Thanks everyone for the reviews. It makes me really happy. Well here's chapter 4. I was kind of stuck on this one so I decided to listen to 'Meant to Live' by Switchfoot to see if it would help. It's one of my favorite songs. You probably didn't care about that little detail. Anyway…
Hope you like it
I DO NOT OWN JUNJO ROMANTICA!!!
Chapter Four
When I got up from the floor, I realized that I had to get ready for school. When I reached the door, my hand shook slightly when I tried to turn the door knob.
I don't think I can face Usagi-san. I'm scared to see him.
I glanced at the digital clock. It read 6:30.
I have 30 minutes to get ready before Usagi-san comes out of his room. I'm not even going to bother with breakfast. I'm still mad at him.
I hurried out of my room and rushed into the bathroom. Quietly, I shut the door and locked it. Turning on the shower, I stripped my clothes off, unwrapping the bloody tissue from my arm, and got in. I let the water run over my body, feeling the warmth of it hit my back. It felt good against my skin. When I reached over for the soap, I glanced at my arm. My eyes widen a bit. Dry blood covered my criss-crossed slashes. I ran my hand over it. Just from the slightest touch from my thumb to my skin of my forearm, it burned. Looking closer, I could see how the blood had clotted inside each of the wounds.
I didn't know why but I started to cry again. Tears suddenly started to pour out of my eyes. I hugged my body, shaking. Suddenly I was on my knees inside the bathtub, hugging myself tighter while the water pounded against my head and back.
Why?... Why am I like this? I just have to remember that I can always call Dr. Yamano if I have any concerns. She said that if I ever needed someone to talk to, I can always call her. And I have to keep up with my medication. I've only taken one pill in two days.
I didn't know how long I was in that position, but I realized that my fingers started to wrinkle from being in the shower too long. I turned the shower off and got out. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I caught my reflection in the mirror. Well just the shape of it since it was fogged up slightly. I wiped my hand across the mirror, feeling the moisture of it. I saw my reflection and hated what I saw.
Takahashi Misaki is a 19 year old orphan whose brother had to raise him because he killed their parents.
Takahashi Misaki is a 19 year old University student who's an idiot because he can't pass Classic Literature.
Takahashi Misaki is a 19 year old guy who's living with a 28 year old famous author, who believes that their relationship means nothing because he won't be true to himself.
I stare at those green eyes that are staring back, wondering why I was even born in the first place.
I don't understand what Usagi-san sees in me. I'm just a kid anyway, right?
And to top it all off, Usagi-san's father despises me! He believes with all his might that I am no good for Usagi-san. His brother wants to steal me away from his brother, believing that he could give me what he can't. Then there's my senpai. He wants Usagi-san for himself believing that I'm no good for him. Even Isaka doesn't want me around because I will only interfere with his career.
Thinking all this, my hands form into fist, wanting to smash the mirror into a million pieces. I hate what it reveals. But I don't.
Why am I such a burden? I hate myself. Why can't I do anything right? I'm right in the middle of everyone's problems.
I have the urge to cut myself again. I know where my blade is. It's tucked away in my bag.
I turned around, unlocking the door, and headed to my room.
Walking towards my desk, I took out my blade. I stared at it. The events from last night come flooding back to me, and my hand shakes slightly with the blade in it. I took a deep breath, struggling with myself to put my blade away. I took my medication out of my bag and stared at it as well.
This will make me better. It just takes time to take effect. I can't become irrational, believing that cutting will solve my problems. I have to stop.
I took another glance at my arm.
This is the last time I do this… ever.
Once I was done getting ready for school, I grabbed my backpack and headed down stairs. I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. I took the pill that was held in my hand and placed it in my mouth. At that moment, Usagi-san came out of his room and my body froze. I quickly took a gulp of water and felt the pill go down my throat. I coughed a bit as I drank too fast. I put the glass in the sink and headed for the door. I put my shoes on and grabbed my bag.
I could hear Usagi-san's footsteps as they made their way down the stairs. I hurried and went out the door. For some reason I started running. I ran towards the elevator, pushing the button so it would hurry and come to this floor. The elevator came, its doors opening slowly. I rushed in, pushing the close button. Waiting to reach the first floor, I slid to the ground, knees propped up against my chest.
Everything is going to get better. It has to or else…I'm going to break.
---
On my way to school, I feel like my body is moving on its own. Completely unaware of what's going on around me, my mind kept on racing. All these thoughts keep infiltrating my mind. Why won't they stop? I could feel myself walking at a slower pace. Then I had completely stop.
The wind was blowing softly, brushing my hair out of my eyes. I gaze up at the sky, wondering if somehow an answer to all my problems will come and make me better. Instead of sunshine, it was cloudy, looking like it's about to rain.
