Chapter Four
Fading, falling, lost in forever
Will I find a way to keep it together?
Am I strong enough to last through the weather in the hurricane of my life?
- Disturbed (Pain Redefined)
Pony picked at the tray of food that the orderly had brought him. He wasn't feeling like he was going to be sick anymore, but his stomach was still turning uncomfortably every few minutes. He was pretty sure it was mostly nerves at this point though. It was strange being in this hospital and knowing that his brother was here somewhere but not being able to see him or really know what kind of condition he was in. Critical but stable condition just seemed so vague and he couldn't figure out if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
"You need to eat, Pony," Darry prodded. He was leaning against the wall next to Pony's hospital bed, his hands shoved in his pockets.
Pony reluctantly picked up a sugar cookie and took a bite, mechanically chewing it and forcing himself to swallow. He knew that Darry was feeling helpless thinking about Soda's situation and hating that it was completely out of his hands. As a result he was putting all his energy into trying to help Steve and Pony so that he could feel useful.
"I'm not very hungry," Pony mumbled.
"Your stomach okay?" Darry asked, concerned.
Pony sighed. "I'm just nervous," he admitted. "I want to see Soda."
Darry sighed heavily, running a hand over his face tiredly. "I know kiddo," he said flatly. "I do too. All we can do is wait though."
Pony nodded, knowing that Darry was right. Darry had already tried to get more information about their brother for fifteen minutes, but no one seemed to know anything. Pony took another bite of the cookie as his eyes wandered back to rest on Steve. He wouldn't feel so anxious right now if it weren't for Steve. About ten minutes before he had hunched over in his chair and lowered his head as he put his hands on the back of his head and just stayed that way. Steve was the only one of them who had any real idea about how bad Soda's injury was. And it was painfully obvious that he was completely devastated.
"Darrel Curtis?" the original nurse who had taken Pony's blood came back over, a man in a white lab coat in tow.
Darry immediately pushed himself off the wall and stood up straight, his eyes icy. Steve dropped his hands down and looked up though he was still mostly hunched over, a hollow look in his eyes. Pony didn't dare move a muscle, following the doctor with just his eyes. It was like all the air was suddenly sucked out of the crowded room as all three of them wondered what kind of news they were about to receive.
"I understand that you are Sodapop Curtis' legal guardian," the man stated, looking Darry over.
"Yes sir," Darry confirmed stiffly.
"My name is Dr. Evans. Why don't we go to a more private space where we can talk."
Darry nodded, and Pony knew they were all trying not to read too much into the doctor's need for privacy. "I need to take my brothers with me though," he said, indicating both Pony and Steve.
"That's fine," the doctor agreed. Pony was glad that he didn't question when Darry had referred to Steve as his brother too. Steve had as much of a right to hear to news as they did. Not to mention that it was probably not a good idea to leave him alone right now after what he had been through earlier that night.
Pony climbed out of bed as Darry gently pulled Steve up by his arm. He was still in a daze and didn't seem to be focusing on anything very well. Pony wondered vaguely if he was in shock. Pony stumbled after Darry who was still leading Steve along, feeling like his legs were made of Jell-o. He forced his mind to become as blank as possible while he tried not to imagine every worst case scenario that his wild imagination could come up with.
They all walked for several minutes in silence through the hospital before the doctor finally came to a halt outside a door marked with a sign that said ICU. Pony knew that stood for intensive care unit. His stomach turned, but he tried to remember that it was better than being led down to the morgue. Soda had to still be alive, he just had to.
"Your brother Sodapop was extremely lucky," the doctor began, addressing only Darry. "He had some massive blood loss and if he had lost much more he wouldn't have made it. The donations he received have most certainly given him a fighting chance." Pony stomach turned another flip. He couldn't decide if he was more hopeful or discouraged by the news that Soda was still fighting. "We managed to fix the damage done by the bullet wound in his chest. It missed many vital organs, but it did just graze his lung. The damage was not terribly extensive though. We also stitched up the graze on his arm, that particular wound was not severe at all."
"So he will recover?" Darry asked hesitatingly.
"He is not out of the woods yet," the doctor said truthfully. "Our biggest concern right now is the possibility of infection. But he is young and otherwise very healthy, so we are hopeful. We will keep him under close observation for now. But he is stable at the moment and if nothing goes wrong we should be able to move him out of the ICU later in night."
Darry nodded, frowning. "Can we see him?"
"Yes, of course," the doctor agreed. "He should be waking up from the anesthesia soon and he will be groggy, but he shouldn't be in any significant pain right now."
Pony stole a glance over at Steve to see he if had actually heard any of what the doctor had said. His eyes looked a lot less glazed after the news. It was clear all three of them were all cautiously hopeful, especially at the idea that they would finally be able to see and talk to Soda.
Pony took a deep breath, not quite sure what to expect as the doctor opened the door to the ICU. They walked into a room that looked very similar to the emergency room they had just left. Beds lined the walls and each was separated by curtains. The room was a lot more subdued than the emergency room had been. However the people who occupied these beds were so obviously much worse off than those in the emergency room and the entire room seemed to have a very tense feeling to it. Most of the patients were hooked up to all kinds of intimidating-looking machines and many appeared unconscious. Several heart monitors filled the room with a constant drone of beeping and the doctors and nurses spoke quietly to each other.
They followed the doctor to the far side of the room and Pony did his best not to look too closely at the patients that occupied the beds as they passed. He couldn't help thinking back to Johnny on the day that he had died. Many of these patients had the same look in their eyes as Johnny did the last time he saw him. It scared him.
