Snake Vs. Everyone

Chapter 4:

Capture-the-Flag


"How long has he been sitting in there?" asked Tucker.

"An hour." replied Tex.

"When is he gonna hurry up and remember why Snake sounds familiar?"

"You can't hurry thinking, Tucker."

"I tried to hurry thinking, once." said Caboose. "All I got was a killer headache."

"Exactly my point." said Tex.

"How is it that we've been reduced to such a low level that we start agreeing with CABOOSE, of all people?!" asked Tucker.

Tex was about to reply when they heard all-too-familiar music in the distance, getting progressively closer.

"Oh no." said Tex.


"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!" cried Grif and Simmons simultaneously as the upgraded Warthog flew over the hill, lively music blasting from the radio. Grif was up on the gun while Simmons drove. Once they got close enough to Blue Base, Grif began to open fire with the machine gun, firing a few missiles as well for extra flare. The tank that Sheila formally occupied was turned over, allowing for cover for the emerging Caboose and Tucker.

"What the hell?!" cried Tucker. "What did they do to the Warthog?!"

"They must have upgraded it somehow!" replied Tex as she fired at it from the top of Blue Base.

"They have someone that can repair it, but how in the hell did they learn how to fucking UPGRADE the damn thing?!"

"Snake." replied Church, joining Tex on the roof. "He did it."


"You see anything, Lopez?" asked Snake, looking through the scope of the sniper rifle to follow Lopez's movements.

"Negativo, Snake." (Negative, Snake.) replied Lopez. "Dios, siempre he querido decir eso." (God, I've always wanted to say that.)

"Stick with me more, you may get to say stuff like that more often." chuckled Snake, moving forward. "Sarge, Donut, come in. How are you doing over there?"

"I hear ya' loud and clear, Snake!" replied Sarge over the radio. "Everything's A-OK over here! No hostiles in sight, and we are advancing towards the rendezvous point."

Snake chuckled. "Enjoy using the fancy military vocabulary, Sarge?"

"Damn right!"


"Where are the other Reds?" asked Tex as she ducked underneath another missile shot. "Usually they come all at once!"

"Maybe they had to go to the bathroom." suggested Caboose.

As if to prove him wrong, Lopez and Donut were seen approaching from the left and right sides, blocking up Blue Base on three sides.

"Shit!" cried Church. "Where'd they come from?"

"This is way too strange!" said Tex. "It's like they learn how to actually strategize! Solid Snake must have set it up!"


Snake and Sarge crept through the Blue Base, Snake smoking on a cigarette and holding his suppressed SOCOM pistol. Sarge, of course, was carrying his signature shotgun.

Sarge had been taught a few actual hand signals by Snake, so he understood perfectly when Snake signaled to advance around a corner. Soon they came to the flag room, with the flag standing directly in the center.

"Bingo." said Sarge.

"We got it." said Snake as he disposed of his cigarette and edged towards the flag.

"Hold it right there."

Snake and Sarge spun to see Tex and Church standing above them, pointing their guns at them. They had left Sister to take their position on the roof, and while they doubted her ability to actually be able to DO anything, it was only a temporary substitute.

"Hey there." said Snake calmly. "We meet again, Tex."

"Shut up, Snake." growled Tex.

"Hey, don't get all bitey on me."

"Yeah, it's the snake that bites!" said Sarge.

"Ha, good one!" laughed Snake, giving Sarge a high five.

"Shut up, dumbasses." said Church. "Get the fuck away from the flag."

Snake and Sarge backed up.

"Better. Now, drop your weapons and raise your hands."

They did so.

"Good." said Tex, approaching them and kicking their weapons away, with Sarge grumbling upon seeing his shotgun slide across the floor. "Now, you will follow me to where we will keep you until-"

"Sorpresa, hijos de puta." (Surprise, motherfuckers.) said a voice as Lopez leaped down from the ceiling, landing on top of Church. When Tex turned to see what was happening, Snake grabbed her in his signature choke-hold and quickly chocked her unconcious while Sarge retrieved his shotgun.

"Well done, Lopez." said Snake, nodding in thanks as he retrieved his SOCOM pistol and began to yank the flag out of it's holder. "Looks like there's one part of the plan I forgot to add: backup in case we get caught."

"Entonces era una buena cosa que estaba aquĆ­ para salvarte." (Then it was a good thing I was here to save you.) said Lopez.

"Damn right." said Snake.

"Quit lollygaggin'!" said Sarge. "We gotta hustle!"

Snake nodded. "Right. Let's get out of here."


"Goddammit!" exclaimed Tucker as he watched the Reds escape in the Warthog, whooping in victory with the Blue Flag in their possession.

"I'll say." said a recovered Church, rubbing his head. "I feel like a train fell on me."

"Train?" asked Caboose. "Where? I always wanted a train."


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