With the funeral only a few hours away, the eulogy finally finished, typed and printed out, Tony was feeling extremely overwhelmed with all of the chaos around him – Not only did it seem like everyone was coming to visit him, at Gibbs' house, where he'd practically moved into since the notification, but Nick was really starting to grieve, and not in a good way at all.
Tony sat on the floor in the guest bedroom with two small black leather dress shoes in his hands, "Nicky, come on bud, time to put your shoes on so we can go to the church." Tony called to his son, who was sitting across the room playing with a few toys that Gibbs had brought over.
"No! I don' wanna!" Nick shouted, crossing his arms over his chest and staring defiantly at his father.
Tony sighed "Nick, do not start this! Not today, please… Not today." Tony pleaded, setting the shoes on the floor as he stared at Nick.
Nick furrowed his brows and shook his head, auburn hair flying everywhere "I say no!" Nick shouted as he stood up and, although on slightly wobbly feet, ran for the bedroom door only to run into a pair of strong legs.
Nick slowly looked up to see Gibbs standing in the doorway, "Hi Unca Gibbs!" Nick exclaimed with a cheesy grin on his face. Gibbs shook his head and silently pointed in Tony's direction, Nick looked at Tony, then back up at Gibbs "NO!" he shouted, then slipped past Gibbs' legs and down the hall.
Tony sighed heavily, draping his arms over his knees and hanging his head, "This is certainly not how I saw my morning going…" Tony said sadly as he tugged at a crease in his dress pants.
Gibbs frowned slightly "I'll handle Nick, you just worry about getting yourself ready." Gibbs said as he grabbed the shoes off the floor and then proceeded to follow wherever Nick had run off too.
Nick sat on the couch with the small black remote in his hands when Gibbs came downstairs "Unca Gibbs! We watch da cartoon?!" Nick questioned, pointing the remote at the black TV screen.
Gibbs shook his head, "Nicky, you need to get your shoes on, and then you can watch cartoons." Gibbs said as he sat down on the coffee table in front of the toddler.
Nick shook his head, "No, no, no! I don' wanna put shoes on!" Nick cried out as he tried slipping off the couch and away from Gibbs, but the older man grabbed Nick around the waist "Nooooo!" Nicky cried, squirming and thrashing his smaller body against Gibbs' body.
"Nicholas Scott Parker!" Tony bellowed as he came down the stairs, staring at his son, the anger in his eyes was obvious, "You stop this right now, and put your shoes on!" Tony stated angrily as he came over to the couch and sat down in front of Gibbs and Nick.
Once Tony had gotten one of the shoes on, he smiled slightly "See, wasn't… OW!" Tony yelped, holding the side of his jaw that had just been kicked by a small – but powerful – toddler's foot, "Okay… I've had it!" Tony growled as he grabbed both of Nick's feet in his hand, holding the boy as still as possible.
Nick screamed and thrashed harder as he was held down "Nooooo! No, no! I don' wanna! I don' wanna!" Nick continued his protests, although falling on deaf ears as Tony and Gibbs worked together to get the toddler into his shoes.
Tony sighed as he and Gibbs released Nick, watching as he ran off and headed back upstairs, "Please… Tell me the rest of the day will get somewhat better?" Tony questioned, looking up at Gibbs with tear filled eyes.
Gibbs shrugged his shoulders "I don't know if it'll get any better, T… But, it can't get any worse than getting kicked in the face by a two year old, now can it?" Gibbs said, grinning slightly as he turned Tony's head to the side to look at the swelling that had already started forming, "You should probably go ice that…" Gibbs added, patting Tony on the cheek lightly as he stood up.
After Gibbs had gone upstairs, Tony frowned as he grabbed his notebook, and opened it up to the page where a folded note was secured inside, he slowly and carefully unfolded the pages and smoothed them out;
Hey Casanova,
I know it's going to be tough without me there, but you know it's going to be okay, because you're the strongest man I know, aside from myself of course. Don't let Nicky run all over you when I'm gone though, I know how you get around him – You know, you're kind of like melted butter when it comes to that kid… Boy, I hope you don't hit me for that one, although you probably will anyway… Oh well. Man, I'm going to miss you and Nicky while I'm gone, but you two will always be in my heart, no matter where I end up. And you make sure you keep your head up and stay strong through all of this, just remember that I won't be gone forever and I'll always come home to you Casa, you're my everything and I love you more than anything, except maybe Nicky, I love that boy and I hope that you tell him that daddy Chris loves him every day that I'm gone. Only a few more hours before I have to get ready to leave, then only six months until I'm back in your loving arms.
