Disclaimer: I do not own Reign or any of the characters featured in this story.
Without further ado...enjoy.
When I was six my parents took me to Biarritz with the Valois family. They rented a large home on the beach and we spent days in the sand. My father bought me hot dogs from a vendor located up a stone path on the beach. He chased me along the shore, where the waves lapped at my toes and would pull me into his arms, throwing me as high as he could in the air. He joined Francis, Bash and I as we worked on our sandcastles, he helped me find a variety of shells and aided me in burying Francis in the sand.
It was my dream vacation. My family, my best friend all together.
It never happened like that again.
Age 12
The waves danced against my feet on the beach. If I turned to my left I could see Francis being chased by Claude and Charles as Elisabeth and Bash watched from their sand creation. If I looked to the right I could see my parents and theirs intermingling on beach furniture over a cocktail.
My father had managed to pull himself away from the company in order to take us as well as the Valois family on a vacation to the place I cherished the most. I saw it not only as a time to spend with them but as a time to start over. To bring back the happiness and love that was once ever present in my family and to rekindle relationships with not only my parents but with Francis as well.
Things had been strained over the last two years. We were still friends, best friends. But we were nowhere near where we were before. The secrets shared between us were sparce and conversations always seemed scripted. It was like we were both dancing around topics and our feelings in order to keep the friendship afloat.
We never talked about Olivia or Bash or the 'crush' fiasco. I was scared if I ever brought it up it would be the final nail in our friendships coffin and I couldn't bare the thought.
But he was with Olivia often, more so than he was with me. I tried to tell myself that it was okay. That Francis was allowed to have other friends. But deep down it hurt knowing that he would rather spend time with someone else. I filled my days with Lola and Greer and Kenna. We would talk and gossip and laugh but it wasn't the same. I needed that connection that I had with Francis to be there with them and it wasn't something that happened easily-if at all.
This time at the beach, I was looking forward to it. I needed it. I needed it as an escape from the feelings in my head and from the strain on mine and Francis' friendship.
When we arrived I had hoped that our shared time at the beach would give our friendship the time it needed, that being around each other 24/7 would bring us back to where we once were. But it didn't happen. The only time we spent together was also spent with his siblings. And while I loved his whole family, it wasn't the same. I was closest to Bash and every time we would be doing something, laughing, building sandcastles or just talking over breakfast I could feel Francis' eyes baring into me and I would have to cut off the ties between Bash and I, fearing that it would push Francis over some edge.
After being at the beach house a week, I was sitting on the beach, where the waves met the sand and could hear the smashing of sand behind, as someone approached silently.
As a body plopped down beside me, I didn't have to turn and look to know it was Francis. I just did.
"There is a street fair in town. Just a couple blocks from here. My mom and your dad want to go with everyone tonight. I wasn't going to, but if you wanna go I will."
I could have sworn I heard hope in his voice.
I looked up into his eyes and nodded. "Sure. That sounds good."
"Cool. You should probably come back now then, I think they were talking about leaving soon." He stood and held out a hand. I reached up grabbing onto it. We walked side by side, hips bumping into each other. As our hands brushed, I found my heart rapidly beating.
The street fair was more fun than I could have imagined. My father was by myself at almost every turn. He was smiling down at me as he would point out venders and the people that filled the stone paths. He would point out their clothes or their hair and laugh with me as he created stories for each one. It felt like I finally had my father back.
If my father wasn't by my side, Francis was.
He had talked me into trying food from almost every table, and had even convinced me to get my face painted like a flower. Catherine laughed as I forced him to get the same painting done. She snapped a picture of us as I was laughing at Francis and he was trying his best to look angry.
As we made our way through the stone paths, I could feel my stomach being to flutter and nausea set in. I wasn't feeling as well as I could have been. Perhaps it was from all the food?
I kept my discomfort a secret for several minutes, not wanting it to ruin the fun night. It was the first time everything felt normal again and I refused to ruin it.
But my stomach eventually won out and I reluctantly reached for my father's hand. "I don't feel so well." I whispered up to him.
"Well darling, you did eat everything available to you here. Why don't I take you back to the house."
I shook my head. I hadn't seen my father have this much fun, be this happy in so long I didn't want to ruin that. "You can stay. I'll be okay."
"Princess, I can't let you walk alone."
"I'll go with her." Francis jumped in. He had been hovering nearby.
My father sighed. "Okay, but be safe and go straight home."
Catherine silently nodded as Henry and Charles began to pull at her skirts. I looked around to see Claude, Bash and Elisabeth all staring at a man juggling. I just hoped that my stomach didn't ruin their evening too.
Francis nudged my shoulder with his and urged me to move forward, back in the direction of the house.
Francis insisted on walking me back to the house as everyone else stayed at the fair. I appreciated, I really did. But I also wanted to be alone, my stomach flopping because of too much food, excitement and being close to Francis.
We walked mostly in silence, every once in a while one of us commenting on the night and the night's activities.
When we finally reached the house, moving up the wooden steps Francis bounced in front of me to push open the door. "After you."
I couldn't help but smile.
"So today was fun right?"
The question in his tone made my heart sink. Had our friendship slipped that much, that he isn't sure if the first day we spent together in so long was an enjoyable one? I wished in that moment that we were seven again and were happy without thought or worry. That we were still the closest we had ever been. Despite him being right beside me, I felt like Francis and I couldn't have been farther apart.
"Yeah, it was a lot of fun."
We quietly made our way through the house and towards the kitchen. I knew that what my unsettled stomach needed was a cold bottle of water and Francis seemed to think the same thing, having gone through stomach aches with me plenty of times.
As we rounded the corner, Francis a few steps in front of me, I found myself slamming into his back as he came to a sudden and immediate stop.