Finally Pony spotted his brother. He was relieved to find that he did not appear to be on as many machines as some of the other patients. He lay flat on his back with an IV drip in one hand and an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. His blankets came up just over his waist and his chest was bare, though heavily bandaged. He also had a bandage wrapped around the upper part of his left bicep. His pallor was sickly, he was so pale he almost blended into the white sheets and pillow, and his eyes were closed. However, despite all this, his chest was steadily rising and falling underneath all his bandages.
"Just make sure you keep it down," Dr. Evans said before turning and leaving the group alone.
For several moments nobody moved as they took in Soda's still form. Soda was hardly ever still. It was unnerving. Pony felt numb and all he could do was stare.
"You both need to sit down," Darry finally said quietly.
Pony glanced over at Steve and noticed that he looked about as pale and unsteady as he felt. He suddenly realized just how rough of a night Steve had. There were two chairs beside Soda's bed and Pony and Steve each took one without complaint.
Darry walked around to the other side of the bed and slowly crouched down, his eyes trained on Soda, concern etched in his every feature. Pony watched Darry instead of Soda, still disconcerted by how broken his brother looked with all his bandages.
"He's gonna be okay, right Darry?" Pony asked quietly. Logically he knew that Darry didn't know any more than he did. But somehow having Darry's reassurance seemed even more important to Pony than what the doctor had said. Darry's job was to protect them after all.
Darry looked up and gave Pony a weak smile. "Of course he will be, Pony," he said softly. "It sounded like the worst was behind him. As long as he doesn't get an infection he will be fine."
"And even if he does get an infection, they'll be able to help him," Pony said hopefully.
Darry nodded. "That's right," he said. "That's why they are gonna keep a close eye on him." Pony smiled, feeling better. Then Darry shifted his gaze to look at Steve. He had been silent ever since he had told them exactly what had happened at the DX that night. Pony could hardly think of a time when he had seen Steve so somber. "Steve," Darry said. Steve gave no indication that he had heard him. "Steve," he said more firmly. Steve finally looked up and met Darry's eyes. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Steve mumbled.
Pony couldn't understand. It wasn't the first time Steve had seen someone shot. He had been pretty shaken after Dally had been gunned down just like they all had but that was nothing compared to this even though Soda was still alive.
"C'mon, Steve," Darry insisted. "What's going on?"
Steve sighed. "It's my fault," he murmured. Pony gave a start and stared at him, eyes wide. "Soda was givin' the guy what he wanted. He was givin' him the money from the register. If I hadn't walked in… if I hadn't spooked him…"
"Steve, it wasn't your fault," Darry said steadily. "The only one to blame is the guy with the gun."
"You saved him, Steve," Pony said quietly. Steve looked over at him in surprise. "You got him to the hospital. You gave him your own blood for God's sake. You did everything you could for him. Our brother wouldn't still be here right now if it wasn't for you."
Steve gave Pony a strained smile. "Thanks kid," he said.
"Guys," Darry said quickly.
Pony quickly turned back in time to see Soda shifting slightly in his sleep. Darry gently took Soda's hand, careful of the IV that was taped to the back of it. Pony and Steve both leaned forward anxiously as they watched Soda's face as he slowly regained consciousness. He let out a low moan as his eyes slowly squinted open.
"Easy Soda," Darry said softly. Soda's eyes wandered over in Darry's direction, clearly confused. "You're in the hospital. Try not to move, okay little buddy?"
"Oh good, he's awake." A nurse immediately came hurrying over and began checking Soda over. Pony watched Soda's face carefully, especially after the nurse removed his oxygen mask. It was troubling to see his older brother look so disoriented, like he wasn't completely sure what was going on. "If you start to feel short of breath I will leave the oxygen here for you," the nurse told Soda, indicating the oxygen tank at the side of the bed. "You should start feeling better soon. There will be someone checking up on you in a little bit." She looked over at Darry. "He's going to be a little disoriented for a little bit, but he should become more aware as the anesthesia continues to wear off."
Darry nodded. "Thank you," he said.
The nurse smiled and seemed about to say something else when suddenly a low continuous note cut through the otherwise relatively quite room. The nurse disappeared in an instant and suddenly there were loud voices coming from the other side of the curtain behind where Steve and Pony were sitting. Pony turned in his chair, curiosity getting the best of him, and peeked around the curtain. Doctors and nurses surrounded a bed, weaving between the many machines that had been keeping the patient alive. The patient was an older man, maybe in his forties or fifties. His eyes were closed and as a doctor yelled "Clear!" and placed two metal paddles on the patient's chest he momentarily shot up in the air.
"Pony." He heard Darry's firm voice but it sounded very far away. Pony felt transfixed and could not tear his gaze away from the scene in front of him.
Pony felt a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back around to face forward again. He looked over at Steve as he dropped his hand back down. "Don't watch that, Pony," Steve said, his voice oddly gentle.
"What's going on?" Soda's voice was small but it got everyone's attention.
"The DX got robbed tonight," Steve said softly, leaning in closer. "Don't you remember?"
Soda looked over at Steve and they could all see realization dawning in his eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked slowly, meeting Steve's eyes as Steve gave a start, clearly not expecting that question. "You weren't hit, were you?"
"No, no I wasn't hit," Steve assured him quickly. "Guy couldn't aim worth a damn. You just got unlucky, buddy." He tried to smile but it came out more like a grimace.
Soda let a out a single dry laugh and then winced.
"Does it hurt?" Darry asked worriedly.
"A little," Soda admitted.
"Just lay still and rest," Darry said, reaching up and carefully running a hand through Soda's hair affectionately. "Everything's gonna be okay, little buddy."
Pony was still half listening to the commotion that was going on just behind him and noticed when it suddenly became quiet. Then a low voice said, "Time of death, 12:17 AM." Pony's stomach dropped. He couldn't wait for his brother to be moved out of this room.
