"Given enough time, you could convince yourself that loneliness was something better, that it was solitude, the ideal condition for reflection, even a kind of freedom."

~Dean Koontz


Alone

Timeline: Present

Location: Layton's office, Gressenheller University

Hershel is lonely.

His realization of it, his sad reality, comes out of the blue as he's combing through the latest archeological journals, a reward for finishing three hours of grading. It's undeniable, his unwavering attraction to solitude, because he knows he really should be home.

But something keeps him from his flat, and dwindling the hours away at work seems easier. So when the other members of Gressenheller's staff had long gone, Hershel found himself locked away in his office, a cup of tea in hand, and a friendly melody playing for background ambience. Eventually Flora would stop by and convince him to come home, or he'd tell her to wait another five minutes, which would turned into hours, and more often than not Flora would fall asleep on the sofa while Hershel worked into the night.

He wishes she would come right now, snap him out of his daze of sad feelings. But Flora is a creature of habit, she will wait another hour at least before showing up at his office door, a brown bagged cucumber sandwich in hand.

He supposes his loneliness is the result of a lifetime spent doing good for others, making friends wherever he goes, but one way or another it always ends with a goodbye. Hershel can argue that goodbyes are inevitable; people are busy, life has to move on.

He's said enough goodbyes for several lifetimes.

Mostly, it was a result of Luke moving to America. For the better part of three years, the boy had been his self-acclaimed apprentice, determined to be tutored in the art of puzzle solving, and the gentleman code. Luke still has a ways to go before becoming the adult he aspires to be, but the boy is young and impressionable, and his innocence and curiosity warm Hershel's heart. He enjoys the boy's company, and he finds himself often thinking of how he misses Luke, leading to thoughts of all the other people he longs for.

With Luke's departure Hershel also lost Clark, a good friend since college. The two had reconnected in the past year with the Tritons moving back to London. Then there are Randall and Angela, busy sorting matters in Monte d'Or, and starting a family. Hershel wishes not to bother them. He gets the occasional letter or photograph of the new baby's room, or Randall hugging Angela and her swollen belly. He has Flora, and although he adores the sweet girl with all his heart, Hershel feels something is missing. He's never really known what to say to her, or how to answer the many questions of an adolescent girl. And because he's never had an answer, eventually Flora stopped asking. Dinner at his Ma and Pa's is once a week, and he visits the prison on occasion, but something has to be said of a man whose entire social life consists of his parents and atoning criminals.

Rosa Grimes, the custodian at Gressenheller, advised he start dating. "A man such as yourself would have no problem on today's market", she said with confidence. "A young lass would snatch you up right away." Only Hershel doesn't see himself as young anymore, he's approaching forty after all, and although one is never too old to find love, he's never really had to urge to pursue that sort of relationship again.

This brings him full circle to Claire: the source of his lonely heartache for so many years. It had been a little over a year since he'd said goodbye to her, for the second time. All those feelings, buried inside him for years resurfaced all at once, and as painful as it was to go through it all again, the experience brought him a peace of mind. He can think freely of Claire, without threat of his barriers breaking down. He still misses her dearly, he would always love her, but now thoughts of her were just a little less sad.

And it is on days such as this, when he sits in his office in the early hours of the evening, between papers and puzzles, when he thinks most often of Claire, that Hershel is lonely.