will crying." I said stepping up to her other side, Ravioli and Pinto came back forward, I threw one of them my sword. "Lose and or scratch it, you die." Pinto nodded staring down at the sword in awe. Some creepy creature came forward brandishing a sword at me smirking; I awed and made to look like I was scared before braining him and running to the next guy sweeping my leg across the ground knocking his feet out from under him; I missed the frightened look sent my way from the three humans.

'Yeah, she can get kinda scary in hand to hand combat. One time, she wasn't even trying and took out about ten guys just trying to stay clean." Legolas commented, the three switched their frightened looks to him, he nodded before joining the fray. I came flying back through the air my foot connecting with the head of one guy sending him flying into the tree.

'Any time you guys want to help, it's greatly appreciated." I glared before punching this one guy in the stomach for breathing down my neck. "Your breath smells worse than Barbossa's." The three finally got the clue before jumping in hacking away and switching off swords.

"Sword!" Ravioli yelled having Pinto throw him the sword, I brained another guy before running by and punching the heel of my hand up into another's nose.

'You have fists as well you know!" I shouted narrowly missing the dagger thrown at me.

"That's why we want swords, thanks. SWORD!" Elizabeth shouted before stabbing another guy in the gut. I caught sight of one guy picking up the chest and turned to chase after but was cut off by my most favorite friend.

"Did ya miss me?" I cringed and took a step back. His bright pink net skirt just brought back terrible memories.

'No, not really." I commented turning to run but hitting a tree first. "Oh hell." The slimy green thing grabbed my shoulder pulling me back up, I whimpered before striking my fist out and punching him square in the jaw; He dropped me to grab his face I took that moment to go running and screaming in the direction the other guy took the chest. I heard Legolas call my name before following after me. What happened next was a blur of green, some fruit, and dreadlocks.

Out of nowhere Jack comes crashing down on my knocking me face first into a cantelope, or something, and grass.

"Oh Eru, I think I broke something." I pull my hand out from under me to see a melon cracked open, Jack was still sitting on me. "GET OFF YOU GREAT OAF!" I shouted standing and sending him backwards.

'Oh hello, so you're what I landed on." I nodded, he just smiled before picking up the fruit and lobbing it off to the side, I followed his sight and saw a body milling around with out it's head.

'That's convenient." He shrugged and we both ran off towards the chest.

"Anido! Anido! Follow my voice, follow my voice!" The body was stumbling around and I was leaning against a palm tree laughing, Jack just started to unlock the chest. "To the left. No! Other left. Go... No, that's a tree. "

"STRAIGHT!" I screamed until Jack hit me and nodded to run away, I laughed once more before following after him leaving the poor helpless head. We reached the boat first and Jack stuck the heart in his jar of precious dirt before slamming it shut and turning just in time to knock something out with an oar. The wheel came groaning out into the water before it took a finally roll and fell over to the side. Will tried to stand but fell straight back down; Norrington however stood and ran over to the boat and grabbed something before running off as well. I just waltzed over and took a seat in the boat. Will, Pinto and Ravioli came running over, none of them noticed me though, surprisingly. Will grabbed the chest and was about to open it when Jack came out of nowhere and knocked the shit out of Will with his oar making it look like an accident.

'Ace job there Captain." I commented tipping an imaginary hat, Jack returned it with a nod.

'As always.

"WILL!" Elizabeth came running over to us and tried grabbing him, Jack smacked his oar down on his back right in front of her face.

"Leave him lie! Unless you plan on using him to hit something with."

"He could be used well for that, considering how impeccably hard his head is." I nearly jumped out of my skin when Legolas sat beside me wrapping his arm around my shoulder and handing me my sword. "Thought you might like this, one of those buffoons dropped it awhile back and I graciously nabbed it for you." I kissed him before turning to glare at said buffoons.

"I thought I told you to guard it with your lives?" They gulped.

"You're mad." I looked away from the quivering pirates to Elizabeth who was staring incredulously at Norrington who was holding the chest in his hand.

"Don't wait for me." With that he set off, I cocked my head. That was not like him to do that, I looked down at the jar of dirt and noticed the lid hadn't been shut properly, not something Jack would do.

"NO! DON'T LET HIM GO! HE'S GOING TO GET CAUGHT!" I jumped up and tried to jumped off after him, but Legolas made me sit down.

"I hadn't known you had grown so attached." Jack simpered smirking, I sent him a murderous glare.

"You're an idiot, and when you die for it I shan't shed a tear." He blanched and turned back to rowing. "Now please, go back, unless you want the Kraken to kill you." he just smirked.

"No need to worry."

"Fine, I hope you die." I sat back fuming, Legolas planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Mani naa ta Lirimaer?" (What is it my lovely one?) He whispered placing kisses from my temple to my ear.

"Caelro i'hoon." (He has the heart.). Legolas blanched.

"Mani? Jack n'caelta?" (What? Does Jack not have it?) I shook my head, "Damn."

"We would all enjoy understanding what you two have been whispering about so secretly if you don't mind?" Jack said smiling down at me, I just glared.

"I tried to tell you earlier, you surely wouldn't care now would you?" I smirked at the glare Jack gave me.

"If it's about how you miss Norrington, then no"

"Alright then." I'll laugh when he realized how stupid he truly is...poor silly Jack.; then I noticed something bright pink in the water and let out a heart stopping scream. Oh this is not good.

Author's Note: Well,tell me what you think for this long awaited update? And also, I just published a new story, it's not about either of these two wonderful stories...but if you could just hop on over there and show some love, I'd greatly appreciate it, thanks! For those wondering, it's title is, A Wakeup Call for Jamaica.