Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan!
A/N: Apparently I am being more chronological with this than usual. So have some early December Levihan Family Fluff as the Ackermans go to get a Christmas tree. Remy is still 8, Ava is still 3, Hanji likes to torture Levi with eccentric Christmas carols, and Levi is willing to sacrifice the car radio for some peace and quiet. The song is "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" by John Rox.
Only a Hippopotamus Will Do
Levi knew it would be expensive to replace the audio system in the Jeep. It would eat into his next pay check considerably, and it wasn't like there was anything wrong with his current system, besides the fact that it was turned up way too loud right now. However, he was willing to bet that his sanity would be willing to accept that unnecessary hit to the bank account if it meant shutting Hanji and the kids up.
A couple jabs with his pocket knife would do the trick. If only he wasn't driving so he could get to it.
"No crocodiles, or rhinoceroses, I only like hippopotamuses! And hippopotamuses like me too!" Hanji was singing along to the radio, or more like shrieking with a bit of a tune. Just a little bit of a melody, enough that Levi couldn't accuse her of simply shouting the words.
No, that award went to the terrors in the back seat. Remy and Ava were yelling along with their mother, and it only sometimes sounded like singing.
"I want a hippopotamus for Christmaaaas!"
Grimacing, Levi reached over to turn the music down, only to get his hand slapped by Hanji. He glowered at her before training his eyes on the road again. "My eardrums are bleeding."
"What? I can't hear you," she said over the music, that bright, your-opinion-currently-doesn't-matter-much grin on her face. "But you know what?" She took a deep breath and plunged into the current verse of the song. "I can see me now on Christmas morniiiing—"
He tightened his hands on the wheel. "I'm returning you for a refund."
Hanji just sang louder.
It was the first day of the college's Christmas vacation, and Hanji was dead-set on going to get a Christmas tree. She had wanted to get one over the Thanksgiving break, but they had been way too busy to even attempt it. Remy still had school, but Hanji could not be dissuaded and she and Levi had ended up taking him out of school so they could drive out to a Christmas tree farm and get a tree before, as Hanji put it, 'all the good ones were gone.'
They were still two hours away from the farm Hanji had picked. He could survive this.
"When I open up my eyes to see my hippo hero standing there!"
He would endure.
When the song finally finished, Levi darted a hand out and turned down the radio, whacking Hanji's hand away as she tried to hit him again. She retaliated, and he deflected easily.
She batted at his hand, trying to get at the volume control. "Levi, it's Christmas."
"No, it's not. Christmas is more than half a month away," he said, "You start using the excuse that it's Christmas every year the day after Thanksgiving. It's not Christmas."
"There are twelve days of Christmas, we might as well make it an even twenty six."
"That doesn't…" He wasn't even going to argue about that. "No."
She grabbed his hand and started wresting it away from the radio. "You just don't want me to play glorious carols and infuse our precious children with sweet Christmas spirit because you, Ebenezer Scrooge McCleanpants, are a killjoy."
"Have a thumb war," Remy suggested, leaning forward between the seats, looking excited to at the prospect of battle. His hazel eyes gleamed behind his glasses. "I'll count down."
"I'm game," Hanji said, lifting her hand, thumb raised.
"I'm driving."
"Excuses."
"Is aminals at the farm?" Ava called from the back seat. Levi glanced at her through the mirror. She was looking out the window, her stuffed rabbit and one hand pressed against the cool glass.
"I don't think so," Hanji said, flicking Levi's hand once for good measure since he had never let go of the volume control. He turned it up to an acceptable, low level, placating her. "It's a tree farm."
"Why do they call it a farm, then?" Remy asked, flopping back into his seat now that there wasn't going to be an epic thumb war.
"You can have farms for all sorts of different things," Hanji said, and Levi sensed that she was about to launch into an explanation of all things farm related. "Most of the time, farms are for producing food, it's their traditional purpose, but sometimes they're…" She slipped further into explanation mode, and Levi tuned her out as he drove, preferring this to the singing. He was sure that she didn't notice, but he kept glancing in mirror, and within ten minutes, both of the kids were asleep.
Success.
After a while, Hanji reached over and rubbed his arm. "You're just mad because the song said we had a dirty chimney flue, aren't you?"
Levi scowled. Well. "It's a stupid song."
"I knew it."