Love you bunches, Hero.
Tony shook his head as he read through the dozens of similar notes, swiping at his teary eyes. Tony laid his head back against the top of the couch, staring up at the ceiling "Wasn't supposed to happen like this, Hero… Wasn't supposed to happen like this at all…" Tony whispered quietly, blinking back the tears as he stood up and headed upstairs to finish getting himself and Nick ready.
Tony stood at the front of the viewing room at the church's funeral home, staring blankly at the handmade – by Gibbs – wooden casket that had the American flag draped over the closed portion of the casket. Nick had finally relaxed enough to get to the funeral home, and he, Gibbs, Nick and Palmer were the only people in the room right now.
Nick came over to Tony and tugged on his pant leg lightly, Tony looked down at his son and smiled sadly "What's up Nickster?" Tony asked as he crouched down in front of his son.
Nick set his hands onto Tony's shoulders and looked over at the casket "Daddy in da box?" Nick asked softly, looking back at Tony with a frown on his face.
Tony nodded slowly as he lifted Nick up into his arms, "Yeah he is… Do… Do you want to see him and say good bye to him?" Tony asked softly, rubbing a gentle hand up and down Nick's back.
Nick nodded as he stuck a few fingers into his mouth, and began chewing on them "Uh huh… He say bye-bye to me too?" Nick asked around his fingers.
Tony cleared his throat and sighed, shaking his head slightly "Nicky, remember how we talked about daddy Chris is up in heaven with the angels now?" Tony asked softly, adjusting Nick's vest slightly.
Nick nodded slightly "Uh huh, daddy has wingies now, he can fly!" Nick exclaimed, giggling slightly as he looked towards the casket, "Le'go see daddy!" Nick said, pointing towards the casket with a drool covered hand.
Tony inhaled deeply as he braced himself for this moment, he'd been worried about getting near the casket, and as his feet started moving, his apprehension grew ten-fold, and when he finally stopped in front of the casket, he couldn't bring himself into looking down.
Nick was hanging loosely in Tony's arms, staring down into the casket with a confused look on his face and his head tilted to the side slightly, "Daddy…" Nick said quietly as he leaned forward, tapping at Chris' cheek. Nick immediately drew his hand back and let out a terrified shriek, Tony looked down at his son with wide eyes, he noticed the freaked out look on his son's face and quickly stood back from the casket and sat on the floor, cradling Nick in his lap.
"Hey… Hey… Its okay Nick, I'm right here… Daddy's got you baby." Tony said softly as he rocked his trembling two year old back and forth slowly, placing gentle and reassuring kisses in the baby soft auburn hair.
After Nick had finally calmed back down and his body stopped trembling, Tony pulled the toddler away from his chest and looked down into his sons green eyes, "What happened Nicky?" Tony asked softly, carding his fingers through Nick's hair slowly.
Nick shook his head as he slipped his thumb into his mouth, "Daddy cold…" Nick said, his voice muffled as he sucked on his thumb, rocking his own body the way Tony had to keep himself calm.
Tony sighed as he kissed the top of Nick's head "Yeah, I know buddy… I know he is." Tony said softly as he pulled Nick's head to his chest and continued rocking the toddler in soothing motions.
Tony stood at the front of the casket that was now closed from viewing – And that was a bonus, because Nick had been freaked out to even be in the room after his encounter and he'd been calmed down while the lid was open. Tony sighed as he held the eulogy papers in his hands, staring at the blurred words, not that he needed the papers, but he knew exactly what it was he wanted to say.
Tony inhaled deeply and steeled himself, closing his eyes lightly as he opened his mouth "Christopher 'Hero' James Parker lived his life to the fullest, and was always ready for the next adventure. Chris was always making someone laugh, could turn any frown upright with just a simple act, he was strong, brave and loved his country for everything that it was worth. And he died protecting our freedoms, and if he had the chance, he would do it all over again, because that's just the kind of guy that Chris was." Tony began, taking a deep but shaky breath as he opened his eyes "Chris could be ultimately stubborn at times, but he was the most loving, caring man anyone would want in their lives. Although enemies were inevitable in the Marine Corps, Chris never made enemies when he was stateside, he would have – and has – gave the shirt off his back to anybody who needed it." Tony took another breath and frowned slightly.