Are you sad too sky? That makes the two of us.
Just then it started to rain. I sighed and continued my way to school. I didn't even bother running. I let the water come at me.
Maybe it'll wash all my sorrow away.
When I reached the gates of the University, I didn't stop walking. My legs kept moving. I found myself in front of the clinic where Dr. Yamano worked. I went inside straight to the information desk.
"How may I help you?" A woman about in her late 30's with light brown hair and eyes greeted me.
"Um…can I see Dr. Yamano?"
"Do you have an appointment?"She looked at me, seeing that I was completely soaked.
"I don't…but can I still see her?" My body was slightly shaking. And it wasn't from the cold.
"I'm sorry but she won't see anyone who doesn't have an appointment."
"But she said that if I had any questions that I could call her. I need to talk to her…please," my eyes started to glisten.
The woman looked at me with worried eyes.
"Ok sweetie. Let me call her and see if she's free. Please take a seat."
"Thank you."
I went and sat in the waiting room. I placed my hands on my lap, waiting nervously.
Now I feel like I'm causing trouble for Dr. Yamano. Maybe this was a bad idea. I should've just gone to school. There's probably a test going on and I'm missing it!
At that moment my cell phone vibrated.
"A text?" I opened my phone and it was a text from Usagi-san.
I grew nervous as I opened the message.
'I called Takahiro' it said.
Why did he call my brother?
I wrote him back.
'Why?'
I waited for a response. A minute later it came.
'I told him that it was best if you stay with him for a while'
My eyes grew wide. I think I read the message like ten times before it finally sank in.
He wants to go live with Nii-chan? Why? I don't want to leave. Please Usagi-san…
I got up from my seat and made my way out of the clinic.
"Excuse me!" the woman said loudly, "Dr. Yamano said it was ok to see her."
"I don't think that would be necessary. Thank you." I waved goodbye and left.
As I was walking, the rain coming down harder, I took my pills out of my bag. I opened the bottle and dumped every single pill in the trash.
Screw the pills. They won't help me now.
While I had a few tears escape from my eyes, I grabbed my phone and texted Usagi-san back.
'Fine. I'll leave tonight.'
(Usagi's P.O.V.)
When I came out of my room, Misaki was in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water. I glanced at the table and saw that there was no breakfast on it.
I guess he's still angry.
As I made my way down the steps, Misaki hurriedly made his way to the door, putting his shoes on and grabbing his bag, and left.
I can't believe he actually left. He didn't even say goodbye.
My heart felt like it was being ripped in two. I didn't mean to say all those things to him yesterday. It just came out. It's just that I love him so much. Why can't he see that? So what if I'm selfish. That's how I am. He belongs to me.
I went and sat on the sofa, pulling Suzuki-san next to me. I pull out a cigarette, placing it between my lips and lighting it up. Taking a puff, I release it slowly. Then I sighed angrily.
I get frustrated easily. Misaki knows that already. Saying all those things yesterday, I was angry because there was something wrong with him. All those days of me not picking him up from school because he was studying was suspicious. I know he's hiding something from me. I mean, he could just easily study here. Then, all of sudden, he becomes angry with me for no reason. He raised his voice at me twice. And unlike the other times, where he yells at me because of my manuscripts or because I want to fuck him, this time was different. His eyes are different. They seemed distant. He seemed distant.
I felt like he was regretting saying those three words. He said it that time with such ease on the Ferris wheel. What if he's trying to take it back?
For a second I thought that maybe there was someone else. Maybe that's why he never wanted me to pick him up. But I pushed that thought away. Misaki would never hurt me like that. Again, I sighed angrily.
That's part of the reason why I said what I said. It was cruel but I didn't care. Saying that we should part, thinking of where our relationship should go, I figured he would suddenly break and tell me the real reason for acting the way he was acting. But it didn't turn out that way. I need him to tell me that he wants to be with me. That he loves me. It's really bothering me.
I took out my phone and text message Misaki. Let's see it this would work.
'I called Takahiro' I wrote.
I waited for his response.
'Why?' He replied.
I started typing away.
'I told him that it was best if you stay with him for a while'
Maybe that will get him to admit the truth. He needs to understand that it's important to me that he's honest with me. I want to make him happy in any way I can, but he's making that difficult. He keeps pushing me away.
The phone vibrated in my hand.
Finally.
Maybe now he's thought about it and will tell me the truth.
'Fine. I'll leave tonight.' He wrote.
I stared at the text.
What…have I done?
Alright. I'm stopping it here. My brain went dead. I hoped you liked it. I'll try to post the next chapter as soon as I can. Thanks for reading!