My hands reaching for my nose, the part of my face that had the greatest impact with Francis' back, I stepped around him to see what caused the sudden stop.
I immediately wished I hadn't.
There in the kitchen were my mother and Francis' father, lips pressed together-not a care in the world as they stood oblivious to their children watching.
"What are you doing?" I couldn't help but screech.
They quickly jolted apart, my mother's hand reaching up to her lips to cover them.
"Mary, Francis. We didn't think you would be back so soon. How was the street fair?" Henry asked, almost as if nothing had been taking place before.
"Mary wasn't feeling well so we left early." Francis muttered.
I couldn't speak. I couldn't breath. I could barely even think to process what was going on. My mother and Henry, kissing behind the backs of their spouses. What else had they been doing? And for how long?
How could they do this to my father and Catherine? How could they do this to me?
I silently stared at my mother as she did the same to me. Her eyes baring into mine. I had hoped to see some regret or shame, but I saw neither. I saw hate. Hate that I had interrupted her time with Henry. Hate that I knew her secret. Hate that I would inevitably tell my father.
During the silent confrontation Henry snacked out of the room but I could feel Francis beside me still.
My mother sighed and finally made a move forward. "Well of course you must keep this to yourself and keep it a secret. Your father can never know."
How, how could she possibly think that I could do that? After everything, the cold looks, the lack of any real motherly feelings toward me. How could she think that I would keep this from my father?
She inched closer and closer.
"If you inform your father of this, it will tear this family apart. Do you truly wish to do that? To tear our family apart and cause your father so much pain? Because if you share this secret that is what you will be doing. He will feel immense pain and it will be all because of you."
She was inches from me now, leaning down so she and I were face to face.
I was trembling as tears ran down my cheeks. I didn't know what to think, what to feel or what to do.
So I did the one thing that came to mind.
I ran.
My feet wouldn't stop moving, it was as if they had a mind of their own. Not that I wanted them to stop. I wanted to get as far from that house as I could. I wanted to get as far away from the memories that I could. The memories that I held onto for so long. The memories that I cherished and looked back on in my darkest times, they were tarnished now. The new memories of my mother's heartbreaking actions, the memory of her and Henry. The house held those memories and I wanted nothing more than to drown them in the ocean.
My feet brought me along the shore, where the waves just ended and I kept running. I the only lights coming from the lamp posts up near the road and the stars above. I just kept moving.
My chest began to hurt from the violent sobs ripping from my throat and from moving as fast and far as I was going.
Finally when it all became too much I collapsed in the sand, pulling my knees to my chest as sob after sob was ripped from within me. Perhaps that's why I didn't hear him approach, dropping to the sand beside me.
"Where did you learn to run like that?" Francis wheezed between gasps for air.
"Go away Francis." I wiped my face with the back of my hand and kept my head hidden from his view.
"Not a chance." He moved closer to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. He used his other hand to pull my head from my knees and I pressed it against his shoulder.
He held me in silence as I continued to sob.
"How could she do that? How-how could he?"
I realized then, that Francis was likely feeling the same thing, the same sting of betrayal brought on by his father.
He sighed and his words were barely above a whisper. "Last year I was supposed to be hanging out with Olivia all day while mom had everyone else on a day trip south. My dad was going to be home working all day. I got bored and wanted to leave Olivia's early. I was going to try and hang out with you but it was the weekend you were spending with your dad and I didn't want to ruin it."
I remembered that weekend. It was going to be the first one my father and I spent together in a long while. He wouldn't have ruined it. My father got called away for work after only three hours.
"So I went home. I thought it was weird when none of the housekeepers were around. I went to my dad's office where he was when I left in the morning and it was empty. And then I heard a laugh. It wasn't my dad's and it wasn't my mom's even though it was a woman's. I slowly went up the stairs and saw my dad kiss his assistant. I hid in the bathroom when they started to walk towards me. I couldn't believe it at first. I was hurt and angry and so ashamed. But then it started to click. My parents don't get along much anymore, its a miracle they got along long enough to conceive Henry. But my dad always smelled like perfume and...well it all made sense. He doesn't know that I know. I was too ashamed to bring it up. But I never would have thought he would be with your mom Mary. I am so sorry."
I looked at him in disbelief. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I just, it hurt to think about I didn't think I would be able to say it out loud."
I stayed silent a moment.
"Is it just that or is it something else?"
"What do you mean?"
I wiped my face once again and tilted my face so he could properly see me. "I mean things haven't been the same in years. Since the time you told me that you liked Olivia and I liked Bash. We hang out yeah, but things aren't like they were. Do you realize that this is the first time you've held me like this since my before my tenth birthday? You used to be the person I went to whenever anything happened. We used to talk about everything."
"We still do." He interrupted.
"But it's not the same anymore. I always feel like I'm being extra careful around you now. Like I can't tell you my secrets any more and I hate that I...I miss you."
"I'm still here and I always will be."
I looked into his eyes as the stars reflected off of the water.
"Why don't we move on from all that crush stuff. Put it all out there and forget about it. I miss you too and I want that friendship back."
I nodded. "I think that sounds nice."
He wrapped both arms around me and held me to his chest. "Good."
I pulled back and looked into his eyes once again.
"So what should I do now?"
So this isn't at all what I wanted it to be, but I really wanted to get something out for you guys.
I recently found out that I am anemic, and while it being nothing serious some of the symptoms include trouble concentrating, insomnia, dizziness and feeling very tired, all things that I have been dealing with.
And let me tell you, constantly feeling tired and having issues concentrating make writing very difficult, so this chapter was tough to write.
The next ones should be better.
Thanks for sticking with me on this.