"I know that when delivering a eulogy, most people tell stories, but there are just so many stories that I could tell, that I honestly couldn't pinpoint an exact one. Chris was, like I said, always looking for adventures around every corner and was definitely not afraid of getting hurt during any of these adventures, he definitely lived life on the edge." Tony lowered his head slightly, "Chris was a first lieutenant in the Marine Corps, and he was inspired by his father and his uncle – Jethro – to join the Marines when he turned eighteen. He was recently been awarded the Purple Heart posthumously, he has also received the Navy/Marine Corp commendation medal, two Distinguished Service medals, The Silver Star, and the Bronze Star. And he also received Kosovo, Iraq and Afghanistan campaign medals while serving in each of those countries. Before every deployment, Chris would always tell me; if anything happens to me, make sure you tell my mom, dad, Nick and everyone that is in our lives, that I will always protect them, and always love them. He said some other things, but they would be relatively inappropriate in this setting." Tony said, breathing out a sigh of relief as he stepped away from the podium and took up his seat next to Gibbs and Nick.
The congregation had thinned out by the time they got to the gravesite, and Tony watched as Gibbs, Troy and four other marines – all dressed in their military dress uniforms, naturally – carried the flag-covered casket towards the pedestal and gingerly set it down. Gibbs and Troy joined Tony, Steven and Nick, while the other marines about-faced and walked back off the lawn.
Tony adjusted Nick on his hip and pressed the toddler's head to his chest and covered his other ear as seven marines preformed the twenty-one gun salute, Tony's entire body jumping as each rifle shot echoed in the air, silent tears tracking down his cheeks as he stared at the casket, unable to take his eyes off the box since it had been set down.
When the bugler began playing 'Taps', Tony damn near lost it, he handed Nick over to Gibbs and had to step away from the gathering, his arms wrapped tightly around his own body to give himself some sort of comfort. After Tony had composed himself again, he returned to the group and was encompassed by an extreme group hug that held every friend from NCIS and outside of NCIS – Troy, Steven and Nick, even though he didn't understand why, he just didn't want to feel left out.
Tony watched on in silence as two marines began folding up the American flag that had been draped over Chris' casket, into a tight triangle. The older of the two marines started his precision walk towards Tony, the flag held between his two white gloved hands "On behalf of the President of The United States, the Commandant of the Marine Corps, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's service to Country and Corps." The man said directly to Tony.
Tony nodded as he enfolded the flag in between his hands and pulled it to his chest, watching as the marine in front of him saluted the flag one last time, and then turned and walked away with his colleague at a sedate pace. Tony hugged the flag to his chest, and watched as the casket was slowly lowered into the ground, he glanced over at Nick and saw that his eyes had gone wide with fear, "Nicky, would you like to go to the car?" Tony asked softly, turning towards his son who was still in Gibbs' arms.
Nick nodded and held his arms out to Tony, who scooped his child up in one arm and held the folded flag underneath his other arm, "We'll be waiting in the car…" Tony said quietly as he carried Nick down to the black town car. After getting Nick and himself situated in the backseat of the car, Tony set the flag down into Nick's lap and turned to his son "Do you have any questions Nick?" Tony asked softly as he brushed away the tears on the toddler's cheeks.
Nick shook his head and leaned into Tony's side as he stared down at the flag in his lap, his silent tears still riding down his cheeks, he started hiccupping slightly and Tony knew it was only a matter of time before the reality that his two year old's world had been irrevocably changed, would hit him full-force, and Tony had to brace himself for that possibility, a lot of things were running amok in Tony's head now and he just held onto Nick a bit tighter to comfort the both of them.
Tony sat dejectedly on Gibbs' couch where everyone gathered after the funeral, he couldn't bring himself to try and 'celebrate' Chris' life when that life had once held him in it. Tony wanted nothing more to do than run away from everything and just start over somewhere new, but the fact that he had Nick and wouldn't know how the two year old would react to a new location worried him.
Tony sighed as he pushed up from the couch, he shuffled unnoticed upstairs and into the guest bedroom, he looked around the room he had been inhabiting for the past week and a half, and knew that if he really wanted to move on, he was going to have to get back up and brush himself off, and that all started with getting out of Gibbs' house and back into his house – The one where he had built a life, and family, with Chris for the past three years.
As Tony was packing his and Nick's bags up, he noticed someone standing in the doorway out of the corner of his eye "Hey Jimmy…" Tony said quietly as he stuffed a few more toys into one of Nick's bags.
Palmer walked into the bedroom and frowned slightly "What're you doing up here all alone?" Palmer asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed, peering into the packed bags.
Tony shrugged as he sat heavily on the edge of the bed, pushing the suitcases out of his way, "Just needed to be alone for a while, think about a few things… Time to try and pick up the pieces of my life… Give you and Gibbs your space back." Tony said quietly, twisting a stuffed teddy bear around in his fingers.
Palmer shook his head and smiled sadly "Gibbs and I are doing quite fine with the space we've got, Tony. You don't have to pack up and leave right now… You're still grieving, and we wouldn't kick you out at a time like this…" Palmer said sympathetically, setting a hand on Tony's bouncing knee to stop the shaking of the bed.
Tony sighed "No, no… Nicky and I need to get back to the house, and give you and Gibbs back your space and time together… I'm sure you guys miss each other… I know from personal experience… It isn't easy trying to find alone time with a toddler constantly underfoot." Tony said wistfully as he stood up and began shoving more things into his bags.
Palmer sighed as he grabbed Tony's frantically moving hands, "Tony – Gibbs and I spend plenty of time together. That's the least of our worries right now anyway, besides… We love having Nick around, any chance to spoil him, even though Gibbs tells me not too." Palmer said, grinning brightly as he sat Tony back down onto the bed and held onto his shoulders "You don't have to leave, if you don't want too… But if you do, at least let me help you?" Palmer said questioningly, looking at the mostly packed bedroom.
Tony nodded his head slightly "It's not that I want to leave, Jimmy… But, I just… I need to try and… figure out what I'm doing with my life now… and its hard doing that here, when I know that I'm intruding on someone else's life, especially with a toddler." Tony said, his voice airing on the side of frustration and anger as he braced his hands on the end of the bed and stared down at the comforter.
After getting everything packed and into Tony's SUV, the three men stood outside while Tony loaded Nick up into his car seat, "Tony, you know you don't have to go, right?" Gibbs asked, his voice laced with concern as he looked between his adopted-nephew and, for all intents and purposes, son.
Tony nodded as he clicked Nick's seatbelt together and then turned towards Gibbs, shutting the backdoor, "Yeah, I know Gibbs… It's just… It's time for me to go." Tony said as he stared into the tinted back window of his car, then back at Gibbs and Palmer, "I appreciate you guys putting up with me and Nick… I'll see you at work." Tony said as he hopped into the driver's seat, and without a second glance, pulled out of the driveway and headed in the direction of the house.
Nick looked up, watching the scenery pass by his window "Daddy, how come we leaved unca Jethro and unca Jimmy house?" Nick asked curiously as he tossed his stuffed soccer ball around in his hands.
"Because we have to go back to our house now, don't you miss all your toys and your own bed?" Tony asked, glancing in the rearview mirror at his son.
Nick nodded his head slowly "Uh huh, but I gonna miss them." Nick said softly, looking at the back of his father's head.
Tony smiled, shaking his head slightly "We'll see them again, Nicky. Just like we used to before, every Saturday for dinner. Do you remember when Saturday is?" Tony asked as he pulled into the driveway of his house, and stared at the two story white house with a longing look on his face.
Nicky nodded enthusiastically "Yeah! Sadurday is aftah Fwyday!" Nick exclaimed happily as he bounced excitedly in his car seat, Tony chuckled and nodded his head sadly as he got out of the car and collected Nick.
Tony knew that walking into the house was going to be the toughest thing he'd ever deal with now, but he was also worried how Nick would react when they got inside, seeing all of Chris' things in the house, and now – sort of – grasping the concept that Daddy wasn't coming home. Tony steeled his emotions and inhaled deeply as he pushed the front door open, and watched as Nicky just looked around the living room and then wiggled out of Tony's grasp and headed up the stairs.
